Messages

Thanks Kimberly9, Stepmom0418, Troubledmom, joni and MixedBag for the response. :-)

When it comes to the custody of my son and the court system I am dealing with a major case of RESENTMENT/anger :-(  (resentment = anger from the past).

I have difficulties being impartial when communicating with the eX because of how I feel the system supports my eX in restricting the relationship between my son and me.

WHY?

NCP = 4 weeks Vacation.
CP = Not even specified.  Unlimited.

NCP = 4 days a week with son.
CP = All the other days in month.

NCP = Must pay what government demands per month OR go to jail.
CP = Does NOT have to work.  Math calculation on wages, no government consequences for not working or working part time.


I = calculate 4 weeks vacation as 28 days.  I spell out my vacation time in such a way to MAXIMIZE my time with son.

eX = says I must use vacation time ONE week at a time (7 day increments).


I really would like to spend more time with my son than a mere 4 days a month and my ever Tuesday visit from 3:00-6:00 pm, and 4 weeks of vacation.

Sorry for the rambling.  I am not sure how I am going to respond.  However I have come to realize that using the court system and/or lawyers to resolve small differences (like this one) is a waste of time and money.

Matter of fact I have learned unless there is a major, and I mean HUGE problem with AFTER divorce issues, do not waste your time or money with court and/or lawyers.

Thank goodness I have lots of friends in the area that I can visit and bend there ear.  There is nothing like a good friend to help one focus on the good things in life and everything I have to be grateful for.  I can only hope that I have given back to my friends as much as they have given me.

Thank you all for your view. :-)

How would you respond to email??



I always have problems with scheduling my vacation time and how to count days of vacation.

First let me say that my Brother emails all my requests.  That way I sort of have a witness.  Also since the divorce (2000) we have been doing the exchange of our son, at McDonalds.  

Here are the last correspondences between my eX and myself concerning vacation.  The vacation is in FL where my parents "son's Grandparents" winter for the season.

I have already bought my plane tickets and made a down payment on the motel room in FL.

According to my divorce decree I think I get 4 weeks vacation this year.

============================================


----HACKal Message-----
From: Bolivar/BROTHER
To: eX
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 1:20 PM
Cc: Bolivar
Subject: Bolivar's Vacation Schedule


Hello eX,

Bolivar's Vacation Schedule:

Bolivar will be bringing SON to visit his Grandparents and Florida;


1. Flight leaves Friday April 22


2. Returning Saturday, April 30


Bolivar would like to switch his SON's Daycare pick up(3-6:00pm)  April 19 Tuesday to April 21 Thursday at 3:00 p.m..  This way SON can spend the night so leaving early Friday morning to catch the flight will be easer on him.


Bolivar

======================================

----- Response Message -----
From: eX
To: Bolivar/BROTHER
Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 1:53 PM
Subject: RE: Bolivar's Vacation Schedule


Hi Bolivar/BROTHER,

Please ask Bolivar since he'll be gone over a week (and also on my normal weekend) if he wants to have SON for 2 weeks vacation instead.

Maybe we could exchange SON on Saturday 4/16 (Bolivar's normal weekend) and then again on Saturday 4/30 (Bolivar's normal weekend).

That way, Bolivar won't have to make up the time for my weekend on 4/22 - 4/24 since I'll have SON on Friday 4/15 and Saturday night 4/30.

Let me know.
Thanks,
eX

There is ALOT going on here.

First you really need a lawyer.  A child out of wed lock the mom automatically rules.

Yes you must establish your parenting rights.  However bring a parenting plain to court.  If you have been seeing the child regularly then offer a 50/50 physical, legal custody.

Just in case the judge does NOT like your first parenting plain, create a step-up parenting plain which gives you 50/50 custody after so much time.

There is so much more I could say.

Read all you can.  

Visit Custody Reform
http://www.custodyreform.com/
Read there FAQ.

Are you still married?

If you're married why are you not living in the house?

We need some background on this.


No matter where you are in you Custody CASE you must Document, Document and Document.


Read everything from this site.

SPARC Visitation FAQ
http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/visitfaq.htm

SPARC Divorce FAQ
http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/divfaq.htm


hell just check out:
FAQ Center Categories
http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/

Thanks for sharing.  That would make a good Jerry Springer show.

I have a X-mas, holiday schedule and communication story.  But it does not even come close to comparing with yours.


Hopefully we will all be laughing in years to come at our conflict with our eX.  However I know people who have been divorce 10-20 years and the meanness still comes out when the family gets together.


Merry Christmas !!!! HO HO HO HO HO HO HO

[Why is a father who gets up and goes to work every day in order to provide his children with a decent standard of living seen by the courts as less nurturing than the parent who stays home, enjoying the fruits of that labor?]

Court-ordered sexism

By ROBYN E. BLUMNER, Times Perspective Columnist
Published May 16, 2004
________________________________________
Except for the battlefield, family court has to be the last bastion of legally enforced sexism in our society. State statutes that determine child custody arrangements and child support may be written in gender-neutral language, but they are not applied that way.

Traditional concepts of the family - where the father is breadwinner and the mother controls the domestic sphere - permeate the process, often disadvantaging men who want an equal opportunity to rear their children.

David Blankenhorn, who wrote Fatherless America, says absent fathers are "the most destructive trend of our generation." But our institutions are adding to this crisis by overwhelmingly preferring the mother as the primary parent. Mothers make up five of every six custodial parents, with the system essentially telling fathers that their worth is that of check-writer.

Why is a father who gets up and goes to work every day in order to provide his children with a decent standard of living seen by the courts as less nurturing than the parent who stays home, enjoying the fruits of that labor?

I see both acts as at least equally caretaking.

Yet due to a series of unwritten and unspoken gender-related assumptions, family judges tend to give mothers both decisional control over the children and financial support after a family breakup. This gives women an incentive to dissolve their relationships, as demonstrated by the fact that women initiate divorce in about 70 percent of cases.

I can imagine what dads must feel in receiving "visitation" with their children. The very notion that fathers are just "visiting" is deeply disturbing, suggesting that a father's company is like a trip to grandma's.

In a 1998 Florida State Law Review article on gender bias in family court, editor in chief Cynthia McNeely wrote: "If the treatment fathers receive in family court occurred in the workplace, an affirmative action plan would likely be implemented to rectify the pervasive discrimination and barriers fathers encounter as they seek meaningful access to their children."



Interestingly, this is one form of sex discrimination that is not only accepted but jealously guarded by feminist groups such as the National Organization for Women (N.O.W.).

 In a memorandum written by NOW's government relations director in 2000, the organization denounced "men's custody groups" such as the nonprofit Children's Rights Council, because they aid "noncustodial dads in reducing their child support obligations and (in) taking away custody from moms."

(According to its Web site, the mission of the Children's Rights Council is "to assure a child the frequent, meaningful and continuing contact with two parents," a dangerous notion to those feminist groups that want fathers to pay up and shut up.)

When men gain reasonable access to their children, women's groups cry foul.

 Last month, the California Supreme Court ruled that a divorced mother who had been awarded primary physical custody of two young sons could not move them to Ohio with her and her new husband.

In an eminently fair and reasonable decision, the high court upheld a lower court determination that moving the children so far from their father would preclude them from having an ongoing relationship with him. The Contra Costa County Superior Court had said the mother could move but she would have to relinquish custody to the father.

The California Women's Law Center called the Supreme Court's ruling "a huge step backwards" and said that a "legislative fix" is needed that would return to custodial parents a presumptive right to move away and take the kids.

Talk to Dan Montagna and the real costs of a policy like that become clear. A Pinellas County charter fishing boat owner, Montagna has been battling his ex-wife for years to prevent her from moving to California and taking their 7-year-old daughter. He says he is deeply involved in his daughter's life, accompanying her to school and gymnastics training. "She's everything," he says of his little girl.

Montagna's lucky. Since 1997 the law in Florida has been changed to end the courts' prior practice of favoring relocation for the custodial parents. So far, with help from attorney Peter Meros, Montagna has been able to keep his daughter here. But not every state has progressed to recognize that children need their fathers as well as their mothers to be part of their day-to-day lives.

Part of the problem is the legal standard used to resolve custody issues, where judges apply a "best interest of the child" analysis and thereby allow their inherent biases toward maternal nurturing to seep in.

To ward against that, I suggest the adoption of a new standard recognizing that the children's interests are no more important than the constitutional rights of both parents to actively rear them.

Fathers are becoming an endangered species in part because the family courts don't fully appreciate their equal claim to their children. Sexist notions of gender roles inform too much decisionmaking, transforming too many men from engaged parent to alienated visitor.

BY KAT

Part of the child support is going to pay the mgt. on their homes. Do you see the tax deduction? NO.

Do you ever see equity in the home that is partially paid for out of your own pocket? NO.

This antiquated system needs a serious overhaul.

First of all, what in the heck is custody? How can the courts GIVE a person to another person? It's a child not a table. You can't will a child since a child is not chattel.

What is child support but slavery? Look up the definition. "A condition of subjection or submission characterized by lack of freedom of action or of will." The courts force the non custodial parent to work & pay a nice size portion in child support. In most cases, the non custodial parent doesn't have the *right* to obtain an education because if support doesn't get paid, they go to jail. The non custodial parent can sit on their ever increasing fat behinds, not work and basically do what ever they want without having to provide documentation as to what the child support covers. This is sickening especially in the case of large support awards.

There needs to be a cut in stone rule that parenting is 50-50 in divorce unless one person is proven UNFIT beyond a shadow of a doubt (not just on hearsay from the other parent). False allegations will have mandatory jail time, heavy fines, loss of parenting time, no deviations are allowed.

There is no child support changing hands. Guess what ladies & gentlemen; it's time to obtain an education before you start having children! You just might have to support them part of the time on your own!

Gee, what a novel thought huh? Children will no longer be pawns in a game that carry rich cash rewards. I'm sure this will piss off uterus opportunists, but oh well!

A parent can lose their 50 percent of parenting time by (as examples) moving from the area (no custody battles, you lose, that's it. It was your choice to move), or being proved unfit such as mental health, incarceration, drug use ect.

Support for parents who have lost partial parenting is calculated by what the states pay out in welfare benefits per child. Come one, the states know how much it costs to raise a child why do they put extra burdens on divorced families then?

Let's say for each child the state pays $600 a month in cash/medical/food stamps. Half of this amount is the responsibility of each parent. $300 a month or approximately $10.00 per day. If the parent with less time has the child 4 days per month that is subtracted from their obligation this would now equal $260.00. The tax burden falls on the payor.

I guess lawyers aren't going to like this either, probably have to find another field.

We can probably get rid of many family courts too since custody battles will be pretty much moot. Family court judges will be elected by the people, heaven help your obviously bias ones.

During the past 2 years Mr. KAT has paid over $50,000 to the biotroll. She doesn't work, tell me how that kind of obligation isn't hidden alimony? The little pink trailer payment is only $350. per month. High support obligations do nothing to encourage the other party to seek an education or employment level in order to be able to support themselves. All it does is make them dependant.

Let me tell you something. Mr. KAT's (former) daughter turned 18 last month. The amount of support didn't drop but she is no longer supported. But guess what boys & girls! You ALL get to pay for her now!! She's going to have a baby!!

Biohag has been on welfare & knows all the rules! They also have a slip/fall lawsuit going on too. Funny how all this came about when support stopped for the oldest huh? And being that the younger one will be 18 in Sept 2005, well, they are going to need to make some money right? Yeah, just as long as they don't have to work for it. Which I guess would be pretty hard since both children only have 8th grade educations & criminal records. For biohag that nice rap sheet that includes numerous shoplifting charges kinda puts a damper on things. I mean, who wants to hire a theif?

Pissed, yes, I am. When Mr. KAT had custody she didn't pay a dime, not a loaf of bread, not a gallon of milk. She had 7 years to get an education or a job. But instead lived off men & the system. I gave up my needs for their wants for years. I treated them better then my own children. But the courts wouldn't have any of it. They needed to bond with biomommy, they wanted to live with her since our rules were strict.

So there you go.

The courts just gave you two more beings to support not including how many more illegitamite puppies SD will push out within in the next few years. SD will probably be on welfare until social security kicks in & well SS is heading to jail for selling drugs....which do you think costs more? Welfare or keeping them in prison? I gotta research it. This is the burden for all of us to carry unless things change. It effects everyone, divorced or not, children or not.

Even though it's almost over, I am still fighting for changes...are you?

KAT

>>[em]#1 Dad should re-examine his friends and let go of any he wouldn't let his child hang out with.[/em]

How should Dad respond to Mom's statement "I carried the child for 9 months in MY body the child is mine!! I will decide when you can visit MY child."


>>[em]#2 Dad should show up for any court ordered visitation time.[/em]
Until recently he has stopped showing up.  I will remind him to continue to show up and document his denied visitations.


>>[em]#3 if Dad still gets no time with child Dad should file an OSC for contempt on BM.[/em]
I printed the instructions and necessary forms to file a "Motion for Contempt"

[Situation:]

How would you solve this problem?:

Situation: [/u]
Father is 20yrs old
No money – he does work full time.
One child -1year 2months old
Never married
Pays Child Support
Has court ordered visitation papers.

Problem: [/u]
Mom has denied companionship time since October because she does not like dad's friends.

My Solution: [/u]
I recommended starting with the court Mediation. Our court has a mediation section where they will draw up the papers if an agreement is reached.


One Last Note: [/u]
The father is a Good, Honest, Hard working man. However he barely has a high school degree and his reading and writing skills are poor. So the solution can not be too paper work involved.

Berkely, sorry I can't help.  But if you don't mind I would like to tag along on this post.


Does anyone know of a good PI in OHIO.


Thanks