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As the hearing approaches, things are getting bad.  My daughter fell off her bike a few weeks ago and got multiple abrasions on her body and face.  I took her to the emergency room, so have a record of that.  Was instructed to put ointment on the abrasions for a couple of weeks.  The BM btw, did not follow thru on that, but that isn't proveable.  I could really use some advice to fight what the BM and her husband are doing.  They took my daughter to the "counselor", and told her to say that I caused all her injuries.  They said if she didn't tell her that, then they would go to jail.  So she did and she told me.  At least I know.  The BM and husband are acting over confident, as if they are certain they are going to win.  Now for the latest...I was informed by email by the BM that my daughter has a broken finger, with a story as to how it happened.  She then arrived for a parental weekend.  Turns out that first, the BM waited a week before getting a cast put on the broken finger.  That will be hard to prove.  And worse still, the step-dad broke her finger and took her to the counselor (usually the BM takes her) and told her to tell the counselor her brother did it.  So we now have a scenario of the step dad physically abusing my child to coerce her into telling the counselor stuff to get me out of my daughter's life.  They are abusing my child but I am unable to prove it.  But they are making false allegations against me to both the police (nothing will happen there as the police could see there were no problems each time reports were made) but they are planning on using the counselor as a witness to back up their false allegations.  In other words, if the child says it to the counselor, it must be true.  I will object to the counselor but have to allow for the fact the judge may listen to her.

The mother is now taking more video movies of my daughter at drop offs.  She is saying things to make her cry (at the thought of missing her mom and her fear for her mom which is constant) and getting closeups so she can show this evidence as "fear" or "reluctance" at seeing me.  In fact, when the BM doesn't do this, my daughter is pleased to come visit with me and have some sanity and fun in her life.  It's clear to see what they are doing.    My child is not likely to tell anyone else that her mom makes her lie because she is so scared her mom will be sent to jail.  Just wondered if anyone has any ideas of what I can do with limited evidence. 

[desperate]

Not with the police reports he won't.  When you add all the evidence together, and given that your child is telling YOU the truth, I think the judge will have a hard time believing a conselor who isn't 'offficially' a counselor to begin with.

Why do you think your ex's antics have gotten more and more outrageous?  Because she's become desperate, that's why.  And desperate people will do desperate things.  She's already messing up and she will continue to do so.  Be there when it completely falls apart on her.

It's important to look at this from a different perspective:  psychologically, she has you exactly where she wants you, totally thrown off kilter and on edge.  But when you realize the idiotic mind games she's playing and see them for what they truly are (a ploy to stress you out), you have the upper hand.  You kind of have to step away from the emotional BS that she's feeding you and look at this whole situation from an analytical standpoint.  Take away the emotion and all you have left is the desperate actions of a con-artist grasping at straws.

Thanks Kitty C, it's helpful to have objective viewpoints.  I can see that the BM is becomming desperate but have still been very worried and stressed by her behavior because so much is at stake.  I will concentrate on getting the police reports and hope that logic prevails.

Thanks, simplydad

What you are saying really makes sense and is very helpful.  I am not sure what will happen at the hearing, but on the assumption that the counselor would tell the judge that my daughter tells her I'm mean and hit her, and that the BM says the same, is it likely that the judge won't pass judgment based on that, and will appoint a GAL if I request one, to find out exactly what is going on? 

Thanks Simplydad, Ocean and Kitty, for all the comments and suggestions.  I will be contacting the police officers and getting their names.  If I can get a lawyer I will get depositions from them too.  I agree that they could be very helpful witnesses.  It's correct that there are no charges and I have done absolutely nothing wrong.  The police always see me as a reasonable person, which I am and they have never seemed interested in investigating.  They most probably see people like the BM every day, making up lies.  One of the most worrying things here is that the BM is getting the child to lie to the police and the counselor.  She has been told to say I hit her.  If ever she gets a graze or a scraped knee, she is told to tell the counselor I caused it.  My child has admitted this.  Even worse is the fact my child says she will continue to do it.  She is compliant (a) to avoid punishment and (b) to get some praise.  If it were just the BM lying that would be one thing, but with the child saying what she is told to say, I am not sure of the best way to handle it.  I also fear that if an AD LITEM is appointed, that even though the AL is only concerned with the child's rights, that in this case, the child would be told to lie to the AL.  In fact, I am certain that would happen.  Basically, it's impossible to stop the child lying and saying what she is told to say.  There is no way to stop that.  I've told her it's important to be truthful, and so on.  But the bm has created a severe dependency to control the child, and the child is programmed in a way not too dissimilar from brainwashing.  So, although an Ad Litem would be great in normal circumstances, I believe the BM could get her way even more easily if an Ad Litem were appointed.

It is helpful to know that the judge won't take too much notice of police escorts and the BMs fictitious reports.  The BM is determined to get her way, and she is upping her game by getting the child to lie.  I don't see how a judge can ignore a counselor, even if not properly qualified, who states the child confides in her that she is treated mean and hit.   

All the BM has to do here is get visitation changed.  I know the courts won't take away joint custody at the next hearing.  But if visitation is changed to being supervised, the BM will achieve her goals.  I am not too sure how to come out looking good against a liar that even gets her child to lie.  I have never hit my daughter and never would.  But how can I an prove it!  I don't get to see her as regularly as the CO states that I should, so I am hardly likely to treat her badly when I do get to see her.  The opposite is the case.  I know she is not treated well with the BM and I do all in my power to make her happy during my parental time with her.  I know the BM and her husband and the grandma hit my child because she told my cleaning lady several months ago.  That lady has since moved out of town and cannot be called as a witness.  And in any case, even if she could, I worry about further punishment for my daughter.  For allegations like that, proof is needed.  Although it appears as if the BM can make allegations without proof, just by getting my daughter to lie with her.

I do have some tape recordings of my daughter that would be very helpful if heard by the judge.  I have to give copies of all evidence to the opposing attorney within about ten days.  I wondered if anyone might know the correct way to handle a situation where I wish to present certain tapes as evidence, but to protect my daughter, ensure they are not heard by the opposing attorney or her mom, because that would mean certain and severe punishment for my daughter.  I really need for the judge alone, to hear the tapes.  I've been reading up on privileged information in evidence but have not found out that tapes such as the ones I have, are classified as privileged.

What is happening is relentless.  Most of what I thought would happen, has happened, and then some.  Thanks for all the help so far.

Thanks for the comments.  I was reading up on PAS yesterday on the paawareness.org site and it said PAS was the syndrome the child suffers from and PA is what the parents do, ie alienate the child.  I guess then it should be OK to leave it as it is and if the lawyer tries anything, just explain that the parents are constantly alienating the child against me...

I believe using this will help a lot for getting a GAL appointed for your child.

It means your child has legal representation where his best interests are the only thing that matter to that attorney.   Something your ex can't control.

Thanks.  There are even more problems.  I have so much evidence of contempt of the CO that the BM is desperately creating false evidence.  She has a relationship that is far too friendly with the counseller who is totally on her side.  My child now tells me her mom tells her to lie to the counseller to say she doesn't like me and that I am mean.  The mom does that already.  She has already built up a case with that very gullible counselor.  I already reported here that after filing the hideous untruthful motion the mom showed up an hour and a half late having got the cops to accompany her and showed them a bag of vomit claiming my child vomitted because she was forced to see me.  That means fake evidence and looks like she tried to bring the child but I was not home.  A perfect excuse.  No matter that I emailed her (as per the CO - she has a cell that she views emails on) asking if she was bringing my daughter and asking if she was delayed.... and that I had waited one and a half hours before leaving my home to take my other child to an apt, assuming my child was not being brought for drop off because the BMs MO is to ignore my attempts to find out if she is on her way, etc when she fails to bring her.

Now she brought my child with cops once more.  This time she told them lies, such as she is afraid I will kill the child because her father is "evil".  The cops came into my house to investigate.  My child told me afterwards that her mom told her to tell the cop that her dad was "mean".  My child then opened up to tell me the other lies her mom is telling her to say.   

I am up against a totally biased counselor who believes the BM and child totally, therefore she will be convincing in court.  The other counselor is associated with the first one.  My daughter is not likely to tell her she has been told to lie and that counselor does not want to become involved in court related issues.  I cannot afford to take my child to another new and expensive counselor at this moment in time but if she doesn't tell a counselor about the lies, the consequences are unthinkable....also my daughter may not open up to a new one.  She tells me because she trusts me.  But I have to get evidence that she is told to lie to counter what the BM is doing, i.e. trying to get me removed from my child's life.  Also, I have only two weeks to provide my evidence to the BMs attorney.

With each visitation, cops are being employed in a frenzied attempt by the BM to create evidence.  Knowing how the family courts work, this "evidence" will be taken on board, after all it is a counselor and cops... and a BM who is BPD and excels at lying convincingly.

The BM is behaving ever more frenzied.  She has escaped accountability all her life and I can now see she has probably used these "warfare" tactics in various scenarios over the years to escape scrutiny.  This is what she is doing now.  The BM knows she has been in contempt of the CO.  There is proof of that.  The BM is therefore making me out to be a monster, both to the counseler, (meant to counsel the child but whom the BM sees for her own counselling) and now to local police in my area.  She is forcing my child to lie to the police and lying herself.  First it was the motion alleging I told my child her mom would murder her.  Now it's a report to the cops that she is afraid the father (I) will kill her.   

It has become a non-stop attack on all levels.  Lies in emails.  Lies to cops and counselors.  The BM wants me out of my daughter's life.  The stepfather is an overpowering influence on that score too.  Courts only take notice of proof.  The BM's fake proof will be listened to.  How do I obtain sufficient proof of this relentless alienation?  Bear in mind the other attorney needs the evidence in two weeks!  And if I ask my daughter to see another counselor, if its even possible to get one, whatever she says or does, she will be interrogated when she returns home and the BM will know exactly what is going on.  Therefore, I cannot talk freely to my child or tell her why she needs to speak to someone else about what is going on.  She needs to tell someone else what she has told me, but cannot be told why.  It makes it pretty near impossible to get her to trust another person to tell them.  It's like entrapment and there appears to be no way out...if I am not able to overcome what is going on now, I will lose my child.  My other child is greatly affected by what's going on too.

This situation has become quite desperate and I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle things.

Thanks for the comments.  I was reading up on PAS yesterday on the paawareness.org site and it said PAS was the syndrome the child suffers from and PA is what the parents do, ie alienate the child.  I guess then it should be OK to leave it as it is and if the lawyer tries anything, just explain that the parents are constantly alienating the child against me...

I just filed a motion and realise there's a mistake in it.  I raised the issue of Parental Alienation on the BMs part, relating to the BMs claims.  I just realized I put "Parental Alienation Syndrome" instead of the intended "Parental Alienation".   Should I file a new motion?  I am guessing the BM's lawyer can capitalize on my mistake......any ideas or suggestions on the best remedy pls?

Yes, I will try and find out for sure.  Certainly don't want to give the other side more information than I have to.  No, a GAL has never been appointed to this case.

Sounds like you've needed to get your ex back in front of the judge for some time.  I'd say now's as good a time as any. 

In times past, I've used the Answer and Counterclaim (one document) with great success.  Basically, it's one document that does two things.  1)  Answer:  You deny everything your ex says in her claim.  2)  Treat your Counterclaim as a affidavit, stating your charges for contempt. Then based upon your Counterclaim, file your Motion for Contempt.  Additionally, based on your ex's history of behavior, you should also Motion the Court for "Remedy Clauses" in your next order.   

Tom

Thanks very much for the information.

Our attorney told us that once we hired her she could never be hired by anyone else against DH. I would assume that goes for a firm as well but I'm not sure.

Thanks.