Messages

You say I don't know whats best for my son, I love how people on the internet know whats good for my child, I have tried to work tt out with bio dad, and he doesn't have money issues he makes 500 dollars a week, thats far from lacking in money, I have tried my best to make him see his son, if I have no car and license theres not much I can do, he is able to take him whenever he wants I told him just give me a call he never does, so its not my problem, also no my son does not love him don't tell me what my son does and does not do you don't know him, so really honestly if your ex's are passing your kids you deserve it because all you are, are know it alls when you know crap.

The point I am trying to make, he doesn't deserve the title of dad, he doesn't even care about his son, if he cannot even return his sons calls, when my son calls him, is that really a father that cares about their child?

Actually I don't hate him, as a person, do I think he is a good father, hell no, my son is not screwed up, the only thing that could potentially screw him up is when he gets older he is going to wonder why he wasn't important enough to his father, and why his father didn't come see him. His father can explain how clubbing and partying was more important, the father is the one that needs a good therapy session I think he would benefit from it.

Honestly if the roles were reversed and I was being a crappy mother, I think you guys would be jumping down my throat saying I was a bad mother, honestly you guys are the one's with the problem, don't TELL me what my son is going to need, or how he is going to turn out, I love how you think what you say is right well honestly pull your heads out of your butts you don't know my son you don't know how he acts, like I said just because you have an opinion doesn't mean its right. Everyone has their own opinion its what makes the world go round.


Honestly you all are self centered and think your right, lol well lets face it stop giveing yourselves a huge ego boosts, you guys are not right, every child and situation is different.

'What part of he has money to take his son places, he chooses to spend it on themselves, sorry but I get bad mouthed for my son calling his sp daddy. But yet nobody is pointing out how selfish he is by not putting his child first, like I said he makes PLENTY of money but chooses to go out clubbing with it, maybe the loser should put some money aside for his visitation. You know I can only do so much as parent, I cannot afford to give him money to take out his son, maybe he should take him to the park or something, or maybe go to his sisters house with my son, since she does live about 10-15 minutes from my house.

Even if I could drive I would not help out with transportation like I said he CHOSE to move away, even if I didn't have a license and I was the one who moved I would find a way to go bring my son to bio dad for his visits. A lawyer that I have talked to said the parent that decides to relocate is responsible for the transportation. So I am not obligated to drive him, bio dad expects ALOT. If I was the ncp who relocated I would NOT expect bio dad to cater to me and transport my child. At some point ladies whether you like to realize it or not, you need to hold these men accountable and let them take responsibility, its nobody's job to do the ncp's job as a parent. Bio dad tried taking me to court asking the judge to have him have visitation in my home, the judge told him no and that its NOT my responsibility and that if he wants to take him that it is his visitation so he must find something to do with him during that time. Sorry But you know what I think I am going to respect the judge and listen to what he ordered.

Actually I am not PAS'SING my son, maybe if bio dad didn't chose to be absent most of the time, my son would recognize his father as his dad, if he actually showed up and bonded with him. I don't see how its a slap in the face, maybe being a crappy parent is acceptable to you people but its not to me, bio dad is slapping himself in the face, nobody is preventing him from having a relationship with his son, nobody is holding his son away from him. Nobody is going to cater to bio dad, bio dad isn't going to come into my home and dictate that my husband cannot be in his own home, sorry but that just doesn't fly with me, my husband pays for the house, pays the bills, he can be home whenever he wants.

And I don't care what you expect me to do, honestly I don't care what people on the internets opinion is of me, sorry thats not the worry of my day worrying about what internet people think of me, lol I have better things to do in life.

Bio dad is selfish, doesn't care about his son, has done CRAP for his son but yet he should be called dad nope not happening, my son can call whoever he wants dad. Obviously he calls my husband dad becaus my husband has filled the dad role, and has been a dad, when bio dad hasn't been a dad. I left bio dad he didn't leave me, I left him because he didn't want the responsibility of being a dad, he was immature and wasn't ready to be a parent.'

'I never made my son call my husband dad so stop assuming things that you don't know anything about, my husband is the one who does father son activities with him, and goes to school functions and everything, have I given bio dad the option to attend these things? absolutely. Does he show up? nope, he would rather be out partying and with his friends thats his top priority, my son doesn't deserve a father who puts him as his last priority, why should my son lose out on having a father?

When my son looks up at my dh and says good night daddy, my husband isn't going to turn around and say don't call me that, sorry that can be harmful to the child.'


This website and forum are for establishing and maintaining the relationships that children have with their separated parents.  Throughout this entire thread, you have denegrated the father-child relationship and seem to want to shout anyone down who disagrees with you.  All the BS that you 'claim' are the faults of the father are just a smokescreen to hide the deep hatred you have for him.  Do you realize that any negative message about the father, either outright or covert, that you are sending to your child is basically telling him that half of him is damaged?  Wonderful message you are sending your child.....

Just remember this....you might want to point some of that anger back at yourself, since YOU were the one who chose to have a child with this guy.  Back in the day, they say a dime between the knees was a good cure for that, but I guess that tidbit is too little, too late.....

There are many links to enormous amounts of information on this website and you can find ample amounts dealing with PAS.  If you took the time to read any of it (which I seriously doubt you will), you would find that you are showing MANY of the characteristics of perpetrating the syndrome.  Congratulations.......

So, let me ask this:   WHY ARE YOU HERE???  When your son learned to talk, he heard others calling your DH 'Dad' and YOU AND YOUR DH failed to correct him from Day 1...that's called lying by omission.  And yes, you CAN reteach your child regarding who's Dad and who isn't and take into consideration the child's feelings at the same time...it's called maturity, compassion, and tact....try it some time.

You are so hung up on your hatred of the father that you will use any excuse you can come up with to justify fueling the fire of your anger.  Well, here's a new message:

TAKE IT SOME PLACE ELSE!

All you are trying to attempt here is to shout anyone down who disagrees with you....and that would be ALL OF US.  Take your campaign of denegration to some custodial mother's website....I'm sure they would all agree with you and give you the balm you apparently need to prove your point.

Then come back here in about 20 years and let us know just how screwed up your child is, how much therapy you've had to obtain for him (if you even bother), and how warped his sense of family and what a father and mother turns out to be.  We'll be all ears..........

I never made my son call my husband dad so stop assuming things that you don't know anything about, my husband is the one who does father son activities with him, and goes to school functions and everything, have I given bio dad the option to attend these things? absolutely. Does he show up? nope, he would rather be out partying and with his friends thats his top priority, my son doesn't deserve a father who puts him as his last priority, why should my son lose out on having a father?

When my son looks up at my dh and says good night daddy, my husband isn't going to turn around and say don't call me that, sorry that can be harmful to the child.

What part of he has money to take his son places, he chooses to spend it on themselves, sorry but I get bad mouthed for my son calling his sp daddy. But yet nobody is pointing out how selfish he is by not putting his child first, like I said he makes PLENTY of money but chooses to go out clubbing with it, maybe the loser should put some money aside for his visitation. You know I can only do so much as parent, I cannot afford to give him money to take out his son, maybe he should take him to the park or something, or maybe go to his sisters house with my son, since she does live about 10-15 minutes from my house.

Even if I could drive I would not help out with transportation like I said he CHOSE to move away, even if I didn't have a license and I was the one who moved I would find a way to go bring my son to bio dad for his visits. A lawyer that I have talked to said the parent that decides to relocate is responsible for the transportation. So I am not obligated to drive him, bio dad expects ALOT. If I was the ncp who relocated I would NOT expect bio dad to cater to me and transport my child. At some point ladies whether you like to realize it or not, you need to hold these men accountable and let them take responsibility, its nobody's job to do the ncp's job as a parent. Bio dad tried taking me to court asking the judge to have him have visitation in my home, the judge told him no and that its NOT my responsibility and that if he wants to take him that it is his visitation so he must find something to do with him during that time. Sorry But you know what I think I am going to respect the judge and listen to what he ordered.

Actually I am not PAS'SING my son, maybe if bio dad didn't chose to be absent most of the time, my son would recognize his father as his dad, if he actually showed up and bonded with him. I don't see how its a slap in the face, maybe being a crappy parent is acceptable to you people but its not to me, bio dad is slapping himself in the face, nobody is preventing him from having a relationship with his son, nobody is holding his son away from him. Nobody is going to cater to bio dad, bio dad isn't going to come into my home and dictate that my husband cannot be in his own home, sorry but that just doesn't fly with me, my husband pays for the house, pays the bills, he can be home whenever he wants.

And I don't care what you expect me to do, honestly I don't care what people on the internets opinion is of me, sorry thats not the worry of my day worrying about what internet people think of me, lol I have better things to do in life.

Bio dad is selfish, doesn't care about his son, has done CRAP for his son but yet he should be called dad nope not happening, my son can call whoever he wants dad. Obviously he calls my husband dad becaus my husband has filled the dad role, and has been a dad, when bio dad hasn't been a dad. I left bio dad he didn't leave me, I left him because he didn't want the responsibility of being a dad, he was immature and wasn't ready to be a parent.

I just shake my head.....
YOU picked his father. If father is having difficulty getting to you and paying for the visit then you should be encouraging and helping in any way you can. Since you do not drive, you can not help out that way so that is why he is asking to do it at your house (but he can still pick up child and go to a place where it does not cost anything-park, library..).  To drive an hour to you, not have money to do anything, to take child for an hour or two and then drive back is rough (not that he should not try either). It takes both of you to parent and work together. If your new husband and ex do not get along, then do not have your husband there at exchanges.

The calling dad issue, you chose that for your child as he was a toddler when the issue came up. You wanted your child to call your new husband dad and that is what happened. You can not blame a 2 year old for calling your new husband "dad" when no one else was doing it in the house. That came from you. You could of had a picture of bio-dad and pointed to it often saying that is your "dad", this is XX. We both call him XX.   

What you are doing is PAS'ing your child. Many of us here have dealt with it on the other side. Having your child call another person "mom" or "dad" is a slap in the face, especially when everyone does not get along.

Once he is in school and people ask him who your husband is, is when your child will start to understand the full meaning of all of this. "well, he is my dad but not really my dad...i call my dad...xx".

We/I do not expect you to go home tonight and tell child "no more, call him by his first name". BUT you can start having talks about the differences between a dad and step dad. That he has XX who is his bio dad and when he sees him, it is okay to call him dad too.

Please make sure your child is not listening or can hear you when you are talking about his bio father (birthday issues -on the phone, overhearing conversations....).

The best scenario is you can offer to meet with bio dad and you at a public place and try to work some of this all out (or back and forth in emails?). It would be best that you all work to parent this child and allow him to love all the families involved. Print out a Sept calendar and fill in school days and ask him what days he can come get child, even if it is once a month for now until everyone can afford the visits.

My son is 4, almost five. Even before my husband was in the picture my sons bio dad was not really an involved parent. When I first had my son, I came down with the flu, I asked bio dad to watch my son and he said it wasn't his responsibility and that I was the mother and that it is my job to take care of him whether I am sick or not. He is never there, one time when he was living 5 minutes from my house, my son was ill and I had to take him to the emergency room I called the bio dad and he actually told me that he couldn't get up out of bed and that his sleep was more important that bringing his son to the emergency room with me, YUP, but this is a guy that should be called dad. Father or not a father who does not do for their child should not deserve the title of daddy. Sorry plain and simple.

Depending on the childs age I think that it is the childs choice. I have a 13 yr old SS and a 14 yr old SS both of which have always CHOSE to call me "mom". I have other kids of my own both older and younger and my 13 yr old SS has always made the comment that I have been more of a mother figure for him then his own. They have both been told that they are welcome to call me whatever they were comfortable with as long as it wasnt disrespectible. So my opinion is that each case is different.

do not tell me what is best for my child until you meet him.

I feel bad because his bio idiot refuses to take visitation unless I pay for his visitation or I let him visit at my home. I feel bad that obviously he isn't that important to his dad.

No I cannot atleast agree to this, I am not going to agree to something I don't agree with just to pacify you, everyone is entitled to there own opinion. Now I am tired of discussing this topic, so topic closed.

and part of faciliating the relationship does not include me giving bio dad money to take his son out or opening my door for a visitation location.

PERIOD.