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Topics - forthekids24

#31
Dear Socrateaser / Marital Debt
Feb 02, 2004, 01:19:55 PM
Dissolution only Jan 1996, bifurcated from property and custody.  Custody agreements reached and filed. Marital Assets (only some furniture and kitchen appliances) were divided, no agreement was filed.

I have tried to negotiate a settlement on the marital debt (over $12k)many times over the years with my ex.

I don't see any other resolution then taking it through the courts.

1) What do I need to file to get the marital debt process started again?

2) Will the courts look at the fact that the debts are now paid off? (I had to borrow money to pay them)

Thanks!!
#32
General Issues / PAS
Feb 17, 2004, 09:29:01 AM
My Step-Brother and Step-Sister are victims of PAS.  It is becoming more and more obvious since they have become adults and are distancing themselves from their mother.

I am trying to find resources for them.  Does anyone know of any articles/ research that has been done on Adult victims of PAS?

Thanks!

FTK
#33
Second Families / OSD is getting ready to drive
Dec 12, 2007, 03:42:17 PM
I need suggestions.  
OSD is almost 16, DH is CP; BM has EOW and lives about 50 miles away.

DH and BM have one other daughter (13) together.

Currently BM sends her oldest (not DH's) daughter who is 17 to pick up SD's to transport for EOW visitation (to and from school Friday PM to Monday AM).

OSD will be getting her drivers license in the next 5 months, and DH and I will be buying her a car.  BM is refusing to contribute to the cost of the car.

BM doesn't work, lives off of the guy of the week and is always looking to get rich quick.  BM also has a younger child 1 year old.

DH and I are concerned about letting OSD take her car to BM's house for the weekends, not only because it is 50 miles away, but we are worried that if something (God forbid) happens when she has her siblings in the car with her that BM will sue us.

Have any of you had similar issues or concerns, what did you do?

Thanks!
FTK
#34
Second Families / It finally happened...
Aug 12, 2007, 11:31:00 AM
.... YSD (13) came to me this past weekend and told me she now sees her BM as the liar, idiot (other various strong words) that she is.  

She currently is scheduled to be at with BM one day a week during the school year, but YSD wants to be home full time during school (on school nights).  

YSD failed one class and did poorly in her others last year and she says that it is because BM does not give her the structure she needs.   There are other things going on in BM's house that YSD confided in me about, but YSD wants to keep them between us for now.

YSD doesn't want it to go to court because last time we tried to get the one day a week taken away in court, BM instructed the kids on what to say.  YSD admitted this to me.  YSD doesn't want to be put in the same position again.

We have a phone call in to our lawyer, but YSD wants to do this as quickly as possible.  She doesn't feel she can have a rational conversation with BM about it so she wants to send her an email with her wishes and informing BM that YSD will only be coming to see her EOW.  YSD is worried about how OSD will react.  OSD is on the same page, but BM has a very wealthy boyfriend that will buy OSD anything she wants.

Any suggestions?  Comments?  
#35
Second Families / Need Suggestions
Oct 02, 2006, 02:07:12 PM
My nephews BM has recently reduced her visitation even more.

She moved away and can't be bothered to drive down to get him every other weekend.

Nephew is 8.  He blames Dad and Step-Mom for BM's choice to not only move, but to only have him at her house on school holidays.

He is having a hard time with this and is taking it out on my brother and sister in law.

He is angry at his BM, but is taking it out on everyone and everything in my brothers home.

He has a counselor that he sees one time a week, but he doesn't seem to be able to place the blame where it belongs.

I remember a few years ago someone shared their experience on giving the kids choices, and letting them hammer nails in to a board.  I can't seem to find that post.

Does anyone remember that one?
Any other suggestions are welcome.

Thanks!
FTK
#36
Second Families / Background Research
Jun 26, 2006, 05:30:38 PM
BM is acting really wierd... we want to do a background search on her and her new "friend"

Anyone have any opinions on a good web site?  I am looking for something that won't charge me by the name (since she has had multiple)

Thanks!
FTK
#37
Second Families / PBFH is at it again
Mar 24, 2006, 12:27:36 PM
I swear this woman (or whatever she is) is at it again.

She moves back a year ago, takes us to court because she wan'ts 50/50.  We finally agree to settle in Dec and give in to the 50/50 since that is what the kids say they want.  (SD's are 13 and 11)

We still have no agreement, we are just waiting for her to ask when it will go in to effect.  How important was this to her?  She has basically surrendered her new time for the past 3 months!

Now we find out her oldest (not DH's) who is 15 has moved out of her moms house, in with friends and is not going to school.

I think we are going to withdraw the offer.

Anyone have any insight on how we can use that fact that the 15 year old left to our benefit?

PBFH is also about to get slapped with a $75K Civil judgement against her for one of her dogs attacking a child last year.  She did her usual ignore it and maybe it will go away routine.

I need suggestions, what should we do?

Thanks!
FTK
#38


SD's are with the PBFH for the summer.  YSD's birthday is today, so I called.  Apparently for the past few days BM has been showing them all the old home movies from when she and DH were together.  Now, they were only together for about 2 years, and YSD was 3 months old when the PBFH left them and DH.  How many movies could they have?

And WHY is the PBFH dragging this stuff out?

It is just odd.

FTK
#39
Of course... not suprised, but we figured since she is trying to change custody that she would put on some sort of act.

The kids went to their Aunts house with their Grandma for all of Mothers day, the PBFH didn't want to go to the Aunts house.

I just don't get it!

This whole thing is stressing me out to no end.

On top of it all DH got laid off.  So now not only does PBFH want to end CS, she wants us to pay her lawyer fees... and now I am the only one financially supporting my step-kids.

FTK
#40
Second Families / She is back with a vengance
May 02, 2005, 10:22:50 AM
My gut told me as soon as she moved back that she would do everything she could to make our life a living hell!!

It only took 2 months... lets see where to start.

She worked for 2 months, then lost her job, lied to the kids about it.

Missed 2 visits with the kids, told them it was OUR fault.

Hasn't paid a dime that she is supposed to for the kids school / medical expenses since February.

Keeps insisting that the schedule go back to 50/50 like it was before SHE moved away.  (It was NEVER 50/50, I take that back it was 50/50 before the court ruled that she was not capable of caring for the kids 50/50, they were 1 and 3 when that changed).  DH has tried to negotiate with her and she doesn't choose to hear anything.

So now, she got a lawyer, wants us to pay for her legal fees, is claiming all kinds of crap.  (Like I favor my kids over hers, I tell the kids they are better off without seeing their mom).  Anyway.... back to the legal fees... oh and she doesn't want to pay child support or anything else she has agreed to pay 1/2 of for the children.  Like my OSD's braces.  Now we have to scramble to come up with another $500 on just that.

Oh did I mention that she says she is totally broke and having to live with her parents down here?

DH and I got a copy of her divorce agreement with her ex-husband.  It was finalized a few months ago.  She got a lump sum payment from him of $55,000, along with LOTS of property.  Oh... and she just bought a brand new $45,000 volvo.  

Let me summarize...
She won't see the kids when she is supposed to, doesn't call them, but wants 50/50.
She wants us to pay for her legal fees since she is broke (but not financially supporting her children)
Won't pay for OSD's braces
No CS (which we understand since she "lost" her job)

Oh... did I mention DH got Laid off today!!??
AND we found out she is being sued in civil court where she used to live because one of her dogs attacked an 8 year old boy.  

Oh, and on top of it, she left a bunch of animals to die at her old house.  She keeps claiming that she is renting it out (so DH and I figured rental income) so I went by to get pictures after I went to the court house where she used to live.  Called Animal control to come get the poor starving bunny rabbit.  (And numerous other animals)

She called 4 times in an hour yesterday just to yell at DH, didn't ask to talk to the kids until after the 3rd call when DH said "funny... you say you want to see them, but you don't and you don't even call them, you call to yell at me"


My god... what next??

Thanks for reading
FTK
#41
... and so it is with the CS.

PBFH lost her job.  Of course it isn't her fault!  She was there less than 2 months.

Needless to say, she is now saying she can't pay her share of anything.  She actually told DH "the check is in the mail" last week, but just yesterday finally admitted she was lying.

Sheesh!  She told the kids that she left her job... told each of the kids different places that she was now working.

Never a dull moment.  On the bright side, she actually remembered the kids this past weekend.  I am sure it is because we sent her the calendar.  The kids had a good time, but were VERY happy to be home on Sunday.

Sigh....

FTK
#42
Second Families / We got a CS Check!!
Mar 25, 2005, 09:19:51 AM
More than a year after PBFH signed the stipulation to the CS amount and no payments for almost as long we got a check!

DH opened a case with DCSS in Oct 2004.  She got a job in Feb... we sent them her employers information even before she started there.  She never told DH where she was working the kids mentioned that she was going to be working there.

They are garnishing her wages.

DH is soooo excited.

Now, if we can just get her to be a parent.  She lives less than 2 miles away and she has not had them for a weekend (or even dinner) since Feb.  The only time she sees them is when she stops by their school at lunchtime.  (Thank God she is doing at least that)

We sent her a schedule and strongly suggested that she try to understand when she is to have the kids for the weekends.

We will see what happens.  She still has not responded to the propsal to revise the parenting plan.  It has been a week now.

Thanks for listening!!
FTK
#43
Second Families / She forgot them again
Mar 14, 2005, 03:25:08 PM
Second time in 2 months.

She is telling the kids that DH and I are doing everything we can to keep them from her, but she can't even show when she is supposed to have them.  Of course it is our fault, not hers.  Sheesh!

Any way this could come back to bite us??  We took the calendar we made for the kids away.  They were calling their mom and reminding her of when she was supposed to have them for the weekend.  In the 3 months since we did that she has only remembered the kids one time.

DH sent PBFH a letter last time she forgot and told her to make sure she understands the court order and when she is to have the kids.  He also offered to send her a calendar and that if she was not sure to call him to find out when she is scheduled to have the kids.  She didn't want the calendar and has never asked for help on understanding the court order.  It is really not that complex.... but she is really stupid, must confuse her.

It is starting to look like we will be going back to court.  PBFH wants her old visitation schedule from before she moved away back.  EOW and 1 overnight during the week.  We have plenty of proof that the kids are healthier and doing better in school since PBFH stipulated to one weekend a month and no overnights during school time.

Oh well.... I knew it would get worse when she moved back.

Thanks for listening
FTK
#44
Second Families / The Eagle has landed...
Jan 31, 2005, 05:08:41 PM
....or should I say the big fat ugly do-do bird.

BM swooped in today, announcing her arrival back in the area by going to YSD's school at lunch time.

She has not seen the kids in a month, "didn't know" about her last visitation, and has spoken to them on the phone since the kids called her the weekend she forgot them.  (more than 2 weeks ago)

The school administrator called me at about noon to let us know that she had showed up there with her soon to be ex-husband to see YSD.  The administator called back about 20 minutes later to say that BM stayed to visit with YSD for less than 10 minutes!!

Sigh, I have not talked to YSD yet, so who knows where her head is now.   I am glad that BM made the effort to see YSD, but she pulled her out of class.  If BM would call DH to see the kids after school that would have been much easier.

OSD confided in me this weekend that she is tired of BM's crap and just "wants her to be more responsible"  WOW strong words from a 12 year old.

Well, now I don't have to wait for the other shoe to drop anymore.

On a positive note, DCSS will have the wage garnishment order completed soon, and we know who her new employer is in the area!
We might start to see some of the money she owes.

Hopefully BM and DH can negotiate a new parenting plan without going to court.  DH and I don't have the extra money to fight that battle.

FTK
#45
Second Families / She forgot about "her" kids
Jan 18, 2005, 09:35:05 AM
Well it finally happened.  Just as DH and I had expected.

When BM moved away DH and I made a calendar for her since she said she didn't like the "read" the court order.  We were being nice.  Even made a calendar for my SD's.  That way they would know when they were supposed to be with their mom for the weekend.

Mid last year we overheard OSD telling BM "No, the calendar says we are with you this weekend, are you picking us up?"  We reazlied that OSD had been reminding BM of her visitation schedule.

DH and I decided this year that we would not make a calendar for BM.  We didn't make one for SD's either.

First visition weekend with their mom of the new year... and she doesn't show.  OSD was moody all weekend.  She knows that when she has a 3 day weekend off from school she should be with her mom.  YSD knows it too.  They are 12 and 10.

OSD called her mom Saturday morning, BM raved about how she was going skiing and would talk to them soon.  That is the first time BM had talked to the kids since the new year, and it was because they called her.

Just another nail in her coffin if she really is moving back.  It has reinforced DH's decision that he will not agree to a change in visitation if she does move back.  Still waiting for her to call and let DH know she is coming back.   More than 3 weeks since the kids found out she is coming back.  OSD is frustrated, I can tell it is bugging her.

I want to talk to her about this weekend, but just in case she doesn't realize that her mom forgot about them I don't want to bring it up.

Suggestions???

Thanks for listening.

FTK
#46
Second Families / She’s baaaaaack. Well almost.
Jan 05, 2005, 04:26:40 PM

According to the kids, the PBFH told them over her New Years visitation that she is moving back next month.

YSD said she had to pack up her room and put things in storage because the new house she in moving to is smaller.

Her husband is divorcing her, and she can't find a job.  PBFH told the kids that it would just go back to how it was before she moved almost 1 ½ years ago.

She hasn't told DH and actually told the kids NOT to tell him!

DH and I decided that we are going to do nothing.  She is waiting for him to call her and work out a new parenting plan just like he did when she decided to move away from here.  DH had to drive the whole thing, kept sending proposals etc.... we are just going to let her take the lead on this one.

We have so much on our side.  The kids grades went up as soon as she left, they have not missed a day of school due to illness... they are MUCH happier.  Not to mention PBFH has an older daughter (14) with a drinking problem.  PBFH gave OSD her older daughters old cell phone and we found A LOT of very disturbing text messages.

OSD is in turmoil.  She can't believe what her BM is doing, can't believe that BM instructed her to keep this from DH and I.  Thankfully I have a GREAT relationship with OSD... she knows that I will always look out for her... no matter what DH or the PBFH want!   OSD is almost 13, a tough age already, and now this.  The uncertainty of what is going to happen is stressing her out.  All I could do was reassure her that things would stay as they are until her mom decided to pick up the phone, call her dad and work out a new schedule.

DH has had primary custody of the kids since OSD was 2.  PFBH left him and the kids.  

I do have one question though, will the PBFH moving back be a enough of a change in circumstances to go back to court.
We don't want to keep the kids from her, but they were never able to get homework done and were always missing school when she did have mid week visits.

I guess I am in the same boat as OSD, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Sigh :(
#47
Second Families / Prayers Needed
Aug 04, 2004, 10:11:51 AM
One of my sons friends lost consciousness while swimming and sank to the bottom of a lake. He was pulled out quickly and resuscitated, then evacuated by helicopter to a nearby hospital where he remains in critical but stable condition.

He is making some progress, but has had a few set backs recently.

Please pray for him.

Thanks
FTK
#48
Second Families / Karma
Jun 02, 2004, 09:13:46 AM
Gotta love how it comes back to bite these PBFH's in the butt!!!

My SD's came home from their moms house this past weekend, seems her current husband wasn't around and funny thing... his stuff is gone too.  (SD's had not seen her in almost a month)

Of course PBFH lied to the kids and told them that he was just out of town for the weekend.  Sheesh.

She told DH and I that our marriage wouldn't last 5 years....we just passed the 8 year mark...... hers is not even 2 years.

I feel sorry for the guy, he was nice, and I feel sorry for my SD's... they really liked him.

FTK
#49
Second Families / PBFH Strikes again
Feb 12, 2004, 12:15:32 PM
DH has been unemployed since Oct, he tried to talk to BM about child support at that time since she moved away and DH has kids 75% of the time now.  She did her typical "take me to court"... so he did!

She obviously does not like this since she believes that she should have to pay anything... her argument is that if the kids lived with her she wouldn't ask him to pay child support.  (Yeah, right!)

Anyway, She is finally agreeing to pay her part of the marital debt (after almost 10 years of trying), but she wants DH to call off DCSS.  My reaction, no!

Her argument, she doesn't work (by choice), pays for 1/2 of the kids Educational expenses... that should be it!  No child support. (She agreed to pay for 1/2 of the educational expenses before she moved)

Our argument, dh is unemployed too so basically her spouse and I are supporting their kids!

How do we make this very clear to her (she is really stupid) that child support is not negotiable?  It is for the kids, not DH. Any articles that explain why support is paid, or feedback is appreciated.

Thanks!
FTK
#50
Second Families / Rant!
Jan 27, 2004, 03:40:15 PM
I just don't get it!  How could anyone treat their children like this?  

BM moved away from SD's more than 3 months ago now.  

BM takes the kids on her scheduled times (complains to the kids on how she HATES driving so far to pick them up), but she doesn't call that often in between.

She has not talked to the kids in more than a week now.  Last time she didn't call them for 2 weeks straight!  Sometimes when she does call she only speaks to OSD, she never asks to talk to YSD.

SD's are actually doing great without seeing their mom mid week anymore!  OSD is on the Honor Roll for the first time ever and YSD has brought her grades up too!

OSD is getting her Honor Roll award at school tonight.  I am fairly certain that BM will not drive down to see it.  But of course it will be DH's fault that she wasn't there even though we have now told her 3 times about it....  (BTW OSD has not asked to call her mom and tell her about her report card or the awards ceremony).  
1) I sent BM an email a few weeks ago with the link to the school web site so she could see that they were having an awards ceremony,
2) DH sent her an email with a copy of the invitation that went home last week to the awards ceremony, and
3) the date has been on the school calendar since the beginning of the school year.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!   It just speaks volumes to me how much she really cares... and SD's are seeing it too!

It just kills me to see her treat her children like this.  

On a positive SM note though, when we went to pick up SD's from their moms house after Christmas (they had been away for just over a week), OSD came running out of the house and almost knocked me over with a hug!  That is the first time in a loooooonnnnng time that OSD has hugged me or even spoken more than a few words to me in front of her mom.  Made my YEAR that she is finally comfortable enough to do that!

Okay, done now.
Thanks for reading.