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Messages - Heston

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Father's Issues / cps etc need advice
« on: Mar 16, 2012, 04:09:49 PM »
I've posted before.  Same case involving my daughter.  The BM and step dad have been getting my daughter to lie to counselors and police.  She is 9 yrs old.  Basically, they were mad as hell that I got joint physical and legal custody.  Before that they caused massive problems.  After that, they have done their best to get me out of my daughter’s life.  They made false allegations about 6 months ago in court.  I represented myself and was unable to counter their false allegations.  They have now filed a motion to get me removed completely from my daughter's life.  The BM alienated the court ordered psychologist who removed herself from the case without seeing my daughter.  A parental coordinator was ordered but the BM got round it and persuaded the judge at the next hearing to appoint someone who would only act as a family therapist, thereby leaving her unaccountable in accordance with her wishes!  The BM continues to deny parental time more than 50% of the time like they did before.  I have police reports but the judge didn't punish her before and probably won't this time.  The child is told to tell the cops she does not want to go with me or is scared.  With the new motion they are claiming my child is at risk physically and emotionally when she is with me.  They have not set out the reasons why.  Those reasons are known only to them.  They will of course give the false reasons in the hearing and because I don't know what the allegations are, it will be difficult to defend myself.  Of course I guessed they had been getting my daughter to tell whatever lies she was told to during the past several months, as they did previously.  I have now received a letter from cps which states that I am the perpetrator of an incident that took place several months ago, that I was found guilty and that the child is at very high risk in future of mental abuse from the perpetrator and that the case is closed.  It names me as the perpetrator.  This will be used in court to help the judge decide to remove me from my daughter's life.  I have no idea what this date refers to.  First off, I have not mentally abused my child ever.  But how can CPS be informed of an incident by one parent and find the other parent guilty.  The remark about my daughter being at very high risk in future will cause my rights to be removed.  And yet I know nothing about what has been alleged.  I have heard all sorts of stories about cps and know they can't be trusted.  I also know they get it wrong and usually blame innocent parents of wrongdoings whilst leaving children with abusive parents.  This is the current case.  The step dad has injured my child.  CPS believed the BM and the step dad when I reported it.  And they forced my daughter to lie to CPS about who caused the injury which my daughter told me afterwards.  Now CPS have found me guilty of mental abuse but they haven't contacted me.  They have not investigated but just taken the BMs word for it.  The BM is on a mission to remove me totally.  She was mad that I reported the step dad for breaking my child's bones and this is obviously "revenge".  The incident of which I am accused is alleged to have taken place only a month after I reported the step dad for physical abuse.  And I did that purely to protect my daughter.  Does anyone know the best way to deal  with cps in a case like this?  CPS has also postdated their letter to me to make it appear that it was sent to me two weeks from now!
It doesn’t sound like I have a chance at the hearing later this month! 

I would like to send a copy of the CO, particularly the joint custody one, as well as the one stating she should be the therapist for the child, but the PhD has said she does not want me to send her anything or call her again, so I think if I did, it may make things worse.  I am going to ask the court to clarify that both parents should speak to the child's therapists and have the right to attend sessions.  The BM does not want me to see anyone treating the child because if I did, and the therapist knew what was really going on, she might be held accountable.  So instead the BM makes it impossible, then creates lies and files new orders.  The BM goes to any lengths to prevent me from being able to use a therapist as a witness, as she does when she tells the child to lie to the therapists of her choosing.  The sad part is, she has an uncanny knack of getting these so-called professionals on her side.  But then I guess I should expect nothing less from an alienator - she's an expert at it : (  Thanks for that extra suggestion : )

Thanks.  The Order states the child is to see a PhD psychological and that the parents are to see a parental coordinator.  I would have thought the same as you said, that the child is the client.  And I would have thought a psychologist would need to see both parents.  But this PHD states that she will not see me unless the BM gives her written consent and that her first duty is to the BM as she is the client.  It is just one more obstacle.  The BM seized upon that plus another issue of her creating, and filed a new motion against me.  I have been following the Order to the letter, but it seems to make no difference. 

Father's Issues / Quick Question re PHDs or counselors for a child
« on: Feb 15, 2012, 06:35:48 PM »
It would be very helpful to get some input on this one thing.  After lots of problems with an unqualified and nightmare counselor the court ordered a PHD.  Long wait to get the BM to comply.  Then a specific PHD is appointed in a subsequent hearing.  The BM fails to take the child to the first appointment.  I had left a previous voicemail with the PHD stating that I would like to arrange to see her to discuss the case.  The day of the missed apt, the PHD calls and leaves a voicemail stating that she is sorry she cannot speak with me or see me.  She says her first duty is to her client and that her client is the BM.  Ironic really, since it was my research and me that put her name forward!  She says she understands my concern but she cannot due to ethics and law, speak to me unless the BM signs a release, which she is unwilling to do.  It is obvious the BM told the PHD the same story she tells everyone else.  I don't know the story because it makes everyone unwilling to speak to me, but I am guessing its the same old story to everyone.  The BM does not want me to have input as she does not want a PHD knowing the truth of what is going on.  The BM takes over like this with any professionals involved in the case and stops me having a voice and more to the point, stops them knowing all the terrible things she is doing to the child, preventing visits and so on.  This ensures she can continue to lie and have professionals back her up as they believe her and due to our great family court system it works for her.
I would have thought a PHD or any sort of counselor would need to hear from both parents in order to know what is going on so they are able to help the child.  I wondered if its normal for PHDs or counselors to have allegience with the mom and refuse to see the dad.  To me it seems unethical but I am wondering if its normal.  Any imput from others with experience of this would be very helpful as I am preparing for court.  Many thanks

Yes it was court ordered with this phd being named specifically.  I will try a reasonable letter first and if necessary, remind the phd it was court ordered if she continues to refuse to see me.  The phd was ordered for the child not the parents, but I would have thought that each parent should see and speak to the phd at least once, to express their concerns, which is what I need to do, especially now.

This dr refuses to see me at all in any capacity.  I guess I could ask for records of visits and perhaps will be given them.  And I could send pictures of my child happy when with me.  I will try these suggestions and see what happens.  Thank you.

Hi, I've posted before on this issue concerning my daughter and the BM.  The BM had got a "counselor" twisted around her little finger and got my daughter to lie to her, so the counselor could repeat the lies in court without it being considered hearsay and to a large extent it worked.  But the judge did order that the child see a PHD.  Due to the BM's further contempt it took four months and another court appearance to get my child to a PHD.  The BM (surprisingly) agreed to the PHD I had chosen.  I picked someone I thought would not be so easily duped.  A totally different sort of person.  Well, what has happened is, the BM has duped this PHD to the extent that the PHD refuses to see me or listen to anything I have to say.  I had assumed that both parents would visit the PHD and explain things from their own perspectives.  I have compelling evidence of what has been going on, which I won't go into detail about here.  But the PHD refuses to see me or listen, even though it is my child too, and even though I picked this PHD.  If this continues, the child will be told to lie to this PHD, in fact she probably already has.  And the BM will get a qualified person to testify this time, to the same sort of thing as the other counselor paroted.  The BM is a classic narcissist and is totally convincing, true to type.  I would have thought qualified psychologists would be aware of this characteristic and be open to speaking to the other parent incase the first parent was a narcissist, as obviously the psychologist may not recognize that one parent is a narcissist immediately.  I have to pay 50% of the psychologist fees - a 50% contribution towards my own sabotage and demise!  This is a nightmare situation and I have to find some way to overcome this for the sake of my child's welfare.  Any ideas or suggestions on how to handle this would be much appreciated.

Custody Issues / Re: Custody Issue ongoing....
« on: Dec 14, 2011, 11:26:55 AM »
Thanks Kitty and Ocean for your suggestions.  I agree that my child’s welfare is the most important thing here.  The only reason I had considered filing for joint custody was to give him an opportunity of living with me next time this happens to him, without filing for sole custody and putting him in the position of undergoing extreme pressure from the BM and her family, as happened recently.  I realize it’s very difficult to get sole custody when I currently only have visitation rights.  I do agree that filing for modification of the order is probably the best thing to do at this time.  The reason I’ve been pondering what happened re the mis-filings, was to avoid this if I file again.  The visitation plan is not detailed enough and I will try and get more detail put into the next one, if I can get the court to file my next motion correctly.  BTW, the county this court is in charges close to $150 per motion but the court in another county dealing with my other child does not charge anything. 

The current school is aware that my child was beaten recently, however, I would say that the BM has them twisted around her little finger.  She is very convincing.  So I do need a CO stating the “current school” and specifics relating to picking him up.  I did speak with the counselor and the principal at the school recently.  And yes, it would be a good idea to speak with them again and let them know I would support them if they feel the need to report anything suspicious.  I will do that.  Currently I am unable to see my son as I can no longer pick him up from school for midweek visitation (due to his mom’s recent actions with the school) and the CO states the BM is to bring him to my home for weekend parental time, but she refuses to do so.  If I were to go to her house instead she would most likely file an EPO or cause some other trouble.

My son has a serious medical condition that has been seriously neglected by the BM but I cannot get the medical records that would prove it.  The hospital did contact me once about it, but cannot release the information that would assist me in filing a motion.  I will check whether it can be subpoenaed or not.  Likewise, I am not sure if I can get the information about arrests concerning domestic violence.  When/if my son is attacked again, I will get a police report so there is a third party involved.  This recent time, it was only the school who knew about it.  I don’t think they reported it because they knew I had an emergency custody order and they probably thought, like I did, that the judge would deal with this issue.  Instead the judge refused to look at the motions so nothing was done besides ordering a parenting plan concerning homework, chores and the child keeping a check on his medical condition.

Custody Issues / Custody Issue ongoing....
« on: Dec 07, 2011, 12:10:00 PM »
I posted previously on the recent situation.  Summary: BM (ex wife) beat my son, who ran away and wanted to live with me instead of the BM. I filed an ex parte motion for an emergency custody order which, after an administration fiasco, was granted. I then filed a further motion for full custody and submitted an affidavit and some evidence to give clear reasons to back up my motion.  The judge did not read my motion or the affidavit.  He also said both motions were filed incorrectly.  The judge didn't see the reasons why I felt custody should be changed.  The ex lied.  She kept custody.  Courts are a farce, imo.
Now even though its normal practice to get joint custody, I didn't get joint custody of my son when we divorced about 13 years ago and perhaps nowadays I would have got joint custody.  My ex is mad as hell that I filed a motion recently because she is one of the many "unaccountable types".  To her mind, its OK to beat a child and heaven help anyone who says otherwise!  Although the judge refused to see the motions, the ex did see it as I was duty bound to send her a copy, hence her anger because I was trying to hold her accountable.  The judge told us we must go away and work out some house rules for the child and submit them to the court.  I had to pursue this with the ex and she finally met with me and handed me the meaningless rules she had written down.  She was very hostile.  I pointed out the rules should be better/different.  Made no difference.  The ex has always been spoiled and got her own way and is very hostile to anyone who doesn't cow tow.  So, bottom line is....I am wondering what I can do. 
First off, the clerk filed both my motions for me.  I had to pay almost $150 for each motion.  Surely if they were misfiled it would be down to the clerk?  I wonder if clerks purposely misfile motions filed by pro se litigants as I know how much lawyers hate pro se's.  It seems like everything is done to discourage anyone from filing a pro se motion.  If a clerk filed it, how can I ensure it's filed correctly?  Or are they all just lying?  I just don't know what to do on this issue.  (The court where I recently filed motions on my other child never claimed I misfiled them).
My son is temporarily swayed in favor of his mom - presumably some bribes have been going on.  Once the honeymoon period is over, the BM will treat him badly again.  He's a good kid but intimidated by the BM and her extended family.
Because of the apparent bias of the court and the hostility of the BM, I don't think I have a good chance of getting joint custody but wondered what others think?  I am currently unemployed but that will change in the fairly near future.  I have a house and I'm a good single dad.  The BM has had many husbands whom she has taken to court for domestic violence.  Does anyone know how I can get those records and whether they are available to a lay person?  I also need to get hospital records on my son but am not sure if I can subpoena them.  The hospital told me they have been forbidden by the BM from releasing my son's records.  If I could get hospital records and arrest records, would I have a decent chance of getting joint custody?  The BM lives within 8 miles so if there was joint custody it would be the best possible solution, since total custody appears out of the question.  The BM has a wealthy family who are also totally unethical, to put it nicely. Oh yes, and the BM is now preventing me from picking my child up from school, which I have been doing for several years.  The CO names his previous school and is therefore not able to be used to enforce my visitation rights.  The BM is also demanding that I pick my son up 4 hours later than I do currently.  She has full custody.  She's a control freak and she lies and does whatever she needs to do to ensure she stays in control.  Meanwhile, a judge claims I misfiled two motions, when I don't think I did, if they were misfiled at all it was the clerk who filed them once I paid the fees.  It's like judges ignore me because (a) I am currently acting pro se; and (b) I'm male. I am not sure what to do about all this, in the circumstances...
Due to recent injustices with both my children, I am feeling rather defeated, in terms of having any faith in the court system.  But if I could get joint custody I would very much like to.  I need more rights in order to protect my child because he is going to need more protection once the BM reverts to her normal MO with him.

I dealt with a court in another jurisdiction for my daughter and the judge made a horrendous judgment with little to no thought for the welfare or safety of the child and no concern for a father's rights whatsoever.  My son's case was in another jurisdiction with another judge and the outcome was diabolical as it placed the child back with a mother that battered him to the extent that he ran away.  So it seems like this lack of justice for children is the rule rather than the exception.  Perhaps all judges are biased toward the mothers no matter what they do.  But the message the "justice" system is sending out is treat your kids any way you want to.  Beat them and treat them badly and we will reward you for it.  I have spent years fighting for the rights of both my children and spent a ton of money on lawyers.  I thought if I fought hard enough for long enough, eventually, justice would be done.  I have lost all faith in the system.

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