Messages

I am feeling pain for my son this morning. I am primary and my son is 5. He has three pairs of shoes that I bought him - 1 pair of Stride Rite, 1 pair of Reeboks, and 1 pair of Nikes. He wears his Reeboks to preschool. BM has never bought him shoes. That may seem strange, but it is true. BM says that it is the father's responsibility.

Son was adamant that he would not wear school shoes this morning. Why? BM told him that she hated him in those shoes when he saw her during visitation. He reasoned that she did not like him because he wore shoes that she hated. He had been talking about this for the past week, but I did not know how much it bothered him. He smiled as he wore his new shoes out into the rain today. How can she not see that negativity and anger is cruel and hurtful to our son. BM tells me all the time that what the mother wants is the only thing that matters.

No it is not! It is about what son needs to grow up safe and secure. Son tells me that BM says bad words to him all the time. I try to explain that she loves him. I have tried to get her to stop the bad talk (in person and in the court), but it just gets worse. BM's goal is to turn him against me, because she has told him that she only happy when he comes home to her. I just gets so frustrating to see him being damaged more and more. I can take damage, but he should not have to take damage.

I have contacted child therapists. Four have said that they do not take my insurance (after I explain the situation). Maybe they do not want to be involved with potential court case. I am waiting for two callbacks. I will continue until he gets therapy, but I wonder how much it will help when there is so much hate coming at son from BM. Thanks for letting me vent.

Sorry for the stress that your dd is placing on you. We all need to vent sometimes. It is good that you are concerned about the best interest of the child. It is ironic that your experience with your dd parallels that of my son's BM. BM's mom would tell me the about BM's partying, drinking, and drugging and that BM was mean and hateful to our son. She actually called and said that she would be glad to testify in court about these experiences.

Well, do you know who was most livid because she received a subpeona for court-BM's mom! She was so angry because she was called in to testify about what she had observed that my atty did not call her to the stand. My atty had warned me earlier by telling me that family always stick together. I did not believe my atty.

I know that it will be hard to "endorse" BF, but this is about stepping up and doing what is right for GS. BM can do what she wants with her life, but GS deserves to be cared for by two parents, and if not two parents, one parent who wants to provide him with stability and safety. GS shouldn't have to "wait" until BM gets through partying. It is important to do the right thing especially when an innocent child is involved.

Why does MixedBag's find fault in my personal username? I chose it after trying other usernames that were taken.

I appreciate that this board is to provide help to parents who are trying to be the best parent for their children, not a board to make attacks on usernames.

Wow, oneaddress just came to me after putting in my email address. Oh well, I will keep asking for relevant input. Thanks group.

Thanks for your reply. I try to be consistent same routines. We do playtime, bathtime, book time and bedtime the same ea. night.

I have looked up PAS.

It is ironic, because I am the CP not the NCP. Orders give BM every other weekend. I allow him to visit BM's mom one afternoon per week, because she functioned as mom. It is damaging to my son to hear hateful comments from people he loves about people he loves. I know that he wants to love us both. He makes negative comments that he has to hear at BM's home. He came home talking about pinky swearing about keeping secrets. I do not ask him about what goes on at BM home. BM says that she will get temporary primary soon.

Another irony is that BM's mom said that BM mistreats our son. Son says that mom says that he gets on her nerves. He is being manipulated by BM. It is so wrong. I include and try to get input from BM on everything (dr. visits and recreational activities) that involves son.

I have posted before about my five year old son. I am a never married father. BM and I have shared custody since son was 6 months old. BM gave her time to her mother and moved away without son. I stepped in when grandmother was too stressed to cover for BM. BM told me that mothers always rule no matter what. BM felt free to marry and to separate, to live with a guy, to booze and to drug as much as she wanted. I have tried to be a stable parent to my son.

After going to court, I became temporary residential parent. BM came back to ask for sole custody. I think it has something to do with child support. I told my attorney to not ask judge for support. I know that he needs two loving parents. When BM's mom told me to file for sole custody, I said no because I wanted BM to be a coparent.

Now, BM's mom has suddenly on board with BM getting custody. My young son is being so hostile with me after he comes from a visit with BM. He cried when he came home, he tried to punch me, and he tried to bite me. It is so discouraging, because I have never spanked him and have devoted myself to making him content and happy. I have always told my son that BM loves him even when he says that she is mean to him. Should I get my son a therapist or GAL? I am feeling a little down right now.

I am new to this site, and it has been very helpful. May I suggest that you explore this site thoroughly. Read the articles and the older posts.  Do searches for the answers to address and to help your children. Fathers deserve an even playing field too. There is good information here. Hang in there.

Thanks for the encouragement. I will seek a counselor for my son and me. It is good for our son that she is not abusing illegal drugs. I try to stay positive, but sometimes it gets hard when BM throws negativity and hate at me. The negativity started when I decided that I would stand up in court.

BM said that mothers always get custody and what they want in court. She is angry, because I let the court know that she had 2 DV reports, 5 arrest records, and DUI. BM told me that she would never let me keep her from getting government aid because she needed to keep her "benefits."

Before our court case, she enrolled son in one of the most expensive daycares in the city. As a matter of fact the daycare lost its good rating last month. Her plan was to get the payment rolled over into child support then pull him out and enroll him in free headstart. There are least expensive daycares. I am struggling to pay it every week, because I am afraid to stir BM up.

Thanks for advise and most important to me right now-a support system.

I have been researching no contact order. I have heard of TRO. Does girlfriend need to file for one or do I need to file for one?Also, is there something that I can do about mom saying bad things (alienation) about me and my family. After he comes home from a weekend with her he has bad behavior. This is so frustrating. It seems that BM would want what is best for our son, but she just wants to get back in control.

I have jumped through her hoops every since he was born and tried to do everything her way, but when I found out that she was putting our son in harms way I had to step in. I know how vindictive she is and live in fear of her next plot. I do not want my son to be confused about who he should love and who he should not love. I always try to be positive about his mom when talking to him. Parents, how do you keep strong when you have to battle everyday?

Thanks for reading my post. What is a no contact order?

Hello group,

I am temporary primary residential parent of my five yr old son. BM used drugs and abused alcohol DUI. Final hearing three months away. I did not ask for mom to pay any child support. BM taking prescribed "nerve" medicines. History of violent behavior. BM admitted that she smokes weed and had done cocaine, but she did pass 48 hr. notice drug test.

BM went to my girlfriend's job to confront her because she did not like girlfriend's attitude. BM took our five year old son with her. BM has been married and is in new relationship. Girlfriend diffused situation by telling her to stop arguing in front of child. BM called to argue with me, but I calmed her down by telling her that my girlfriend would never try to replace her as our son's mother.

BM and her family are trying to do everything they can to get custody changed. They are telling my son that I lied to get him. My son has been in my home over 50 percent since he was 6 months old. I expect more irratic behavior. I have to look over my shoulder everyday for drama. What should I do? I am trying to be a good dad to our son.

Thanks