Welcome ktjerar!
Sorry about the situation you're going through.....we've all been there at one point or another and some of us are still going through it one way or another.
Given that BM (birth mom) is keeping the child away from you it sounds like there's no amicable way for you to solve this. In her mind, because you are no longer with her (for whatever reason) you do not deserve to be in your daughter's life. Another thing is she's probably using your DD (darling daughter) as a way to ensure you come back to her. There's no way to be reasonable with a person like that.
In my opinion you should not even send her a letter stating that if you don't hear from her by a certain date you're going to take her to court. I think she'll just turn around and go file herself. It is important that you file first as the courts will see that you are serious about having a relationship with your daughter. Also that way you'll always be the petitioner and she'll be the respondent in all legal paperwork. So I would suggest that you go on Monday if possible and file something with the courts. The sooner you do this, the sooner you'll have access to DD. I don't know where you live, but here in NY there are no filing fees. You can even represent yourself as long as you're willing to do the research. The first time around when I got my parenting plan set I didn't spend a dime.
She will file for child support, but that's good. Any money you send to her should be court ordered. Plus this will ensure that your baby has what she needs to be taken care of properly. Also, by doing it early the back-pay will not be astronomical.
I would also suggest your try to limit all contact with BM to written now....e-mail is great. This way there's always a paper trail of what was said. Watch what you say over the phone as she may be recording you. You might want to look at your state laws about recording and use that option when talking on the phone.
Do you live near BM? If so you should file for joint legal and physical custody. It's very likely that they will not give you joint physical because she's a baby and she needs BM, but maybe you can work something out with the court stating that you get frequent visitation and then by a certain age both parents will share joint physical custody of DD.
I would also make sure that your living situation is one that the courts will find favorable for you to take your daughter to. Buy your own supplies (car seat, clothing, a place for her to sleep, some clothing, bottles, etc.) This will cut down on having to ask BM to borrow things (which brings problems) and will look favorable to you in court. You don't have to go crazy right now....just go little by little. There are going to be a lot of sales going on right now, take advantage of them.
Go here http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.php and read out sample parenting agreements. Most importantly make sure that the plan is detailed (very detailed). Has exact dates and times for visitation. Where will the exchange take place. Document everything that's been going on.....since now. This is going to be very valuable to you in court. Make a journal, write your attempts to see DD (date and time) and what the outcome.
Read old and new posts here.....they help tremendously and don't be afraid to reach out for help here. We're all here to get help and to help as much as you can. Also know that this take a big toll emotionally....you'll have good days and you'll have bad days....but always stay focus on your daughter.
Sorry about the situation you're going through.....we've all been there at one point or another and some of us are still going through it one way or another.
Given that BM (birth mom) is keeping the child away from you it sounds like there's no amicable way for you to solve this. In her mind, because you are no longer with her (for whatever reason) you do not deserve to be in your daughter's life. Another thing is she's probably using your DD (darling daughter) as a way to ensure you come back to her. There's no way to be reasonable with a person like that.
In my opinion you should not even send her a letter stating that if you don't hear from her by a certain date you're going to take her to court. I think she'll just turn around and go file herself. It is important that you file first as the courts will see that you are serious about having a relationship with your daughter. Also that way you'll always be the petitioner and she'll be the respondent in all legal paperwork. So I would suggest that you go on Monday if possible and file something with the courts. The sooner you do this, the sooner you'll have access to DD. I don't know where you live, but here in NY there are no filing fees. You can even represent yourself as long as you're willing to do the research. The first time around when I got my parenting plan set I didn't spend a dime.
She will file for child support, but that's good. Any money you send to her should be court ordered. Plus this will ensure that your baby has what she needs to be taken care of properly. Also, by doing it early the back-pay will not be astronomical.
I would also suggest your try to limit all contact with BM to written now....e-mail is great. This way there's always a paper trail of what was said. Watch what you say over the phone as she may be recording you. You might want to look at your state laws about recording and use that option when talking on the phone.
Do you live near BM? If so you should file for joint legal and physical custody. It's very likely that they will not give you joint physical because she's a baby and she needs BM, but maybe you can work something out with the court stating that you get frequent visitation and then by a certain age both parents will share joint physical custody of DD.
I would also make sure that your living situation is one that the courts will find favorable for you to take your daughter to. Buy your own supplies (car seat, clothing, a place for her to sleep, some clothing, bottles, etc.) This will cut down on having to ask BM to borrow things (which brings problems) and will look favorable to you in court. You don't have to go crazy right now....just go little by little. There are going to be a lot of sales going on right now, take advantage of them.
Go here http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.php and read out sample parenting agreements. Most importantly make sure that the plan is detailed (very detailed). Has exact dates and times for visitation. Where will the exchange take place. Document everything that's been going on.....since now. This is going to be very valuable to you in court. Make a journal, write your attempts to see DD (date and time) and what the outcome.
Read old and new posts here.....they help tremendously and don't be afraid to reach out for help here. We're all here to get help and to help as much as you can. Also know that this take a big toll emotionally....you'll have good days and you'll have bad days....but always stay focus on your daughter.