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Yeah you don't EVER put your hands on someone in a domestic, and I mean NEVER not even to protect yourself. 

He is in a good position though I would think Davy because he has the advantage of filing all of this before the soon to be ex sees it coming or files.  I hate that that seems to be what gives you the advantage but I have read about it so often in these cases. 

I'm looking for info or help with trying to "start the procedure".
I've been in a relationship for about 4.5 yrs, and the past 1yr has been total hell, the rest has not been all that much better either.
Together we have a 19month old daughter that I want to have primary custody of.
We are not married, however she lives in my home with her older daughter, 18 that she also went through the same process with 17 yrs ago. Married, have baby, then divorced. I never went far enough to get married, and its probably a good thing because there are some serious responsibility/money/mental issues.

Since they are in my home, I can't just simply say get out. Her car, her daughters car, every bill, every responsibility is in my name.
I need to know how to gain custody of my child and keep her with me. Since I am the dad I'm already down 2 strikes.

What are the determining factors of how these decisions are made? Since she has been through this before, she thinks she is a pro.
She has no credit, and in debt easily $100k, has no car without the car I've got for her, has no strings really, and for having a salary that is = to mine she should have something to show for it, but there is nothing.
She threatens me daily that she will leave, take the baby and I'll never see her again, threatens that she will kill herself daily, tons of other issues.

I've already been the primary care taker of the baby, have been for a while. However I know that she will think that she is the make care taker for the baby.
Dressing her, feeding her, drive to day care, pick up from daycare, feed dinner, making lunch, bathing, diapers, playing with her, just to name a few.
She is very jealous that I have such a loving relationship with my daughter, I'm not saying that she does not love the child, but she doesn't make any effort to spend
much time with her, or do any of the necessary things having a child requires.

I'm not sure where to turn, all I hear is bad bad bad about trying to go through these situations. I'm tired of being abused, taken advantage of and used, so I need to
figure out how to go through with this and keep my child so there is not another carbon copy of her mother and sister.

Anyone?

What state are you in? 

I have court next month. My daughter is in school by my house and they know what's going on. I couldn't take my other children because we are not married and custody hasn't been established.

Oh okay, well still WTG man!  Good luck, but you prob don't need it, you sound like you have a good grip on the situation and your original post revealed just how superior your reasoning skills are when dealing with her lawyer.

Why couldn't you take the others?  Just curious.  I would have, but you are in a stressful and confusing situation too.  WTG in asserting your rights!  I mean that in a huge way.  You should be patting yourself on the back and just know that you took the best possible action for your daughter.

Ouch!  Yeah it can be like that, unless you aren't in the poverty guidelines and not making enough to actually pay for the attorney then it actually gets worse for you.

Its all about paperwork and copies but 26 seems high to me?!?  So your ex filled out paperwork for what?  Custody or child support?  Did you request copies of what he filed?  Just curious to see what he is saying.  Sorry my case involved an ex mother in law and grandmother in law that were evil, so the mention of his mother on the other thread got my alarm bells ringing.

Okay you have a complicated situation, because dad is a junky.  No holds barred, no matter what you call it, the fact is he is a junky.  He is not sober, he is a crackhead.  Your son does not need to have a relationship with him while he is like that.

It is extremely unfair for your son, and the financial hardship on you is also unfair.  But you can not force someone to get sober and step up to the plate.  He isn't going to just see his son and fall crazy in love with the discovery of fatherhood anew and go sober.  It could happen, but in real life it doesn't tend to happen that way.

Child support is not going to happen no matter what you do because dad is not sober.  Small claims court is not going to force him into treatment.  You may get an award for failure to pay child support but not likely will you ever see a penny. 

I wish there was a way that I could give you a bright lining but with addicts you don't have much of one the moment you bring them into your lives.  I have in my own family more junkies and drunks than sober relatives.  I have one brother who is only sober because he is a bipolar schizophrenic, and another brother who is sober because he chose to be.  I have 2 brothers who are addicts, a dad that was an addict and died an addict, uncles who died drunks, an aunt who died a drunk, both grandfathers died drunks etc.. 

Growing up with them did not produce a good childhood.  I have good memories, but did not have a childhood.  And my two younger brothers had it even worse because I was lucky enough to get sent into foster care when I was 15. 

This is true Davy.  Something that both parents need to remember is that one day those children are going to not only start asking questions, but they are also going to start LOOKING for the truth.  EVERYTHING you as a parent do even when you are going through a divorce will be called into question by your children.

It may not happen while they are young, but it most certainly will happen.  The other thing that custodial mothers need to keep in mind is that if you push the other parent out of the child's life, you are going to end up with a load of baggage that you are carrying on your own.  Children who are denied access to one or both parents end up with very serious emotional issues.  Its not just some myth, its real life. 

My husband last saw his daughter from his first marriage when she was 4 years old.  She is 15 now.  His ex finally became very civil towards him about 2 years ago.  Their daughter she explained to him, had grown up without her father and she now wanted my husband to be in her life.  Problem is, it doesn't work like that.  See what happened was over the years the bond that existed between father and daughter deteriorated and eventually just disappeared.   He knows biologically she is his daughter, but he doesn't think of her as his child anymore. 

And while the wounds from that period of hell in his life did finally heal and scar, he never forgot them, and the trust was destroyed. 

So what happens?  The kids grow up without a perfectly functional father, the other half of their identity, believing they are unwanted, they have a hole in their life literally, because the other half of their very identity is absent, and statistics bare out the road that the majority of these kids end up travelling.  All for what?  Even if you got $600 a month in child support that doesn't even come close to covering rent, utilities, the clothes, toys, healthcare, childcare and food that child will consume.  You will still find yourself working more than living just to make ends meet each month.  But if you force the dad out, you are also screwing yourself out of room to breathe.  You have no one coming to take the kids for the weekend, or the week, or the month. 

No one to step in when the kids are going through one of their many difficult phases, or having trouble in school.  It will always be on you, solely on you, and that is the kind of martyr's walk that no one in their right mind wants to take.

I would also add that when you consider what would be a "fair" parenting time period for your child's dad, then flip it around.  Would you consider it to be fair if that was the time alloted to you if you were NCP?  If not, why?  Then revise until you think it would be a good time spread for you.  It really does help to try to stand in the other parent's shoes and see it from their side.
You might check to see if mediation is an option in your state.  Here in Oregon, both parents are court required to submit to 8 hours of mediation to try to work out parenting/custody issues between them.  If they need more time, the court generally approves it.  That was the ONLY time that I felt that we both came out win-win rather than lose-lose.  If the parents cannot agree, then the judge decides.  It may take your ex some time to get to that point that mediation is trying for a winning solution that PARENTS come up with rather than the court.  Judges don't give a rip and lawyers only want the money.  The more cash, the merrier.  I spent over $25000 over 14 years.  What a waste of college money for our son.  It bought my attorney a very nice car, however.

Hubby's lawyer racked up $9000 in fees in a period of 2 years.  My attorney racked up $6000 in under a year.  It really does get up there, and I totally agree, its not worth a penny either.  Lawyers and judges should be the very last resort for separated parents. 

I spoke with Legal Aid and Equal Right's for Fathers.  I ended up filing Pro Se.

Yes, I asked the Court to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem.

I have a journal of all of our interactions since she left.  I have been calling every morning at 10 am to ask if I can see him that day......a few times she would tell me "maybe" and that she would have to see how things worked out.  Ultimately, she would call that evening and say that it wasn't going to happen.......the first 2 times that I saw him (I've only seen him 3 since she left), she came up to my WORK during the day.  She would call and say "we're out here if you want to come out and see them".......Isn't this just a bunch of psychological abuse?

I can't believe that I'm actually having to go through all of this.  Things were not supposed to be like this way and I would have never thought that I would have to fight to see my son.

She is playing the control card.  I don't want to feed you any of the horror stories, because what you are going through is very difficult and it will get worse before it gets better.  But, it does get better.  You are doing everything you can, and just stay on track.  Its all you can do. 

She will always be who she is, and you can't change her.  The only thing you can do is fight with what resources you have available to you.  The huge upside is she sounds like she is cocky, and having a blast playing her games.  She will ultimately be the catalyst to sway the judge in your favor.

A child psychologist would be a great asset for you to have.  See if you can't get one using the sexual abuse allegations as a reason.  What you want to do is get the psychologist to evaluate you, your ex, and to start meeting with your son once a week. 

I will wager that your ex will find ways to avoid having your son in to see the psychologist but that will all come out when the psychologist testifies and go in your favor.  Judges like to have psychologists that do work already for the county, because they are more familiar with them.  So find one that works with foster kids and/or has been appointed by the courts before.

I tried to get help for my hubby through Fathers United and outside of a support group, they really weren't much help to him.  I don't have a high opinion of family law lawyers because they are not well regulated and so its very hard to find one that effectively advocates for you.   Pro Se is a terrifying and stressful ordeal, but the upside is that you are advocating for yourself. 

This is the order of events.....
....SO is served with AOP regarding child support and conservatorship
....I tell SO that I want atleast joint conservatorship, don't really care too much about the support
....within HOURS she leaves under false pretenses
....the next morning she goes to ER with false allegations
....CPS has case for 1 day and 1/2 (working days) and notifies me that the case is CLOSED

I would think that the timeline makes it very clear that CPS is not involved in the AOP at all.  I have the written report from CPS and they make no mention of DA, police or any other govt agency.  The CPS worker told me (more than once) that she had NO problem with the child seeing me, but that it was up to the mother (because she had possession of the child)

I have filed my answer to the AOP asking for joint managing conservatorship and primary possession.  I also asked for a TRO, psychological evaluation, drug test, social study and an immediate visitation order.

This is what the papers say.....
"Parentage of the child subject of this suit was established when a properly executed Acknowledgement of Paternity was filed with the Vital Statistics Unit persuant to Texas Family Code, Chapter 160.  Because the parents of the child are separated, the court should appoint appropriate conservators persuant to Texas Family Code 153.005."

Also, in the WITHOULDING FROM EARNINGS FOR SUPPORT section it says, ........
"If appropriate, the Court should order (me) to post a bond or security.".....what does that mean??

Okay the bond or security is the posting of a cash amount set by the judge to insure you pay child support.

Can you file pro se?  And have you called legal aid?  Child support will be ordered regardless of who has custody, but you want to file to challenge her status as having sole custody.  You also VERY MUCH want to get a psychologist involved to oversee what she is saying and doing to the kids and to oversee your interactions with the kids.  Can you request a guardian ad litem be appointed for the kids right now?  Or do they not do that in Denton County?