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Messages - ladiva23

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Custody Issues / Time Limitations on Child Custody Trial?
« on: Oct 18, 2011, 12:35:35 PM »
Does a trial really drag on or is there supposed to be a time limit?
We began trial on October 4, 2011 and our lawyer was out sick today, so the next court date is November 23, 2011.
Remember, the same day PBFH filed to stop his visitation, my DH filed for full custody.
So while that part of visitation has been restored, we are now fighting for full custody.
Are there any websites that can assist my DH with practicing to be on the stand?
Our lawyer seems to always be unavailable.

Second Families / Re: Reflecting
« on: Oct 18, 2011, 12:12:52 PM »
I've been feeling down, especially with the trial being adjorned until next month.
I just logged in a read this.  Thanks a mill Wife1

I am using a template for a job search form, thanks Ocean for giving me the heads up about the newspapers. I'm not saying he will order it THAT low, but he currently pays $100 a week for current CO so it will be less than what I offered her I think.  And good looking on the whiteout thing, I say I was being nice to her because I was going to give her CS based off my salary - minus expenses now that there is only one income, but now she can just deal with DH's income because I tried.

Second Families / We talked for two hours yesterday
« on: Sep 06, 2011, 06:00:44 PM »
As you know, I tried to work out an agreement on CS with her due to my DH getting laid off.  I guess what aggravates me MORE about the CS stuff, is that we had a two hour conversation with BM right before I sent her the agreement, where we discussed a lot of the issues.

I don't trust her, at all, but I'm willing to call a truce.  I will never believe anything she tells me unless she actually does it, (you can see why I don't trust her, "Yes Diva, lets work on an agreement and stay out of the courts." -now we are going to court; "Hey, Diva, I dunno why we always have separate birthday parties for the kids, we should go half this year." but I get stuck paying the whole bill).  She told me that she's not a bad person, and she's never had a problem with me or any issues with me. I put her on pause. I listed everything she has ever said or did to me and she admitted it. Thank God she admitted it, but she also denied a lot of stuff that I have proof of, stuff that was verified by my phone company saying all sorts of racial slurs about my mixed race, that I'm only here to pay my husbands' bills and that I'll never be as good as her.

She says she prefers to discuss things with me rather than with my DH, but I just don't believe in her, I mean she caused all of this and then says "I'm tired of going to court"... I'm not saying she can't change, but I personally think with change comes consistency.  And its only been two days.  -__-

What do you guys think?

Pfft @ the PB!

My DH was laid off and so I reached out to this woman, even after everything she's put us through with the custody trial.

She agreed that we could come to terms without utilizing the courts.  We are in NYS where its 25% for two kids.  I told her two percent of zero is zero, she said she was tired of the courts, so I spent like three hours typing up an agreement with disclosure any everything.  I enclosed the CSSA annual obligation chart and she says:

"I'm going to meet with a lawyer to review" so I said that was fine.  She said she will review with a lawyer and get back to me.

She texts my DH tonight and says she spoke with a lawyer and advised her to let the court handle it.  SO much for her wanting to just deal with it like civilized adults.

I figured that she was going to do the switch, mostly because I'm convinced she suffers from SOME kind of delusional disorder...BPD maybe? So I had already typed up forms on my DH behalf and had him sign, mailed and delivered STRAIGHT to the courthouse.

Why am I so angry with her?  I should be happy because now, DH's obligation is only going to be $25.00 - $50.00 a month, and I clearly offered her $200 a month, plus 50% of incidentals, and health insurance on my HMO.  So its less money out of my pocket.  I should be happy right?  I tried to explain to her that because his unemployment was involuntary, and he was looking for work, and his annual support obligation was already low due to both a pay and hours cut two years ago, so his unemployment is worth squat like $184 a week, so he will definitely get a modification.

She doesn't get it or she doesn't want to get it, or she still likes going to court.  I think this is why I am so angry.  I know that once the CS gets modified that low, then she's going to ask me for assistance... but I will probably say no.

I'm getting a little bit more than peeved.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Aug 30, 2011, 05:12:34 PM »
@Kitty: Thank you so much, and here I was thinking I was clever LMAO!!!!!!!!!  That just goes to show you my spirit.  I used to be at the point where I would have loved to sit down and talk with her... but I'm over it.


I'm not dead wrong. I specifically said "I can only speak on children who have a deficiency." Meaning, I can only speak on children who HAVE a deficiency.  If your children do not have a deficiency, then this does not apply to you or to your children

I also said "we have to realize that every situation is different" - Obviously, yours is because the stepmother was the antagonist.  

I also said I also "highly doubt that if EACH set of parents, whether bios or steps were doing all the right things by their children and not their emotions."  - According to you, the stepmother involved with your child was a ruffian and it backfired on her.  Your children,  now that they are older, really have no connection with her, because she tried to disconnect them from you.  The same way any child will have no connection with a bioparent who tries to disconnect the children from the other bio-parent or new family unit.

Father's Issues / Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
« on: Aug 30, 2011, 01:30:37 PM »

I can see what you mean by a double edge sword.

On one hand if you guys let it go, she will just keep poking the bruise so to speak.

But on the other hand if you punish her the kids just take it all wrong. :?

Praying for you guys!

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Aug 30, 2011, 01:06:20 PM »
OH! And I'm not jumping on the bandwagon of OP.

I think OP is just dead wrong for not following steps 1 and 2 in my post.. but as you say.  That is just my opinion!

I'm just answering the question of what stepparents should be called.


Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Aug 30, 2011, 12:37:42 PM »
I respect the place that OP is posting from - I really get the frustration thing, I do - but if the child is under 5:

1) Husband/Wife or Girlfriend/Boyfriend really shouldn't be called "dad" or "mom" unless the bio-parent hasn't been in their life AND
2) It is regularly addressed who their biological parent really is.

To a certain extent, I agree with posters who say a child under age five would be mimicking the words mommy and daddy, but we have to realize that every situation is different.

With my now almost 8 year old SD, I overheard her telling her 11 year old cousin that she doesn't get mad if people think I'm her mother or mix up the two moms.  The cousin said "but she's not your mom, though." and SD said "Yeah, but she does everything my mom does." 1) I'm touched that she was defending me and 2) I think we really need to see the situation from a child's eyes.  If the child is old enough to express a continued desire to call two dads "dad" or two moms "mom".  Then why not? Aren't we only suppressing their need to be consistently affirmed where they stand?

I read a lot of posts on here to help me get through my situation, and I see the same recurring theme; the children are initiating SURVIVAL mode when with either parent! One poster wrote that her SD/SS - I don't remember - said "Now you can call me my real nickname, I just didn't want my mom to get mad."  My SD actually LIED to her mother last night on the telephone and said "I tried to call you, but I called your old cell phone number because I thought it was working."  BM must have told her "You know my new cell by heart" because SD said "Yeah,  but I forgot that I knew it."  I look at my SD afterwards and I asked her about why did she tell that story to her mom, when every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have to force her to have a minute long conversation with her biomom. BM: I miss you. SD: Me too.  BM: What did you do today? SD: Played in the park, watched a movie on TV, went on a boat ride. BM: Oh I'm glad you had fun, where's your sister? End of conversation.

SD at 7 1/2 PURPOSELY tried to switch up the conversation to make it more interesting to her mother, so her mother could show more of an interest in her.  How do I know? I used to do the same thing with my step-dad (whom I called Daddy) who I felt paid more attention to my siblings than me.  So to SURVIVE emotionally, I used to do all sorts of things to get his attention.  I see the same behavior being exhibited by my SD with her BIOLOGICAL Primary Big Fat Head Mother.  ( I only wrote that because I've been trying to figure out what PBFH stands for, and I figure that's about a good a guess as I'll ever come up with)

My name is phonetically a repetition of one syllable (example) LeeLee. Its easy for kids to say.  However both skids call me "mom" from time to time and at first it really bothered me. I was like we already have enough problems with this lady, this is the last thing I need.  So after correcting the child who at this point has a tear-stained face,  "I'm LeeLee" your mom is who you should be calling mommy"... I just let it go. Let them be who they are. No one over here is even suggesting that is what they call me, I'm called by my first name by everybody.

To whomever said "stepparents shouldn't be called anything" well that's nice.  I'm wondering if you do feel steps should be called something like au pair or babysitter or "roommate" as BM in my situo has so nicely called me. Even though I am legally married to her ex. She is so nice.  It is okay if she comes to me directly to pay for $400+ birthday parties, school uniforms, ballet classes etc, then I am a great stepmom and she's telling me in front of the kids "Listen to LeeLee, otherwise you guys are gonna be in big trouble." but when she is not getting her way, or if she didn't get any from the latest lover or vibrator the night before its "tell that b* if she wants to put braids in someone's hair to have her own f* kids."  Such nice adjectives when speaking about your children.

To wrap it all up, I can only speak on children who have a deficiency in their mother or father figure.  I highly doubt that if a mother or father was doing the right things by their child/children would their child even fix their lips to call another person "Mommy or Daddy".

I also highly doubt that if EACH set of parents, whether bios or steps were doing all the right things by their children and not their emotions, then this board wouldn't even be in existence.

Ms. D

Second Families / Re: Reflecting
« on: Aug 30, 2011, 11:28:13 AM »
sending big hugs to all   

Awwww and there's always the impending trial to look forward to in a month!

Talk to you all soon!

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