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Ok this question is for a friend of mine. We live in Pa. He has a son who is almost 2. His ex and he fight about a bunch of petty stuff (mostly her) but she does think that dad should see his son plenty so even though every cough, rash, or bruise gets blamed on dad he sees his son plenty. The problem is holidays because the idiots didn't put any times into their custody order. Most of the time Dad (my friend) just gives in and doesn't fight with her about times and such because he's not very confrontational. The issue they have now is both the child's birthday and father's day are in the custody order. Dad gets him all day on father's day and they share his birthday. This year father's day and birthday fall on the same day. Anyone know which one of them should get him on this day. Dad offered to celebrate father's day on sat and split his birthday on sunday but mom said no that Dad just has to give up Father's day because birthday trumps father's day. Anyone know who is right?

My husband and I are going for custody of my stepson. We have many different issues in our favor such as mom's numorous moves with multiple partners. She has decided she is a lesbian now. She has also had many different jobs and she has been fired from all she has never quit or been laid off. We also have many examples of proof of her going out of her way to limit my husbands time with his son. She also got into a fight with her mother and quit allowing her to see the child. Although his maternal grandmother is not our favorite person we felt it was in my stepsons best interest to allow this relationship to continue so we have been sharing our time with her. She is willing to go to court and basically testify on my husbands side. We also own our home and his son has 2 stepsisters and 2 half-sisters in our home. She is also now working a swing shift job and has my stepson in daycare alot including some overnights. Now with all that we know we have a fighting chance but most recently we he came over with marks on his back from some kind of patch medication. We took pictures for evidence and then proceeded to contact his doctor to determine what it was as my husband has joint legal custody he should have been consulted. Well his doctor told us he has not been seen there in over a year. My husband then contacted his son's mother and asked again if she had changed his physician without his knowledge she said no he hasn't needed a doctor. He then confronted her about the patch marks she told him they were an herbal patch she got from her stepmother and she was trying them to calm him down and help him sleep. My husband asked for a wrapper from one of the patches and she told him no if he wanted one he could call her stepmom and get one and that my husband had no say in what she did and it wasn't his business. My husband contacted his ex's stepmom and it turns out it is something called a Mystique Lifestyle patch which is a herbal weight loss patch not for use in anyone under 18. So now we have some major concers because what else has she tried. My question is how good do our chances of getting custody sound.

My husband and I are going for custody of my stepson. We have many different issues in our favor such as mom's numorous moves with multiple partners. She has decided she is a lesbian now. She has also had many different jobs and she has been fired from all she has never quit or been laid off. We also have many examples of proof of her going out of her way to limit my husbands time with his son. She also got into a fight with her mother and quit allowing her to see the child. Although his maternal grandmother is not our favorite person we felt it was in my stepsons best interest to allow this relationship to continue so we have been sharing our time with her. She is willing to go to court and basically testify on my husbands side. We also own our home and his son has 2 stepsisters and 2 half-sisters in our home. She is also now working a swing shift job and has my stepson in daycare alot including some overnights. Now with all that we know we have a fighting chance but most recently we he came over with marks on his back from some kind of patch medication. We took pictures for evidence and then proceeded to contact his doctor to determine what it was as my husband has joint legal custody he should have been consulted. Well his doctor told us he has not been seen there in over a year. My husband then contacted his son's mother and asked again if she had changed his physician without his knowledge she said no he hasn't needed a doctor. He then confronted her about the patch marks she told him they were an herbal patch she got from her stepmother and she was trying them to calm him down and help him sleep. My husband asked for a wrapper from one of the patches and she told him no if he wanted one he could call her stepmom and get one and that my husband had no say in what she did and it wasn't his business. My husband contacted his ex's stepmom and it turns out it is something called a Mystique Lifestyle patch which is a herbal weight loss patch not for use in anyone under 18. So now we have some major concers because what else has she tried. My question is how good do our chances of getting custody sound.

   Okay I will try to start with the basics, my husband and I would like to have custody of his son. My stepson is in no physical danger living with his mother right now. Here is the situation my husband and his son BM were never married. There relationship was only about 2 1/2 months long when he broke up with her we started dating immedietely. The night of our first date (she knew where we were - very small town) she decided to come to the bar and tell my husband that she was pregnant but since we had already left she had a few drinks and told everyone else. I found out from some other friends who were there that she was pregnant and told my husband (then boyfriend) so he could call her. It has been a battle ever since. She lied in court several times about "health" conditions to restrict visitation that my SS never had. In the most recent custody order we had to put our wedding in in order to have my SS attend. This custody order is three years old now. After the last custody order the BM decided she was gay and found herself a girlfriend and has become very complacent. The last two years have been pretty good. Especially since she likes the idea of being a mother more than actually being a mother so she is constantly calling to see if we want my SS extra - of course we do.

    This is what changed. She and an old girlfriend have gotten back together. The girlfriend now lives four hours away and she want to move. My husband told her he would think about it but decided that it would not be best for his son to be four hours away. He told her she could move but she would have to modify the order to give custody to him. He told her that if she wanted to move then SS shouldn't be the one to make sacrafices in his life she should. This is why 1. His ex does not have a stable life in the past two years she moved from her mothers house (where she had been living since my SS was born) to low income housing ( 3 months) to a trailer with her first girlfriend ( 7 months), broke up with this girlfriend and moved in with current girlfriend an hour away with permission ( 2 weeks) was kicked out of their because current girlfriend didn't want my SS around into her mothers house ( 1 month) got into a fight with her mother and into her fathers house where she lives now.
2. She wants to move in with girlfriend who already kicked her out once because she didn't want SS around.
3. My SS has an amazing relationship with both BM's father, step-mother, and mother in fact these ppl have him more than BM and he should not be taken away from them either.
4. In our home my SS has two step-sisters and two half sisters that he has a very close relationship with.
5. 90% of all our families live in this area
6. BM does not have a decent work history she has had many jobs but she has never quit or gotten laid off
7. The school district in the new area is very poor in the bottom 5 percent for NY state.
8. Her preposed visitation schedule once SS started school next year would have him in a car for eight hours total every other weekend including late Sunday night with school the next day.
9. Once SS started school we would never get to be involved with his schooling or any extra curricular activities with him that far away.

   We already know that she won't be able to move with SS giving the circumstances of her move. She was not planning on telling anyone - not her mother or her father that she lives with she only told my husband because she needed his permission to move. I would like to reiterate that although she technically has primary physical custody and she technically lives with SS her parents are basically raising him she goes a week or so at a time not seeing him. When he is picked up for visitation and dropped off it is not BM that is there.

   My husband talked to her parents about the move and we now have their support in the custody matter as we can offer my SS stability.

This is what has happened in the past week. She called my husband and basically told him if he wouldn't let her move than she was not going to let him have SS any extra that we were going to go back to the original custody order and that he would have to rearrange his work schedule for that. I believe she was trying to get him to fight with her so she would have something to use against him but we have been through this enough that that didn't work.
He told her that was fine he was sure his boss could work something out for him but that he would be taking her back to court to modify the order the only reason it hasn't been done yet was because she was being so cooperative and there didn't seem to be a need to waste the money. She came back with then she was going to take him for more child support. Again my husband told her calmly that was fine if the the state felt that he should be paying more support than he would. This pissed her off and she hung up on him.

    Although we know that we will get more time with him since the custody order in effect is from before SS was 2 we would like to get custody simply for SS sake he needs stability. We have a few things in our favor such as we own a home, we both work, we have child care in place already for the other kids, he has siblings here, and also even though it shouldn't be held against her we live in a small conservative county and her lifestyle specifially her orientation will probably be held against her.

    If anyone has any ideas about anything else we can do or not do to tip this battle in our favor please help. It is very hard in Pa for father to get custody especially since he and the mother were never married. My SS even carries his mother's surname. Not sure what to do but can hardly stand to see what is happening to my SS.