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Messages - ER

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Dear Socrateaser / RE: Decisions involving school???
« on: Sep 14, 2006, 06:53:43 PM »

>>3. What are my ex's rights in regards to this decree and
>>that we have shared-parenting, what can she do and not do?
>Question is way too open ended. Please be specific.

Soc, I guess by that question I mean:

 Who would have the final say so regarding school issues if a conflict arose with no agrement between us?

We just finshed a year in court for medical decison making giving me the rights after a lot of confusion in the parenting plan. Being that we have a shared-parenting custody it is not a true 50/50. Our plan is so vague that even the school cannot figure out heads or tails even when I handed the "correct" papers to them.  The schools' concern is who makes the final decisons when both parites cannot agree as opposed to being a joint decision. This becomes a problem with the school given our child has special needs.  No where in the parenting plan does it say anything about. Same as when it was with medical decisions.

Dear Socrateaser / RE: Decisions involving school???
« on: Sep 14, 2006, 10:36:30 AM »
yes, BM has pulled stuff many times because she is a Social Worker as uses this to scare others.

She has already went as far as to claim the EIC on 2 years taxes by stating our son lves with her more than 6 months.  

I wonder how that is when school is approximately 9 months out of the year and he lives with me!!!

Dear Socrateaser / RE: Decisions involving school???
« on: Sep 13, 2006, 05:25:14 PM »

Had final trial today and won from the ex's motions she filed agasint me.
One area that I feel is still grey is school. Although I thought I was the residential parent being that it was never stated in our parenting plan (we have shared-parenting but not a true 50/50 visitation) There is a clause in regards to school that states:

"Father is designated resdiential parent for school purposes"

1. By this decree what are my rights in regards to schooling?

2. Does my ex have the right to fill out school papers being that she is NOT the residential parent for school purpsoes?

To clairfy that last question: My ex filled out a form for reduce lunches at school today for our son. at school. The information she provided was regarding herself as well as indicating that our child resided with her by listing her address. This has been a slight ongoing problem with the school as they cannot figure out who has what just by the parenting plan.

3. What are my ex's rights in regards to this decree and given that we have shared-parenting, what can she do and not do?

4. What if anything can I or my attorney do to convey to her in a nice way what is right or wrong...(my ex gets upset quite a bit)


DD--I am going through this right now in court with my ex. We have Shared Parenting but I am the residential parent.

Let me tell you that our plan was so vague that no one knew what rights each parent have. Top that with us having a child with special needs as well!!

Our problem became medical decision making. The plan allowed for both of us to have it but as Soc stated, she could hire, I could fire, I could hire and she could fire. It would never end. This is just one of the many pitfalls of "shared-parenting" It has become the "norm" in my area and it also has caused many problems for parents that do not see eye to eye.

All I can say is she filed a motion and I counter filed a motion for decision making rights. We are nearly one year into this and on our 4th pre-trial hearing as of this last Wed. We had a GAL and the interviews just like we were beginning custody all over again. The GAL found in my favor but my ex is fighting it all the way. It was determined that given our situation one parent has to have the final say otherwise the well being of the child would be at stake.

She is allowed to be invovled in any medical therapy or doctor appointments. I on the other hand have the right so far to make the appointments being RP and keep her informed. Her problem comes in if she were to be given the decision making rights she would change everything that was set into place for our child. This is not good when you consider it to be in the best interest.

The only advice I can tell you is that a motion may have to be filed to have the courts clarify the order or to actual state who has the decision making rights. Again, you both may have a clause to participate and dicuss these issues but if you do not agree then one of you has to have the final say. Like it or not.

>>3. My attorney and I discussed asking to vacate in the
>>shared-parenting plan due to the many ambiguties and would
>>like to submit a new plan that is more detailed.
>This isn't a question, so I have no comment.

Sorry Soc, what I wanted to ask was...

Given the ambiguties of the parenting plan and the fact that my ex and I have a child with special needs, my attorney and I discussed possible a vacte of the current shared-parenting plan so that a more detailed plan to fit our child's needs better and to alocate the duties and responsibilities of each parent.

Is this something that could be granted given that the orignal parenting plan was ordered 9 months prior to my ex filing a motion to change the plan?

Just to elaborate a bit further on this..All the mediator is doing is additing modifications to the current parenting plan that my ex and I partially agree upon but other areas a judge will decide since we cannot agree.

Dear Socrateaser / Mediation and questions
« on: Aug 05, 2006, 04:48:37 AM »
Hi Soc!

I will try to make this brief but apoligize if it gets too long...

Mediation was yesterday over a medical decision making motion that my ex filed. GAL ruled in my favor to have the decision since it was not listed on the parenting plan. My ex is fighting this as well as other issues. Also, "residential parent" is not listed on the parenting plan that is shared parenting but copy of plan I have has it but copy in court records does not. There is an additional court records filed that gives me "residential parent for school purposes" Our child lives with me but gets visitations with his mother. I ask at mediation for the clause of residential parent to be added back in and my ex said she whould does this only it she got more time with our child.

1. How much weight is given to the GAL decision in regards to the motion filed for medical decison making rights if and it looks like my ex wants a trial to fight this?

2.Will a judge allow the "residential parent " clause added to the current parenting plan, given the confusion from the orignal being ambiguious?

3. My attorney and I discussed asking to vacate in the shared-parenting plan due to the many ambiguties and would like to submit a new plan that is more detailed.


Dear Socrateaser / RE: Tax question and fasle statement???
« on: Mar 10, 2006, 09:58:03 AM »
I agree and that would be fine but my ex does make more than I do and she refuses to discuss anything unless she gets the final say so..

That is why we are in court again and again...My income and business has basically been spent on lawyers protecting our son and fighting a rich father that gives her the funds to continue so I have no guarantees I will be able to fight much longer as I may have to sell my business just to pay the attorneys. It is the old slow death of bleeding me finacially till I have no more, then they will take our son away from me.

I have seen her refunds when we were together. I let her take the whole claim including her own child as well. Rather than put the money in an account for the kids, she blew it on credit cards and what "she" wanted. It has not changed. In fact, my ex pays CS and I save as much of it as I can for my son's future. In fact, I still have just close to a 1years's CS payments!

Dear Socrateaser / RE: Tax question and fasle statement???
« on: Mar 09, 2006, 07:56:57 PM »
>>1. What can happen and what can I do along with my attorney
>>regards to this false statement and EIC claim to the IRS.
>>(Accountant told me that an audit will take place more than
>>likey now when I file for 2005 taxes)
>When you receive the audit letter, you send a copy of your
>orders showing that you have the bulk of custody, and then it
>will be up to the other parent to rebut your proof. If he
>can't, then the IRS will take the EIC away and penalize him.
>Don't make this a bigger deal than it is.

Soc, this year I have to file an extension so it will be a bit before I file, but the accountant gave my attorney a copy of the signed statement my son's mother claimed that he was living with her in 2005 as well as the tax returns. This was how I discovered the claim.

That was what I was wondering if could be shown in court during our hearing for CS and taxes?

>>3. Can visitations count as a true day with living with the
>>non-resident parent.  I think my ex is using her visitations
>>days as saying my son lives with her those days.
>Courts generally give a day of custody to the parent in whose
>home the child sleeps during that day. The IRS would use the
>same system, but it will never get that far. The bureaucrates
>will just look at the court orders and whoever is awarded the
>majority of custody/parenting will get the nod.

By the court order, it states I am the residential parent, period with the mother having parenting time/vistiations..


Dear Socrateaser / Tax question and fasle statement???
« on: Mar 09, 2006, 11:57:38 AM »

Through our court motion with the ex and I, my attorney reqested my ex's tax returns in regards to child support and a motions to give me back the tax exemption for our child that my first attorney gave without my consent.

I reveiwed them today and found a problem. Ex by our 2004 court order can claim our child as a dependant beginning 2005 and until the child is 18. Now, we both have the same accountant. For 2005 my ex claim our son but also claimed the Earned Income Credit as well Head of Houshold and listed that our son lived with her. I am the residential parent per our court order and my ex gets visitations with EOW only plus 8 weeks in the summer on/off between us.

I called the accontant for clariafication. She knew this and explained to my ex that she could claim our son as a dependant but she could not get the EIC because our son lives with me. Ex yelled and got confrontational. Accountant knew she was lying but to diffuse the situation in her office made ex sign a document stating that she is admitting of our son living with her was true. Got those sent to me.


1. What can happen and what can I do along with my attorney in
regards to this false statement and EIC claim to the IRS. (Accountant told me that an audit will take place more than likey now when I file for 2005 taxes)

 Ex claims son lives with her because of shared-parenting plan and her attorney said to go and file it.

2. How is it determined where the child truly lives if ex does not want to follow parenting plan?

I know he lives with me,  but if we go by the exact days to our court order does that determine where the child truly resides?

Our case of residency - simple math - a typical month with 31 days. Son lives with me 25 days/nights - mother 6 days/nights.

If we go by visitation - son lives with me 25 days/nights - mother 6 days/nights but gets 4 hours visitations of 7 days as well but no nights for a total of 13 days but only 6 nights.

3. Can visitations count as a true day with living with the non-resident parent.  I think my ex is using her visitations days as saying my son lives with her those days.

4. What if anything will a judge do or look at this?


Soc, sorry for being long

I know it sounds like I am trying to hide somthing but in reality my mom passed away 6 years ago and left some money and investments to me. No where near 10MM!!! Sometimes they pay a nice dividend periodically but not every year and it is no were near enough for income to survive on without a job. My ex never knew about that becasue we were not married and second, I did not feel it was her business.

I was concerned that her attorney would go after those assests as I heard it can be done in custody cases forcing me to spent that. I can support my son without what I inheritated. I report everything on my tax returns so there is nothing to hide and I do not get paid under the table. I think the reason for the 5 year documents is they might know about my mothers inheritance and I also re-did a home 2 years ago to sell for a profit but the home sale was reported as income in court during the Child Support figuring. I even checked back 5 years of my tax returns and to be honest the average is what I was always been making. Nothing was really significant.

>You stated that the other parent filed for custody (I thought)
>and that could take a while to resolve. If it is resolved in
>your favor, then support may not be an issue, so discovery
>would no longer be relevant.

A year ago we had our Custody Trial with Shared-parenting being orderd. My ex was ordered to pay child support and medical for our son. The parenting plan adopted was by her attorney and it became ambiguitious to anyone that had contact with our meaning shcools, doctorc, etc.. It is too long to go into but it had marks on it crossing things out, it was never signed by my ex, me or the judge. Just too confusing but my old attorney wouldn't do anything about it.

As residential parent I had the right to make medical decisions by the parenting plan now, but my ex and her father feel I have hurt our son because of a fellow Social Worker that I explained to you earlier. Our son has some developmental problems.  That is the reason she filed the motion. I am not too worried becasue my son is doing excellent and I have the documentation and it has become a control issue with her father. He is extremely wealthy and very intimidating and controlling. I fear this willno way be the last time I will be in court with my ex. I will assume when I go bankrupt then it will stop because that is the intention by my ex and her fahter..

1. Thanks for the information.

2. GAL interview is WED, any thoughts on explaining the problems I am having with her father and his controlling of the situation. (Daughter gets money if she does what daddy wants her to do)

Thanks again, I will talk to my attorney about the questions and do the best.

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