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Messages - chickenbubbasmom

#11
I should add that the court order doesn't state anywhere who is allowed to claim the children, and other than saying father's home is primary and mother's is secondary for the child in question, it doesn't give any percentage of time breakdown (it just lists when each child has visitation with other parent). It states they have joint legal and physical.

The paperwork from Child Support Services dated 5/19/11 shows a breakdown of older son being with DH 75% and younger child being with DH 25%.
#12
 Wondering if anyone has experience dealing with the irs on this matter.

My oldest stepson has been living with us since Feb 3rd of last year. He was taken out of his mother's home after her BF abused him. Both parents still have joint legal/physical custody under the new order (dated 02/03/2011). However, the order states that father's home is to be considered x (older child's) primary residence and mother's home is to be considered y(younger child's) primary residence.

DH e-filed his taxes a few weeks ago, and is scheduled to have his refund check mailed tomorrow. Last night when my stepson returned from visiting with BM, he told us BM claimed him on her taxes (apparently she had been questioning him as to whether his dad had filed taxes yet). DH texted her to let her know he has already claimed SS and that she has no right to do so. To which she responded that she already has claimed him as well and mailed her return last week. She proceeded to tell this whole story of how DH let SS live with her after the court order and she can prove it because he stayed in her school district until school let out June 3rd. Therefore, she had him 6 months. She went so far as to make up a story that it was too far for DH to drive and so he allowed the child to stay with her during the week. You can imagine how crazy this sounds, knowing its completely made up and she knows that we know it's a lie.

So, this has me a bit worried. SS did stay in the school district, because BM had already pulled him out of one school and put him in home school. He was turning 15 in 8th grade and in danger of failing again. DH had a good relationship with the home school teacher, and kept him there until the end of 8th grade in order that he might graduate and have a fresh start in high school this year. DH met with the teacher once a week, BM never attended. We have proof that SS was added to medical insurance in March, and DH filed to modify child support in April. On May 19, child support ended and the paperwork from DCSS shows older stepson as being with DH 75% of the time. BM said she is calling the irs today and auditing DH for fraud, so he doesn't get his refund. Can she even do that? Does anyone know if she has a leg to stand on? Apparently someone advised her that she could get away with this because of where SS went to school for the first half of the year.
#13
Hi Kent, the meeting place for BM to pick up is supposed to be at the gas station located near our home for the reason you stated
(cameras, as well as receipt to document we arrived on time). Because the court order is not specific enough (no matter how many times they go back, courts never seem to get it right) the order has curbside, but the minutes say the gas station..BM picks and chooses a different spot depending on her mood. One day it will be gas station with police present, next time it will be outside of our gated community, and the time after that will be in front of our home an hour early, honking her horn.

As far as promising or starting a fun activity before the other parent shows up, BM will straight out deny visitation if she has anything planned. She has figured out very well how to manipulate the system. She will have the younger child call the day before and tell DH he wants to do an activity on DH's time (almost always involving BM). If DH doesn't agree, she simply disappears with the child and turns her phone off. The police will not come out and make a report without DH knowing her location. DH can file a report over the phone, through an automated report line, but that report will then be dismissed as hearsay in court. Have experienced this several times already. Any suggestions in a situation like that.?
#14
Ocean- Not giving to much information, that is definitely a lesson we have now learned the hard way. I agree with the low contact, it's just very difficult with this woman. Especially now that one of the children is with us.. she is hell-bent on getting some of that control back any way she can.

Today BM demanded to pick up the child an hour early and when DH told her to stick to the schedule, she showed up any way and sent the younger child to the door, then began honking in front of our home. I was home alone at the time with our two year old daughter. This is very typical of what we go through several times a week.

Mixed bag, we don't want to give her any ammo, but also DH is at his wit's end and doesn't want to be anywhere near her. I agree though, it is the RIGHT WAY, and it is what we would want if the roles were reversed.. just not sure how much more my poor DH can take.
#15
I guess what I am asking is, does DH have to give her the info for an appointment he made that is just to turn in the child's birth certificate, proof of address, etc.?

The court order simply states that both parents must consult in decisions regarding: and goes on to list several items, including enrolling in or leaving school. We are simply going to the district where the child now resides, and having THEM place him in the appropriate school based on our home address.

It's ironic, BM has never given DH any of information regarding doctors, insurance or schools for the children. Since SS has been living with us, she has shown no interest in his progress at school,, and refused to help him get his work done on her time. Now she is stating she is very involved in everything and needs to be at this appointment. We know full well this is just an attempt on her part to gain some control and try to make DH look bad.
#16
We haven't had any luck with contempt in the past either, because it is considered a quasi-criminal proceeding in our court, the burden of proof is impossibly high.

    I have another question if anyone knows the answer..SS was pulled out of regular school last year and placed in independent studies by BM. When he came to
live with us, we left him in independent studies to finish out the year. We just found out today that he IS graduating 8th grade after a lot of hard work (and no
help at all from BM).  So, DH made an appt. with our district,  just to turn in some paperwork (I guess they are so busy they do it by appt here?). Then they will determine what school he goes to based on our address since the child resides primarily with us. DH informed BM and she is now demanding DH give her the date time place and  allow her to be at the office to turn in his paperwork.

Now, it wouldn't be such a big deal, if she didn't act so crazy. The child's current home school instructor won't even talk to her anymore, it's that bad. DH told her he would keep her informed and will give her the info for any and all appt.s that involve decision-making. She is demanding the info and threatening contempt, what would be best in this situation.?
#17
I am assuming that they will make arrangements to meet with BM at some point, and that will obviously not take place in our home.  They do have offices, but it was explained to us that there are not a lot of rooms in the facility to go around for the many patients and counselors, and that they like to meet with the child on a personal level.

The child did not have insurance when he came into our care, but we have since signed him up, and yes through a state program. The younger child remained in BM's care and is not insured to our knowledge.

Kitty, your last sentence said it best.!!
#18
 Thanks ocean, will definitely be taking care of that first thing in the morning. We have signed up the older child for insurance, and provided that info to her. She has given DH no info on the younger child, whether he has insurance or is in therapy.. we think it's no on both counts.

So, it seems BM's main gripe is that the therapy is conducted in our home and she can't be present. Although as DH explained to her several times, we will not be present either, and it is strictly confidential. We provided the therapist with all of her info, and he will make arrangements to meet with us when and if he sees fit.

We were not aware when we enrolled him that the counseling would take place primarily in our home, but when the therapist explained that it will help him get to know the child better and make him more comfortable, we didn't see a problem with it. Do you think it is a valid issue on her part?
#19
Hello ALL. DH went back to court in February after his oldest boy, 15, was assaulted by BM's live in boyfriend. The child is now residing primarily in our home, but visits weekly with BM.

To the issue, both boys were ordered to be enrolled in counseling back in 8/09 and again in 8/10. BM failed to enroll them and file proof as ordered. She also refused to give DH any info re:  health insurance so that he could enroll them. When DH has tried to speak to BM about counseling she simply disagrees or hangs up. So, now that the older child is living with us, we took it upon ourselves to go to the Mental Health Center in our town, who referred us to a community based program. The therapist met with us for the first time yesterday for intake, and will meet with the child in the home setting once weekly. They also have a facility should they need to meet with BM, and of course DH provided the therapist with all of BM's info.  DH notified BM that the child is enrolled in therapy, and her response was that she refuses to agree to the therapy, and that DH has to have her consent on the choice of therapist. She stated she will enroll him in different therapy. She has been badgering DH by text all day today about it.

The court order states, that both parents must consult in the choice of health professionals.  That is pretty much impossible, with the total breakdown of communication between them. BM generally refuses to speak by phone, claims she doesn't receive our letters our court papers, and states she doesn't have computer access for e-mail. She by and large ignores DH's text messages, unless she wants something.

The order also states, that each parent be notified within three days of the commencement of treatment which we did.

It states Both parents are to enroll Both children in therapy, and fully cooperate with the therapist. We gave the therapist a copy of the court order that says the child is to be enrolled in therapy, and they told us that was all they needed. But who knows what kind of a stink BM is going to raise.

To our knowledge the younger child is not enrolled in therapy, and does not even have health insurance.

BM says that DH broke the order by enrolling the child without consent. Did we do the right thing? Is there something else we need to do, or file.?What should we do if she tries to interfere or enroll him in different therapy?
#20
Thanks ocean and Kitty.. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have to say..thanks everyone for the input..gonna stop worrying about it now, since it's out of our hands.

DH sent BM two text messages trying to work it out and offering to make up the time,  with no response. I assume she is wanting to file with the court...So let her, right.??