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Messages - ER

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First I was not married to my ex, and second my ex was never happy she had to pay child support to her son as well as medical insurance. Actually her father pays her monthly in check to balance out her income which really does not have an effect.

I am self-employed so for the last 4 years my income basically was stayed the same, infact I gave 3 years returns to the courts when we were determining the CS order. but the attorney submitted the highest income of those years.

Here is what they are asking on the income side:

Copies of all bank statements for past 3 years
Documents relative to the receipt of income for past 5 years
Tax returns for the past 3 years
Banks which have done busines with past 3 years
Identify all soruces of income past 5 years and the exact amount from payor

As for statements you are correct. My bank does not send them in check form but actually I get a photo copy of them for my business but not personal. Any other statements would cost me $$$.

One note, is that custody was already ordered as a shared-parenting. a year ago and I am the residentail parent but it is not a 50/50 split. My son lives with me and his mother gets visitation. That is why the fuss over CS is an issue for her.

1. When the court calulates income, my orignal attorney told me all I would need is income statements or tax returns. I did not need to produce anyting else such as balances on accounts or balances of securities or holdings or any estimates of net worth.  Is this correct?

2. When you commented about the custody issue being resolved before answering the questions were you referring to the recent motion my ex filed about medical decision making and awaiting the outcome of that?

3. Can a non-residential parent have medical decision making rights through the courts or be granted them?

Thanks again!


Ex filed motion to change parenting plan to give her medical decision making rights and to re-instate a Social Worker that I fired due to unprofessional conduct regarading the well being of our child.

My attorney countered filed with the same motion of keeping the decision rights with me as residential parent and an increase in child support due to change in circumstances to my ex's income.

Pre-trial Judge orders a new GAL to make decison and investigate.

My attorney sent me a Interrogatories and Request for Production of Documents that has to be answered in 30 days from my ex's attorney.

The request asks for all my incomes records from 5 years to present. Any other sources or income plus and banks I have dealt with. The requests ask for all witnesses and documentation including tape records prior to trial. (we have not even got anywhere near there) No where does it ask about our son or anything realated to him just income and documents.

1. What exactly does this mean and how does it relate to my ex's motion or my motioned filed.

2. Do I have to answer these inquires to an extent as some of this as some of the questions I feel, have no importance on our case.

3. Is this just an attorney trick regarding child support since she pays me and claims she has no money but yet gets money from her father all the time?

4. What are my options to defeat this or counter this request.


Dear Socrateaser / RE: Soc-motion for change in parenting plan??
« on: Dec 11, 2005, 07:37:53 PM »
>>Any insight?
>If you have an objective witness to bias against you displayed
>by the social worker whose removal is the basis of the claim
>against you, then produce the witness, discredit the social
>worker, and the case should be dismissed.

I do have a witness in regards to the SW incident as well as the GAL in our case. My son's teacher was witness to the outburst as well as being talked down to by this SW afterwards. I also have evaulations from the therapists and doctors involved with my son relating to my involvement and his progress. My son's behavior has improved drastically, but with the mother it has gotten worse.

>However, even if you win, it will not end here, because as you
>point out your ex is also a social worker and she will
>continue to try to manipulate the court with her knowledge of
>possible behavioral issues that can be used to demonstrate
>that you are acting against the child's interests.

As for my ex's behavior issues regarding our son, it is purley her doing because of not controlling my son in the beginning once we knew what he was diagnosed with. She refused to be informed and when she was, she refused to communicate any interest or suggestions. It could have been maybe hard to accept for her or her father since they both have a problem with perfection. Her only involvement came this past summer when the visitation schedule changed as she took our son to therapy and school. That only lasted a few weeks. She never followed up on learning his progress through any therapies. It was the SW at the time forcing the issues of convience for her to be a part of his therapy by changing what was started a more than year ago.  If I would have gave in to this, it would have been drastic to our son's progress causing more problems. Even the therapist agree that doing things out of convience for the sake of a parent and not the child was wrong.

>The easiest way to destroy this power is to invite the court
>to appoint another social worker, and then demonstrate that
>you can cooperate with this person. Going forward, I would ask
>the social worker if you can record conversations between
>him/herself and you and your ex, so as to have a record of any

When my attorney and I ask the agency to dismiss this SW, they did not contact us nor try to resolve the dispute. They just canceld my son's services without any notice till after the fact. My attorney noted this and said this was not our intention but the agency apparently took this the wrong way. Nothing in a letter sent was directed towards dismissing services just the invovlement with the SW. Now the agency supervisor has also come forward stating that services should be re-opened for my son. Personally, they really did more damage than good. My son has done much better since they are no longer involved. But to appease the mother and the courts I beleive we know we will have to have another SW appointed. I do like the idea of teh courts doing that as well as teh recording. That leaves not much room for any errors.

Dear Socrateaser / Soc-motion for change in parenting plan??
« on: Dec 11, 2005, 01:27:57 PM »
It has been only 10 months since our custody trial and my son's mother filed a motion to change the shared-parenting plan to make her have power to make all non-emergency decisions rather than me, the father, who is residential parent.

She has filed this motion based on a Social Worker I had removed from our son due to unprofessional conduct towards me. It was witnessed by my son's teacher.

Our son has developmental problems which I have been instrumental in getting him the therapy he needs. The mother on the other hand has had very little invovlement due to control issues.

I entrusted the services of this Social Worker before our custody trial when I had full custody. After the order of shared-parenting the SW took things personal because I did not agree with her recommendations or me and the mother had disagreements which could not be worked out through mediation. She has taken the mother's side to fight.

What if anything can I show to prove that I have been doing in the best interest of my child?

Being that the mother is also a SW and using her professional job to prove her point as being a more fit parent, can I use the orignal Psych Eval as evidence? (The Pscyh eval was in my favor due to the mother's inability to want the rights or responsibilities).

The mediator in our case was also the GAL, he has since declined to be involved based on our inability to settle issues. (only 2 times) My attorney feels he would be an asset due to the fact that he understands how I have tried by initiating these mediations to solve problems.

Any insight?

Dear Socrateaser / RE: Sorry about that!
« on: Aug 13, 2005, 01:50:07 PM »
Ok, I will make this eaiser.

SSI meeting ok, but they had a problem with the court order and papers regarding shared-parenting. It was pretty much how I last explained it in my other post. I would be the one to receive his benefits but they still needed to call "policy". So, basically after all the questions,it came down to my son is ineligible due to the financial guidlines required by SSI. They could not tell me if my ex  would receive benefits as well or that my son would still be ineligible due to combined finacial status under a shared-parenting order. My ex as well provided pay stubs showing she is making well over what she reproted in court for child support, rasing the question of falsely admitted wrong income figures.

My questions are:

1. Can she file for residential status just to receive benefits for our son or would it be ridiculous in court for her to do so?

2. Would notifying Child Support in regards to her pay stubs reflecting a significant increase based on an income sheet we filled out for SSI be enough proof to have CS modify or at least investigate? She pays the CS

3. I would lke to file a modification in regards to clarifying resdiential parent and specifics in realtions to school, medical, and fianacial benefits for our son. What is the best route to go to recieve a true clairification so that the problems we have now will not arise again?

Thanks Soc!

Dear Socrateaser / Soc...update on SSI
« on: Aug 12, 2005, 01:37:49 PM »
Went to SSI today and got the lowdown.

Rep said since I am custodial parent I am entitled as payee for my son, but because of shared-parenting and eventhough it is plain enough that my son is with me well more than 50% of the time they still could not guarantee me as payee because of the need to chek policy. Apparently, my ex and I are the first to present such a case of shared parenting but not a true 50/50 custody. And as I guessed it, it is tied to the shared-parentin plan and what it contains as being contradictory.

But the end result now is that he is ineligilble due to me having assets above their guidlines so it has become no big deal to me. The question at hand is this.

Since my assests are above the guidlines than can my ex receive SSI for my son? I was told no because they figure in both our incomes due to having shared-parenting order by the court.

Can she filed for residential parent status just so she can receive the benefits? I was also told that it would not matter one way or the other because again all our income and holdings as considered under a shared-parenting order.

Now, she reported in court on her w-2 that she made 20,000 a year for CS purposes. Today she handed a check stub to the SSI rep and they wrote down she makes $2,400 monthly. Well above her salary she reported in Mar of this year. Being that I have a copy of the income for SSI  application with the information written down and signed, can this be used to modify an increase in CS based on that document. I am sure they will need more but this was news to me today.  I was told 20% or less will not matter in income but she went from $20,000 a year last year to so far by her cehck stubs to within $28,000 plus? Seems there may have been somthing fishy there.

And lastly, I wish to file a modification to our parenting plan to specifically claify "residential parent" since the problems of clairification. I also want a "telephone clause" for my son so that I can call him and talk to him as well as his mother but...she refuse to get a phone except for her cell phone. Now, she just bought an expensive home but will not get a land line. Can I argue in court that a cell phone is not considered proper with a 4 year old or somthing to that fact? My reason is that her daughter is 13 and just today even,  I get a call from the school she attends after 2 years of being out of my house thinking that her daughter and she still live here. This is not the first time they tried to reach her daughter. Mind you i save the recordings because thye say this is the number they were given to reach her daughter.  I just feel that if her daughter watches my son and mom goes out somewhere, there is no phone to call in case of an emergency. Is this a valid point?

Again thanks

Dear Socrateaser / RE: Question regarding shared-parenting and SSI
« on: Aug 10, 2005, 07:32:11 AM »
>The SS Administration will generlaly pay the benefits to the
>parent who is awarded primary custody. If you are the
>residential parent for school purposes, and you exercise more
>than 50% of the available parenting time, then you will almost
>certainly be deemed the residential parent and you will
>receive the SSI benefits.

Yes, this is what the rep told me but they need to know who gets the tax right off (my ex) as well but he could not give me why or what that has to do with determining who receives the benefits. As for my son, he does live with me 10 months out of the year with his mother getting visitation and EOW visits. I have school records to show proof to SSI, what else might I bring besides court papers?

>If there's something in your orders that is contradictory, and
>your ex doesn't bring it to the agencies attention, then they
>will probably find for you. If she does, and the agency is
>confused, then they will have in-house counsel attempt to
>resolve the issue, after which if you aren't satisfied with
>the outcome, you can demand a hearing.

The only thing I see is that on Feb 7, 2005 the parenting plan states
Father is to be residenial parent" Again as I said it was slightly marked as if to cross it out by her attorney. The second additiona was on Mar 7, 2005 and that just read  "Father to be residential parent for school purposes" I just see problems because my attorney says I am residential/custodial parent by both orders, but since I fired him, my new attorney agrees but warns that it is very contradictory and weak. I am sure I will have to file a motion to clarify due to my ex and other issues. I live in Ohio.

>Or, you can go back to court, and ask the judge to clarify the
>issue by expressly ordering that for purposes of issues
>relating to Federal law and/or benefits available to the
>child, that you are to be considered the residential parent.
>Don't try to find someone to blame for screwing up. Just
>decide if you want to get it ordered expressly, so as to avoid
>the controversy at the start, and then go do it.
>Other thoughts just cloud the issue and waste time.

I should have went back to court right away with my new attorney but hopefully, I still can to get clairification before any more problems arise.

Thanks for the advice!

Dear Socrateaser / Question regarding shared-parenting and SSI
« on: Aug 08, 2005, 07:09:18 PM »
I was wondering if anyone can give me advice or direction as to what is correct regarding shared-parenting that me and my ex have for our son.

Our case was settled in Mar 05. In the shared-parenting plan ordered it states that "father to be residential parent" "mother to have visitation from ....day to ect..." In that phrase a line was sort of crossing over father is to be but above the residential parent. It appears to look like my ex's attorney was doing somthin intentional but if questioned it could be looked at as a mistake. Now, I questioned the mark to my attorney who went back and go another motion or admendment to the parentin plan that states "father is residential parent for school purposes." This brings about quiestions as my son who has disabilities is entitled to SSI benefits. My ex refuse to talk to me via her parenting plan ordered or have anything to do with discussing our child. Needless to say she wen to the SSI office and file for benefits foru out son so that she could get the funds. The SSI office informed me that we both have to come to discuss who will receive the benefits. In my questioning as to why they need to know, they commented that my ex only said we have shared-parenting and did not present any court papers. SSI told me that they need to determine who is residential parent to give the funds to but thye gave me the impression that I was the one who was untruthful.

My concern is the two orders from court in regards to me being the residential parent. I am in Ohio and I was curuious is residential and custodial parent have the same or mean the same but residential is the term used. Also my son lives with me 9 months out of the year until summer break when he goes one week on/off with each of us. our shared parenting is not a true 50/50 custody since my ex gets Wed, EOW, and EO Mon for visitation.  

The orignal order says I am residential parent but the newer one say for school purposes. What can happen with this set-up and how can it effect custody? Does being the residential parent for school purposes also qualify as well as just being a residential parent? I guess I see a play on words here that may or may not come into play with SSI. My ex pays CS, insurance but will not help with what insurance does not cover. I think she feels entitled to take the SSI benefits for herself to an extent because of the deal she made in court with me. I just want peace and quiet. My son goes to many therapy's which she became invovled with over the summer because she had no chioce but will stop once shcool starts. I was told by SSI that the residential parent receives the benefit for the child. Is it possible that my attorney screwed up? Or... deos by being a residential parent for school purposes still raise the question on who really is the residential parent? Sorry to go over and over, but I seriously beleive the attorneys screwed up or more so screwed me.

Parenting Issues / RE: What are they using ...
« on: Dec 18, 2005, 06:28:07 AM »
I will, thanks

Parenting Issues / RE: What are they using ...
« on: Dec 17, 2005, 09:00:46 PM »
Ok, I so far have 5 to 6 professionals invovled with my son. The neurologist, he is currently getting aletter to me for court but he is slow as heck. My ex never went to him or callled to find out anything even when I gave her the reports. Now that is not to say she did becasue presently, I am not aware. Our state law says both parents have equal access to medical, dental and school records.

The regular physisian is also doctor to her daughter but never brought our son to the doctor once or asked baout her son. I go Monday to get recrods from her and hopefully a letter.

The Speech Therapist wrote a letter and detailed my involvement. The mother has been to speech therapy only 4 times in the summer but has never called or asked of our son's progress. The OT therapist is writng a letter and the mother has again only taken our son 4 times in the summer. Never called or followed up on our son;'s progress.

Lastly, the genetics counsler was just an evaluation for my son and I to get more information regarding his diagnose and possible getting a referral. Now I have to go to see them next week to get records of the visit. The developmental pediatrician I am currently working with is still wating for an appointment. I procrastinated during the summer months becasue of our son going back and forth and then school started and problems arose ther asw ell so I was finally able to get the appointment set in place. Problem is it is after our hearing in Jan. I also felt my son's progress was great as well as others so I guess I was hilding off a bit to get other things settle.

The ex and these SW's feel my son needs to be diagnosed more as they seem to become doctor's themselves all of a sudden. My son has a genetic disorder that is proven by blood work 2 years ago. He was also diangosed with an Autistic Spectrum disorder but not fully Autistic. The SW and my ex beleive he has Autism completely and the genetics disoredr has nothing to do with his development because they read that this disorder can sometimes has no symptoms. My son's disorder is that of 1 in 1000 boys so it is kind rare. The disorder has similar symptoms of Autism to an extent. I was cautioned by the Genetics Counsler to be careful how my son is diangosed by psychologist because I will most likley get 3 different answers. I do not want my son labeled because of no one not knowing his condition. Not many people understand his condition as it relates to his development because of the information available. Most that I tell this to, heard of it but do not know much. In fact I have to tell them from the 2 years of reseach and other parents' knowledge I have learned to fully make them understand. It has not been easy and this SW and my ex have one track minds.

Again, it is down right control. There is a major behavior issue with the mother and our son. She does not want to take the time to learn or do what is required but she refuses to do anything else. SHe has a mentality that if anyone tells her somthing in regards to her approach to things or say techniques, she gets stoned faced and ignores all. I think it is somthing mental in way where we all have had constructive critisizm and learned to take our lumps but she gets angry enough that she will do the opposite just to make apoint or do nothing at at. With our son the way he is, this is bot good but try proving that in court.

As I said before, I never knew a parent to pay their own child to be a parent for the sake of embarrasment and dignity. My ex's father has gone as far as isolating his children from everyone to have the utlimate control over them by using the poser of money. My son's uncle at first knows the behavior issues at hand and would testify but now he has been manipulated by his father tot he point that he is afraid of not getting money. Sad, but ture. ANd his wife and him I fear will be divorced at the hands of the father over a bribe of money. Mark my word this evil man will use money to do whatever he can to have control of all. BTW, he is not from the USA, he is from a place our men and women have been for a few years now if you get the picture. We allowed them into our country and gave them free educations, and then they screw us...Ok enough before I go wayyy off here....

I am going to the attroney Monday to review our motion. I will ask about dismissing her motion based on no proof but I think that may be already in place. I got 2 weeks to get all my ducks in a row to prove my motion. I got all documents and papers so far.

I thought about having her more invovled but I was holding back becaues I wanted to see if she was interested and was willing to contact me or the doctors to be a part but I guess not. If she would get the motion granted, her father and her along with this SW would change all the doctors and therapist so that they would have the control to keep me out.

Once this motion is settled, I will defiantely get word to these doctors again. I showed them our court papers the frist time and explained that I am the only one to be contacted regarding our son. I have not had a problem as of yet.

As for this SW and her agency they will be in for a surprise as well.

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