Messages

Simplydad:

Of course it wasnt stated in those exact words, but that was basically what it said

BM is trying to show she can provide for kids. There is no support order. We take care of our time, she hers. However, she insists of buying school clothes each year (ok not entirely true, BM's mother buys school clothes). The first few years, we bought stuff, but the stuff she bought was always better (and therefore preferred by kids). We gave up after the first two years, why waste the money.

Anyway, this is one of her points, that she helps provide for the kids. So 14yo letter stated Mom buys school clothes, mom buys bathing suit, mom takes us places.

As for your statement of her being a fool: She has already submitted this stuff, we just havent been served.

Now for a small rant: during the yearly argument about not giving her check-out right at school, she informed us last night that it is perfectly ok to check kids out of school 1/2 hour early because they arent doing anything anyway - exact reason we want to keep school time. :end rant

Is that a possibility? Just say there is no reason & it wont even go to court?

We havent been served yet, but went and got copies of everything from the courthouse ourselves.  So we got a jumpstart on filling out our counter montion (which we havent yet filed since we havent been served).

We were going to go ahead and ask for a few changes ourselves. (two weeks before school starts rather than the day before, two days before end of winter break). As well as some clarification on things we have always had trouble with (those Monday holidays).

Would it be better to go the route ocean gave to just say: "no change", and leave it at that?  Could we follow with our drawn out counter if it didnt get thrown out?

One other question: 14yo wrote a letter to the court stating she wanted this change. Her letter basicily mirrored BM's letter. This is what I want, Mom buys me stuff, etc.  She even ended with I feel like I have lived with my Dad too long now and should live with my Mom now. (Nice stuff, huh?)  Anyway, can this be considered change of circumstance, the fact that child wants a change?

From what I understand, FL doesnt have an age of choice like some states, but that the court will consider the childs opinion.

We are in Florida by the way.

Any thoughts would be helpful.

As always, it is a long story. Her basic reason is: this is what I want, so it should be so. Seriously, that is what she wrote. DH had to counter with: I can neither deny or affirm accusations because none were made.

I know she has to prove cause & change of circumsance on our part. We just want to have all our ducks in a row in case something strange happens.

Thanks again.

Just a quick question.

We will possible be going to court soon. BM is asking for a reversal of custody (we have school, she has summer).  According to the kids she & her boyfriend were kicked out of her last place (a letter was on the door that said they had to be out by x date).  There are no official records showing an eviction that I can find (and I know where to look).

Question is:

Would a letter from the landlord be admissible in lieu of an offical eviction notice?

Is it even worth our time to try and get this (does this help prove that BM is not stable)?

Thanks.

Oh Kitty, if you liked all that, you are going to love this...

BM's mother and step-father (who she lives with), both work for the Sheriffs department.  Her mom works in the office with payroll, and dad is an officer.  I guess we could call in as annomous, but if we have to start giving details it will surly get back to them.  It has happened before.  Corrupt, maybe, but what can we do?

We do understand MySpace's position as well.  We dont have a problem with them because they said they would shut down the accounts if we requested.  But we know BM would just do it again, so it is not really worth it to us.  Just makes everyone mad and then they still have an account that we cant even find.

Know what else is great?  When DH was talking to MySpace last night he asked them to at least look at the account themselves to see if anything unappropriate was on there (since they wouldnt give him access).  The woman said that there was no indication that the page was run my a 9 year old.  He asked about the picture of the 9 year old.  MySpace said that people can put up any picture they want, a picture of a niece or daughter, or a picture of themselves when they were younger.  So they have no way of knowing that a child runs the page, and no one else does either.  Great, huh?  Pedophile city.

Update:

DH asked to be allowed to monitor the accounts as well and was denyed by BM.  This is when she told them not to sign on at our house (so we couldnt hack).

DH called MySpace yesterday and was told that without a court order they could do nothing.  If BM approved it and is watching it, it is allowed.  They said they would delete the account if he insisted, but there is nothing in place to stop it from happening again.  DH's concern here was that then he would have no idea what was going on because he might not be able to find the new accounts.

DH is going to approach from a few different angles now:

He is thinking of creating his own account and sending a "friend request" and see if it is honored.  Then he at least can see the pages even if he cant control them.  We have a feeling the "friend request" will be denied though.

Another thing he is thinking of is to find out how to get a court order or something to allow him access to the account without her permission.  He was thinking of calling the district attorney's office to get information.  Not sure how this will pan out either.

As for internet safety, we always enforce and explain to the kids.  They know what is expected of them at our house and what is acceptable.  However, when they are with BM they are allowed to do anything, sometimes it seems even encouraged to do things that are not allowed at our house.

We can tell the kids what we expect of them all day, we can tell them we are disapointed or even punish them for breaking the rules. But if BM is encouraging this behavior, why wouldnt they do it?

BTW Davy, 9 and 12 year olds are a little too old to "train", they are not dogs.  They do have free will, and if that free will is encouraged by an authority figure...

We always document everything we can.

As for being financially chalanged, she has no job but gets unemployment.  She lives with her mother, and drives a boyfriends truck.  She seems pretty set to me, and if she wanted to fight, and they thought she had a good enough case (they are all as nuts as her), her mom would help pay.

We did see one page that was only partially private.  9 year old had maybe 5 friends (this is blocked now).  The 12 year old's page was completely blocked so we dont know.  They both have pictures up of themselves and have the Mother's City listed as their location. 

The whole thing came up because DH's mom heard the 9 year old talking about someone from My Space wanting to date her (luckly it turned out to be a kid as well, but ugh!)

Thanks everyone for your input!

As parents I truly believe we should explain and take a stand between respectable behavior and poor judgement/bad behavior no matter where they live.   

Just a guess here, but I would assume the father has already had the talk with the kids about not being on myspace.

Since the mother not only allows the kids to be on myspace, but would likely create new accounts of myspace got rid of her children's accounts, she's encouraging bad behavior.

That is very difficult to work around.  Insinuating that the stepmother and father are lacking proper parenting skills is a assumption in the negative direction.

Thanks Rave.

He did contact Mom.  She said she thought it was fine and that she was going to continue to allow it.  She set the accounts up herself.  They have apparently had the accounts for some time (she has everyother weekend during the school year) and we had no idea until something was accidentally said to Dad's mother.

A major argument came when Dad questioned Mom on this matter.  Basicly she said she is Mom and she can do what she sees fit and she belives it is totally safe.  She is more like friends with the kids so I think this is just one more way for her to "play" with them.  "Look what I let you do and we can do together, see how fun I am and what a great Mom I am?"

These things are always a battle with us.  The things she allows them to do versus what we allow.  (Staying up all night, watching R rated movies, and much more.)   

How do you deal with these issues when someone is always right and wont listen?  Do you go to court over something like this?  It doesnt seem like that would go anywhere if we did.   

We could try and have them delete the accounts, but they have been instructed by her not to even sign on at our house.  If you were a kid, how would you choose which parent to listen to?  You can be the stronger, "better" parent, but if the kids are going to catch hell when they go back, what can be done?

And of course as all of this is going on she is preasuring them to tell Dad they want to move in with her full time.  "See how mean and unreasonable he is?"

Any suggestions or comments are welcome, but please remember, things arent always as simple as black and white.  I am sure most of us on this board are doing the best we can with the situations we are in.

Thanks so much for your reply.  This is what I told my husband to do at first.  He felt unsure about it all, but I think your message will help.