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Messages - forthekids24

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Dear Socrateaser / RE: Paystub exchange
« on: Jul 12, 2006, 12:57:30 PM »

One follow up question on the form FL-397.  

At the bottom of it the form it says:

“6. Under Family Code section 3664(f), your compliance with this request is voluntary expect upon order of the court or upon agreement of the parties, employers, and employee affected”

1) If and when I need to serve this form on her employer should I include a copy of the stipulation that she has agreed to provide copies of her pay stubs to me?

2) Would that filed stipulation take care of the "voluntary" part of the request?

You rock!

PS- Still have not seen anything on that big announcement of yours you hinted at years ago ;)

Dear Socrateaser / Paystub exchange
« on: Jul 12, 2006, 11:32:01 AM »
Santa Clara County

Ex and I have a court ordered stipulation which states that each party shall exchange current pay stubs by the 5th of each month.

Ex has been employed since April, and is refusing to provide pay stubs.  She is claiming she has not received one, but then will reference a pay stub in a different conversation.  The children told me that she cashes her paycheks.


1) In an effort to avoid incurring any additional legal fees for me, can I contact the employer and provide a copy of the court ordered stipulation and ask for the copies?

2) Would this possibly be considered harassment if I contact her employer?


Dear Socrateaser / Santa Clara County CPS
« on: Jul 11, 2006, 11:47:20 AM »
I have sole physical custody and joint legal of DS with ex.

Ex has been in an abusive relationship for years.  DS sees a therapist on a regular basis.  DS admitted to therapist that Step-parent abuses him mentally and physically at Ex's house.

Therapist reports to CPS and they opened investigation in their county and in mine.  Their county never interviewed the Step-parent, only interviewed my EX.  My county interviewed son at my house and found consistency of his story with "other" investigations they had on file regarding step-parent.  CPS recommended that DS still go to Ex's house for week in summer, so they could interview him up there.

DS came home from Ex's with bruises on him and his head shaved.  (This is the Ex's way of retaliation, humiliating DS)  DS told me that Ex and Step parent held him down to shave his head, that is why he had the bruises.  I immediately called CPS in my county since the other case was still open and she told me to call if anything else happened.

DS told CPS on the phone what happened.  I took DS in to see the investigator this morning and DS has recanted the entire story, even told investigator that I instructed him to make up those lies about Ex's new spouse.

I am at a loss, I want to protect my son, but he seems to be completely programmed by Ex that anything "bad" that happnes at their house is a lie.

1) Next steps?  

2)I remember you recommending that a polygraph could help in proving innocence, would it help in this situation?


Dear Socrateaser / Attorney Withdrew
« on: Jun 22, 2006, 09:56:55 AM »
Santa Clara County , CA

I have had primary custody of the children since 1995 when BM left.

BM had every other weekend and 2 afternoons / week from 1995 to 2003 when BM moved from the bay area.

BM and I then stipulated to update the parenting plan to give her 1 weekend / month.

Feb 2005 BM moves back to the Bay Area and wants to return to the 1995 schedule (but the 2 afternoons would be overnights).  I did not agree.

BM started court action Apr 2005.  We had a JCC in August and I agreed with BM having every other weekend and one overnight/ week.  BM was still pushing for the EOW and 2 overnights/ week.  Judge ordered us to assessment.

BM dragged the kids in to the assessor in Dec 2005 and made them tell the assessor that they wanted what BM was asking for.

I did not want the kids to be stressed out, so I made the offer in Dec 2005 to BM to give her the schedule she was looking for.  The assessor withdrew from the case in Dec 2005 since all sides communicated that we were coming to an agreement.

BM never responded to the new stipulation that my lawyer drafted and sent over in Dec 2005.  Her attorney expressed frustration at her lack of response.

In between Dec 2005 and Apr 2006 I found out that BM’s older (not my) daughter had been sent to a “brat camp”.  I began having second thoughts about the offer that had been made in Dec 2005.  My lawyer advised that we should wait to see their response before making any changes to the offer.

Fast forward to today.  I just received notice that BM’s attorney has withdrawn from the case.  BM has not said another word about the 2 overnights/ week.

I have the order from Aug 2005 that spells out everything, Visitation and Child Support.  I am happy with things staying the way they are.

1) It is my understanding that she will have to start over again to change things, is this right?

2) If BM decides to push the 2 overnights/ week again can I use the lack of response against her?

3) Can BM use the draft stipulation to show that I was agreeable to the schedule at one point and push to have it ordered?

Thanks for your help

Dear Socrateaser / Visitation Question
« on: May 01, 2006, 09:41:33 AM »
Santa Clara County, CA

I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody of son.

EX has visitation 1st, 3rd and 4th weekends of the month from Friday after school to return to school Monday morning. No holidays.

I am 99% certain that Ex has moved out of the Bay Area in the last few weeks.  ( I tried to call the home # and I got a forwarding # for the Sacramento Area)

There are no first right of refusal clauses in the parenting plan.

I strongly believe that Ex will have mother in law (son’s step grandmother) pick him up from school Friday and keep him for the weekend.  I don’t think Ex or Ex’s spouse will want to drive here and back to spend time with son.

Do I have to let son go with Ex’s mother in law?

Can Ex have someone else take her visitation time with son?


Dear Socrateaser / Contempt?
« on: Mar 14, 2006, 11:42:47 AM »
Santa Clara County, CA

NCP is refusing to pay her share of the court ordered amounts for the children.  

NCP claims her lawyer told her not to pay these amounts.

1)  Contempt is to wilfully disregard a court order correct?

2) Would her laywer really tell her to violate a court order?


Dear Socrateaser / How to proceed
« on: Jan 29, 2006, 03:20:56 PM »
Santa Clara County, CA

I am custodial parent.

NCP's Child support is based on a % of her bonus each month.

NCP's lawyer sent a letter a few months ago giving me a "heads up" that her bonus income would be almost non-existent going forward due to having a new manager.  

About the same time I learned that NCP was carrying on a relationship with her new manager and suspected that he was paying for her new home and all utilities.

Sent interrogatories for NCP to fill out.  Main questions were "who is paying for your home" and "who is paying for your utilities".  As we suspected NCP's new boss is paying for her home and utilities.

Coincidentally the same time she moved in to her new home (and the boss started paying for her living expenses), she stopped getting bonuses all together.  (They went from $4k/ month to $0)

I contacted the company that the NCP works for and they confirmed that bonuses are paid at the discretion of the employees manager, and that it was possible that the manager was receiving the bonus instead of the NCP.

To me it is clear that there is something going on here.

How should I proceed?


Dear Socrateaser / How to word part of a stipulation
« on: Jan 05, 2006, 02:13:04 PM »
Made an offer to BM to settle everything

I want part of the new stipulation to have a quarterly academic review in it.  If the children’s GPA drops below a certain level BM’s visitation during the school week will be scaled back.

What is the best way to word this?

Will it be enforceable?

Will there have to be a hearing at that point to change the visitation schedule?


Dear Socrateaser / RE: Santa Clara County Assessment
« on: Dec 28, 2005, 11:11:19 AM »
Thanks Soc,
I have laid out all the facts, there is nothing else going on that is not reflected.

We are all scratching our head on this outcome also.  We even asked the assessor why she was attacking us for requesting that the status quo be maintained, her only response was that Mom could always ask for whatever she wanted.

I am kicking myself for not brining a tape recorded to the meeting, but then again I never thought it would turn out this way.

I appreciate your feedback.


Dear Socrateaser / Santa Clara County Assessment
« on: Dec 27, 2005, 04:47:09 PM »
I have been PCP since Mom walked out more than 10 years ago.  Mom moved out of the area 2 years ago and then back in March.  She is wanting 50/50 now.  I have been fighting this as I don’t believe it is in the best interest of the kids.

After to JCC’s we were referred to assessment.

First assessment meeting was last week.

Assessor met with attorneys for ½ hour and then with me for 15 minutes.  Assessor told me to return at 1:30 and she then spoke to Mom.  (What I did not know at this point was Mom’s attorney and Mom both pushed the assessor REALLY hard to bring the kids in)

When I returned, mom was there with the kids.  Assessor then spent 30 minutes with younger daughter, then 20 minutes with older daughter and then called younger daughter back in for another 15 minutes.

After they were done, Mom took the kids and left.  (Mom has first week of Christmas vacation this year)

My wife and I then went in to meet with the assessor.  The assessor basically berated me for being an involved father and told me that my involvement with my kids school was preventing mom from being involved.  She made numerous other references in Mom’s favor and against me and my wife.  Assessor also gloated how she pulled our criminal history and that either my wife or I had not been arrested, and that Mom hadn’t either.  I know for a fact that Mom has been arrested, she was arrested for punching my wife.  When I corrected the assessor, this just seemed to make her more upset with me.

Assessor then went on to inform me that she had asked the kids what they wanted and they said what mom was asking for was what they wanted.  

I don’t understand how she could effectively question the kids after only spending 15 minutes with me and not gaining a full understanding of the issues.

I have never spoken to the kids about the court proceedings, unlike their Mom.

The assessor basically told me that no matter what my concerns were that Mom could ask for 50/50 and unless she was physically abusing the kids she would get it.

It is my understanding that the assessors job is to “assess” the situation and make a recommendation.

1)   How can I prove that the assessor is biased against me?
2)   Can I ask for a new assessor now?
3)   Does it look bad on Mom that she has been pushing to involve the kids?
4)   What would be the next course of action (make a deal and just wait for mom to move away again)?


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