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Messages - almostastepmom

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31
Parenting Issues / RE: Projection grilling (PAS)
« on: Jul 08, 2004, 05:33:31 PM »
I know what you are going through.  My SO has 2 kids (D-9 S-10) and instead of running home to tell mom what we say, they make stuff up so that she can call and yell at us.. especially me!  They are being brained washed by her because she doesn't want them to like me.  They actually use to love me and he's daughter even wanted to come live with us.  When she told her mother that, her mother went crazy and told her that she couldn't beleive she would do that to her and that if that was the case, just go and don't come back.  Now she is affraid of what her mom will say if she knows she actually likes me.  So they both make things up to make their mother feel better.
We recently told them there willl be NO LIYING in our house.  If we catch them they will be sent to their room and they will not do anything until they tell the truth and apologize.  Well, that only works with me, because their father says he doesn't want to ruin the weekend by punishing them, so in turn, I again look like the bad person and they relay that to their mother to.
I don't know what to do or say to them other then I don't even want them to come over because they might make something up that would be life altering to me, (ie abuse, which I would never do, I'm a nanny and love kids), but honestly I wouldn't put it past them.
So, I guess you just have to keep things to yourselves or don't disguss things that they could use as "amo"  It's horrable to think you have to watch what you say in your own home, but hopefully your children will someday see what their mother is doing or has done is wrong....
good luck

32
Parenting Issues / RE: Alienating dad
« on: Jul 08, 2004, 05:14:12 PM »
I agree with what wendl said..... file a contempt order.  NOW!  
We are in the same situation.  Mother makes things up about me(so's girlfried, but takes care of them more then dad because of work and I treat them like they are my own) and about why and how they got a divorce.  She even went and told them that they got a divorce because daddy had lunch and slept with another girl.  The kids were only 6 and 7 at the time.  The truth be told, which we "sugar coated" for the kids is that she had an affair with one of he's friends and verbaly abused him..  
I feel your pain, but you have to get control back.  Hopefully when you take this to court and start getting to see your son more, he will understand that what he's mother is doing is wrong and that you are a great father.
Good luck.

33
Parenting Issues / RE: Joint custody
« on: Jul 08, 2004, 05:05:53 PM »
We are in WA too.  Boy do fathers have a lot to over come in this state.  If you guys have any further court issues, let us know.  We are going back to court for more child support issue and are having a hell of a time trying to find a good lawyer and just don't have all the answers to the questions we need.
Good luck to both

34
Parenting Issues / What to do with rudeness?
« on: Jan 05, 2004, 04:27:24 PM »
I recently posted about my DSO's 8 year old daughter writing in her journal that she hated me.  That was at Thanksgiving time!  The next time we got to see them was the day after Christmas and they were staying with us (mainly me due to DSO work schedule) until 1/4.  
While both kids were at the house, they started to say they watned to go home, our house has to many rules, I'm to mean to them, etc.... All of this I either overheard or was told to me by a very nice 11 year old that cornered the 8 year old for being rude and wanted to know why.  She later came to me and told me what 8 year old said about me.
The thing is our rules are simple rules, not strict or harsh, but rules that I'm sure all of you have at your house and inforce, such as; brushing your teeth, making your bed, picking up your stuff, not jumping on furniture, USING YOUR MANNERS (which is a big one for me), going to bed at a reasonable hour, and things like that.
I don't think they have any rules or chores at their mothers house and have even said so.  They don't have to brush their teeath, that's why their teeth are yellow and have cavities, they don't have to keep their room clean, that's why they loose stuff and stuff gets broken.
I know that BM says stuff about us, especially me infront of them and of course they will not ever say what, but now the 8 year old won't even look at me or answer my questions.  My DSO knows what is going on, has talked to both of them, especially the 8 year old and says that talking with ex is just a waste of breath and nothing will change at her house.  I do agree, but in the mean time, what on earth do I do.  I'm getting no where with her except to the point that I want to bend her over my knee and spank her. UGH!!!!!!!!!! HELP

35
Parenting Issues / RE: Venting hatred
« on: Dec 03, 2003, 02:39:51 PM »
Thank you all for the responses you gave.

I did talk to her and told her that, while she sat next to me, I saw what she wrote.  I told her that I love her and her brother like they were my own children and what she wrote really upset me and hurt my feelings.  I also said that I take care of them and try to raise them as best as I know how and that being a child and getting in trouble sucks, but it doesn't mean that I don't love them.  I also expressed to her that it is ok to be upset, mad, angry, or anything else at me, but I would really like it if she would come tell me so we could work it out.  I don't like secrets and I don't like to be lied to. I did not tell her that I read the rest of the pages she wrote, I purchased that journal for her, explained what it was for, and told her that no one should ever read it.  I feel like a BIG hipocrit (not sure if that is how you spell it, but I feel horrable).
She wrote the words and I know it's because of her mother and all the brain washing she does to them, but it angers me to no end that one person could be that mean and messed up....
Thanks again everyone.


36
Parenting Issues / Venting hatred
« on: Dec 01, 2003, 04:40:12 PM »
We resently had my BF's 2 children over for the Thanksgiving holiday.  We have had some problems in the past but thought we were over and done with that.  Until this weekend when he's 8 year old daughter sat down on the couch next to me, with her journal and opened it up to the page the said the f word and had the words I HATE (me) in big letters and underlined in it.  I was crushed.  I didn't know what to do or to say to her, so I just put them to bed and called their father.  
I later that night, against my better judgment, read the other 3 pages in it.  It talk about 8 year old stuff and also about how I'm so mean to them and that their daddy deserves better and so do they.  All I do is nit-pick at them and everything is always their fault.  It also said that they are not to trust anything I say or do, because mommy said so.
I guess my question is, what the heck do I do now?  I love these 2 kids like they were my own and I am at my wits end.

37
General Issues / RE: Dr. Phil
« on: Jul 10, 2004, 09:16:57 PM »
I saw this story when it appeared during the day.... I could not believe the way both parties acted, ESPECIALLY the wife.  It made me sick to my stomach the way they verbaly abused each other and the way they put their children in the middle.
Unfortunatly, that is what my SO's ex is EXACTLY like.  Her attitude is, if I can't have it/them, then either will you and you will pay.  She is so vintictive, hateful, and just plain wicked.  She is the one that slept with someone when they were married and was very verbaly abusive toward him also.  She has custody of he's 2 kids and is now "brainwasing" them to believe that we don't want anything to do with them.  She is so called bi-polar and plays the role like a pro.  
I guess until now I have NEVER met anyone so hateful and spitful has this lady.  She just reminds me so much of the women on TV, I would say that they might be related.... lol

38
What about if you DH/SO doesn't do anything at all... Just lets the BM do what ever she wants.  Mine doesn't want to "rock the boat" I think he is affraid of her.  She did some heavy damage to him when they were married and he actually never wanted kids.  He is a good day, ALWAYS pays cs & alimony and has actually overpais her. But he just seems to let things slide instead of dealing with her and her unrational ways.  So I as a SM (or almost one) think that if he isn't going to do anything I should..... It's gotten me into trouble a time or two, but if it is going to benifit my skids then why not?

39
Second Families / RE: Stepmoms....help me out here
« on: Jan 11, 2005, 04:46:52 PM »
If you have read any of my latest posts, we are going through the exact same thing.  Our SD - 9 has become mean, hateful, and down right unapprecative of anyone that comes in contact with her when she is with us.  She use to love to hang out with me (SM). We would always do fun stuff together, but now she won't look at me, hug me, or even responde to me.  Her mother has been telling her stuff, but we just can't get it out of her.  We know she is scared of her mother, but would never say it again out loud.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, but am greatful that in the last post you said she appologized.  At least she can admit that she didn't want to say it, her mother made her.  

It is truly amazing to me that people use their children like a pawn in a game.  In our case, the ex uses them for a money ticket.... That is what she is all about..... MONEY< MONEY< MONEY!  And as far as the kids go, I know she doesn't want them, but she will make sure that no one else does.  She bribes them to come home and when they want to call us or come see us, she will tell them that they can go to the store and pick out something.  

 I really hope your situation has gotten better.  Ours is just begining and I have a awful feeling about it!

Good luck

40
Second Families / RE: Wonder when she's gonna blow
« on: Jan 11, 2005, 04:32:01 PM »
Sounds like we have the same problem... They are only nice if they want something or have something planned with the BF and don't want to pay for child care.  

Don't turn your back on her for a minute and don't think she's change....

Hope you enjoyed the holidays with the kids and nothing happened!

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