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The right of refusal states:

"There shall be a right of first refusal with regard to caring for the children.  Each parent should be present with the children during parenting time.  If one parent is unable to care for the children for more than 4 hours during his/her parenting time, that parent shall offer the other parent the option of providing care for the children prior to engaging the services of anyone else.  The children shall specifically not be left with baby-sitters, compensated or not compensated, friend or family unless the other parent first declines the opportunity to provide care for the children. The parent exercising the right of first refusal shall return the children shall return the children at the time specified by the parent unable to care for the children."

My understanding is the intent is so the children are not left with sitters.

NCP did not want to assist with summer camp. Now NCP parent lost/quit their job and is now invoking this clause to get kids while CP is at work during the day.

NCP having kids has caused all sort of issues and contempt charges about 12 counts have been filed.

Is the intent of right of refusal clause so that other parent can become primary just by quutting job?

How would courts be petitioned to stop NCP from abusing right of refusal clause? What arguments should be used?

NCP now under impression they cannot look for job or pay support because they have kids all day?

How would you reword right of refusal paragraph so that kids can enjoy being with CP's family at least three days mon, tues, wed as NCP has them every thursday,friday and every other weekend?

That's part of my concern, that none of my issues have been brought to the table. I'd like to be on the offensive (action not smell) not the defensive. The request for mediation is minor compared to the other issues and I would rather have my counsel's expertise put to more effective use. Heck, I bet the judge would toss the request for mediation if he knew what I was bringing to the table because then he could see and in my opinion say to the mom, follow the orders of the court first before you start this frivolous request for mediation.

All of the issues I bring can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Court order says go right; mom consistently goes left or just sits - willfully and with disregard for the authority of the orders. Mom wants her support reduced but has refused to pay her part of other expenses per order of the court. She never provided her tax information for the previous year in which support was initiated, so no one knew what her true income was.  Also, when mom was the primary residential parent she lied to the state that she was not getting child support even when an order existed (fraud) and I have a copy of the signed paper work indicating such. I have current attendance records from school that show 90% of days missed are day (Friday) mom is ordered to take child to school. There is a span of 2.5 months where child missed every Friday.

I know bias still exists in the system because if the father were to do the above things, his access to his children would cease or be very limited or he'd be incarcerated. I see the systems ease in persecuting one gender over another. The under tones are frightening. Even in this case it appears no one, attorneys or judicial, wants to "pull the trigger" on the mom as if they are governed by some unwritten rule/force. In a democratic society it's scary and gives one gender/race/class a feeling of superiority while trying to make the other second-class.  And it's spreading down like a cancer through the school system in the treatment and education of boys and girls.

Thanks again Soc for your insight and wisdom.

As the judge told the mom and I before custody trial, if you want to proceed you are rolling the dice, so think about it seriously for a few minutes. I thought about it for a second because no matter how the dice turned out, it was better than what I had been getting.




Soc I was just reading your response to the poster above where the CP would not get the child and I have a question.

Court order says parents are to share equally in afterschool care and the NCP does not pay.

Should the CP go back to family court to collect or go to small claims court? What would be the advantages to either?

Yes I am in the dark about legal procedings but I figuire I can do just as well as the mom who is pro se and does not have to pay funds. My funds are limited also. I would have no problem arguing my issues , it's the procedings that I am unclear about. In the past I have felt mom had this unbridled tongue while I was limited in what I could say because I had counsel. That's an akward feeling. Frankly my feelings are to go pro se now or I can wait till I am in the hole and counsel bows out.

At any rate:

1)The mom filed motion to request mediation 3/14/06 to be heard 3/21/06. I received motion 3/16/06 and faxed to my attorney 3/17/06. At the hearing I asked my atty to squash it as the issues were not things going to mediation would help. My attorney asked judge for time to respond and date was set for status 30 days out.

I was concerned because it was not squashed but set for status.

2)My attorney was/is in the process of preparing pleading for my rule to show cause and motion to modify for the last month.
-Show Cause: 8-9 reports filed for failure to bring childback at court ordered time or not at all
- Blows off court order therapy for child when she is supposed to take him
- Child missed multiple days of school when mom is supposed to take child

-Refusal to pay court ordered equal share of fees,afterschool care, music fees
-Shows up where dad and kids are on days not scheduled for her visitation. This dramatically increases child anxiety level

There are a couple more provisions violated also.

Modification will ask to limit days so child can not miss school and so child can get therapy as mom is affirmatively acting against best interest of child.



Thanks for all your work on this board, it is so noble.

Father(CP) retained counsel for contempt charges(about 30 accumulative ) and motion to modify.

Mother(pro-se) filed motion for mediation for issues that are cannot be addressed via mediation and need  a judge to be dealt with i.e. reduction is support, changing schools. Mother filed motion and had a hearing date in 6 days.

Father had retained attorney a few weeks prior and faxed attorney copy of motion 4-days prior to hearing. Attorney asked judge for time to respond. Nothing else father has retained counsel for has been initiated. This concerns me.

Father is thinking of going pro-se as already $800.00 for review of information, calls and appearance to ask for time to respond and status 30 days out.

If father goes pro se he will ask for motion for mediation to be stricken as issues need to be addressed by someone who has the authority to bind and hold in contempt.

Looking for proper procedure:

1)Can father ask for hearing date for rule to show cause and modification at same time asking for motion to be stricken?

2)Does father need to have motion for rule to shoe cause and modification ready at this time?  What paperwork needs to be filed if a hearing date is set?

At hearing evidence is presented by both parties.

3)Does the judge decide at that point or is it referred for a trial?

Child in after-school program at local "Y" on CP's court ordered days and signed in under supervision of staff.  Program open to parents visiting with open observation. NCP usurps authority of staff and child is now under ncp's control while still signed in and supposed to be under staff's control. Child get's injured, staff cannot complete incident report other than saying injury happened while under the supervision of parent instead of staff.
   Whose liability is this?

State of Illinois-

NCP continuously violates orders. Thinks they are above the law

If both parents make roughly the same amount per, what incentive is there for NCP to not violate orders if they may not be held liable for CP attorney fees? NCP cries broke, no money but continues to willfully violate orders. NCP knows it cost CP money to hire counsel and go back in.

What other consequences should be asked for?

What would you recommend to break the cycle? WHy does CP have to continuosly pay for NCP vindictivness?

Facts are that emails are sent along with attachment regarding shared expenses.

No response is received from NCP regarding their portion of fees. Me thinks they will use the "I never got any information" excuse as they are deleting the emails. I want to be able to show dates,times, and email address sent to.

I have two questions:


1)   How effective are emails as proof of delivery if the person it is sent to deletes it as  
 soon as they see who it is from? Is confirmation of delivery effective proof?



Child in after-school program at local "Y".  NCP comes in and prohibits the child from participating with peers and under direction of staff under pretense of "helping with homework". The child is still signed in while the NCP does this. There were "isolation issues" prior to this by the NCP. The NCP does not do this on their days.
My understanding is that any parent can visit from the point of view of observing.
 
2) How can NCP be prevented from prohibiting the child from interacting with peers, participating in activities, with staff and being social, other than just pulling child from the program?
   

Thanks for you suggestion. I am in the process of sending written correspondence to the school.

I have one other question and need to know if it can be addressed at the same time under the same motion.

Orders, entered 7/05, state whomever has child on weekend is to take him to his court ordered therapy appointment. Mom has blown off the appointment 5 times, 2 being within 24 hrs. The other three there were no calls or a call 1hr before appointment time. Therapist feels child getting worse, due to mom's sabotaging and manipulation.

Mom is affirmatively acting against the child's interests by routinely taking the child out of school, etc, canceling/sabotaging therapy. Mom is also hanging around after-school program and interfering with child's playing, learning and creating anxiety in the child.

1)   How would you motion to effectively make mom's time from Saturday at noon to Sunday at Noon (Current or states child to be returned Sunday morning)?

2)   How would you motion the court and that her time be supervised and that she stay away from after-school program?

3)   Is there any other part that you would recommend be addressed?

4) What kind of information would I request Therapist to include in letter to show how parent is sabatoging therapy, how child's behavior is becoming worse, how manipilation is effecting child, how parent's separation issues are creating anxiety in child etc....

School has already sent emails to both parents stating "Please try to have child in school everyday, it is very difficult for child to catch up".  Eighty percent of days absent and 100% of days tardy have been on NCP's watch. NCP is very passive aggressive.

NCP pulling child out of school for dental appointments, not informing CP of whom dentist is, appointment or location. Possible contempt of order. It is not is kids best interest to miss school. Dental appointments should be scheduled for Saturday or days out of school.

Order gives NCP Thursday after-school until Friday after-school. Order also states child should must attend school everyday school is in session except in case of illness.
 
1) How can CP get school to stop NCP from pulling kids out of school? On day that is not  their day per the court order?

2) What type of letter can be sent to the school to stop NCP from pulling kid(s) out, unless due to emergency?