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Thanks both of you, it did help a lot just to vent, and I will get a copy of stepmonster.

Again, I am on a rant, or should better say another vent session....

Husband and I each have children, yet none together... we share a Yorkie    probably the best we could do together with our differant veiws.

My kids are soon to be 27, 23, & 21, youngest two still in college: PH.d program & Honors undergrad.  Oldest graduated from college (BA+some grad work) and has been gainfully employed and independent for two years.

His are almost 22, and just turned 20.   Youngest is is now a junior in college- to her credit she is a very hard worker and is on track to graduate with her class, with Honors, and oldest is now completeing his senior year at yet another junior college, Golf school, (he did three years at a two year school and finished with a 2.0 gpa and no degree)

Husband and I,  share few common beliefs regarding parenting, as such we have fought over the years over styles and techniques, not to mention outcomes.

Has any one else experienced this?

How do you deal with it after the kids are all of "age"?

I feel like I am not able to talk about my children's progress or accomplishments, due to his child's lack thereof.

When my kids were growing up we posted all report cards on the refirgerator, mine as well as theirs, however, his kids were not posted because there grades were not as high, and it might make them feel bad.

I know that we are not suppossed to say we love our own children more, but I would be lieing if I said otherwise, however, that does not mean that I do not love my step children.

Does anyone else go through this?

Thank you for reading, and thank you more for responding!

Venting....about step-children, I know that my post topic is ugly, it is ugly to me as well, and I am ashamed of myself that this is still such a thorn in my side after all of these years.

My husband & I married 11 years ago, I have 3 children, he has 2, both of us were non-custodial parents, however, I had a 50/50 spilt with my ex- with condictions; each had to stay in local school distict, each had to suppot the children  while in they were in our care, and we spilt costs of the extras; sports, band, etc.,  as long as we did that, no money changed hands.    My children were also told by their father that not visiting with me was not an option.

My husband's ex did not see the value of co-parenting, and as such her children were her custodial property, and treated as such, and their father was the money train. 

Not visiting with dad was an option .

Our kids are 20, 21, soon to be 22, 23, & 27, and the youngest  has been out of our house for the two years, (all of the kids are in college- save oldest who has graduated)...

Husband & I have always gotten along well: when no kids are involved, yet throw the kids in the mix and there is likely to be trouble.  Life for us this last year has been great!  We sold our 5 bedroom house downsized and really are very happy...until.. kids....

He has an issue with my kids when they are home, very spoiled, yet capable and responsible (so says mom), I just have an issue with his for never being around, until they need something.

Husband and I have have differant expectations where kids are concerned, saving grace here is that we never had any together...LOL... instead we share a Yorkie...

Okay back to the vent....husband's daughter called tonight, she wants to get a room off campus next year....basically it will be a "Dad will you co-sign the lease..." and all that goes with it. Son did the same thing.. ( dad paid for him to for three years at a two year college.. still no degree so no he goes to a golf school down south.... another two year program, but, this is really what he wants to do...he is now over 21)

The child that called tonight is the same Daughter that told her father less than a month ago that her college costs were not her RESPONSIBILTY, she really did put it in capitals letters too... She is also the same kid that sent him an hate filled e-mail last fall telling him that her mother's ex-husband was more of a father to her than her own father was (they were married for less than 5 years)

So I say to charming husband... "well what will you do after she turns 21 in April?"  (This is the same man that has been telling everyone that will listen that he will be getting out of prison when darling daughter turns 21....)

He turns and says to me "I can rememner when your kids did not want to be part of a family!" 

Okay my oldest son did not want to come to our house when he was about 16, however, both dad & I informed him that was not an option in his life and he soon got over it.

My husband & I no longer share financial accounts over the stress and stife that goes with a "blended family."

So, I really do not care what he does for his children, as I do what I feel I need to for mine. 

The issue for me is when is it okay to support his right to stand up for his own rights and when do I just shut -up and say nothing?

Thanks for letting me vent!

I have to agree with Jan, if the child was born while your were legally married, you are legally the father, at least in NY, you need to check with your states codes, here it would be domestic relations as well as surrogates.


You need to either do the reseach thru your states codes, or ask an attorney, is legal aid an opition?

Well wishes to you and yours....

To all of the dad's out there, have a wonderful weekend! 

You might be the most important thing in your child's life! (I read studies on a daily basis that support that notion!)


Have a Great WEEKEND!!

K

Davy I am all for venting, yet maybe starting a vent topic would be better?  Just a thought, that way we could stay on topic. ...

Have a Great Father's Day Weekend!

K

I agree my darling husband is getting stepped on!  However, they are his children and he does love them, he keeps hoping that they will see the light and not be such shumcks. 

He took his daughter to a doctors appoinment today, has not seen her since bring her home from college about 3 weeks ago.  No mention of father's day or anything.  He gets home and there is a card from my daughter (21) who is doing an intership in LA wiching him a happy Father's Day, and telling him thank you for all he does for her, and how fantasic he is.....

I can almost garauntee that come Sunday both of my boys willl call him yet it is questionable as to whether or not his will until late in the day if ay all.

I really beleive that their mother ruined them and the courts all assisted her in her endeavor.

Thanks for the post though.... I hope your family has a Happy Holiday.

It certainly sounds like the Supervisor is going to submit a report, so you might want to check with your counsel to see if you should be saying anything.

My initial concern is this: you meet with a person in a room that certainly is not as intimidating as sitting on the witness stand, and you think this person is working for you... you get emotional and things can go south in a hurry.

The Supervisor most likely is required to document your interactions as well as mom's, this would include your conversation with the Supervisor as well as  her impression regarding your body language while you were talking to her.  Add to that, she is going to document where your child was, and how you interacted while the child was around, not just you,  but also around the Supervisor in your pressence, as well as how you acted or interacted  with  his mother.

It has been my experience that you don't have to help anyone other than your attorney see what a witch she might be, it is really what you are paying him/her for.

As Always, best wishes!

K

Additional issue in this case, is my step children's feelings of entiltlement because their father works hard and makes a modest amount of money.  Their Mother fuels this belief, and he ends up being treated as a paycheck, rather than the involved parent that he wanted  and tired to be in his children's life.

I am so lost.... no one said anything about "men and fatherhood being trivial"