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Messages - forthekids24

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Dear Socrateaser / Questions on Assessment
« on: Nov 28, 2005, 01:06:31 PM »
BM moved back to the area after being away for 1 1/2 years in Jan 2005.

She didn't file for a change in her visitation schedule until May 2005.  (I had been trying to negotiate with her in the month of March, and then she went silent and I got served in May)

At the first Judicial Custody Conference, the judge leaned on me really hard to "give mom a chance"  I reluctantly agreed to one overnight/ week during the school year in addition to mom's Every other weekend.

Judge wanted to review in months.  At the 3 month follow up (another Judicial Custody Conference) I had significant eveidence that the kids were not doing well academically when mom had them the night before.

Mom was blindsided, cried to the judge that she didn't know they were doing that bad in school... Judge caught mom in several lies.

Judge has now sent us to assessment.

I recently discovered the BM is evading a civil trial in her old county.  She has all of a sudden changed everything in to her bosses name.

1)Should we bring this up in assessment?

2)Would a "call" to the lawyer on the civil trial to let him know where she is look bad on my part?

3)Since we are coming up on one year from when BM moved back to the area what is the probablilty that the assessor is going to recommend things stay as they are (status quo)?


Dear Socrateaser / Yet another hearing
« on: Nov 02, 2005, 04:45:25 PM »
My ex and I have been in and out of court since she moved back to the area in February.

She was asking for every other week, I was proposing every other weekend.
The last hearing the judge asked me to give my ex a chance to prove that she can parent on school nights.
She told the judge that she would be taking over the mortgage on her parents house and would not be moving again.

Since that hearing my ex :
-Does not review homework (younger daughters teacher has a planner you have to sign after homework every night)

-Does not put the children to bed at a decent hour

-The children fail tests after they have been at their mothers house the night before. ( I have letters from teachers)

-She signed up to volunteer at the childrens school and then told the children it was my weekend and she wasn't going to go, to tell me to go in her place.

-Has been kicked out of her parents house (in front of the children)

-Is seeing boyfriend #3 in as many months (and yes, they sleep over when our daughters are at her house)

-Is carrying on a romantic relationship with her direct supervisor.

-Her direct supervisor is either paying for all or part of her rent

-Telling the youngest that she is going to Hell because she was never baptized

-Let her older daughter (not mine) who is 15 drop out of regular high school to be on an independent study program.

My daughters make up reasons to come home, even if for a few minutes on their moms school nights.

My daughters both have cavities now.  My younger daughter told me she didn’t even have a tooth brush at her moms house.  They have not had any cavities since my ex lived in the area a few years ago and saw them regularly then.

1) Of the items I have stated above, which will carry the most weight with the Judge?

2) Are there any key buzz words/ phrases that will help with the Judge?  Ie (best interest of the children)

3) Any other words of wisdom you can share?


Dear Socrateaser / Pre-Court Jitters
« on: Jul 18, 2005, 05:53:47 PM »
Hi Soc,

Sorry to bother you again, but need another opinion.

BM filed to terminate her obligation to pay 50% of private school tuition for the children back in April 2005.  Order in effect singed in 2003. DH and BM agreed to the % of private school tuition split, BM was unemployed at that time.  She had just quit her job of 2 years to move out of the area with her husband and away from her family and the children.

BM was unemployed until her divorce from husband #2 was finalized February 2005.  At which point she moved back to the area and in with her parents.  She received a substantial cash settlement in addition to assets.

BM is now employed and earning a salary plus commissions.  Our lawyer is unable to get BM’s lawyer to provide the details of her commission plan.  BM is arguing that with her salary she is unable to continue to pay 50% of the private school tuition and does not feel she should pay any portion.  (She helped select the private school several years ago, and the stipulation states the children will continue to attend this school)

We are scratching our head on the rationalization that she is now unable to pay any portion of the private school tuition.  She went from being able to pay 50% while she was unemployed to now, not wanting to pay anything when she is employed.


1) Will the Judge validate the BM’s rationalization?

2) Will the judge order either 0% or less than 50% if we don’t have a full understanding of her income (commissions)?

As always, thanks for your guidance and support.


By the way, we finally got to the bottom of the wedding issue… BM actually told her lawyer (who communicated to our lawyer) that BM didn’t believe the children needed to attend the wedding or see their Grandmother because it was my (Step-Moms) family.  Apparently her lawyer does not agree with her on this one.

Dear Socrateaser / RE: Need your expert opinion :)
« on: Jul 14, 2005, 11:49:04 AM »
Hi Soc,

Sorry I didn't include this information before.  I was trying to keep it short :)

BM tends to use her parenting time to keep the children away from us instead of actually spending time with them.  This is part of what we are trying to prove.

There is a first right of refusal in the current parenting plan.  12 hours or overnight.  Our lawyer has already sent a strongly worded letter to her on this one.

There is a support order, but she doesn't pay.  She has not provided her employement information or her paystubs.

She is also ordered to pay for 1/2 of the childrens school and associated expenses, but again she does not reimburse.

The children are 11 and 13.

Does this change any of your answers?  :)

Dear Socrateaser / Need your expert opinion :)
« on: Jul 14, 2005, 11:03:11 AM »
Santa Clara County, CA

DH has primary custody.  BM lived out of the area until approximately 6 months ago.
DH tried to negotiate an increased timeshare with BM, but she refused all offers DH made and got a lawyer in April.

Our reasons for not agreeing to BM’s timeshare proposal (eow, and 2 overnights per week)  is that she consistently acts against the best interest of the children and is not responsible enough to care for them for mid-week overnights during the school year.

BM has had the children for her summer parenting time for a month now.  

During the past month :

-BM has left the children in the care of her mother for 1 week, without offering DH to have the children.  (BM lives with her parents)

-BM has neglected to get the children the summer reading books as required by school.  (The children called home and we ordered though Amazon and shipped them directly to them)

-BM has also had her mother take SD to a medical appointment, even though DH offered to take her if BM was unavailable to take her.

-BM has refused to let the children attend a family wedding with us even though we gave her more than a months notice.

-BM has not responded to numerous email requests to have the children for a day to see their visiting Grandmother.

-The children do not have their own room at BM’s house; they share a room and a bed with BM.

Mediation didn’t work; we now have a Judicial Custody Conference coming up.


1) Will the facts I listed above be enough to give the Judge the information she needs during the JCC?

2) I know you can’t tell the future, but what do you think the outcome of the JCC will be?  Will the Judge order a change, or that the status quo is to be maintained?

3) What if anything should we document to bring up at the JCC?


Dear Socrateaser / Mediation done, what next?
« on: Jun 15, 2005, 03:14:38 PM »
Santa Clara County, CA

Original custody order DH primary parent BM : EOW, 6:30pm-7:00am 2 nights per week and 6 weeks in the summer.
BM never exercised her 6 weeks in summer the entire time this custody order was in place (7 years).

BM and DH singed an amended parenting plan in Oct. 2003 when BM moved out of the area.  DH primary parent BM: one weekend a month, 1/2 Major holidays and 8 weeks in the summer.

BM moved back to the area in January (didn't tell DH until February).
Since she moved back she has missed 2 of her 5 scheduled weekends.

At the beginning of March DH offered to amend parenting plan to BM: EOW, 1/2 summer and 1/2 major holidays.

Next thing DH got (at the end of April) was an ex-parte hearing ordering BM and DH to mediation.

Mediation was yesterday, they did not agree on anything.  BM wants to go back to the way it was before she moved and DH does not want the kids bouncing around during the week.  (They suffered academically under the original order, and showed GREAT improvement after BM moved away in 2003).

The mediator said it would now go to judicial assessment.

1)  It this correct?  and what is Judicial assessment?

2) What if anything do we need to prepare for this step in the process?

3) Based on the facts above what do you think a possible outcome of this judicial assessment will be?


Dear Socrateaser / Burden of Proof
« on: May 02, 2005, 11:55:22 AM »
Who has the burden of proof in a custody modification case?
The person brining the action?



Dear Socrateaser / Ex-parte Hearing on Attorneys fees
« on: Apr 22, 2005, 03:41:38 PM »
BM and DH were divorced in 1996.  DH is CP, BM moved back to the area in January of this year.  DH has been trying to negotiate with BM to change the parenting plan, she is not cooperating.

DH got "served" (not really, they are not stamped, left on our door step and no court date) of an exparte hearing for attorney's fees.  Her attorney is saying she is eliglbe under FC 2030 to receive $$ from DH.

BM is claiming that she does not have the money to be represented to resolve the issues of modification of support and custody.  BM "lost" her new job in March.  

BM paid a $2,500 retainer to the lawyer that prepared the papers.

Ironically BM currently owes appox $ 2,500 to DH for past due expense reimbursement requests.

BM's income and expense declaration states she had $2,000 in income last month and $167 as the average monthly.  ($167*12=$2k)  Basically she is claiming that from 4/1/2004 - 3/31/2005 she only had $2,000 in total income.

She states in her declaration that the divorce from her most recent husband was finalized Dec 2004.

DH and I got a copy of her MSA from her most recent divorce.  Her ex-husbands declaration states that he was paying her $1,000/ month in spousal support from 4/26/2004 to date of divorce.  Also states she was collecting unemployment compensation of $1,200/ month.

Ex husband paid BM $15K in Oct 2004 at signing of MSA, and $40K in Feb 2005 for BM's share of the interest in the house. (After the date of divorce and the original MSA)

Alot more income than she put on her income and expense declaration.

You used the term "unclean hands" in answering another persons question a short time ago about the opponent being deceptive.


1) Will this information prove to the court that she has "unclean hands"?

2) How valuable will this information be to prove that she is not credible?

3) Will we be able to use this information in the custody hearings?

4) I looked up FC 2030 (Santa Clara county) it says it is for divorce and separation, does it apply to custody also?

5) Does the fact that she chose to pay a lawyer $2,500 to start a fight with us and neglect the childrens financial needs show she is acting against the childrens best interest?

Thanks a bunch!!!!


..... you might want to check it out.

I know that AOL and Yahoo both have that setting.

Dear Socrateaser / Bounced Check
« on: Jan 05, 2005, 04:57:53 PM »
Hi Soc,

One more question on the check that BM bounced to DH in October.

We sent all demands for payment as required by CA Bad Check law to her.

CA law says we can ask for a statutory penalty also.  (3x check amount, maximum of $1,500)

Check was for reimbursements of the Childrens Expenses, including Tuition.  We may have to file contempt charges to get her to pay.  She has not paid anything for the kids since Sept.

She called DH a few weeks ago and let him know she would be paying everything outstanding this month.  We want to send her a total so she has it handy.


1) Would it hurt us in any way to ask for the stautory penalty from her if we have to file contempt if she doesn't pay this month?

2) Will a family court make her pay all the amounts past due including the statuory penalty?

Thanks for your help!!!

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