Messages

Thanks, msme.

My concern is that the judge does not allow video evidence.  And without allowing a video, I don't think they would allow a transcript because without a video to back up the transcript, the transcript could be full of lies.  Also, if I did video everything in the house for an entire weekend, what about the drive to my home...I guess that could be videod but then the judge won't allow video evidence involving the child.  That is why the BM got away with her allegations of talking inappropriately.  I had a video of my daughter saying her mom makes her tell the counselor bad things about me but the judge didn't want to know about it, and wanted to accuse me instead.  So I can only guess the same will be true if I have further video evidence to prove my innocence.  All the BM has to do is let me see my daughter a couple of times, have her tell the "counselor" I said bad things, and then file a motion to the court.  The judge believed the "counselor" this time, and no doubt will again.

The BM is stalling the process of court ordered parental coordination and qualified psychologist for the child, and this is because they don't want my daughter going to someone who can find out the truth.  They want me to see my daughter before those people are in place, so they can get the unqualified counselor to go to court and repeat lies and get my rights revoked.  If the coordinator and psychologist were already seeing my daughter, the judge would be unlikely to base a decision solely on the unqualified counselor.  But as long as they are not in place, and there is testimony from the "counselor", the judge is likely to accept that testimony and I no longer see my daughter and get my joint custody revoked.

The court has put me in an impossible situation.  They are quite happy to stop a young child seeing her father when it's a known fact that children need both parents.  The attorney is even stating now that both he and the BM have to approve a coordinator and psychologist, when the Order states that both parties must come to an agreement about them.  The attorney now says "we" have to agree and then explains what he means by "we".  This is a corrupt situation.

I've posted before on this case and it finally went to court this week.  To summarize, the BM has prevented me from seeing my child consistently since the JCO went into effect 20 months ago (and before on previous JCOs).  She brought people with her who were banned in the JCO.  She was consistently late between 30 mins and 2 hours.  She only let me have 3 days vacation time this year instead of 28 days.  She physically attacked me.  The list goes on and on.  The BM filed a motion earlier this year asking for parental exchanges to be reversed, but she never kept to the exchanges ordered on the JCO anyway.  Basically, she was trying to get the court to agree to what she was already doing, against the JCO.  She wanted me to attend counseling claiming I have mental problems and wanted me to sign a HIPPA release.  When I filed a counter motion and another one for contempt (denied parental time, lateness, not agreeing holiday schedules, etc) the BM really went to town.  The BM got my child to tell the "counselor" (who is not licensed) various lies, such as that I am mean to her, that I hit her, that I say terrible things about her mom, that I told her that her mom will murder her and how she will do it, etc etc.  I did not become aware of this until mid summer, when my daughter told me about it, but it had happened since I filed a counter motion in the Spring.  We went to a hearing in mid July and due to the amount of evidence, and the number of motions filed, the judge scheduled a new hearing for this week.  The BM was angry that she didn't get her way easily that day.  So two days later, on the Friday of a scheduled parental weekend, she did not inform me she was bringing my child and ignored my requests for confirmation that she was on her way.  After waiting 1.5 hours, I eventually had to go out with my son briefly.  What the BM did was take my daughter to a drug store near my home and call for a police escort.  When the officer arrived, she produced a bag of vomit claiming my daughter was sick at the thought of spending time with me.  She got my daughter to tell the officer that I told her that her mom is a famous murderer and will murder my daughter and that I locked her up in a hot room with no food and that I am mean to her.  This all happened almost two hours after my daughter was due at my home.  The cop left a voicemail message which I received when I returned shortly afterwards and when I spoke to him later he told me some of what had happened.  I found out the details later when I requested police records.  The following Monday the BM filed a motion to the court requesting supervised visitation on the basis that I speak "inappropriately" to my child and then she stated the alleged murder story.  It was the most ridiculous motion anyone has ever seen.  It was almost like a joke, if the potential repercussions were not so serious.  I recently discovered that there were 120 pages of police reports filed by the BM.  All total fiction of her building a fictitious case against me.

While we waited for the hearing, the BM continued denying visits.  Then my daughter arrived one day with her finger in a cast.  The BM infomed me her little brother broke her finger but while she was with me my daughter told me her step dad did it.  I have that on video.  I did what I could on this issue.  CPS were involved.  The BM and husband denied it, of course.  The BM rehearsed lies with my daughter so she told the CPS what the BM wanted her to.  I had taken my daughter to the apt and my daughter came out saying she lied to CPS.  My daughter also told me her mother rehearsed what she should tell cps with her and I have all this on video.  I filed a motion anyhow to get this on record.  It was a tricky situation and I did what I could with it.  Because I dared take my daughter to the hospital and the CPS person, the BM stopped me seeing my daughter from that point onwards and I have not seen my daughter since.

So, now to the hearing this week.  I represented myself pro se as I had no other choice.  The BMs attorney is a sleaze.  My previous attorney warned me he is evil so I knew I would have a rough time.  I am used to questioning people from my previous job so I did pretty good in questioning the witnesses.  I won't go into all the details here, but I got some things out into the open about the BM that I had wanted the court to be aware of for some years, because the BM went on the stand and I was able to cross examine her and get her to admit she had been in rehab many times and had been addicted to drugs and alcohol. (She still is, and I know what is going on but am unable to prove it yet).

Now to the worst part...the "counselor" was the BMs star witness.  I had reported her to two governing bodies earlier this year so she doesnt like me.  She had denied me access to my daughter's records even though the JCO states I am entitled to have them and her behavior caused me to file complaints because she had been unethical on other matters also.  So the "counselor" told a tale of how horrible I am.  She claimed I called her and demanded the records and called her a whore.  Total lie.  I had after weeks of stalling become very assertive but I would never say something like that and didn't so I was shocked by that accusation.  Anyway, with the help of the attorney, the "counselor" rambled on and on and quoted from her notes, saying all the above things and more.  She was claiming I treat my daughter badly, and that I have said all the things the BM told my daughter to tell her.  She went on and on and would not stop.  I cross examined her and got her to admit to calling the BM 3-4 times a week and meeting her in parks on her days off for sessions.  I asked her if it was possible that the BM had coached my daughter to say those things and surprisingly she said yes it was possible.  (I am guessing the only reason she said this was because another counselor who knows her and my daughter, informed the "counselor" that my daughter was lying, and she knew that other qualified counselor was going to be a witness).  I brought up the multiple relationships ruling which the "counselor" denied any knowledge of and brought up the fact she could not be unbiased when she is treating not only my daughter but the BM and the BMs two other kids.

I had video evidence of my daughter saying in detail how the BM makes her lie to the counselor and the cops and the cps.  But the judge ruled it inadmissable.  I brought the other counselor, my witness, to the stand.  This counselor had viewed the video so I was able to get the contents of the video onto court records by asking the counselor questions.  The counselor came across as an experienced and expert witness in comparison to the other "counselor".

Although I questioned the step father, nothing could be proved although I did cast considerable doubt upon him.  The judge ruled that it was an accident.

The judge kept allowing the other side to present hearsay evidence and all my objections were overruled.  When I presented evidence that was not hearsay the other attorney kept claiming hearsay and most of his objections were sustained.  The judge knows that attorney and I felt the whole thing was very biased.  The judge said she would issue an Order in a few days.

I have the Order.  The BM was granted her wish of reversing pickups and drop offs.  Many of the points on my motions were overruled in the Order itself.  The BM did not get her way with the HIPPA release or enforcement of counseling for me.  BUT, I was found guilty of talking inappropriately to my child and the Order states that if I talk inappropriately again, and it is made known to the court, the court will revoke my visitation rights.  And "visitation" is undermining in itself as I have joint legal and physical custody, although no one would know it by the way I am denied my rights on parental time, and other things.

The way the Order reads, it is giving a green light to the BM to continue telling my daughter to lie to the "counselor", go back to court and get rid of me.

So, I have a huge dilemma.  How do I protect myself?  How do I prove I don't talk inappropriately to my daughter?  Bearing in mind this judge will not allow video evidence, how can I prove what I say and do not say to my daughter?  I can't afford to pay someone to stay at my house from Friday to Sunday to be a witness.  Any ideas or suggestions would be very welcome.  This is currently my biggest concern and I believe it is a huge one.

I got no make up time.  The BM was fined $100 for being late.  That was her only punishment.  Due to the reversed parental exchange arrangements, there are going to be massive problems.  The only positive thing to come out of it was that the judge ordered a parental coordinator which I had requested and she ordered that my daughter sees a PhD psychologist.  Already the BM and her attorney are creating problems concerning agreement to and arrrangements with a coordinator.  I would not want to discourage anyone from acting pro se.  But I do believe the judge was teaching me a lesson for having the nerve to go into court and represent myself.  I also think I was at a disadvantage as a pro se litigant as I was not able to refute their allegations or present my side of things.

The court clearly favors liars.  All a person has to do is get someone to tell another person a bunch of lies and then have that person repeat the lies in court.  And the accused party is not allowed to present evidence that would prove his innocence.  There was not a grain of truth in the BMs accusations via the counselor.  It was all hearsay but they got round the hearsay rule with the "counselor" on the hearsay exception of allowing a witness to quote from regular notes taken in the execution of their duty. The cop clearly was in breach of hearsay rules but the judge allowed it.  The cop did not appear to believe the story but he had to repeat it.

I showed by way of a witness (a cop from animal protection), that the BM filed a false claim that I had broken my dog's leg. This cop testified that she found there to be nothing wrong with the dog and that it was well cared for.  This showed the BM does make false allegations to the cops about me.  But that didn't stop the judge believing the BMs murder story allegations.  The judge did not order supervised visitation but she punished me with threats of revokation of my rights to see my daughter.

I was completely set up.  There was no evidence.  They got the cop to repeat what my daughter told him re the murder story and that was hearsay.  And they used the "counselor" to repeat lies (and add some of her own!).  So I was set up on hearsay evidence and false claims.  And the BM was rewarded for doing this by having an Order state that if I continue to do this, and it is made known to the court, that all my rights will be revoked.

Do I have faith in the system?  Absolutely not!  I don't think anyone could or should expect justice in family courts.  Whether or not there is justice is down to a proverbial roll of the dice, imo!

That is all very interesting.  It's surprising too, the lengths some people will go to!

I will definitely see what I can do about this once the hearing is over next week.  I have not seen the photos but they are mentioned in their discovery evidence.  They took videos.  I have a hunch that they didn't mean to include it but that in their manic rush to manufacture evidence, they overlooked it.

Further update: I've had time to go through discovery.  It's full of page after page of false allegations, i.e. the BM interrogates my daughter every time she returns from parental time with me and records it.  She has then used the little bit of truthful information and added tons of lies and distortions.  All of it is designed to show me as a terrible father, with accusations of neglect, violence, yelling, etc.  None of it is true.  There are hundreds of pages of these allegations.  It also transpires that either the step dad or grandma have been covertly taking videos of me from nearby locations, getting into my car, etc and turning whatever they have on film that is entirely innocent, into fictitious but damning allegations.

The BM wants me out of my child's life for good.  I have joint legal and physical custody, which took me many years of persistence and a great deal of money to obtain. The only way the BM has, to get rid of me, is to prove I am a danger to my child and she is going for the kill.  I realize judges don't have time to listen to each side explaining things, so I wondered if anyone might know the best way to handle these accusations in court.  Out of necessity, I am having to appear pro se.

Update:  I posted before about the counselor my daughter has been seeing. I already reported her to the APA via her psychologist boss although the counselor is not qualified herself  It is interesting to see an unethical person like this slip up.  In the medical notes I requested some months ago, the counselor stated that she advised my daughter to act as another character to deal with the stress of going to my house.  (The stress is actually the hostility she has to endure before she sees me, during transitions although the counselor is blinded to that small detail!).  In the notes for the discovery evidence the counselor states that my daughter goes to my house as a certain character and the counselor states she is shocked and concerned that my daughter is acting as another character to cope!  Nailed!

Thanks Ocean.  It's reassuring to hear that.  I figured the attorney will try and make me appear crazy.  I will keep my cool and stick to the facts.  I have proof on some issues that show beyond doubt there have been false allegations, such as the false dog cruelty claim.  I figure if I can prove the things I can prove and let the judge see what the BM is about, it will cast doubt on the allegations I cannnot prove, things that no one could prove.  If it was criminal court the onus would be on the BM to prove unsubstantiated allegations.  As it is, I will do my best to prove what is proveable.  This is the BMs 4th attorney!  Some of the "evidence" is pathetic.  The BM has a photo of a tote bag she claims I damaged and a photo of a broken phone the BM claims I damaged.  Anyone can take photos and say someone else did it. But some of the BMs allegations are heinous although totally false.

I filed a motion for contempt.  I was thinking of custodial interference when I typed my post and put that in error.  I did a contempt motion with 17 points citing denied visits and that's only from Spring till now and doesnt include all of them.  I already filed a motion for contempt a few months ago and that involved many other issues besides denied visits.  I still haven't gone thru all the discovery but what I have seen so far is pretty awful.

Just wanting to give an update.  The BM has stopped me seeing my daughter for some weeks now.  In fact since the day I took my daughter to an appointment with CPS.  I have just filed a motion for parental interference because there is such a long list of denied visits from Spring to the current time.  Included in it is the BM cancelling a dental apt, and denying the visit that day also, so my daughter couldn't attend.  An MD had examined my daughter and determined she had dental problems.  I took her to a dentist and made a follow up apt for the following weekday she would be with me.  I let the BM know this by email.  Without telling me the BM cancelled the apt and threatened the dentist she would take him to court if he ever saw my daughter again.  She then failed to deliver my daughter.  I phoned the dentist and found out what had happened. 

The BMs attorney kept me waiting a week over deadline for the BMs discovery evidence, received yesterday.  The BM has been making fictitious claims to put it politely.  She claims I lock my daughter in cars in hot weather, don't feed her the entire weekend, and lock her in a room with no air conditioning.  My daughter has been programmed to repeat this to whomever the BM wishes, on the fear that her mom will go to jail if she doesn't.  So the BM wants to get supervised visits, whereas I have joint physical and legal custody.  The BM also made 120 pages worth of false police reports about me over the past 18 months, which I recently uncovered.  I read reports from the counselor who states my child is kept for long periods without food and is treated badly by me, due to what my daughter has been forced to tell her.

The sleazy lawyer changed his franking machine to show the discovery was sent two days before it was, and meanwhile the docs inside the envelope were dated two days later.  So I am up against a slimeball attorney with no conscience.

I asked my previous lawyer if she could act for me but she can't without a large retainer and since I lost my job I don't have an option now of representation.  The BMs attorney will not want a pro se litigant to beat him in court so is likely to try any dirty tactis he has to in order to win the case.

I will petition the court to remove the counselor as a witness, if I can find out how to do it.  I have grounds that are pretty good for her removal.  The BM has listed her other children as witnesses and her husband and mother.  Naturally, they will all lie under oath because lying is what they do. 

My case is based on logic and truth and law, ie showing contempt of the JCO.  The BMs case is based on lies and false reports to attorneys, police, counselors and cps.  Her lies are pretty convincing since she is an expert manipulator.

I dont have many witnesses.  And I don't want to put my son through the trauma of being a witness although he has witnessed most events.  I just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation as I am trying to figure out the best way to handle this in the courtroom.

Thanks in advance for any advice/suggestions.

Update.  I waited on taking any action because I had a hunch their actions were done to provoke.  I had a strong hunch they have been building fake evidence with their local cops and I did not want to contribute to more, as I knew the BM would have programmed my daughter to tell even more lies to them.  I sent further emails to the BM at the weekend.  No response. So having denied me the Labor Day weekend visit, they failed to show up yesterday for the Weds parental exchange and did not inform me they would not show up.  Its now 3 weeks since I saw my daughter.

I sent an email at the weekend asking for confirmation they would be bringing her and a further one asking for an update.  Late last night, having failed to provoke me into any action (assuming that was their aim), I received two emails from the BM.  One was in response to my enquiry over my daughter's wellbeing over the weekend.  No mention of a drs visit.  One was to say my daughter didn't feel well after school yesterday.  This is contempt on two issues.  One failure to provide drs note stating child is too ill to travel.  And second, denied court ordered visits at the weekend and yesterday. 

The sad thing is, I know for sure the court is not going to even give her a slap on the wrist.  I sometimes wonder why courts bother to issue Orders and state its contempt not to follow them because they NEVER give any punishment.  They give the green light to people to disobey Court Orders.

I just obtained reports from the police in the BMs vicinity relating to the case.  There are 100 pages of fake reports!  I have just discovered that ever since this CO went into force 18 months ago, the BM and her mother have been building a fictitious case.  There are lots of reports alleging that I refused to return my daughter after spending parental time with her.  Total lie.  Some of these reports were made while I was transporting my daughter home.  They've sent cops to my house while I was at work stating they were due to deliver the child but I didnt bother to stay home to receive my daughter.  Police reports state father was not home to receive his daughter.  This was on days that were not for scheduled visits but there is no way to prove that as the CO does not give details, it does not say for instance, second and third weekend of every month it says two weekends per month.  And it has alternate Weds but no way for cops to know if the Weds they show up is court ordered.  I didn't even know about this until yesterday.  They have made some heinous accusations too.  Plus, I discovered that on the weekend where the BM arrived almost 2 hours late with my daughter and the cops with a bag of vomit, claiming my child felt sick with fear at seeing me, that my daughter actually told the cops the same heinous stuff that the BM said in her motion filed 3 days later, claiming I had told my daughter the BM would murder her just like another famous murderer had killed her daughter.  They have my daughter brainwashed/alienated to the extent she will even tell brazen faced lies to cops about me, as well as the counselor, the cps and anyone else that can help the BM build up a fictitious case.

I've been wondering why the BM has been ignoring the CO even more than she usually does, these past 6 months.  I knew the BM must think she had some pretty strong evidence, at least in her mind, to get me out of the picture at the hearing.  I can see now why she thinks this.  I know it is hearsay, but it is pretty compelling hearsay I think.  If a child tells the cops she is scared of her father, that her father tells her she is going to be murdered, and that her father locks her in an un airconditioned room for hours at a time, it looks pretty bad.  And the bag of vomit severed the purpose of showing she is literally getting sick with fear.  I have a house with central air conditioning.  I don't do the things they allege.  But impossible to prove.  And people always assume kids are telling the truth.  The BM tells her I want to put her in jail and that she has to do these things so the cops will make sure the BM does not go to jail. 

Not sure how this is gonna go...

[ever]

'Or they have given her something to eat which made her sick  (not unheard of as they've given her laxatives just before visits to me so she spent the entire weekend in the bathroom).'

Have you told ANYBODY about this??  Police?  CPS?  DD's doctor?  Even if you don't have proof, a medical doctor can have labs run to prove if there are laxatives in her system.  If she ever comes to your home like that again, and you suspect the ex has given her laxatives, IMMEDIATELY take her to an ER and have her evaluated.  You HAVE to get this documented, because if you are right, she should be charged with child abuse.  And the only way to make this happen is to have her evaluated by an objective medical professional.  That is probably the ONLY way you can try to get this stopped......
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I haven't told anyone.  I guessed they must have done that because it's happened several times and the effect on my daughter has been extreme.  I didn't realize a doctor could do checks on it.  And without evidence I didn't want to go to CPS.  Now you've said she can be evaluated I will definitely do that next time it happens.  There is not much they won't do, to get their own way.  I've read up on parental alienation and know other parents do similar things but their actions are despicable by normal standards.  I am dealing with 3 people, the BM, the step dad and grandma.  They are heavily into PA.

The BM is court ordered to bring my child to me.  So it's impossible to get a police report which I could do if I picked her up.  It was court ordered this way because the BM and her husband caused terrible problems when the previous CO had me going there for pick ups.  The BM sent an email an hour and a half after she was due to have delivered my daughter saying the child was sick and she would take her to a dr next day.  That is contempt in itself because the CO states that unless a dr writes a note saying the child is too sick to be transported, she must bring her.  She has ignored my emails today asking how my daughter is.  I will make her lawyer aware of it after the holiday.