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I quickly went over your post.  Interesting story.  I know there is a question in there somewhere.

My opinion on your relationship difficulties?
Like me, you didn't get along with your eX so you got a divorce.  Not to be rude but, is it a surprise you still don't get along?

To me divorce is about parents NOT having to see each other daily and learning how to deal with there sh*t.

A wise person told me, Bolivar there are three sides to every divorce:
1. His side
2. Her side
3. The Truth


Please understand I am not trying to glaze over your dilemma.  I do sympathize with the tremendous pain you feel dealing with another person who is vindictive while doing what is best for the children.  At times the pain can be unbearable.

I have learned that no matter how crappy I feel "I can never give up trying to be more of a parent to my son".  I am a dad and will continue to be a positive roll model for my son.  


This reminds me of a saying:
With time some bottles of grape juice turn in to Great wine, others turn into vinegar.

With the passage of time I hope to become Great Dad at peace with my undesirable situation and not turn into a grumpy old dad.

[em]"But the price would be to take away some of the judges' power in awarding custody in all cases, making it harder for judges to focus on what is best for the children."[/em]

[font size = "+1"]Give me a break.  Should judges' ALSO have the power to decide "what is best for the children" when parents are MARRIED?

Why is it when dads are classified as divorced they have different rights than when classified married?

Who knows, perhaps with the Governmental Regulations on the Family taking place,, will in 25 years, force married parents to go in front of a judge to determine "what is best for the children".

Maybe in 35 years married couples will have to ask a judge if they can have children.

Problems with the family-law system, which makes custody decisions based on the vague statement of "best interests of the child."

It is a meaningless standard which one can't fight. Which is best for children, to teach them to be generous or to teach them to be stingy? To spend time on Shakespeare or on baseball?

Which is better? We don't know. There are no valid studies that answer the question of what is best for children. Instead, judges simply impose their own biases about what they think is best, with no checks or balances.

The government has the obligation to protect children from harm. But absent abuse or harm, the government should not impose conditions on parents who are before the court that it would NOT impose on INTACT families, like telling parents where to live or how to behave.  Government stay OUT of the family!

*!*!* The solution for many of these problems is a presumption that parents should share custody evenly!!!!!

The fundamental unfairness of current custody law increases the conflict.
[/font]

T0052SC you said, "The problem I am having with my attorney is one minute he is fired up full of gusto to go balls to the wall. The next minute he will sound like all we should do is settle."

Your attorney is selling you.  Which is ok, it will keep you calm.  You are in the mist of battle and you are high strung, which is normal.  Even lawyers who do this work for a living usually hire another attorney to do there divorce because is so easy to get emotional off track.

Set up some appointments with other lawyers in the area.  Bring bullet points of what has happen so far, and questions to ask.  DO NOT VENT, remain professional as possible.  Do NOT bash your current lawyer, you will come across as a whiner.  Listen and take notes, Only TALK if:
1. You are asking a question.
2. You are answering a question.
3. Let the interviewing attorney do all the talking.

The answers to your question will help you to determine if you lawyer is fighting for you.  

The major problem I have found with attorneys is work overload.  In divorce work one must have a number of cases going on to make a good living.  If the attorney is working on too may cases he/she will have less time to spend on yours.

I always ask the question like "how busy are you".  Then I ask the same question a different way latter on.  They ALWAYS say they have time for your case.  At least you can get a feel for what is going on.

This site has some good info on hiring a lawyer, check it out.

Good luck, and please keep us posted. :-)

[NOT]

[FONT SIZE=+1"]I am a Lawmoe fan and enjoy his Advice – Opinions – Humor.  I am waiting for him to go on tour and his tee shirt to hit the market. lol :-)

Lawmoe is well like/acknowledged/known on all the web sites he visits.

If lawmoe revived royalties for every subject line that asked for his help he would own several island by now.

I have learned a great deal about the law reading his posts.  

Lawmoe helps Men and Women equally.  He understands the big picture of the family court system.  (The wisdom he shows in his posts you would think he would be much older)


>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ============= <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Now who is Bolivar?  Probability wise to know who is writing this editorial.  

 I am NOT always in alignment with where Lawmoe "sits on the fence".  I am NOT emotional understanding to the court processes.  I am a pissed off NCP Dad who is very, very angry at a system which I feel took my son from me and Forced me to pay.

 In court I felt woman got all the breaks and are treated like angels.  Dads are nothing but wallets.  I felt men were treated WORSE than dogs,,, that men were treated like dog SH*T.

Since interviewing numerous lawyers in my area, and reading lawmoes [EM]"EQUAL"[/EM] responses to Men and Women,, I have reevaluated my Family Court World View.

The attorneys I interviewed who were in there late 50's and had the wisdom of years,,, AND ,,, had enough cases and made enough money didn't shoot me Bull Sh*t like some of the younger lawyers.

What have the old farts taught me?  The bias in the court system is not as Black and White as I believed.  However, In custody issues men still do NOT have equality.  (this is for many reasons, again NOT black and white)  

To correct the Judges custody rulings, I believe OHIO needs a law that presumes parents share custody evenly!  

The presumption when Mom and Dad walking into court should be that both parents should share 50/50 physical and legal custody. Currently this is NOT the case!!
 

I like to read, I read a lot.  There have been books in my life what have changed my life view and made me a better person.  Authors, Lawmoe and other Posters who I have NEVER met and probability never will, have had a tremendous impact on my understanding.  

With all my reading I have been able to put my situation in perspective and focus on what positive changes I can make.

However, I can still go off the deep end in my posts. :-) [/FONT]

from: [email protected]


?how can we find the stats for Ohio for child custody awards in divorce?

I was able to locate a report from the US Census Bureau that provides some
nationwide stats on custody and support.  I've put a copy on my
non-custodial parent resources page.

http://ull1.chemistry.uakron.edu/parenting/

The report shows that fathers receive custody less than 16% of the time
nationwide.  That number has been pretty constant since 1993.  So much for
gaining any ground in the last decade.

If anyone finds a link or file that they would like added to the page, let
me know.  Knowledge is power.

Jim Hardy


>>= AND =<<

?how can we find the stats for Ohio for child custody awards in divorce?

I thought that it would be easy to find the information you wanted on the
Internet but not luck yet.  I did find on article that was interesting
though.

http://www.menweb.org/throop/custody-divorce/studies/whoGets.html

It gives stats on who gets custody based on what the parents want (based on data collected in Arizona.)  What I found most interesting is that men
request joint custody 74% of the time and sole custody only 15% of the time.

Mothers, on the other hand, want sole custody 70% of the time.  When the
father wanted joint custody and the mother wanted sole custody, mom won 77% of the time.

This data is over a decade old.  It's pretty sad that the stats seem to be
pretty much the same today.

Jim Hardy

["msme"]

You do have a tough problem.  There is no quick & easy solution.

From your post AND reading between the lines, you are living at your new boyfriend(s) place and he is supporting you.

I would do what is necessary to deal with your depression.

If you are drinking or taking drugs STOP immediately!!!!  Even a drink or two a day is VERY unhealthy for a person experiencing depression.


Perhaps professional consoling in your current area?

However, if you feel moving to FL to be with family would help your mental state, by all means do that.  Use "msme" plain of action to reestablish the visitation issues.

If you are too depressed,, and Dad are you are on good terms,, let him draw up the visitation plains.

From what I understand about deep depression is it is like a disease.  It can get progressively worse over time.  Like any disease the longer it goes untreated the more difficult it is to cure the problem.

Child(ren) need both, a health Mom and Dad!!!

Priority number one is getting emotional help.

Good luck and God bless.

A cruise ship was wrecked in a storm. Next morning, the survivors found
themselves on a deserted island without food or water. They noticed the
wreckage of the ship on a sandbar only two hundred yards from the shore,
but there were sharks swimming all around the inlet.

"I'll swim out and get food," volunteered a young man. "I used to be a
lifeguard." He dove into the water and in a few minutes was attacked and
devoured by the sharks.

Another man stepped forward. "I'm only a CPA, but I'm a strong swimmer. I
can make it." But he didn't. Thirty yards offshore, the sharks tore him
apart.

Suddenly, up stepped a paunchy, bespectacled, bald-headed man. "I'm an
attorney, and I think I can get to the ship." He entered the water and
immediately eight sharks formed a two-lane escort and helped him to the ship,
then back to the beach unharmed.

"It's a miracle!" shouted one of the passengers.

"Miracle, hell!" said the lawyer. "It's just professional courtesy."

>>==<<

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

>>==<<

A young attorney, had been vacationing at a remote Vermont country inn.
 The last time, he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
 Now he arrived once again looking forward to an exciting few days.

As he stopped his BMW in front of the inn, his heart almost stopped.
There sat the girl with an infant on her lap!

"Rita, why didn't you write that you were pregnant? he cried.
"We could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition,
we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided
it'd be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

What does the court motion recorded say?

Does mom have overnights?

Sometime the judge will let one side write up the court appearance.  But since neither of you had lawyers representing you, I suppose the court recorder will record the motion.

The motion should mention who will decide when a drug test is need.

Document everything you are doing for the children.
Have dad take a parenting class.

BTW,, judges HATE hearing cases with NO lawyers.  So don't feel bad if the judge had a bug up his ass.  A case here being argued by NON lawyers, a judge at one point put his hands over his eyes indicating "I can't take anymore".  Later on the judge started lightly banging his head on the bench/desk again displaying his distain for having to sit through the case.

You get extra big points in heaven for irritating a judge.  


[em]The gate between heaven and hell broke, and St. Peter called to the devil,
"It's your turn to fix it."

"Sorry," said the devil. "We're too busy fixing our heating system to worry
about a little thing like a gate."

"If you don't fix it," said St. Peter, "I'll have to sue you for breaking our
working agreement."

"Is that so!" said the devil. "And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"[/em]

Reading waaaaaaaaayyyyy between the lines I think the judge is saying that he will review the supervised visits.

Who is paying for the supervised visits?

Reading others I have noticed that when a parent is doing drugs that they do NOT keep there supervised visits.  At the end of the six months she will be crying to the judge why she couldn't make the supervised visits and why she missed her scheduled drug test(s).

As for $23.00 a month,, I know how you feel!!! It's the principal of the thing.  I know you didn't ask,, but my opinion is let her keep the money..... for now.  Maybe she will be drug free for a month and celebrate with the CS money and buy some meth. (my lame attempt at a joke)

BTW,, congratulations!!!!!  

[Make sure Dad hugs his daughter as often as possible!!!]

I have [em]QUICKLY[/em] rewritten the letter.  
After reviewing the letter my vote is NOT to send the letter.
I know you don't want to hear this, but, there is not enough empirical evidence.
I could be wrong, as I stated before this is only my opinion.
If you are going to send the letter I would definitely shorten it, write bullet points only.

As an immediately plain of action --
Make sure Dad hugs his daughter as often as possible!!!
I can feel your pain.  Sorry I can not be of more help.

Dear Dr. --------,

Some additional concerns that have surfaced.

1) Saturday and Sunday (10/23/04,10/24/04) SD informed us that twice during the prior week at school that she was in the cafeteria at lunch and her pants had fallen all the way down to her ankles in front of all of the other children because she was not wearing a belt. We feel that incidents like these can have a negative impact on her self-esteem as well as her sense of importance with regards to her caregiver.  We have corrected the problem by buying a belt.

2)  BM's said she has to call BF her "dad".  BM said "that it was ok because BD was not her dad anymore."  We have correct the problem by having BD explained to her in a quiet setting that "he was always going to be her daddy and that he was always going to be there for her and love her".

3) She expressed that she has the impression that she isn't permitted to spend the night at our home because she is not wanted at our home.   We correct this problem by expressing to her that "she is very much wanted as well as missed by everyone and that we were trying hard to get permission for her to be able to spend more time with us, including overnight."

4) SD appears to be angry, depressed, and generally worn out. We believe that it would be beneficial for SD to see a reputable child psychologist so that she may have someone that she can talk to about her feelings without being afraid of hurting anyone she loves.

Thank you again for all that you are doing,

Sincerely.