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Messages - foughtandwon

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Father's Issues / RE: hate to burst your bubble...
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 08:38:55 AM »
>But whether you give it to her or not, she can get the school
>information and call the teachers..she doesn't need your
>permission to do that. (Ask me how I know...)
>She also doesn't need your permission to call the doctor and
>get medical info either...(ask me how I know that, too).
>I am not going to argue this with you but I am going to say
>one time...it is to your benefit and your son's benefit to
>cooperate.  Custody is never permanent, as anyone on this
>board can attest.
>Best to you.

the school principal said he was gonna talk to the schools attorney to make sure they are doing the right thing.
I have nothing to hide and he is doing well in school i talk to the teacher all the time and she only has good things to say and tells me she can tell exactly what i have been working on with him.
medical record well there is hardly anything there
so weather she gets them or not she has nothing to point fingers at.
i just dont want her to think she has found something and drag this back to court. that would be a strain on everybody emotionaly and in turn would effect both my children.

Father's Issues / RE: FERPA
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 08:20:37 AM »

>Um, no it is honestly in his best interest if you do get her
>involved in his school, so she can learn how to help him and
>understand what the expectation is for him to do well.  It
>sounds like she never was involved in his learning process and
>it would be to your son's benefit to have both parents

i'm gonna hve to disagree with you. i am all about the 2 parents and working together thing. however at some point you have to realize in some cases it is better that the child be protected form 1 parent.
she had a simple case plan form CPS to follow.
she made it clear that she put herself before the children and she continues to do so, that is why after 2 years her daughter is still in foster care.
she even pulled the "he's not the father" trick. a quick DNA test proved that to be a lie.

so you tell me how is it in my sons best interest to give his info to a parent who only wants to take him away from me and put him back in harms way??? either by medical or emotion neglect and the posible sexual abuse
he is in a good home now, i have tried numerous times to help his mother and everyting gets thown back in my face.
so i would have to say at this point right now anyway she doesnt need that info.
now if down the road some where she matures and can see that what she was doing was hurting hiim i would reconsider.
but right now she is not thinking straight

Father's Issues / RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 07:52:29 AM »
>I would suggest you treat her exactly like you would want to
>be treated.  Take the high road.  What is the harm in her
>having medical and school info?  It is, what it is.  IMO, by
>withholding it looks like your hiding something.
>My next statement is NOT about you so don't get offended.  But
>too many times the legal system/winner take all attitudes
>cause conflight where there should be none.  
>Parents (plural) should raise children not the legal system.
>It's so sad when a parent acts against the the best interest
>of their children because the hate their ex.  Been there with
>CPS, so I feel your pain.

well thats exactly how i was treating her. it even caused conflict between me and the wife. she felt i was being more supportive of the bm than her. we have worked things out and are fine now.
i offered bm many options and she threw them all in my face.
you can only be the nice guy for so ong when people are craping on you.

i'm with you on the parents should raise and not the legal system. thats i never took her to court for custody before. i paid my support with out the court telling me to(i dont want praise for that, it should always be that way) and day after day i would ask to be in his life and for him to come live /visit with me.  for 5 years i kept hope alive that one days she would see the good in that and agree. she never did and the only reason i got custody is because CPS was involved. so its not that i took her to court to take him away she took her self to court and gave him away.

when he was first born her dad even told me that if we ever went to court he would fight me every step of the way.

Father's Issues / RE: FERPA
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 07:42:58 AM »
>I was thinking along the same lines. I send friendly
>reminders to my son's Dad about important school dates,
>meetings, field trips, etc...
>Sounds a bit of a tit for tat thing, to me.

you know if she was willing to work together on things that would be great but she has nothing but bad intentions.  from flat out lying on the stand to directly insulting my family

i know people probably say it on here all the time but she is really mentaly disturbed. she cant see the fact that he is better off with me.

i even offerd joint custody in mediation and she threw it in my face. once it was clear i was going to get custody i then offerd joint legal custody and she again threw it in my face.

he concern has always been one thing
a pay check.
she braged at one time about getting child support from me and support  from her ex husband she said if she had 1 more child and got support for it then she wouldnt have to work anymore.

Father's Issues / RE: FERPA
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 07:32:57 AM »
>How far does mom live from you?  Maybe YOU could provide her
>with school info so that she doesn't have to contact the
>school.  Give her a school calendar, tell her who your son's
>teacher is, occasionally send her some of his school work.

we live 1400 miles apart.
i have thought about sending her some but you would have to be in my shoes to under stand.
it is honestly in my sons best intrest that she not be involved with his school. for one she has done nothing to help him there. he is 5 years old and like i said before he didnt even know numbers 1-3 or any letters. yet we would tell me of all the video games he played at moms house.

if she was to have the school number she would constatly be pestering the teacher and office staff. she would talk her lies and pretty change the way teachers view my son.
right now he is in a stable home and has a solid routine i stck to.  

honestly if she was so concerned for her children she would have complied with CPS request. she still has a chance to get her daughter back but she still wont comply with CPS.

Father's Issues / RE: FERPA
« on: Jan 13, 2005, 05:52:10 AM »
>**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

thanks for the info

of course i always take everything i read here at half value and then research further for my ouwn satisfaction.

as of wed the school said no one has ontacted them for his info. there were on thier toe though cause me wife had to pick him up for a doctors appointment and they questioned her and verified she was on his contact sheet.
the princapal said he would get with the school attorney and see exactly what they can and cant do.
no worries here though cause i talked to the school records clerak and he doesnt have anything in his records anyway. i guess (here anyway) kindergaden records do not include report cards.

like i said i wouldnt mind bm mother looking at recods its just that i know she is trying to build a case against me.

when i took him to his first dental appointment they found lots and lots of problems. about $900 of it not covered by my ins. wanting to keep her informed of his health, i called and let her know and then asked if she wanted to help pay. i felt that would help her feel as if she still had involvment in his life. that of course got turned around into me neglecting him.
sorry but the damage done to his teeth didnt happen that quick.

Father's Issues / RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« on: Jan 12, 2005, 11:56:14 AM »
son is 5

talking to the cps case worker(the old one from the real case) she says the same. that i should get a therpist to recomend supervised visits that way if she does get the nerve to take me back to court i have someting to stand on. until than i will continue to keep the phone lines open for her but just record the phone calls( i arleady did all the checking on that and i am within the law)

the court order only says "reasonable unsupervised parenting time"
i think 5 weeks in the summer would be a bit more than reasonable.
as stated in another reply the plan is now to send him to my dad for a week or 2 and set up times for her to pick him up and drop him off.
this way he is a little bit more protectd and plus he gets time with grandpa. its a shame that she always found herself to bust to run him by my dads house to say high or even say merry x mas. luckily he sent his gifts to me.

i guess i will look into therapy for him now

Father's Issues / RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« on: Jan 12, 2005, 11:42:57 AM »
what is ferpa and where can i find more info on it?
i contacted the school and gave them copies of the custody papers. they said they would contact their lawyer and find out what they can and cant do.

why supervised visits?
1. i dont want her filling his head with stuff.
2. she is still involved in a CPS case for her daughter (the same case that involved my son, going on 2 years now) she keeps refusing to comply with cps request.
3. as stated before there was posible sexual abuse, during all this i find out her father was involved with a cps case that involved sexual abuse (he knew she was being molested by family members and didnt stop it) so now you can see a dangerous patern here (she leaves my son with her father a lot of times)
4. i dont want to send him to visit and something bad happen to him and i be held at fault for not protecting him. (that doesnt come across right, i dont want anything bad to happen period)

it has been 6 months since the custody change i know she is still hurting but i have kept the doors open for her to keep in contact and this is this is what i get for that???
i hate to hid behind legal paper work but i really feel like i have to protect him form her.

as it stands right now. i am going to send my son to my dad for summer and she can pick him up and drop him off there.

i am still thinking of getting him therapy. he was neglected so bad as a kid then once cps got involved he was tested, inspected, probed, tested, evaluated, tested etc... etc......... i wonder how he managed to keep good spirts though all of it. i wanted to give him time off from all this constant probing and just let him be a kid for a while.
his teacher says he is doing great considering all he has been through
even though he is behind the rest of his class (he didnt even know numbers 1-3 when he started school) he is making huge progress.

Father's Issues / mother doesnt know when to stop
« on: Jan 12, 2005, 09:36:54 AM »
i was awarded custody of my son via a CPS case. my son was removed from her care for medical neglect and possible sexual abuse.

anyway during his first visit back (x mas break) she runs to CPS and reports me for emotional abuse. they investigate and close because the find nothing. she then takes him to a doctor and has him say i punch him in the stomach.

now she is pestering me for his school info.

now what exactly does "sole custody" mean? i have sole custody she has unsupervised parenting time.

i am assuming since i have sole (physical and legal) custody she no longer has a right to school/medical records.
i wouldnt mind but anyone can see what she is upto here.
and is it also illegal for her to take him to a doctor? (unless it was an emergancy) and then with hold the doctors name and number from me?????

i am thiking of taking this back to court and trying to get her visits supervised.

i am military so i move around alot. i  agreed (not in court or writing) to send him out for x mas and summer breaks but now i can see this not the safest thing for my son

BTW her CPS case is still on going she has a daughter that was taken at the same time. total case time is going on 2 years now

i know false reports are a crime so i have kept the cps letter and still trying to locate the doctor he went to. i have also started recording her calls.

Father's Issues / RE: you might of said this
« on: Sep 29, 2004, 04:15:50 AM »
thats kinda still up in the air. the judge gave me custody then said for us to work out a parenting plan. if we cant agree then either one of us can bring it back to court.
well she was seeing a therapist and she asked me to come in and talk about visitation etc, it didnt really work out cause i felt the thrapist was thinking of the mothers best intrest not the childs. not to mention what she typed up totaly twisted all of my words, and the fact that the notary was her husband. (things just didnt feel or sound right there)one of the areas we couldnt agree on was deployment.
my wife has already said she wouldnt feel comfortable keeping him for that long of a period by her self. so we agreed he would return to arizona maybe with my dad or sister. she of course says he has to return to her.

but here is my problem. since this was a CPS case i learned alot about how they work. so im affraid that if i return him to her during a deployment and she again endangers him then it is just as much my fault as it is hers. then i get to go back to court for all this again. my other concern is that the az law says who ever the child has lived with for the last 6 months is the custodial parent. so thats kinda like handing him back after a 18 month battle.

luckily it doesnt look like i am leaving any time soon. his mother has also seemed to forget about him already. the first 2 weeks she called on sunday as we agreed. the next week we werent home so we had to call her. but for the last 3 weeks no call what so ever. I have lost her number so i cant call her but if i was in her shoes i would be calling every day of the week until i got a hold of somebody.

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