Messages

I thank everyone for writing in... it does help out a lot.  

There is some truth in the fact that I am jealous of the way the skids love their father, I wish I had that love in my life with them also, but I don't let it get to me and continue on with life.  I do cherish every hug, kiss, and loving words or moments that I have with them and these are things I hold in my thoughts.

Now I have sent a copy of both letters (one from mom saying I'm the problem and one from SD saying SO misunderstood her) to our lawyer.  I also made sure that I pointed out to her that BM lied in her letter saying that SD only went to the shrink this fall and doesn't need to see him any more, but when SO asked SD where she wrote the note at, because it was obviously not written by a 9 year old, she replyed that she wrote it at the "Doctors" office.  

Now if and when we go to court is that not good evidence that the BM lies?  And since both children are scared of her do you think having the judge talk to them would be a good idea or not?  

I agree with you totally about gaining his confidence and also on that it might be just because things with mom aren't great.  This is a kid that wouldn't hurt anyone and I think he is hearing from mom and sis all the bad things they say about me and he knows that they aren't true.  He is trying to give me a little bust of love to get me through the hard times.  

As for my hope of him living with us, I have none.  I've been through it before and just had an emotional crash at the end.  The not-so-great state of WA isn't for putting kids with their father any ways, no matter how bad the situation and I've heard won't even consider talking with them till the age of 13, so I just have to hope that things with his mom are going to get better, no matter how much I hate her and the way she is raising those kids.

I'll keep my head up, my expectations low, and love all the great moments I can get.

Thanks, I found one and got it.... It's on its way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey there!  

He is 11 right now.  I know I won't force the issue at all.  If he is serious he can come to us again.  The only problem I have is that I know he won't tell he's mother because they are both scared of her.  2 years ago when SD (then 8) said that and told both myself and her father we both agreed that she could if that is what she REALLY wanted.  She said it was and she told her mom.  Her mother then turned around and was mean and extremly rude to her.  This was told to us by not only her, but her older brother as well.  So we are in a worried that if this is what he wants he will not tell his mother.  Any suggestions?

I cherish everyone of those hugs and I love you's

Hi there!  Thanks to everyone that has been helping me out with the BM part 2 column.   I just had to write to ya all and tell ya about my weekend.  

I picked up the kids on friday, something I told myself I wasn't going to do, but did any ways.  Of course SD was a total brat and just sat in the back of the car and wouldn't say a thing.  SS was talking with me and chatting the whole way home.

When their father got home, SD went right up to him and told him that
she missed him and loved him so much, then looked at me and smurked.  I just laughed!  She did this all weekend!  I was so proud of myself I didn't let her crappy attitude toward me ruin my weekend. And their was an added bonus;  my SS all weekend would run up to me, give me a big hug, and then he would tell me he loved me.  I just would give him the biggest hug and kiss his head and tell him I loved him to.

Then something that their father and I thought would NEVER happen did.  As we drove them home on Sunday night, SS said to us that he didn't want to go home.  He wanted to stay with us.  We told him he will be back next weekend, but he said he wanted to stay with us all the time.  I about fell off my seat.  SO told him that he is always welcome to live with us and that if he did that ment   changing schools and making new friends.  He just said that would be fine, since he knows all the kids in the neighbor hood any ways.  We were in shock.
SD woke up in the middle of the conversation or at least she didn't move until then.  She HOPEFULLY heard everything he said.  

I think my SS had been hearing what SD and BM have been saying about me.  I also think he knows about the mean letter that BM sent to me.  He knows that I'm not like that and he is ALWAYS appreciative about the things I do for him.  

WOW!  I can't wait to see what happens this weekend when their father picks them up.  We don't know if we should approach him with the subject or let him bring it up again.  Does anyone have any suggestions???????????????????????/

First thanks for taking the time to write.  It means more then anyone can know at this point in time.

I understand that I can't stop her from saying what she does, but how on earth do I make those kids understand that I am not as evil and mean as they think I am.  

Last spring the kids went home after a great week with us (spring break) and told their mother all kinds of lies about me.  They told her that I was asking all kinds of questions about where the does the money their father gives their mother each month goes, why does their mother take money out of their piggy banks (which she does), and supposly asking questions about BM going out on the town all the time.  When in real life all I asked was ONE question, which I asked their father first and he couldn't tell me.  I ask if they both had savings accounts?  They both said no, and I let the conversation die.  
After that phone call I was so mad I could have done something rash, but I didn't.  The next weekend I distanced myself from them because I was so angry.  Then they decided they didn't like the rules that were set forth in our house.  Such as;  brush your teeth, make your beds, clean up after yourself, and you have to go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Then it started all over again.  I was mean and I would yell at them, which I have NEVER done since I have met them.

So I guess my problem is with both the mom and kids.  No matter what I do for them they always seem unappreciative and cold.  They are not only this way to me, but their grandparents also.  I don't want this behavior in my house so what on earth do I do?

Ok, I read and re-read all those post about how to cope with BM and I just laughed and laughed at all of you.  For I am in the same position.

First, please send me one of those dolls.... I do believe in Karma and I know where she is going in the end........ It isn't heven!

Second, I just recieved a letter today about why my SO's daughter has been acting out when she is with us (been together for 4 yrs).  She did not address it to both of us, just him, but I am the one that wrote the letter stating to her that we were having problems with SD- 9 and I signed my name to it.  She stated that I am the problem and if he got rid of the problem she would stop acting out!  

Now, I have been the ONLY person to communicate with her for the past 6 months.  I call to set up pick-up times and drop-off times, I send the kids cards, care packages, I did all the shopping for Christmas and birthdays and any other stinking holiday that comes around and this little girl and her mother are going to tell me that I AM THE PROBLEM!  UGH!  I will tell you that SO is a Police Officer and is working 3 jobs to pay her CS and SM... And he wont talk to her any more because she is now taking him to court for more money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love these kids to death, they are the only kids I will ever have in my life time, because we will not have any when we get married.  I treat them better then good, I love them, and tell them I love them all the time.  And here stands this BM that when those kids are dropped off, tells them that I am a bad person, speaks about us in a poor manner in front of them.  I never do that. Although I did call her rude one time for hanging up on me.  I have requested that we ALL sit down and talk about what is happening with them and she just keeps filling their heads full of bad thoughts and when I'm there she does her little I'm the best mommy in the world act.

So, I am taking someones advice, actually all of your advice and I will not speak to her any more.  This is not my fight!  I am tired of feeling like a horrable person because these two kids have been brain washed to not like me.  I am done!

And I'm not joking about the vodoo doll!  I need it!

Hate to not reply to original post, but I'm the SM and have a problem with the BM who has custody of the      2 kids and is Bi-Polar.  We don't know if she takes her medication, but we do notice BIG emotional swings when we talk to her, drop off the kids, or have any contact with her at all....
What do the courts say about all of this, can they play a role in it or do they just stay out of the way like normal?

I'm not sure where you live, but you need to get your lawyer to put a rush on those papers.  Go to the police and get a restraining order against that man.  If you most, when it's your time to see your daughter you have a policemen escort you their.  My SO is an Officer and has done this numerous times.  Don't forget to DOCUMENT ALL OF THIS.  
Good luck!

I'm in WA State and going through something just like this.  I'm the girlfriend and I am telling my SO to get a lawyer and do it now.  He finally did and I will HIGHLY recommend her.  We haven't gone to court but all I can say is get one and get one now!  You will be sorry in the long run and so will the kids.  We really couldn't afford an attorney, but we will do everything we can to make sure she gets paid so the job gets done..... The ex will continue to ask for more money, change the rules to her likeing and then stab you in the back when something isn't done to her likeing.  Just take my advice :  LAWYER, LAWYER, LAWYER
Good Luck