Messages

Joni,

The Bolivar I am referencing is in OHIO, Tuscarawas County.

Columbiana County is N.E. of Tuscarawas.


As for you question - Why? is there a wild party I should know about? lol  ;-)  

[official]

Ten – Four, on being flexible.

Because Mom is a ..........  well,,, no need to go there.

I have been seperated/divorced 3 years and I don't think I have ever celebration an event on the legitimate day.

Remember it's the SPRIT of the celebration NOT the day!*!*!


In Oct. my son gets 2 Trick–Or-Treats
Nov. he gets 2 Birthday celebration.
Dec he gets 2 X-mas.

Etc, etc............


Our Son loves the holidays!!!!!!!!!!!  He doesn't care when the official day is, he wants to know the party day  

Thank You for fighting!!!!!!!  The more of us who challenge the system the better off our children will be.

I am constantly advocating to parents to assert their rights to see the child(ren).

NCP's are NOT just wallets!


"Never forget who your actual opponent is. – The System.  Don't give your opponent any opportunity to continue to pretend the problem is between you and the ex-.  It thrives on the conflict it engenders."
By Jim Loose

[Now remember this is not a binding contract by the courts standards!!!!]

Know what your court (county) gives out as standard visitation/holiday/vacation to a NCP.  This will help you in determining how a judge will view your disagreement.

Read all this info on this site concerning visitation/holiday/vacation.  Then write up your own schedule.  You have to file for a modification.  I've heard of case where a parent created a FAIR schedule and showed it to the other parent.  With the words "this is the schedule I am going to court with."  The other parent then to avoid court costs will agree.

Now remember this is not a binding contract by the courts standards!!!!  But lets say you follow this schedule for a year.  The other parent gets nasty and starts changing things.  When you go to court you will be able to present your parenting schedule and state that the parents have been following this schedule for a year.  Chances are the judge will stamp it with his approval.


To get started check out:

Check out "SPARC Visitation FAQ"
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/index.html



Some definitions:  

CUSTODY - the legal right and responsibility to raise a minor child and to make decisions. (there are two parts to custody)

PHYSICAL CUSTODY - it is in reference to the parent with whom the child resides. Depending upon arrangements, it may be joint or sole custody.

LEGAL CUSTODY - the authority of one parent or both parents to make legal decisions regarding health, education and welfare of the child.


RESIDENCE - the place where a spouse lives.


CUSTODIAL PARENT (CP) - the parent a child normally lives with, and the one who makes legal decisions concerning the child. There are several different types of custody arrangements.

NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT(NCP) - the parent who does not have physical custody of the child, and who typically is paying child support to the child.

[If you are really serious, you MUST read this whole post.]

Now the light bulb is illuminating above my head. :-)

Here is a loooooooooooooooog post.  A lot of it is copy/paste of posts I liked and to help me in my custody case.  If you are really serious, you MUST read this whole post.  Yes I know not all the info pertains to your sisuation.  Remember, every case is different so we must read a bunch of stuff which does NOT pertain to our case.  Sorry, but this is the only way to learn about your personal case. (that I know of)

Yes, I too am involved in a custody case, so I understand your frustration.  To change custody there must be "a change in circumstances" with the CP or child(ren).  The NCP is nothing but a wallet.  Ok........ enough of my venting and back to your problem.

[font size=+1]What does the visitation schedule spell out now?

You are documenting everything, right?  Be empirical with documentation showing the Good and Bad, Positive and negative.  A number of people said a written journal is better than a computer generated journal.  I keep BOTH just to make sure.

This site has a custody calendar which if filled out and presented in court will help your case tremendously.

Have you read all the FAQ info on this site?

Another site to visit and read FAQ info and post is the board Custody Reform.
"Dedicated to all NCP striving to remain as parents to their children!!!"
http://www.custodyreform.com/

AND

Some more FAQ info is the Divorce Institute   by Lawmoe
http://www.divorceinstitute.com/


also I have been using a Custody Coach.
He is helping me develop a stragity and is teaching me what the courts feel is important in my case.  I live in OHIO and do telephone conferences meeting/call.  What the heck, give him a call,,,, what do ya have to loose?

Steven Carlson
ChildCustodyCoach.com
Orange County, CA
(714) 379-0850
//www.childcustodycoach.com
[email protected]

***********

copy/paste
Subject: CUSTODY TRAPS
Author: Sherri
Date:   03-01-04

1. When a legal action is initiated which involves a child, if a parent is not residing in the same home as the child, he or she will presumptively be considered the non-custodial parent. The only way to avoid this trap is to not leave the home, or allow your child to be taken out of it.

2. If an injunction is issued to "temporarily" keep the child under the care of one parent, the excluded parent will presumptively be considered non-custodial. Any pre-trial orders which impede your ability to parent your child can be immediately appealed. If you wait for trial, you waive your right to later raise these issues.

3. Pre-trial if a parent consents to pay child support, the judge and both attorneys will take this as a signal that he or she agrees to be the non-custodial parent.

4. Any consent order a parent agrees to (even during a contested hearing) cannot be appealed. You do not have to "consent" to anything, even if your attorney says otherwise. Remember, attorneys are officers of the court, and quite possibly friends with the judge and opposing attorney. They are required to zealously represent you, and to uphold the constitution. Expect neither.

5. Normally an investigation of the parents will be done. This can be anything from a college volunteer working for CASA, an attorney called a Guardian Ad Litem, a private investigator, up to a pediatric psychologist. Their job is to invade the privacy of your relationship with your child, and transfer as much wealth as possible to themselves. Also you will either be encouraged or mandated to attend counseling, to achieve the same goals. Using constitutional law you can object to an invasion of your privacy and your child's. If you fail to object, you waive your rights.

6. At trial your attorney should have a pre-trial brief prepared which carefully identifies the applicable laws and how your case applies to those laws (including constitutional law). Few attorneys will do this. Most will present your case with no reference to any laws whatsoever, and simply allow the judge to rule as he or she wishes.

7. Also at trial both parents are considered to be voluntarily submitting the question of child custody to the court. Your attorney can assert that you do not want custody of your child decided by the state. If you don't do this, it will be considered waived for appeal purposes, as will any applicable state and constitutional laws not raised by your attorney in his or her oral arguments.

8. If you ask that the law be followed in your case, expect intimidation tactics such as your attorney threatening to resign, or being told visitation with your child will be reduced. If any of this happens, request a brochure or other method whereby you can file a complaint with your state board of responsibility.

9. If you receive an unfavorable decision at trial, your attorney can file a motion to reconsider, or a notice of appeal. If you are appealing there are strict time limits on this, which if not followed will cause your case to be thrown out. Items you consented to at trial, will not be appeallable.

10. Appeals are usually taken to a state appellate court, then if needed an application is filed to your state supreme court. The state supreme court has discretion whether to take your case or not, and they probably won't take it. If your state supreme court does not give you a favorable ruling, you can appeal properly preserved constitutional questions to the United State Supreme Court, which virtually never takes a family law case. Wherever your case stops, all orders will be considered final.

*********************


Author: Lawmoe
You can find this at his Web Site -Divorce Institute    
http://www.divorceinstitute.com/


Visitation time and custody issues are determined based on a best interests of the child standard. Bests interests are determined by a Court by applying various factors spelled out in your state's statutes. Those factors are not exclusive and the Court must consider the totality of all circumstances.

One of those factors is the wishes of the minor child, assuming the child is old enough to express his/her desires. The child's wishes are generally not dispositive on the issue and are weighed as only one factor out of many. As the child matures, their opinions will carry greater weight. For example, in the State of Tennessee, the statutes allow the Court to consider the reasonable preference of any child age twelve (12) or older. The court, at its discretion, may also hear the preference of a younger child upon request by a party. However, the preferences of older children are given greater weight than those of younger children. Most states have similar laws, some more vague than others. Minnesota allows the Court to consider the preference of a child if the Court deems the child to be of suitable age and maturity.

There are some states that do give greater weight to a child's desires, although such state statutes are an exception to the rule. In the State of Georgia, state statutes provide – "In all cases in which the child has reached the age of 14 years, the child shall have the right to select the parent with whom he or she desires to live. The child's selection shall be controlling, unless the parent so selected is determined not to be a fit and proper person to have the custody of the child."

Remember, so long was there is an existing Court order requiring parenting time and telephone calls to occur, they must occur. An Order may only be modified by filing a Motion and acquiring an Order with a different ruling. that is how you must proceed

>>== and ==<<

It is a substantial change in circumstance that warrants a potential modification of the parenting schedule. It may also open the door for a Motion to change custody. However, given the distance that already exists, the argument that it is in the best interests of the child to be with the father is much less effective.

Make sure that you have all your ducks in a row before you move. Know where you will live. Know where the children will attend school and how good that school may be. Know about the neighborhood you will live in and the activities available to the children.

>>== and ==<<

Unfortunately, most states have a presumption for maintaining the curent custodial arrangement. That means you have the buirden of proving that a different arrangement is in the best interests of the child. In so doing, you must demonsttrate that their has abeen a substantial change since the last order. You cannot use anything predating the last order, since those issues must have been raised at that time.
You do not provide any specifics to support your case to seek custody. The other parent's debt has little to nothing to do with whether the child recieves proper care. Moreover, the timing of your Motion, in response to the other parties motion, will undoubtedly cast doubt on the allegations that you make at this time.
In short, you will have to have a significant amount of evidence, much more than you include here, to have any chance in such a motion


****************

Author: Shy
Date:   10-05-04


If you want to go with an actual modification, here's a couple of things that you'll need to know:

1.) In order for a modification to actually take place, there has to be a change in circumstance OF THE CHILDREN that warrant a modification. Not changes in your circumstances, or in mom's circumstances, but the children's. Do you have that? (Example: With the children switching schools... is it affecting their grades, etc?)

2.) You are going to need a detailed parenting plan outlining specific times, dates, etc. and that covers any and all aspects that you think your ex might try to throw your way. This includes the transportation issue that she wants to balk on.

3.) If you don't want to hire an attorney, you're going to have to do a crash course in Illinois law. You'll need to read and memorize your local Rules of Civil Procedure. Know it like the back of your hand. You'll need to read and memorize the Illinois statutes dealing with custody, visitation, and child support. You'll need to know case law as it pertains to your case. The good and the bad. You can't just know things that support your position, you also have to know those that will go against what you want in case opposing counsel brings it up. You can't argue against something that you don't have a clue what it is. An attorney bringing up a case that supports their position and basically shoots yours down could kill you in a court room. If you don't know how to argue against their position.... you'll lose. You have to be knowledgable.

I am unable to find the question to your post.

Since you said "Help" at the bottom I know there is a question in there some where.


****

As for the venting part of this post – "let it go girl!!!!"  it's a good stress release.


On a GOOD week 9 to 1 is my ration. – 9 reasonable/helpful posts to 1 vent/flair.
On a BAD week 1 to 9 is my ration. – 1 reasonable/helpful posts to 9 vent/flair.

The Judge is the moral compass whether that statement is present or not.

To understand your problem you will have to post more of your situation.


Your fist learning exercise must be to understand what the courts feel is important.


For instance, I hear parents screaming how the other parent had an affair and they are going to "bring the hammer down" in court.  The courts don't care if a parent is "doing it" with every farm animal in town.  Affairs mean NOTHING in court.

So unless sex negativity affects the children, the courts ignore affairs. And the courts always "turn there heads" and ignore affair as any type of evidence.


Please feel free to share with us what concerns you are having.  As of now it is impossible to understand what your REAL question is.

It's a "boiler plate" - "canned" statement.


It's like window decoration on a story front.  There to attract attention, but not what the store is about.

There are two PARTS to custody:
1. Legal
2. Physical

You said your eX has "joint legal custody" so what is his PHYSICAL status?

Please know - I DO understand the emotional stress you are under.  If you read some of my posts, especially on other boards, I can vent with the best of them.

How much are you paying your lawyer per hour?  Lets say $200-300 hr.  The next question, how much money could there possibility in the account?

Pick your battles.


Stay focused.


*!*!* Congratulations on being able to nurture a child to adulthood!!  This is a GREAT gift indeed.  In 10 years the money issue will mean NOTHING.

[One of the strongest leaders with PACE is a woman and she was able to get us in the door with HB232 and will get this reintroduced next year.]

Kitty C. I saw this post awhile ago and have been thinking of how to answer.  You ask a tough question,,, and in my opinion there is no good answer.  This is the best I can do.  Please read the whole loooooooong post.  Thanks :-)

>>>===<<<

I sent an email to my local PACE group asking if we could start a meeting of Father's Rights group.  It would be a get-together of dads to discuss legal and emotional issues for men going through divorce.

This is his response. (personal stuff was removed.  Yes men DO talk to other men about there problems)


Dear Bolivar,

Here is a bit of history for you. PACE used to be called FACE (Father and Children for Equality). The name change came because of the number of woman, as hard as that is to believe , that got and are getting screwed by the courts. Hence the more politically correct PARENTS came to be.

My personal thought is that any group that excludes woman or implies the exclusion by name will fail and cause an adverse effect.  We need each other. One of the strongest leaders with PACE is a woman and she was able to get us in the door with HB232 and will get this reintroduced next year.

As the chapter director in Akron, I am getting as many complaints from women as men about the problem, although gender biased plays a big role, it is mostly the ability of the judges to apply personal discretion with no direction of equality from the law. This allows for politics to enter the family courts through donations and outside court room activities.

The most important thing that can happen is the introduction and state wide support of new custody legislation for this state.  

A purely Father's Rights group, NO! This problem has to be approached as Parents and we need that other half as our support. Together we will win this for the children.

Ray R Lautenschlager
"The Keeper Of the Penny"
http://www.pacegroup.org
http://www.pace-akron.net
http://www.nopeusa.org

>>>===<<<

I grew up in a household where dad worked at the office and mom worked at home.
Growing up my dad had his night out with the boys (golf, bowling)
Mom had her woman stuff during the day.

I think it is healthy to have "him and her" division at certain times.


If my opinion counts for anything I think you are a good woman.


That's all I got.  Your question is in par with "What is the meaning of life".  Difficult one to answer.