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Messages - foughtandwon

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i was actually 2 days away from leaving the country when my dad called and told me the state took custody of my son.
my commander was kind enough to listen to me and agreed that it was better for me to stay back and take care of things as much as possible before went to Iraq.
I found out what was going on and got my case plan from CPS. i completed everyting then had to play the waiting game. since i there was nothing else i could do i found my way to Iraq and did what i had to do. after deployment the case was still active and i just picked up where i left off. It took 10 months after my deployment before thigs wrapped up.

I guess my CO was just left wide open. I assume its because it was a CPS,custody issue.

i cant imagine how she would have first right. If i wasnt there to gain custody cps would have severed(sp???) her rights and put him up for adoption. thier words not mine.
i still get mad everytime i think of the little girl and her dad thats to chicken to fight for her. i thought that if he saw me win he would change his mind and atleast try.  

guess it might be time to start looking for a new job. i really wanted to do my20 years but if its gonna cost the saftey of my son its not worth it.

first off thanks for all the replies to my last topic. Even though everybody has thier own view, it gives me a place to start my research.

a few new questions.

1. hopefully this doesnt happen any time soon. If i had to deploy again, can i appoint a legal gurdian to care for him or does BM have first right?

dont start flaming, remember, because of her recent actions I feel the need to protect him.  (i still hope she wakes up one day and can be an adult about things)

now if during my deployment she manages to get temp custody of him do i get custody when i come back? or is the 6 month rule gonna get me here and once again go into a fist fight of a custody battle?

my current thought is to, give a power of attorney to either my dad or sister as a guardian and send him to bm home state. that way bm can visit him more offten and he will still get the love/support he needs.  

why not send him to BM? she has no clue on how to care for him, he is already behind in school and in her custody would fall back even more. at this point there is no amount of parenting classes or training that can help her. ( you can lead the horse to water but cant make it drink)

2. BM missed her call this weekend and didnt even call monday to try and make it up. what should i do next?

my thought is this. wait for her to call this weekend. inform her of the calls being recorded and then get her to agree to a specific time every week. after that keep a log of missed calls.

I know her and she is crazy enough to try and take my back to court.

If or should i say when she does, i want to have documentation of these kinda things.

Father's Issues / RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« on: Jan 18, 2005, 10:20:52 AM »
>First I want to applaud your service to the rest of us and for
>being there and taking a stand for your child.  It certainly
>appears you are totally together on all the issues.  I would
>also like to applaud your spouse for supporting you thru these
>difficult times.
>There was one thing you asked I did not see addressed.  Under
>the premises of the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction
>Enforcement Act (UCCJA/UCCJEA) the original jurisdiction will
>maintain jurisdiction as long as one parent remains in the
>jurisdiction... generally speaking  but (there's always a but)
>judges can agree lose/gain jurisdiction based on the child's
>'significant connection' to another states and for other
>reasons.  There's information on SPARC about this or you can
>search the net.  I'm just a Dad..not an attorney.  
>I have no idea how to stop a psycho female from saying or
>doing anything they want at anytime.  If you discover a cure
>please let the rest of us know !!
>In the day, female military were known as WACKs, WAVEs, WAFs
>but no one was ever able to tell me what you should call a
>female marine.  Do you know ???

I'm working hard on a cure. just tryting to figure out this time travel machine the instructions are in korean.
i kinda figured i would have to go to court to change jurisdiction. i'm gonna wait till my next duty station (5 months) and change my residency and everything

female Marine????
when i first joined they were called WM's Women Marines
now they are simply MARINES

Father's Issues / RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« on: Jan 14, 2005, 09:06:43 AM »
ok the whole CPS/custody case is over for me and my son.
it was kinda of a weird thing where i was charged witht he same stuff she was. fine i got a court appointed lawyer that way. now the mother was given a case plan and she messed it up. i followed up and completed mine before deploying to iraq.
while in iraq she continued to mess up on her case plan and claimed i wasnt the father. upon returning form iraq i took a dna test and was proven to be the father. the mother again kept screwing up her case plan. only after about the 100th time of her messing up i was looked at for custody. it was found that the only reason i wasnt given custody was due to a legal impediment. well after filing more paper work and crap that part was taken care of. it then came down to a custody matter and the courts found it to be in my sons best intrest to be with me.
now the only reason she is still involved with cps is because she still has a daughter in the states custody.
talking to cps the only reason her daughter hasnt been put up for adoption yet is because they know the great grandmother will adopt and that would put the little girl right back in the same place she came from. so i guess they are determined to show her what she is doing wrong and correct it for the little girls best interest.
so all custody matters on me and my son are done(for now anyway i know it will never be done) theis was a a final decsion not a temp custody thing.

now the way i see they only way she could try and get custody back is to. complete her case plan for her daughter. prove her self as a fit mother and then try and take me to court and prove me unfit (or prove it to be in my sons best intrest)

with her extended cps case i find it hard to belive that she would have a chance at all. throw these false reports she has made on top of theat and its really an up hill batlle.

i make sure to allow her contact with my son via phone calls once a week and well visits but thats kinda pending right now

reasonable parenting time leaves it wide open.
i thought  13 days over x mas was reasonable and the 5 weeks in the summer is now looking beyond reasonable.  at the most i will send my son to my dad give her a schedule of when she can pick him up and drop him off. for 2 reasons one to stop her from making more false reports and becasue she always comes up with excuses why she cant drop him by to see my dad.

Father's Issues / RE: Agree - that's what I understand ....
« on: Jan 14, 2005, 04:59:40 AM »
yes he is in a base school and also goes to base medical

she hasnt tried anything yet

i will record her next call to my son and ask her for the doctor info again.
that way if she refuses i can catch it on tape.

Father's Issues / RE: you are wrong Jilly
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 12:59:47 PM »
CPS did contact me after they investigated and closed the case
funny thing is the case worker ( the orginal one ) got a chance to see my son during this investigation and said he is so much better now then he was before.  that she only saw positve changes in his life.
so the case was noting more than the intial investigation
(and thats cause they have no choice, they have to investigate)
nothing further was done they saw him and closed the case.

I asked
cps what i could do to prevent her making reports everytime he visits, they said pretty much nothing but that it is a misdamenor to make false reports.

then talking to the original case worker she agreed that i shouldnt send him out tis summer because the BM was going to continue to make false reports, and fill his head with crap

i am really worried that she is so intent on getting him back that she would do anyting , even filling his head with lies.....
and that in my eyes is the true emotional abuse.


Father's Issues / RE: you are wrong Jilly
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 11:47:27 AM »
hold on just found another part
guess you can never read these things to many times

the wishes of the childs parents as to custody
it says
****** is seeking sole legal and physical custodyof his child *****
the mother ********* is also seeking sole legal and primary physical custody of the child
but at the very end it also says *****(bm) has also expressed a willingness to consider joint legal but with primary physical custody

so it would seem to me that with this said
and the statement at the end of this i would indeed have sole legal and primary physical custody (with her part of custody be visits)

Father's Issues / RE: you are wrong Jilly
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 11:38:26 AM »
ok now we are getting to make a little sence here
i have read th3e CO back and fourth and have it right here in front of me.
it does not specify sole legal. i guess i was ass-ume ing that sice the order said sole it covered both.

under best interest it says
"it is in ******* best intrest that ******* (me) have sole custody and primary physical custody with unsupervised parenting time with ****** (bm)

then on the last page is where it says

******** is awarded sole custody of ******** and******** is awarded resonable unsepervised parenting time as agreed to by the parties

i guess it can be beat to death either way but seeing how it originated as a CPS case i think she would have a heck of a time trying to get anything changed.

i am stil gonna meet with a lawyer localy and see what they say. i only have 5 months left at my curent station so i may wait till next summer since i know how long cort matters can take.

Father's Issues / RE: One thing ya'll are missing....
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 08:53:39 AM »
 Although, why she'd be getting
>unsupervised visits with suspected sexual abuse is beyond
>me...that's the Court/CPS for you.

this has disturbed me from the begining. luckily there was no signs of this on my son, just the little girl (that doesnt make it any less upsetting though) but i have always though anybody that would do that too a 2year old girl is sick enough to do it to a 5 year old boy. anyway the courts/cps never dug any deeper into the issue and it was kind quitely pushed under the carpet. i guess they had no suspects and just wanted to focus on helping the mother become a better parent

the case worker was alos upse about the unsupervised visits, she saif the judge has made some weird calls before so i was lucky to get what i did.

 Also, we don't know
>EXACTLY what their CO says with regards to legal/physical
>custody. I think he stated earlier that he has SOLE Physical
>and legal custody.  If that's the case then, NO the BM can't
>get any information from the school or doctor and can't take
>their son to the doctor.

the CO says just that
sole custody for me "reasonable unsupervised parenting time for her"
above that it says
the court will refrain from entering an order reguarding parenting time.

and the part i hate
the court retains jurisdiction with respect to parenting time if the parents are unable to work out an agreement on thier own .......................................

the only reason i dont like that part is, i dont want to have to travel back and fourth to court again. i wounder if i can get that changed or if there is a time limit on it...

oh and she still refuses to give me the name and number of the doctor she took him to

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