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Topics - Heston

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Visitation Issues / Parenting Time Tracker
« on: Apr 12, 2011, 02:45:29 AM »
I've tried downloading the PTT without success.  Although the note at the top of the page says its now obsolete, it also says it can still be downloaded, but I am unable to download it.  I can't afford the one suggested at parentingtime.net either.  Am preparing a contempt order for several violations, the most significant being denial of parenting time and wondered if anyone knows of an alternative, either free or less expensive than the one at parentingtime.net.  Or a way to use the PTT. Thanks in advance!

Dear Socrateaser / Needing help and suggestions for court
« on: Apr 07, 2011, 02:40:17 PM »
Hi, I’ve posted a couple of times, but am going to provide more background this time, as I really need some help and opinions on a current legal situation and maybe some background information will be helpful.

The BH ended the relationship before my daughter was born.  She is now 8 years old and there have been problems throughout.  The BH is a narcissist.  She may also have other conditions but narcissism is predominant in her behavior.  She’s impossible to reason with, likes to pretend she is a good mother and is an expert at playing the victim.  She has a problem with accountability and avoids it at every turn.  My daughter has been forced into taking the adult carer role and is always worried about her mom.  The BM is an alcoholic who gets forced into rehab every so often but is still drinking.  She has also used many substances.  I am not sure if she is currently, but her behavior suggests she might be.  I am not sure if I need to go into too much detail, but perhaps you get the picture

We first had a visitation order.  Visitation was regularly violated.  When I went to pick up my daughter, the BH and her relatives would do or say things to cause my daughter to be hysterical.  As she got a little older she would tell me about the threatened punishments or the fact her mom told her she was taking the other kids to my daughter’s favorite places and how she wouldn’t be able to go, because she was going with me.  Every trick in the book was used and I had to take a screaming child who took a long time to calm down, but once she did, she had a great time with me.  At this point, she was too young to refuse to go.

The BM moved out of state and I couldn’t find her for a couple of years.  She moved back and I went back to court to get another order.  Basically, pickups were arranged at a restaurant my daughter liked, so she would look forward to the exchanges, but still the same tactics were used to upset her.  The BM would bring various parties to assist in making my daughter upset.  I followed the court orders to the letter, always arriving on time or early and returning my child on time.  The BM does not want me to be a part of my daughter’s life and neither does her husband.

Finally, I got joint legal and physical custody.  It cost me about $15,000 for all the legal work.  A psychologist was involved in setting up the new JCO, who was aware of previous problems.  Amongst other things, the JCO ordered that the BM should bring my child to my house for exchanges, because this would give my child the message that if her mom brought her, it was OK to visit.  Of course the BM didn’t like this, because she was then unable to upset my daughter in the same way.  There have never been any problems with my daughter being upset when she is brought to me and it works perfectly.  I then return my daughter at the end of the weekend.  The BM does always bring her 45 minutes or more late, and always blames traffic.  She could easily leave earlier or use another route and I have suggested both but it makes no difference.

The BM has violated the JCO on many points, for instance vacation time.  She refuses to cooperate on dates no matter how early in the year I provide convenient dates for me.  There is no cooperation and I have never had vacation time so far.  If visitation is missed due to ill health or whatever, she breaks the JCO by not permitting make up time if I cannot do it on the dates she specifies.  She also puts a time limit of just a few weeks during which she states I must do the make up time and if I can't do it, she says my chance of make up time has expired.  In other words, she rewrites the JCO whenever she wants. There is a lot of alienation going on, which is also prohibited in the JCO.  There are a good many other points that are blatantly ignored.

The JCO stipulates my daughter should not be exposed to smoke as she suffers from ear infections and asthma, but she arrives at my house with her hair and clothes smelling of smoke.  The BM smokes and so do others in her residence.  When I mention it in emails, the BM claims it’s me exposing my child to smoke, even though I am a non smoker.

The BM has now filed a motion.  She wants the drop offs changed so that I pick my child up at her place.  The BM claims if I pick up my child the exchanges would be more “timely”, when the only reason they are not timely now is because she doesn’t allow time for bad traffic.  She sometimes takes my daughter to other places after picking her up from school, and leaves whatever place it is too late to get her to me on time.

If she gets her way, it is a big step backwards as we have already tried what she is now suggesting and it didn’t work for the reasons mentioned.  We tried exchanges outside a restaurant and outside a police station.  Every time, the mother has caused massive problems.  As long as I go to her place, she will cause problems.  Before lodging the motion, the BM said my daughter couldn’t see me unless I went to her place and collected her.  Knowing what her tactics are, I didn’t do as she requested and said we should stick to the JCO.  I found out shortly afterwards that if I had gone there, I would not have got my child as she had been told she couldn’t see me that day.  So the point of the motion and the request for me to collect my daughter at her place is so the BM can cause my daughter to say no, she can’t come with me, and cause scenes.  She usually takes video clips or photos when I return my daughter and I am sure she would love to create scenes so she can video and photograph my daughter crying and refusing to leave with me.

I am representing myself this time.  I have a ton of evidence.  The JCO stipulates we must only communicate by email so I have thousands of emails.

I am thinking it might be a good idea to file a motion for contempt of the JCO to show how many points she has violated and also a counter motion to the one the BM has lodged.  Some of the points cross over.  But if I just respond to the motion the BM has filed, I won’t be able to address many other really relevant issues.

Assuming it’s appropriate to file two separate motions, I am now trying to prepare them and gather all the information for court.
I am thinking that because I have previous CO’s and none of them worked, this history will show that no matter what is ordered, the BM won’t follow it.  It will also show it’s a step backwards to something that previously failed.  I am trying to work out arguments to succeed on this particular point.

I wondered if anyone has any ideas on how to convince the judge, arguments to present, etc.  And whether anyone knows about filing two motions at the same time, and whether a counter motion is possible or do I just respond to the motion filed by the BM without submitting a counter motion to it, as well as a motion for contempt. Thanks in advance.

Hi, I've posted before on the same subject but this is a new development, so under a separate heading.  I already typed this and hit post, but it didn't go thru, so if for any reason a simlar post appears later, my apologies in advance!

The current situation is that I have joint physical and legal custody but my child's mother has residential custody.  The current CO was created specifically to deal with previous problems.  It is set up so if the mother abides by the rules in the CO, the parental exchanges, etc, will go more smoothly and be less problematic for my child.  It's a CO that was painstaking and involved a lot of thought and effort and aimed specifically towards the wellbeing of my child.

The mother has largely disregarded the major points set out in the CO.  Always late, very hostile.  I could go on....

I have masses of emails and other proof of flagrant disregard for the CO and it's taken me a while to gather it all together and categorize it.  There are so many points that have been breached.  I intended filing a complaint to the court for contempt.

Before I could do it, the mother has filed a motion.  And this is to get things court ordered in reverse of what the current CO says.  Basically, the mother is asking for the total reverse of what's in the CO.  So, transportation would be the total opposite of what's in the CO now.  And it's what the mother has been doing anyway, with her blatant and continual disregard of the CO.

The mother has also prevented me from seeing my child many, many times.  If I respond only to the current Motion lodged by the mother, I am not sure I will get the opportunity to bring this up.  Preventing me from seeing my child is even more serious than the disregard of the conditions of drop off, etc.  But the current Motion doesn't touch on this subject, naturally, so I may be unable to address it.

I wondered if anyone knows whether it's legally OK to lodge a motion for contempt.  And a separate motion to address the issues in the motion started by my child's mother.  If it is possible to do this, I could address the frequent lateness, the denial of parental time, the failure to respond to CO email comms regarding visitation, etc, etc in a motion for contempt.

If I can only respond to the points in the current Motion, I fear the mother will get away with all of her contempt for the current CO, and possibly even get her proposals put into a new CO.

It would be a crying shame if she was allowed to disregard the current CO, consistently since implementation, and then approach the courts and be granted a new CO, granting her requests, because it would in effect be condoning all she has been doing.

I realize judges don't take the time to read through lots of stuff.  I may have to represent myself, so would sure appreciate advice or suggestions from anyone else that has been in a similar situation.


I'm a dad with joint legal and physical custody. I have a court order that is very specific due to the mother causing so many problems.  She still disobeys the order whenever she likes.  I requested info on my child from the counseller.  I have every right to the info but the counseller told my child's mother as well as refusing to provide the details.  I went to the supervisor and after much persistence, the counseller said she would release the records but she has told my child and her mother that I will have the records.  Consequently, I have been denied my parental time for almost a month because my child's mother is mad. 
Does anyone know if there's a law against a counseller informing the other parent about my request?  I know they are not required to, but need to check if there have been any laws broken.  Would really appreciate some input, if anyone knows the answer.  Thanks.

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