Messages

Thanks so much for that information.  Should I file a motion to ask that she is not a witness?  She is currently on the list of witnesses.  And in the same motion ask that the court forbids the child from seeing this counseller on the grounds you mentioned?  The counseler is not licensed.  She works for a psychologist but is unlicensed herself by any board.  I filed two complaints and the governing bodies said they could not deal with it because she is not qualified.  I have now filed two complaints against the psychologist she works for, for allowing this to happen and the counseler has been named as the party acting unethically.

Yesterday there were two more hideous developments.  The BM filed a motion.  She has asked now for visits to be supervised.  And she has asked this, alleging that I speak to my daughter in an inappropriate way.  The inappropriate statement is fiction.  The BM is claiming I have told my child her mom will be murdered.  And that I have compared the BM to a notorious killer.  I've never had supervised visitation.  I have my daughter for weekends and one week evening, when the BM doesnt act contemptuously and deny visits, which she has done recently.  And now, based on lies, the BM wishes to change the visits to being supervised.  This is a backhanded route to them wanting full custody but they know if they request it openly it will be denied.

Judging by the fact the BM has had the child write letters to the counseler making accusations, and telling the counseler the same, through intimidation by the BM, I know this would be the case concerning the above motion.  The content of the motion is lies.  The manufactured evidence is the child being forced to tell the counseller and probably write a letter, as if that makes it true.  But how does a person defend themself on something as hideous as this?

Thanks again for the info about the counseler.  I will definitely be adding to my complaint about her.  If anyone has any ideas on the latest developments and what to do, I would really like to hear about them.  At the moment, due to spending so much already, there is no possibility of getting an attorney.

Thank you for that suggestion.  In the past we did try exchanges at a local police department.  The BM would be consistently late, which meant I waited for an hour sometimes for her to arrive.  The BM would bring her husband and others who would act hostile, but not so it would be noticed by the police.  We tried pickups at their home and they have caused awful problems.  Everything except a supervised parenting facility has been tried. 

Some child psychologists helped draft the current order in a way that would be beneficial to the child.  It was thought that with the mom transporting her for parental time with me and then me taking her back, it would be beneficial and it has been, leaving aside the lateness.  Although other drivers have been used by the BM in contempt of the CO and things have been getting much worse since the BM filed her motion.  The BM is behaving as if her requests have been granted and is later than ever, gets more and more drivers to deliver the child and has prevented a huge amount of the parental time awarded to me, from taking place. 

I simply want the CO to be enforced, perhaps with slightly tighter wording, and a few additions.   And I want the BMs contempt on court record since the court is aware of previous contempt on previous orders.  It looks like it might get nasty though, judging by what transpired recently.  The court is allowing witnesses to be called in and the BM intends using her biased counseler.  Since the BM prevented me from taking the child to an additional counseler, it is going to be very one-sided.

Thanks.  I will check that article out.  When the BM filed the motion a few months ago, there was no change in circumstance.  When she appeared at the hearing it turns out she is pregnant, but that is recent, and after the filing.  I don't know if judges would distinguish between it happening afterwards or not.  She has been using other drivers anyway, so surely that would not be a good reason for change.

As to supervised drop offs, that could be difficult because the BM lives in another state, even tho not far away, and the court system is in a different state where she is and the cops. 

What concerns me the most is that the BM and her lawyer are going to try and get their way by discrediting me.  They know they don't have a chance unless they do that.  They can get an order changed if the child is in danger if it is not changed, and that is the angle they are coming from, even tho their motions don't say that.  I got the impression that they are intending to do a counter motion to my counter motion as well, although I don't know if that is allowed.   

They have been creating "evidence" by having my child tell the counseler stuff and writing letters to the counseler.  The counseler is totally biased and is being called as a witness.  I have evidence to discredit the counseler but am not sure how much notice the judge will take of what she will say.   What worries me most is the fake evidence the BM is creating now, and will continue to do up till the hearing.  The depths the BM will sink to are unbelievable.  From reading up on other people's situations, the BM is doing stuff that is quite common, such as cruelty to animal reports and so on.  But the BM is taking it to another level right now.  She wants her own way and will do anything to get it. 

I will be unable to bring up facts about the BMs bad behavior with the child.  She's an addict but has managed to keep this away from the court.  The court won't allow my records request to go back far enough to prove it.  What is of huge concern in view of that, is that the BM is going to provide manufactured "evidence" that I am the bad parent, that the child is afraid of me, etc etc.  It is not easy to counter stuff like that even tho it is untrue.

I will request a court reporter if one isn't automatically provided, so thank you for that suggestion and I will check out that article.  Supervised drop offs being witnessed is a good idea too.  I have had the police accompany me when I return the child due to previous problems at that end, but the BM is now requesting that right is taken from me.

With a slick lawyer, the BMs lies and fake evidence may be believed and that is what concerns me the most.

Yes, the BM does have a lawyer.  The BM was in contempt of the CO for the reasons I already mentioned (and more) but yet it was the BM who filed the first motion that started this recent stuff.  The BM filed a motion asking that parental exchanges be changed back to how they were, to how she has been doing things in contravention of the CO.  I then filed a counter motion as well as a contempt motion to show she has ignored the CO and now wants things changed to the way she has already decided to do things.  Plus I listed other contempt issues, but only the ones I can prove.

I tried posting this in my previous thread but the formatting went haywire, so I've reposted it here.

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.

First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I "forfeited" my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there.

The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time.

I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as PAS on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove.


Now to the worsening problems...Research tells me judges rarely change COs within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 

One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly.

A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  Mission accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case.

I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 

I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely.

The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed "hearsay", whereas with the aid of the "counseler", the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks, Ocean

I will act on your advice and will report back afterwards.  Thanks again.
[/quote]

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.

First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I "forfeited" my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there. 

The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time. 

I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove. 

Now to the worsening problems...


Research tells me judges rarely change within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 

One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly. 

A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case. 

I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 

I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely. 

The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed "hearsay", whereas with the aid of the "counseler", the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.

In my experience nothing will happen at that hearing in the AM, the judge will see that you have the contempt hearing the following week and should be the same judge for both. At the morning one, play it out, and just say we are mediated on these issues this afternoon and request this hearing be postponed to see if you come up with an agreement.

You may be able to make a deal with her lawyer and get what you want in exchange for dropping the contempt charges. Call lawyer up and ask (or make a deal) and use her money...lol

The courts have the modification paperwork but what do you want changed?

I think you passed the time to have it dropped, in your response it could of been "father requests the courts to drop this case as nothing has changed since the last order and it only has been XX months". (BUT you can still SAY that at this hearing...or whenever it comes up).

Tapes- we were able to get them in but it was tough...have to say the tape was in locked up the whole time until trial and was not altered, only in your care, give to guards when you walk in as evidence and with the tape recorder. Get  a good one that has volume so the judge can hear.

Thanks, Ocean

I will act on your advice and will report back afterwards.  Thanks again.

Sounds like you've needed to get your ex back in front of the judge for some time.  I'd say now's as good a time as any. 

In times past, I've used the Answer and Counterclaim (one document) with great success.  Basically, it's one document that does two things.  1)  Answer:  You deny everything your ex says in her claim.  2)  Treat your Counterclaim as a affidavit, stating your charges for contempt. Then based upon your Counterclaim, file your Motion for Contempt.  Additionally, based on your ex's history of behavior, you should also Motion the Court for "Remedy Clauses" in your next order.   

Tom

Thanks Tom,

I filed the counter motion and contempt motion before reading this so was unaware of the Answer and Counterclaim.  What I've done with the counter motion is list the points raised in the BMs motion and asked that the points are not changed and remain the same as in the current order and I have given logical reasons, but intend to argue the reasons at the hearing if needs be and show evidence of contempt on some of those points.  I've also made some additional requests, some are important and some of them I am not too bothered about - so if they are turned down it's OK.  I figured I can't win on every single point, and wanted a few in there that I would not mind having turned down.  There are some issues that I just have to win on, for the sake of my daughter.

Unfortunately, the court scheduled the contempt hearing after the hearing for the BMs requests (and my counter motion).  I am hoping the fact I've requested mediation on the first hearing/motion will help, but am not quite sure how this will work.  I was wondering whether to ask at mediation that contempt issues be included in medation, but am not sure if this is the way to go, or whether I should just deal with the first hearing issues in mediation and let the contempt issues stay as they are and be addressed fully in court?

Bearing in mind there are now two hearings, one for the BMs motion and my counterclaim and one for a contempt hearing, should I file a motion for Remedy Clauses before both hearings?  Should this be attached to the contempt issues?  I have spent so much in the past on lawyers fees that this time around, I have to represent myself, and am not familiar with all the ways of the courts, the papers, etc.

One other issue is...I have damning evidence agains the BM on tape.  It would help with my arguments on why pick ups and drops offs should remain the same.  I am not sure what process to use to ensure the judge hears the tape.  I am wondering if I should present the tape/CD to the court but with a typed transcript also?

I would try and get it thrown out of court first. Go for that without all the other stuff. IF they allow and the judge rules that it stays ..then you can answer each one. At that point you can add a modification paper to include what else you want to deal with in court plus what you want to stay the same.

Thanks Ocean,

I filed a counter motion and a contempt motion.  On the counter motion I asked that the points BM wants to change, remain the same as in the current order and gave some reasons, but not too many, as I would want to present reasons at the hearing.  I filed a contempt motion showing all the issues BM is in contempt of, which include the very items she is trying to change in her motion.  The court has scheduled the contempt motion hearing for a week after the counter motion, which is not helpful.  I have requested mediation re the first hearing on the motion and counter motion.  I am representing myself.  The court says I have to attend the first hearing and in the afternoon of that day, mediation at the court is scheduled to take place.  I am not sure how this will play out.  I am concerned that the BMs lawyer will try and get the court to deal with the issues at the first hearing, before mediation.  BMs lawyer also knows that once the contempt hearing takes place a week later, it will shed a new light on the items the BM wants to change, as she is actually asking for changes that will in effect condone her contempt.  She has not followed the order on the points she is asking to change.  Their only hope of getting the changes they want is to get them made before mediation and before the contempt hearing.  I am not sure what I should do when I attend the hearing next week, to ensure the BM does not get her changes agreed by the court.

The current order was carefully drawn up to protect my daughter.  BM wants it changed.  She has her own agenda for the changes.  But unfortunately, I can't draw this to the attention of the court as it would be regarded as hearsay or opinion.  I can only argue it on facts and the bests interests of my child.

So, should I appear at the hearing and ask that the motion is thrown out?  What would be a valid reason for this request?  Should I say the current order was carefully drawn up in the best interests of the child and that it does not need changing?  And that the forthcoming contempt motion due to be heard one week later addresses those issues and more, whereby the BM has been in contempt of the very points she wants to change (and more) ?  Does the court have a modification paper?  Or do I create my own?  BTW in my counter motion I have stated that the items BM wants to change should remain the same and given logical reasons in the motion.  Would I still need a modification paper?

Thanks giggles and simplydad for your responses.

I was hoping the contempt motion would make the court realize what is going on.  The BM has simply done as she pleased but is now trying to get what she wants court ordered but without any change in circumstances on her part.  The reason cited by the BM for a change in dop offs, (i.e she no longer wants to bring the child to me, but wants me to collect the child from her), is "timeliness"!  Whoever drives in Friday rush hour traffic will face the same problems, yet the BM acts like there is more chance of a timely drop off if I do the driving.  The BM has a hidden agenda for wanting the reverse on this issue and there's a hidden agenda behind most of the points the BM wants reversed.

I can't mention the hidden agenda to the court as it would be hearsay, but am hoping that at least if the court sees the BM's contempt and then the motion to change things to fit the BM's contempt, that it will have the desired effect.

So with the Counter Motion, should I change it to mention that I wish the BM's motion to be denied based on no change in circumstances or should that be the argument used in court?

Oh yes, the BM's attorney made sure I received a copy of her motion after the date for a response had come and gone.  I requested and got an extension of time for the hearing.  Am hoping they allow me to submit the motions out of time too.