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Messages - redbabyblue70

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31
In response to Momoftwo-  Please let me state again, I am engaged to him, so I am VERY much involved.  The money I earn  (from a job from the school district and unemployment) along with his income supports ALL five of us.  I knew he had children when we got together and we slowly introduced them to me.  They have accepted me and I have accepted them. Actually, it is more then accepted.  I love them like they are my own.  I attend all their school and church functions.  I am there for them if they need me.  I have taken care of them at times when their mom is working and she has called asking me to watch them for her.  Maybe the address change seems petty to you, but to me, it goes on to a list of things that she has not been handling correctly.  If he was the one to move and did the same thing, trust me, she would file an order of contempt against him.  She filed a false PFA against him.  Even involved Turning Point.  He has never hit her.  She accused him of being an alcoholic.  Several mutual friends tried to get her to drop the PFA.  I wanted him to fight it, but after watching the judge serve a PFA against a man that had a videotape showing his ex girlfriend was hitting HIM, not her, he decided to mutually agree to stay away from her (NOT his children).  This way, it was not on his permanent record.  Maybe you did not have knowledge of it, but she fought him in the beginning to spend time with his children.  She also fought the divorce which makes no sense.  She files a PFA against him but wanted to stay married to him?? 
 
What I said was when Children and Youth went to her home , there was no lice showing.  Maybe I should of added it was after we returned the children from his weekend and spending a lot of it treating the lice, since they were sent to us with it.  For weeks, we would treat them, spray everything, wash everything, get it taken care of, with instructions to her to do the same to her home, and retreat it.  Guess what, when they came back to us, the lice would be back again.  It was to the point where his 13 year old and 10 year old daughters where in tears about it.  And so was I.  When he again tried to discuss it with her, she swore at him, hung up on him and when he called back she put her boyfriend on the phone.  That is when we finally called Children and Youth. 
 
Through all of this, he is not looking to seek out sole custody, as much as he would like to.  He just wants the same rights that the state of PA seems to offer every mother.  He wants to share 50% of his childrens' time.  He wants to have funds so he can buy them life's necessities, food, clothes, a place to live, and yes some fun things, games, toys- or be able to afford to take them somewhere- whether it be an amusement park, or a baseball game. It is difficult to do that when you are giving a good chunk of your income to your former mate for child support, and still have to provide all the same things she is when they are with you 50% of the time.
 
Bottom line, is I came to this site, finding it it interesting to hear other people in similar situations, looking to compare notes, and maybe some "friendly" advice.  I may not be their biological mother, but I am another female that will be in their life.  I am not trying to take her place.  When they are in my home though, I am the female adult figure in their life.  I have been there.  My parents divorced when I was 10, I am the youngest of three children.  My father left my mother for a woman that was 20 years younger then him (only 11 years older then me).  So I know how it feels to have a stepmother, or another woman in my father's life.  My parents divorce was quite nasty.  My fiance does not treat his former wife the way my father treated my mother.    He loves all of his children, as I said previously, even if they are not biologically his.  I feel, for medical purposes as well as financial, he should know if his now 11 year old daughter is truly his child or not.  His fear, is he would lose the right to be/see her if it is discovered he is not the father. For this reason, he will not persue it.  Honestly, do you really feel she had the right to deceive him all these years???
 
To CuriousMom, thank you for your insight and advice. It is nice to hear from someone that resides in the same state.   Their income is quite close, and as of right now, she earns more per hour then he does.   He is not a father that tried to change his job to earn less money.  His hours were cut when his current employer learned he was trying to change jobs.  To better himself, earn more money, so he may provide additional things for his entire family.  We plan on going to the law library at the court house this week to do some research on the equation for calculating support and to file a motion to modify the custody order to what is currently in place.  We have not decided whether to bring a contempt order for the ROFR.  Neither one of us wants to go to war with his former wife, we just want her to stop the attacks and do what is best for their children.  I am sorry that her current boyfriend is not working, but it is her choice to be with him.  Why should her former husband have to pay to support him? She agreed a year ago to stop child support payments due to the 50/50 share of the children.   In general, I feel when child support is paid, the person receiving the support should have to continueously show the funds are being used for the children.  When a child receives SSI, the guardian receiving support has to show the government that this money was used to support the child.

32
My fiance has joint legal custody of his three children but his former wife has physical custody of the children.  The current custody order indicates he shall have them every other weekend and once a week.  For the past year, his former wife has agreed to joint custody.  In a two week period he has them for seven days and she has them for seven days.  When this change took place, he filed for a modification in child support, and before the hearing took place, she willingly signed off on stopping child support.  At this time, she moved across town with her boyfriend, whom also has three children from a previous relationship. (Sidenote, we reside in Pennsylvania).

Her live in boyfriend is no longer working.  She has now refiled for child support, even though the visitation arrangement has not changed.  During this year, I lost my job and my fiance's hours were cut back to the point where he was working two part time jobs.  In essence, he is making LESS money then she is.

Here are my questions/concerns-

1) Since her boyfriend is not working, she has stopped following the right of first refusal stated in the custody order.  She works as a cashier in a conveniene store, and has never requested to change her work schedule so she would NOT be working on the established weekends she has her children.  Does my fiance have the right to file for violation of the custody order?  When she moved in with her boyfriend, she never informed the court of her change of address.  It is stated in the court order that both parents are to inform both the court and the other parent in writing when they move. 

2)  We feel the only reason she is now once again seeking child support is because her boyfriend is no longer working.  My fiance has finally gone back to working full time with his primary employer (within the last two weeks).  It appears once she found this out, she decided to seek support again.  When she was receiving child support, she was still not purchasing everything the children required with it.  We were already financially strapped (and obviously still are since our employment situation has gotten worse not better) and having to pay for things for the children that she was not obtaining for them.  Is child support really awarded when there is a 50/50 split.

In general, she states she wants to be work with him. She went behind his back and filed for support without discussing it with him.  She has also contacted Children and Youth services and filed false accusations against him for the past year.  We have dealt with a lice situation coming from HER home for over a year, spent hundreds of dollars trying to rectify the problem.  When we finally called Children and Youth ourselves, we were basicly told at the time the social worker visited, they did not have lice and it is not a life threatening situation.  She admitted to me when they first separated that she was angry at him for leaving and filed a false PFA against him. 

We are both so frustated at this point.  All he wants is what is best for his children.  To make this situation worse, it is a known fact that one child is biologically not his child (from one of her numerous boyfriends when they were married) and he has always questioned whether another child is biologically his.  He is afraid to request paternity tests for fear if the one child is not his, he will lose visitation with her.  I am pushing for him to persue paternity.  I understand why he does not want to, after all, in our eyes, he is their father.  I understand that, but at the same time, the financial burden is making life difficult.

Is there anything we can file legally against her?  It makes me nervous that they only have a VERBAL agreement of the 50/50 arrangement.

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