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Unfortunately I have no way of contacting Dad without going through stepmom.  I have his home number, and her cell number.  His work number is to the main office and they have told me they cannot connect the call offshore without there being a medical emergency.  Daughter was so sure he would call and this really is awful for her.  I have read up on PAS, which I am accused of, and I do not see the correlation.  Can someone enlighten me?  I am worried about hurting daughter unintentionally.

My appreciation to those dealing with PBFH because I feel like that is what I am doing. 

Just got an email from Dad's account saying that he will not call daughter and will forego any further visitation.  I am so sad for my daughter.

Just an update on this situation.

Dad came home and left a voicemail for daughter saying she has not choice but to go to visitation.  Daughter called back and asked him to call and talk to her.  That was two days ago and Dad is "too busy" to call, but can email me saying if I do not make her go then I do not support him as a parent, new wife using his name.  Dad will not call me or daughter and I feel stuck.  I am begging him to call and the email says that is disrespectful to make demands of his time.  I am at a complete loss.  Needless to say, daughter is not going this weekend and they are claiming to file contempt.  My attorney said to let them so this can go before a judge at their expense.  Legally I cannot make Dad be involved, but maybe the judge will say something to him to make him understand communication with daughter is important and not a demand.

Currently it does not say anything about when he was away, just that he must be present for visitation.  They had requested the email because they did not want to call only write to her.  That has been the rule since she was four.  There had not been an issue before so this one snuck up on me.  The understanding between us had always been to leave daughter out of the middle, but now that has backfired.   

All I wanted was for us to get along and daughter got hurt.  I did not realize how awful things could turn by allowing communication between stepmom and daughter.

Ocean--  Daughter has been in counseling for three years.  She likes being able to get the frustration out and that helps everyone.  I had not allowed contact between daughter and step mom until meeting with Dad.  He asked that this happen, and I agreed as they were pushing visitation but settled on phone calls at the time.  This was the first phone call.  The story is long so I will surmise. 

StepMom promised that a friend could travel with them and spend visitation with daughter and family.  All arrangements were made without contact with me.  In that, she texted daughter that Mom would have no problem driving the friend and daughter.  Friends Mom was not aware of the travel arrangements, she was under the impression that they would be doing all of the travel arrangements.  When I texted Stepmom, asking what the plans were, she called everything off and told me I needed to monitior daughter's texting better.  I emailed her and asked that we work this out because daughter was heartbroken.  She said nothing to work out and would call and explain that she was the one at fault with the situation.  When she called daughter and told her that there was not any chance of friend going daughter pulled ten year old dramatics.  She gave an ultimatum that if friend could not go as promised, then she was not going.  StepMom told her if she did not go she would take matters into her own hands and daughter would find out who was in charge.  Daughter freaked out worse and told her to talk to Mom and StepMom refused.  I took the phone from Daughter and told StepMom call was over and hung up. 

She then sent an email to daughter's account, thru Dad's email, saying she was overreacting and needed to be grown up about this and understand StepMom can make the decisions on his behalf and signed it with his name.  The reason we know it was her, Dad is offshore and does not have electronic communication.

There are no motions before the court.  The person representing them is trying to get them to understand the court will not make me agree to the terms they want.   StepMom says she has rights because child is as much hers as ours.  She emailed that she is willing to go to court to make this happen.  I have the feeling that court is the course of action that needs to be taken.  Current orders will be what we go by.

SimplyDad--  Good advice, I asked for the information and have heard nothing back since.  Lol

SimplyDad--Thank You for the information.  I feel that gives me just a bit more perspective because he has been making me feel selfish and unwilling to work on him seeing daughter. 

Unfortunately last night began a new turn of events.  Step Mom and daughter got into an agrument on the phone to the point I had to take the phone away because step mom threatened daughter.  I am not sure what all transpired, just found daughter crying on the phone and I took the phone away.  Today lawyer called and said mediation is ended until step mom and daughter make up.  I need to have daughter call her to apologize for saying she did not want to come for next visitation.  Step mom told her she would take matters into her own hands and make it happen if she had to put me in jail.  This came from lawyer.  Not real sure where to go from here?.?.?  I am thinking not mediation.

It was him who moved the 400 miles away.  I did recently move 20 miles further away from the location from where the order was set.  I lived in the country and decided to move into the city.  He did not contest me moving the twenty miles at the time.  Currently I drive 115 miles to meet him for drop off and pick up.  This has been in effect for 7 years.  Child will be 11 next month.  She has flown a couple times at split expense on both sides.  This stopped because he would not allow her to contact me upon arrival as per our original agreement. 

I have read several posts and participated in the forum in the past.  I learned one thing, there should not be a NCP side and a CP side, it should be the child's side.  I used to believe it was about my rights but it is not.  The child needs both parents and the only way he will see her is if she flies and if I pay for half of that.  She needs her dad and as twisted as I think he is, if I can help her have that relationship then I need to. 

I am not as understanding about the Step-Mom needing visitation.  If she wants to have her on the weekends that Dad is not home, then I will meet her 100 miles closer to her home.  I thought that was fair.  If his mother wants to see her, I offered to drive her to her house as we live 40 miles apart.  They want me to pay for the flight and I cannot get my head around that.

Thank You

Thank you much for the responses.  In Texas, there is a clause in the standard order, which we have now, that the NCP can choose to see child EOW even if they live over 100 miles away.  Right now he lives approx 400 miles away.  He says the time is his to see her and I need to make things easier by helping to split the costs. 

Thank you for the information about the attorney not being able to be an independent mediator.  Her representation was that she could be the mediator and take care of the paperwork.  In some ways I felt railroaded as this came up during a child support hearing and I was not prepared to talk about visitation changes.  I do feel comfortable that i have not signed anything.  Before signing anything I will have an attorney go over everything.

Thank you Again.

Hello All,

I have searched the forums looking for an answer and have not found an answer.  My ex husband wanted to do mediation with his attorney as mediatior.  I agreed to talk and have not signed anything.  His attorney asked that I pay for six plane tickets a year and six he will pay for.  This means that the child will be flying twice a month on the months that he is home.  I agree with that because it is easier on the child than driving six hours there and six hours back on those weekends. 

My problem is that he and his attorney want me to pay for 12 tickets a year so that she can have visitation with his wife and mother on the weekends that he is not home.  I do not feel responsible for that, and I could be wrong.  His attorney told me that the courts have determined visitation is for the family and not just for him when he is home.  I agreed that they could see her on those weekends at their expense but that is as far as I wanted to go.  I have not heard anything from him or his attorney since that meeting which was three weeks ago. 

Is it likely that a judge would rule in favor of visitation for his wife and mother at my expense?  I hate to fight for something that would ultimately be ruled in his favor.

Thank You