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You simply tell them that you will not permit it.

BTW, you may want to reconsider your position.

My 20 year old cousins were very involved in activities like the type you posted about.  It helped them get scholarships and admittance to an Ivy League College, along with their grades.  Colleges do take extracurricular activities into consideration. 

["Custodial parents have more power than noncustodial parents because they have physical possession of the children and can say no. However, the noncutodial parent should not have to ask permission to attend one of their children's activities. Otherwise, the other parent has too much power, which can be abused."]

Interestingly, this exact scenario is covered in "Divorce Casualties" by Douglas Darnall, PhD.  On page 175 - "Mom, Why Can't Dad Come to My Game?"

"Children who are not alienated from either parent will want both parents to attend their social activities.  They want to show off their talent at sporting events or recitals so they can revel in their parents applause.  Only after the children have experienced alienation will they comment about not wanting both parents to attend.  [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]A custodial parent who refuses the other parent to attend an event or "forgetting" to give the other parent advance notice of their children's activities is encouraging alienation, usually for their own self-interest."[/HIGHLIGHT]

In his tips in this section he specifically says:

"Custodial parents have more power than noncustodial parents because they have physical possession of the children and can say no.  However, the noncutodial parent should not have to ask permission to attend one of their children's activities.  Otherwise, the other parent has too much power, which can be abused."


And that's all I have to say about that.

You know what?  As a victim of attempted PAS by my dad, I really didn't care WHO was to blame.  I was just tired of the fighting done by BOTH parents and being put in the middle.  It didn't matter who was at fault.  All that mattered is that BOTH parents (my mom less so than my dad) put all of my siblings in the middle. 

Just like the original poster and his ex are doing.  Like it or not, BOTH parents are to blame for putting the kids in the middle of their power struggle. 

Child support in Illinois cannot be waived.  Regardless  of how much your stbx makes, you are still obligated to help financially support your child(ren). 

So you're saying that the step-mother is overstepping her boundaries because she is not telling her husband what he should do regarding the children?  What?  That doesn't make any sense.

You're also saying that step-parents should tell their spouses that they don't want to spend time with their kids when they're not around?  That's ridiculous.  Doing that basically means that blended families will never be a real family, and the step-parent will always be an outsider.  Very unhealthy.

You're basically insinuating that an "evil step-mother" is behind all of this - and that the father couldn't possibly want his child to maintain contact with his side of the family while he's deployed.  He's only doing it because his "evil wife" is standing behind him wringing her hands and making him.

It's his parenting time - he should be able to do what he wants with it.  Including let the child visit with other members of his family.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles and the step-parent.

No, I am not insinuating anything about the stepmother.

All I said was that the stepmother could put a stop to his actions by simply stating that if he's not available, the child should be with the other parent. 

The keyword here is HIS parenting time.  He's not available.  So the child should be with the other PARENT.   And the other parent is not the stepparent. 

What's unhealthy is for a child to be away from BOTH parents for a long period of time.  In this case, the deployment is going to be for 4 months.  The child should be with his mother while the father is deployed.  This way, he is with at least ONE parent instead of away from both of them. 

Personally, if my kids had a stepmother and my ex were away for an extended period of time, I would let my kids see the stepmother, she just wouldn't get my ex's entire parenting time.  Why?  Because she is not the parent and is not entitled to my ex's parenting time.  It is also better for a child to be with a parent over a stepparent. 

Also, he would have a hard time in court explaining that he is not "allowed" to be at their games.  Judge would prob say, just show up.  Like was said, mom would have to go to court to show a good reason that he shouldn't be there.

Or just not take the kids  to the game. 

BTW, you may want to read his first post.  He knew that the mother would not take the kids to the game if he showed up.  Says it in the first post.

[The children are not the proper channel.]

Exactly - the place to fight is in court.  The court will never order that the kids participate in sports - just as they wouldn't order you to dress your child a certain way or take them to church.  But, if there is a reason, they may order that the father stay away from games when it's mom's parenting time.

As it stands, dad has just as much right as mom to be in the games, and mom pulling them out is involving the children in the "power struggle".  If she feels that there is a good reason for him not to be at the games, then she is the one that should go and ask the court to prohibit him from coming during her parenting time.  Otherwise, he is doing nothing wrong by being there.

She's the one with the problem - she's the one who should address it through the proper channels.  The children are not the proper channel.

Actually, courts HAVE ordered that the child be able to attend sports on the other parents time.  It's all going to depend on the history of the child's involvement and the judge.

The father IS doing something wrong.  Like it or not, he KNOWS (he clearly stated in his very first post that the mother stated that the children would not go to the game if he is there) that his children won't be able to participate in the sports if he shows up.  And knowing that, he went anyway.   BOTH parents are involving the kids in their power struggle.  BTW, the flip side to the father is doing nothing wrong by being there when he knows the mother won't bring the kids is that the mother is doing nothing wrong by not bringing the kids when she knows the father will be there. 

The mother doesn't have to go to court.  She chose how she was going to deal with the situation.  By not taking the kids on her week-end.  Which she can do in the abscence of a court order.

If the father wants the kids to go to the games each week-end, the father needs to go to court and see if a judge will agree with him.   And given that the mother is the one who signed them up, I think his chances are good.   

If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't go to the games on the mother's week-end.  I don't see how depriving a child of participating so that I can exercise my right to be there is in the child's best interest anymore than the mother refusing to let the child participate on her week-end because the father will be there is in the child's best interest.   

Unfortunately, the kids are the ones involved in the power struggle between the parents.  And neither parent is willing to do what is in the children's best interest.   

Overstepping their boundaries would be thinking that they are entitled to the deployed parent's parenting time. 

I think that it was the father, not the step-mother, who was requesting that the child spend visits with the step-mother while he was deployed.  So how was the step-mother overstepping her boundaries?

The stepmom could easily put an end to this by telling her husband that, while she would like to see her stepchild, she is not entitled to have his entire parenting time while he is deployed. 

That would pretty much take the fight out of the father.  Can't go to court if the stepmother told him that she doesn't think she is entitled to his parenting time. 

Come on...this one is obvious...Mom is wrong. And Dad DOES need to stand up to her. Actually, he would be doing his children a great disservice not to.

As stated before, the mother is wrong for doing what she is doing.  That doesn't change the fact that the father is wrong for doing what he is doing. 

Yes, he does need to fight for his kids.  In a way that doesn't deprive them of participating in their games.

He's going about it in a way that is depriving the kids of that.

The place to fight is in COURT.  Because that is the only place that can order that the kids participate in sports, regardless of whose week-end it is. 

Right now, both parents are just turning it into a power struggle with the other.  One that the kids are losing. 

He's doing his children a greate disservice by going about this "fight" the way he is.  He needs to take it to court.  Because chances are, given that they have participated in this sport for quite some time, a judge will order that the kids are to be there.  Even if it is the father who has to pick up the children to get them there.  Right now, he can't just go and pick up the kids on her week-end to get them to their game. 

The difference is that the mom enrolled the kids in the activities, then pulled them out because the dad wanted to go to the games.  In fact, pulled them out in the middle of a game because the dad was there. 

The father did not choose to deprive his kids.  He did not pull them out of the game.  The mother did.  No person should be held hostage by another through their own children.  That is what the mother is doing in this situation.  She is telling the father to do as she says or she will deprive the kids of something.

But the father chose to do something that he KNEW would result in the kids not being able to go to the game.  Both parents are depriving the kids by their behavior.

Rather than get into a power struggle with his ex, if it is that important to the kids that they be able to go and participate in their game, he should go to court and see if he can get it court ordered that she has to take them to the game on her week-end.  Because right now, she doesn't have to.   

Because right now, both of their behavior is depriving the kids of participating in their games at least half the time. 

Like it or not, the father is behaving poorly as well.  Not as bad as the mom.  But that doesn't change the fact that he is to blame, too. 

I totally disagree, momfortwo.  The father has every right and is not legally prohibited from attending any and all games. 

I agree.  And the mother has every right and is not legally prohibited from keeping the kids home instead of taking them to the game.

BOTH parents are in the wrong here.  Because, unless there is a court order that states the mother and father have no choice but to bring the kids to their games, the father choosing this path is depriving the kids of participating in a sport.  Don't get me wrong, the mother is not blameless here.  But if the father wants to do this right, he should take it to court and get it court ordered that the mother has to take the kids to the game.