Messages

11

Custody Issues / Re: so we left the country: advice on how to continue and raise a healthy son

« on: Nov 07, 2011, 06:35:52 AM »

california child support keep stating that they have nothing to do with custody and visitation.
he will have to open a case
i may consider closing the child support case

12

Custody Issues / Re: so we left the country: advice on how to continue and raise a healthy son

« on: Nov 06, 2011, 04:54:29 PM »

well I guess I can always close the case
we will see
I know it is a risk but I also can´t see a judge asking me to turn my son to a father unless they prove I am unfit and there is no way he can prove that.
I know 50/50 is ideal and I know he could request custody but it would be insane to see a judge removing a son from a mother´s side.
I hope this never gets into an international battle
we will see
but I didnt want to see my son in the middle of so many lies
 

13

Custody Issues / Re: so we left the country: advice on how to continue and raise a healthy son

« on: Nov 06, 2011, 12:04:04 PM »

thanks for your reply OCEAN.
the day I left, I called Child support and they said the case could go on and it might be difficult but doable. They said nothing was done yet as it was a pretty new case so basically he only got a ltter of intent and they were still trying to calculate earnings before srving him. I was told he could contest paternity and w might need a DNA and I would have to take baby.
 
So that is how the case was left. I didnt close it as even though it could bring custody issues, I feel it might be the best way to protect out child.
I knoe CA is 50/ 50 and I am not only out of the state but out of the country but honestly speaking, the father has not provided anything in 4 months, not even a diaper and not even a caring message not even when he knew his son was at NICU.
 
His sisters are angry at him not at me for moving as they know as mothers how imporant it is to feel lovd and accepted.
I can contact the father by email and I have sent him updates but he never responds.
Before leaving I was able to text him to a skype or google number as I know the number he provided me with is not his cell ph and I dont have his house number
I know some people on this list blame me for leaving but what kind of environment was the father providing his son with? lies and no love at all
 
I have been very nice to paternal side of the family.They havent asked for a physical address but they have emailed me and enjoying gtting photos.If they want to visit, they are welcome to
father said that I will see him again.You see, he says you will see me..he does not realize I am interested in his son seeing him not in us seeing each other
the last day I was in the US, the father texted me that he wanted to come by. I told him that I was running last errands but that the baby was home with the nanny and she could assist him changing him and feeding him. He did not show up.
 
I am not angry at him and I am trying to stay open without generating hard feelings on any side
that´s why I asked for advice on this group
 

14

Custody Issues / Re: so we left the country: advice on how to continue and raise a healthy son

« on: Nov 06, 2011, 09:15:24 AM »

we don´t know if I was not supposed to leave
We don´t know where dad llives
we don´t have a single relative in the US
if I had an accident or an emergency my son would have probably ended in foster care as all my relatives are abroad
here, if I have an emergecy he has so many people
dad was simply unavailable for him and if he has a change of heart, he can email me
 

15

Custody Issues / so we left the country: advice on how to continue and raise a healthy son

« on: Nov 06, 2011, 05:22:13 AM »

First of all, let me say I am posting on this custody list when in reality, this issue may never turn into a custody issue.I guess it is my positive thinking assuming that one day father would want some kind of custody.
My concern at this point is how to raise a healthy child and how to keep a decent communication with his father and paternal side of the family.
After hoping for some paternal feelings and seeing there were none since my baby´s father is actually marrid, I decided to relocate abroad where my ENTIRE family lives.
My question now id advice on the following:
 
shall I give my address to the babys father? We don´t know where he lives (only a state and city)
shall I give the address to the babys aunts ? they have been really involved
Everyone knows the country where we are, period.They get updates by email
shall I close the child support case I opened in CA? Part of me believe it was the right thing to do for my son
 
He is too little to ask questions about dad but those are things I will have to deal with later
 
thanks everyone and please don´t blame me for blocking any opportunities for my son to bond with dad but dad kept saying it was ok for us to leave and that he would never attempt to get custody of the baby
 
thanks
Tana

16

Custody Issues / Re: do aunt and grandparents have any rights?

« on: Nov 06, 2011, 04:19:16 AM »

well yes, as they say  "you made your bed ... now lie in it".
I know my little one may grow affected by not seeing his dad but the whole 4 months living an hour away from dad were challenging.
First of all, I was hospitalized as I went into early labor. I was kept pregnant for 2 weeks at the hospital and dad was on ignore mode the entire time. He would ignore calls, texts and email. Thn my son was born and he stayed in intensive care and again, his dad never responded to a single call.
His dad eventually came out of ignore mode 45 days after our son was born.
He came to see his sone once and spent an houir with him during that time he did a DNA test and I told him that I didnt need the results as I had no questions.
Then he saw his son for the second time 2 weeks ago as he knew that we were leaving.But he only spent with him the 20 seconds that it might take to hold a baby and get two photos taken.
His entire family know but I feel that he is not being honest to his wife.
He got a ltter of intent of child support and he was super pissed and tried to get an out of court agreement.
I would have considered staying if I had any indication that this man would try to do the right thing and be honest with his wife as my child needs to grow in the truth.
It would have been ok with him to stay if his father would have acted differently
But his actions showed that he would continue to harm the well being of our son by nver being able to take him home or even know where he lives or where to call him.
I did get a child support case started and I was told by child support agents that since nothing had been done, it was ok to leave.
So since I have not a single relative in the US, I really thought that bringing my son abroad was the best.
I know we parents make mistakes sometimes and we will see if this was the best or not...
I know his father at some point may want to see him but I think he was more interested in sleeping with me than in bonding with his son.
so we will see and thanks everyone for your input
 

17

Custody Issues / Re: do aunt and grandparents have any rights?

« on: Nov 02, 2011, 08:34:50 AM »

dad has been saying that its ok for us to leave and relocate abroad
I have emails...nothing else
he also says he will never take my son away from me and he knows he is in good hands
yes, sister has seen the baby 4 times and has sent clothes and diapers
father saw him 2 and provided nothing
i don't know what the wife knows but his entire family know and they said they plan on visiting
 

18

Custody Issues / Re: do aunt and grandparents have any rights?

« on: Nov 01, 2011, 07:40:53 PM »

I know that I am blocking his father from eventually wanting to see his son but in 4 months he made no emotional or financial connection with our son.
I have zero relatives in the country and if I stay it would ONLY be to spend birthdays and holidays ALONE as his father is married and can't tell his wife he has a son he would like to connect with.
I'd hoped that his father would be open about what happened and that he would want to be part of his sons life but I think he ONLY wants to protect what he has: his marriage.
he has been kept informed of everything: labor, hospital, doc appointments, photos, etc
he does not seem to care
Don't bl;ame me for not letting my son grow near his father but his father is "happily married" and it feels that he needs to hide the fact that he had a son.We can't even call him at home

19

Custody Issues / do aunt and grandparents have any rights?

« on: Nov 01, 2011, 07:25:00 PM »

I have decided to relocate abroad so that my baby grows near his entire maternal family.
I am the only person listed on his birth certificate and his dad saw him twice.One time for less than 5 minutes.
He knows we leave and has made no comments so I think he really does not care.
he has provided neither love nor financial support for his son
His sister on the other hand is really involved and she is sad that we leave.
Can she pursue any legal action?
do I run any risk by leaving?
thanx
Tana

20

Visitation Issues / leaving country w my child: do I run any risk?

« on: Nov 01, 2011, 06:39:11 PM »

I have decided to relocate abroad so that my baby grows near his entire maternal family.
I am the only person listed on his birth certificate and his dad saw him twice.One time for less than 5 minutes.
He knows we leave and has made no comments
do I run any risk by leaving?
thanx
Tana