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Messages - rjmurdock

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11
Custody Issues / Re: Gaining Custody in PA
« on: Apr 18, 2012, 08:50:55 AM »
Well actually that's how we have been using it we do have an attorney. We are aware her being gay is irrelevent it is irrelevant to us also actually except that her current girlfriend and my stepson don't get along. However, we do live in a small conservative town and in reality a judges bias can play a part in a decision and there is only 1 judge here. The half siblings is actually not irrelevant under the new PA law passed in 2011 as my stepson has a very close bond with them. Our attorney also recommended that we hold off on CPS simply for this fact if we call CPS my stepson will almost certainly have a case opened if we gain custody than we will get to deal with it. Our attorney who is not one to BS told us we have an almost guaranteed win case based on what we have. In fact her lack of availability alone he is certain would do it but she could always decide to quit before the hearing and then we would need to use other things. Yes she has interfered with parenting time and has 1 contempt against her, although she just got a slap on the wrist and don't do it again plus make up visitation. I guess I'm just stressing and needed to know if anyone else had any opinions.

12
Custody Issues / Gaining Custody in PA
« on: Apr 18, 2012, 06:49:02 AM »
My husband and I are going for custody of my stepson. We have many different issues in our favor such as mom's numorous moves with multiple partners. She has decided she is a lesbian now. She has also had many different jobs and she has been fired from all she has never quit or been laid off. We also have many examples of proof of her going out of her way to limit my husbands time with his son. She also got into a fight with her mother and quit allowing her to see the child. Although his maternal grandmother is not our favorite person we felt it was in my stepsons best interest to allow this relationship to continue so we have been sharing our time with her. She is willing to go to court and basically testify on my husbands side. We also own our home and his son has 2 stepsisters and 2 half-sisters in our home. She is also now working a swing shift job and has my stepson in daycare alot including some overnights. Now with all that we know we have a fighting chance but most recently we he came over with marks on his back from some kind of patch medication. We took pictures for evidence and then proceeded to contact his doctor to determine what it was as my husband has joint legal custody he should have been consulted. Well his doctor told us he has not been seen there in over a year. My husband then contacted his son's mother and asked again if she had changed his physician without his knowledge she said no he hasn't needed a doctor. He then confronted her about the patch marks she told him they were an herbal patch she got from her stepmother and she was trying them to calm him down and help him sleep. My husband asked for a wrapper from one of the patches and she told him no if he wanted one he could call her stepmom and get one and that my husband had no say in what she did and it wasn't his business. My husband contacted his ex's stepmom and it turns out it is something called a Mystique Lifestyle patch which is a herbal weight loss patch not for use in anyone under 18. So now we have some major concers because what else has she tried. My question is how good do our chances of getting custody sound.

13
Pennsylvania State Forum / Custody in Pa
« on: Apr 18, 2012, 06:45:47 AM »
My husband and I are going for custody of my stepson. We have many different issues in our favor such as mom's numorous moves with multiple partners. She has decided she is a lesbian now. She has also had many different jobs and she has been fired from all she has never quit or been laid off. We also have many examples of proof of her going out of her way to limit my husbands time with his son. She also got into a fight with her mother and quit allowing her to see the child. Although his maternal grandmother is not our favorite person we felt it was in my stepsons best interest to allow this relationship to continue so we have been sharing our time with her. She is willing to go to court and basically testify on my husbands side. We also own our home and his son has 2 stepsisters and 2 half-sisters in our home. She is also now working a swing shift job and has my stepson in daycare alot including some overnights. Now with all that we know we have a fighting chance but most recently we he came over with marks on his back from some kind of patch medication. We took pictures for evidence and then proceeded to contact his doctor to determine what it was as my husband has joint legal custody he should have been consulted. Well his doctor told us he has not been seen there in over a year. My husband then contacted his son's mother and asked again if she had changed his physician without his knowledge she said no he hasn't needed a doctor. He then confronted her about the patch marks she told him they were an herbal patch she got from her stepmother and she was trying them to calm him down and help him sleep. My husband asked for a wrapper from one of the patches and she told him no if he wanted one he could call her stepmom and get one and that my husband had no say in what she did and it wasn't his business. My husband contacted his ex's stepmom and it turns out it is something called a Mystique Lifestyle patch which is a herbal weight loss patch not for use in anyone under 18. So now we have some major concers because what else has she tried. My question is how good do our chances of getting custody sound.

14
Custody Issues / Re: Introduction
« on: Oct 13, 2009, 06:34:13 PM »
  Momfortwo you say your child couldn't handle a weekend away from you and if that is the case that represents an unhealthy dependency on you. My Ex husband had that same kind of relationship with his mother and now he can't function as an adult. The dependency that he had for his mother was equal to brainwashing it destroyed our marriage and has just about destroyed his relationship with his daughters. He is unable to make any decisions or do anything in his life without the approval of his mother. When we first split up we tried to do everything out of court. As hard as we tried his mother's interference eventually led to court ordered custody. When I filed for child support he had a DNA test done on his 8-yr old daughter because his mother told him she was not his (we were not married when she was born). Although his case is extreme if you continue with the attitude that your children can't stand to be away from you they will come to believe this leading to unhealthy relationships later on in life.

15
Custody Issues / Re: Will it stop?
« on: Oct 10, 2009, 09:45:13 AM »
  I would like to add especially in a situation where the step parent has been involved since birth. That a child as young as three sees themselves as having three parents. I know my stepson does. Many of these post are referring to step parents as lesser parents and although legally they are to many of us step mothers four months away from my SS would be just as bad as four months away from my biological children and vice versa it would be detremental to my SS not to have parenting time with me as well. As step parents many of us form mother child bonds with our step children and is upsetting to know that if something were to happen like a situation like this it becomes too bad for stepmom your relationship with the child doesn't matter or is not as important. It all of a sudden doesn't matter that you got up in the middle of the night to calm the infant or helped with potty training or helped them become the children they are because biologically they are not yours.

16
I also live in Pa and as far as false allegations go with court BM will prolly only get a slap on the wrist and a don't do it again. For child services their is no recourse for false allegations. By law they are not even allowed to tell you who called no matter how many times. My mother was a case worker for human services and I also had a vindictive ex mother in law who thought she should be raising my daughter (even though my ex and I have two children she only wanted the one). The only thing they can do is what they did for me. Research everything in your life. It's kind of a pain but in the end it's worth it. Now when she calls complaining about something they simply state that they have already looked into that and her claim is unfounded. On her fifth time calling children services we had the case open for about six months so the case worker could document the kids day to day schedules, talk to their teachers, talk to their daycare, ect. but now she has nothing to go on and they don't bother us anymore. It also gives us written documentation of the enviroment that the kids live in which helped us out in court when ex MIL had my ex try to take me for full custody. I would suggest taking an offensive. Call C & Y and tell them to check out everything and document everything. Meanwhile file for a modification. I don't think you have a case for contempt since technically she is only violating a verbal agreement not the CO. Good Luck with your case I know how tiring and frustrating it can be from both sides as I am the CP of two daughters and a stepmother to a son and both ex's feel that the children are weapons to get what they want. Don't know what is wrong with ppl anymore how hard is it to put your child's need above your wants. 

17
Custody Issues / Re: Will it stop?
« on: Oct 07, 2009, 04:17:08 PM »
  I can tell that your biggest issue is the demands. BF is threatening you and demanding you to do things and I believe that is what is putting you off. You need to try and set those feelings aside and consider what is best for your child. As a stepmom myself who has been involved since the birth of my SS, the bond that my SS and I feel is almost the same as him and his BM. He would be just as upset not seeing me as not seeing his father. I don't believe she should get her for Holidays but you should consider letting her have an alternate time to celebrate christmas (ie the week after or the week before christmas). Your daughter has two homes and when she goes to visit her father she is also visiting her SM. She should get to continue this relationship. This is what she is used too and you should try to maintain the stability.

18
Visitation Issues / Re: visitation during infancy
« on: Oct 04, 2009, 11:54:02 AM »
I agree document everything. My husband was in similar situation, he and his son's mother were only together couple months. They broke up, we met, then the pregnancy news. He tried to help through pregnancy, gave her money, offered to take her to dr's appt anything he could but when the baby was born she didn't even call. He didn't see his son for almost a month (waiting for court he had no rights she had to allow it) and then it was only for an hour. When they went to court BM claimed that my husband did not offer any help or try to contact her during pregnancy and they just believed her we didn't keep proof. So he got bare min visitation of a two days a week for two hours at a time at her house since she claimed that my SS had many health prob that only she knew how to take care of. Of course she had no proof of this but the courts believed her. What a joke. If we had kept documentation of everything he had done than he prolly would have had better visitation in the beginning. It is truly sad with so many dead beat fathers out there the ones who want to help with their kids have to fight for it.

19
Custody Issues / Re: Ex insisting on a custody trial again
« on: Sep 26, 2009, 12:16:23 PM »
I don't know about the trial but I can tell you what our lawyer told us about daycare during our first trial. He said if we had daycare fees in our CS order than we could ask for my husband to watch SS instead of daycare but since we didn't it wouldn't be likely we would get it. Daycare is considered good for the child given that it improves social skills.

20
Custody Issues / Re: Father trying to get custody
« on: Sep 26, 2009, 11:56:40 AM »
Joint legal custody is already in place with her having primary physical. As far as mediation goes they must go to mediation this time before anything is filed throught the court. Unfortunatley it just a waste of money because BM will not concede to anything. She was very spoiled and is used to just getting what she wants. However, this time will be a little different as last time her parents paid for her mediation (court order is mediation paid 50/50 by both parties) and her lawyer and this time they will not. They are very hurt by the fact that they have basically support her and SS financially ( she worked but was allowed to do whatever she  wanted with her money) and emotionally since before SS was born and she was literally going to pack up in the middle of the night and disapear with SS. The only reason she told my husband was by law she had to have his permission. My husband was the one who told her parents.
  We are actually not looking for sole custody but joint legal with primary physical. Also would be happy with a 50/50 split as long as she was willing to remain in current school district. We want SS to have a healthy relationship with his mother. She does love him she is just emotionally immature and constantly puts what she wants before what is best for him. Although it probably won't matter in court she only sees him a couple days a week as it is her parents have him most the time. It just doesn't make sense for her parents to have him all the time when we would be glad to take him without changing how much time his mom spends with him now.
   As I said before the current custody order does not allow her to move out of the county and any move within the county would be fine at most 40 min away we could make that work without a problem. We are not trying to be vindictive or mean simply trying to ensure that my SS get to have a meaningful relationship with his father, sisters, step-mother, and grandparents which would not occur if she were four hours away. We are really hoping that she is selfish enough to decide that she is going to move no matter what and SS would come live with us or she realizes what my husband has been saying is true and she starts to put SS first.

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