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Messages - forthekids24

#101
Second Families / RE: PBFH Strikes again
Feb 13, 2004, 08:47:56 AM
DH was laid off in October and in his defense, he has been looking frantically every single day to get another job.  He had a couple of very promising interviews this past week, so hopefully something comes out of that.

To answer your questions..

DH is the primary custodian 75% DH / 25% with PBFH since Sept 2003.  Before that it was 65% DH / 35% PBFH.... we never had a child support order put in place because it was $25 a month when BM was working her min. wage job. (It wasn't worth stress of dragging the $ out of her)

When PBFH moved (which was only because she found a house she liked out of the area) she quit her job (which was considerable more than min wage) and refused the employers offer to telecommute from her new location.  As we see it, she is capable of earning, but just chooses not too.  Her husband still lives down here, he has to keep working to make the new house payment.

Anyway, the guideline based on DH's old salary and Min Wage for BM is for her to pay $300/ month, we were trying to get her to agree to below guideline since she is not working, but she turned her nose up at that.  So we turned it over to the state.  I think she is now figuring out that she will have to pay something and is trying to get DH to back off.

BM hasn't contributed to any of the medical/ educational expenses since she left them with DH almost 10 years ago.  It is just getting frustrating.

Sorry this is so long.... I'll stop ranting now.

Thanks for your feedback!!
FTK
#102
Second Families / PBFH Strikes again
Feb 12, 2004, 12:15:32 PM
DH has been unemployed since Oct, he tried to talk to BM about child support at that time since she moved away and DH has kids 75% of the time now.  She did her typical "take me to court"... so he did!

She obviously does not like this since she believes that she should have to pay anything... her argument is that if the kids lived with her she wouldn't ask him to pay child support.  (Yeah, right!)

Anyway, She is finally agreeing to pay her part of the marital debt (after almost 10 years of trying), but she wants DH to call off DCSS.  My reaction, no!

Her argument, she doesn't work (by choice), pays for 1/2 of the kids Educational expenses... that should be it!  No child support. (She agreed to pay for 1/2 of the educational expenses before she moved)

Our argument, dh is unemployed too so basically her spouse and I are supporting their kids!

How do we make this very clear to her (she is really stupid) that child support is not negotiable?  It is for the kids, not DH. Any articles that explain why support is paid, or feedback is appreciated.

Thanks!
FTK
#103
Second Families / I knew it!
Jan 28, 2004, 12:18:10 PM
I just knew it!!  DH got an email from BM late last night whining about her not knowing when the awards ceremony was.  She is all pissed off she missed it.   Her husband and her mother attended ( Which was nice, SD's were happy to see them). But this tells me she is capable of reading and did finally see the information before the awards ceremony.

DH replied to her and reminded her of the SEVERAL times that we had sent her the school schedule, calendars etc and... my favorite part of his reply " I am not going to be blamed because of your inability to take an interest in your children's school activities, and actually use the information provided to you."... it has been on the school calendar since the first day of the school year!  I guess she just won't be happy unless DH calls her and reads the information to her that he sends her. Or reminds her repeatedly. ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!  

If it was sooo damn important to her, and she is so pissed of she missed it, then WHY didn't she call the kids last night to talk to them, WHY didn't she leave a message at the house so they got it when they got home from the ceremony... heck ..... why didn't she tell her husband to have the kids call her on HIS cell phone when he was standing next to them after the ceremony??  Guess it really wasn't that important now was it?

She is now going on 9 days without speaking to the kids.  Not the longest, but still it would kill me not to speak to my kids this long!

I am not surprised, just still don't get it......

Thanks for all the replies, it is nice to know that I am not alone in this.
#104
Second Families / RE: A ?
Jan 27, 2004, 04:04:25 PM
I just don't get it either.

She was always the NCP, but had 40% time since she lived close by.  Always dropped the kids off with her parents, anything to keep them away from DH and I.  (She abandoned them when YSD was 2 months and OSD was 2 years old... disappeared, didn't resurface until she heard through the grapvine that DH and I were dating.  She was gone for 3 months!)  Then she didn't want anything to do with YSD... still doesn't really.

DH tried to talk to her about CS after she moved... she has them 25% of the time now... DH got laid off too... her reaction "I will NEVER pay ANYTHING for MY kids, you will have to take me to court to get any money out of me".... so DH marched his happy butt to Dept. of Child Support and opened a case against her.  LOL... showed her!

I think they should make you pass a test before you have kids.

I guess I am done..... for now.
#105
Second Families / Think of it as an adventure
Jan 27, 2004, 03:57:10 PM
... you are building memories with the kids.  In the future you all will be able to look back and say "remember how we all stuck together when Dad was off at training?" "it was tough, but we had fun right?"

I am a young mom also... but I prefer to think of it as that I chose to delay my wild and crazy times to when I am more mature.  I will be able to enjoy going out after my kids are grown and independent.

Of course, like you my musical taste is very close to my teenage son's... which embarrasses him to NO end.  But hey, it is my job right?

I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone, you have made choices in your life that sometimes you look back on and wonder "what if", that is completely normal.  Your family and your kids are your priority at this time in your life,  just make sure you do take time for "you" every once in a while.
#106
Second Families / RE: I'm still here!
Jan 27, 2004, 03:46:22 PM
Hang in there Kitty.... I went through a similar thing with my first husband, so I completely understand what you are going through.

Just know that we are all here to support you.

FTK
#107
Second Families / Rant!
Jan 27, 2004, 03:40:15 PM
I just don't get it!  How could anyone treat their children like this?  

BM moved away from SD's more than 3 months ago now.  

BM takes the kids on her scheduled times (complains to the kids on how she HATES driving so far to pick them up), but she doesn't call that often in between.

She has not talked to the kids in more than a week now.  Last time she didn't call them for 2 weeks straight!  Sometimes when she does call she only speaks to OSD, she never asks to talk to YSD.

SD's are actually doing great without seeing their mom mid week anymore!  OSD is on the Honor Roll for the first time ever and YSD has brought her grades up too!

OSD is getting her Honor Roll award at school tonight.  I am fairly certain that BM will not drive down to see it.  But of course it will be DH's fault that she wasn't there even though we have now told her 3 times about it....  (BTW OSD has not asked to call her mom and tell her about her report card or the awards ceremony).  
1) I sent BM an email a few weeks ago with the link to the school web site so she could see that they were having an awards ceremony,
2) DH sent her an email with a copy of the invitation that went home last week to the awards ceremony, and
3) the date has been on the school calendar since the beginning of the school year.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!   It just speaks volumes to me how much she really cares... and SD's are seeing it too!

It just kills me to see her treat her children like this.  

On a positive SM note though, when we went to pick up SD's from their moms house after Christmas (they had been away for just over a week), OSD came running out of the house and almost knocked me over with a hug!  That is the first time in a loooooonnnnng time that OSD has hugged me or even spoken more than a few words to me in front of her mom.  Made my YEAR that she is finally comfortable enough to do that!

Okay, done now.
Thanks for reading.
#108
Visitation Issues / Congrats!!
Dec 14, 2004, 01:36:36 PM
I hope you and your bundle of joy are both doing well.

Enjoy your baby, they are miracles, especially yours.

My prayers are with you!

FTK
#109
Visitation Issues / ((tulip))
Aug 04, 2004, 02:52:02 PM
From what I have read in you posts you are a VERY caring mother.

I do however need to point out that you are being a bit hypocritical.

You said that you told your ex that he needs to talk to you about his intentions, not her.   Right?  How can you justify making a statement to a 6 year old that you don't think she should spend the night there?  Isn't that kinda the same thing?

Please, please, please don't take this as a slam, but I think you need to step back and be supportive.  I know it is difficult, but it is her Dad.  If you are stressed out and make negative comments about her time there, she will pick up on it.  Especially at this age.

I have learned that as much as I dislike what happens at the other home, I have no control over it.  I have to let the other parent, be a parent.

Vent to us about how worried you are and how you don't like it, but not to her.

Hang in there, it does get easier, but you still worry just as much :)
FTK
#110
Custody Issues / RE: DD stealing medical records
Mar 27, 2007, 12:50:56 PM
I would take the file, lock it up and leave a note in its place under the bed explaining that if she has any questions, to come ask!

Good luck!
FTK