Messages

>Can someone tell me how to use the SPARC Shared Parenting
>Agreement page? If I adapt it to my needs, and get my
>daughter's mom to agree, can I notarize it and hand it to the
>courts to turn it into a court order? I already filed for
>Shared Custody and am trying to avoid ridiculous lawyer fees
>if the mother chooses not to fight me about this. The
>agreement on the SPARC website is perfect for us. Can I do
>this without an expensive attorney ?


I would be careful as to what state you are located in. Look up your state's revised code on custody and then go from there with the SPARC plan. I used it for my custody and my attornet threw out most of it citing that a judge would be upset as well as my ex's lawyer at what it entails. Not that the plan is bad, just you need to make sure the things stated agree with your states guidlines. You will need to check with an attorney regardless. Sorry, I spent much money as well and not matter what it comes down to the judges and the attorneys inyour community.

I have my custody trial comming soon and I am curious as to anyone that has thoughts or been through the process similar to mine.

My ex and I have been through the whole process until now. A GAL, Psychological Evaluations, pre-trials, no settlements. She files a 50/50 share-parenting plan months ago and I had refused it based on the plan itself. Through the evals and GAL, the final recommendations where for a shared-parenting arrangment with me, the father, being designated residential parent. The mother got standard court visitations with an added day ever 2 weeks.

The Psychological Evaluation specificallt stated that a shared-parenting plan was not feasible as the GAL agreed but did want this to become feasible so he was recommending a plan but no 50/50. My ex is refuses to even acknowledge this plan let alone even try to work things outs. So, we are going to trial in a week.

My concern is that my attorney tells me I will get custody based on the GAL and Psychiologist testimonies since they are in agreement and I have agreed to the GAL recommendations. He claims that it is a "no brainer" as to me not needing any witnesses or records of anything to prove my points of custody. I am still concerned because she feels she will get a 50/50 placement. I have spoken to other attorneys regarding my case and they concure that it was stupid of my ex to disagree completely with the GAL's recommendation and blow up in his office.

So why bother? What chances will she have being that my only witnesses are the GAL and Psychologist as my attorney wants. Her witnesses are unknown and to my knowldge she has nothing to prove other than she is the mother. The other facotr here is child support. I file in Oct of last year for stratagy just to see if it can et settled and my motion has not been heard through all the pre-trials. A 50/50 placement ofour child would relieve her of her obilgations. That would be the only reason I see her doing this.

I file a share-parenting plan that is in line with the GAL's recommendations as well as a few other things. Could the ruling judge go against both the GAL and Psycholigist recommendations based on arguments that bear no proof my child would be better off in a 50/50 situation? I am worried that the GAL and the Psycholigist testimony will not help? Any comments!

Always document events and signicant doings with your child or children. Keep a journel handy to enter anything that happens both with you and your ex regarding the child or children. Retain records or letters from those involved, schools, day-care, outside activities the children are involved in. By all means when you talk to the GAL always show respect for your ex and refer to your ex by their name not "the ex" or "my childrens mother".

The GAL is there for your children and not for anything else so dishing out the dirt on your ex will do no good. Let your ex open up and say the bad stuff. You have to focus on the children and stay with nothing but the facts of the children and why you feel you should be with them. Always, always stay focused on the children. If your ex has done things harmful or somthing significant towards the children than by all means state it but back it up with facts. If she was aressted for somthing, get the records and bring them for proof.

The GAL will not care if she is dating 10 men with the kids unless it posses a danger for their safety or their is sever neglect. I know it is hard to swallow but in my case my ex left me and my son for another man, took her daughter mind you and then preceeded to try and force this guy on my son as his "new dad" He also was arressted for DV as well as a steriod freak from sources but it didn't matter as I found out. It was a big blow to me that that would not be considered but there were other avenues that came out that helped such as a lack of interest in her children. So eventhough it hurts, it may be good for ex's to have others that involve their time rahter than be responsible for their children (hint, hint)

Always be involved and make the effort to stay involved with your child or children lives. Show the GAL that you are involved and that the children respond to you by being involved. This by far is the best advice I can give as it made a huge differnece in my case. My child has developmental problems and I went forward and got him the help he needs. It is only now that my ex is fighting against it because for 9 months she was banging her loser boyfriend and now realizes that she is about to lose her son over custody. So now she is trying to "look good" to impress the judge that she wants to be a mother again, not to mention the oney her father is feeding her to look good. So, take that advice and be involved, you do have a right even if your ex refuses it, find a way around the problems leagallly. It goes a long way with the GAL.

And lastly, be prepaird to spend money. Not just a bit a lot depending onyour situation. You may be both ordered for Psychological evaluations, who knows. It could be over before the pre-trial or it could tak a year or more but not matter what you will be spending money and unfortunately the system will take it all the way.

Good Luck!

Haven't posted in awhile as things quieted down after mu second pre-trial for usotdy of my son. Well the GAL leaned in my favor but not sole custody but instead more of a joint with my ex. We had a scheduled settlement conference to see if we could solve our differences and come up with a plan to avoid going to court...well...today we saw the GAL for this and guess what?? Yes, we are going to a trial. Not only was there disagreements but my ex flew off the handle and dropped the "F" bomb right in front of the GAL. Needless to say I was touched by this. The GAL finally got to "see" what I have been saying all along. Oh, I did agree with the GAL recommendations but my ex flat - out refused only wanting a shared parenting plan with our son.

I would like to understand somthing here if anyone could help. We both went through the GAL process, had Psychological Evaluations and what not. When it was all said and down both reprots strongly agreed that a shared parenting plan was not feasible. Even in the GAL's report to the courts he stated that he hoped that a shared parenting plan would become feasible in time. So, I was recommended to be the CP and primary residential parent. The mother got visitations with extra day and night alternating weekends. Holidays were the same as before, vactions, and summer break was a bit off on visitations in that my son would alternate one week with me and one week with his mother. Pretty much cut and dry. So knowing all this going into this meeting what are the chances now for say both of us. I was thinking of joint but now I thinking I should stick to sole just after what I saw and how she refused to cooperate on anything. It kind of made me wonder what would be occuring down the road in the future.

To top it off, the GAL was very concerned in regards to me and my ex getting along since my son has developmental problems. But if a parent claims that they were left out of any knowldege of their childs well-being through-out the cusoty process but was in ralty never denied access to anything regarding their child then how can they make such a claim? My ex had over 9 months to be a part of my son's theraphy. She knew about it, her family knew about and when she refused to speak to me, I told her family the progress of my son. She never called me nor offered to see where my son goes or show conern about his progress but when asked in front of those involved she states I purposly kept her away form it all. Now wouldn't any parent who loves their child and wants to truly be a part of their childs life be invovled in any way possible regardless of the situation with thier ex? I am most certain that if my ex had custody, I would be getting infomation weekely on my child no matter what. And, this is comming form my son's mother claimming again and again to the GAL that I threw her out of my house but yet she takes her daughter and  left our son with me...does that even make sense??? WHat grounds will she have to fight me on now?

Thanks

I not asking that the GAL change his recommendations but I felt his investigation was quite bloched due to last minute interviews when he was appointed by the court 8 months ago. I will argue some points and others, I may look to a solution but I know deep down that as long as my ex's father supports her finacially, she will keep bringing me back till she gets full custody.

Right now as I found out today, the GAL is in her favor more than me as I had previously thought since his report stated by him that a shared parenting plan was not feasible at this time but yet he is recommending that I am a residentail parenting meaning that me and my ex both have legal and physical custody. He basically is stirring up a hornets' nest because my ex has sated outright to everyone that she will never talk to me. So how did he figure that? Because she submitted a parenting plan and my attorney didn't bother to ask me to submit. I personally think my attorney boched the whole thing. I also know that the GAL thinks my ex is trying to be psotive because she called the school once to observe my son in class and then declare to all that she never had knew he was in school and was kept out of information. funny,  I rember sending her a registered letter about school and she never replied. I also found out that the teacher has called my ex for my son and sent any papers homes to her including an appoiment for teacher conference which she never returned the call nor showed up. The GAL forgot to talk to the teacher I guess, maybe he felt that my ex's breasts were too important than my son's well being. I also have her family outraged because they "see" first hand how she is with my son and has made it know she does not want him and only wants to not pay support.

As you can maybe see, there is a lot more to this than meets the eye. My attorney says agree with the GAL so that we "look good" if she disagrees but how can she not disagree with his recommendations? I truly need to at least stand-up for my son and I need help in knowing what to do the right way instead of gettring screwed by money hungry attorney's.

>Designated residential parent means that the child's primary
>resident is your home.  That is a very good thing.  With any
>type of joint custody, someone has to be designated as
>primary.  Unless otherwise stated, this answers the questions
>of what school district he will be in, who will claim him on
>taxes, who will be primary contact at doctor's office, etc.

So bascially this mean joint custody? But does it pertain to joint legal or joint pysical in regards to deceison making. Me and the ex do not communicate at all and this recommendation will only make matters worse.

>
>Be very careful not agreeing with GAL.  It is already going
>your way, might not want to rock the boat.  Wait until later
>for that.  It will take everyone a little time to get used to
>a new schedule.  If son shows major signs of problems after a
>reasonable adjustment period, then you can re-visit things.

My son is still having problems from the current vistation schedule and I have documented this? The school, therapist, day care are see this, so why would be asking to adjust or keep the current schedule harmful or bad?
>
>Also, if ex is really that concerned about $, that is a good
>avenue for you.  You will look better asking the court to
>order her to pay child support, than to ask to reduce her
>parenting time.  Then maybe SHE will want to offer you more
>time for less $.

I filed a motion 2 months ago to hear about support and still nothing yet. I am assuming that it will be heard at the trial?
>
>Just my thoughts!

Yesterday, I went to the second pre-trial with the GAL at the last minute producing his report. It is favorable for me as a Father of my son. The questions arises as to terminology stated which my attoreny didn't quite explain to me the findings.

The GAL along with the Psyc Eval recommends that the Father be designated residental parent --WHat exactly does this mean in terms of custody? joint, sole.etc...joint leqal, joint pysical???

The mother has visitation based on the GAL new schedule. The schedule is nearly the same as what we have now but it is adding one extra day. The GAL also recommends that in the summer my son stay with the ex one week and then me one week and then resume the school schedule 2 weeks before school starts. He also recommends 2 weeks parenting time or rather vaction time for each parent.

Next he recommends that if my child spends the night out of the country that the responsible parent give complete details as to the trip.

The rest was to follow the Schedule A visitation paln we both have been using for over 8 months.

I truly do not like this new plan for the fact that my son is only 3 and the he has developmental problems and one trait is his ability to not handle change or disruptive routine. He is just now getting used to the schedule me and the ex have been following and any little change in it he acts out for days. I can not understand why things can't be status quo for the best interest of my son. It is not that I am being selfish but my son's development has been slowly progressing and I am afriad that disrupting the routine he is on will make his progress stop. The GAL also
reported that the Speech Therapist and Day Care stated the my son does not adapt to change and changes. So, why change the schedule now and cause possible problems only to go back into court to spend more money? Or is this the plan????

So, my attorney recommends agreeing with the GAL. We have a settlement conference next month before our custody trial. I truly do not want to agree to all his recommendations as I feel this will disrupt my son's progress at this time. What can I do to explain this with out looking like a selfish parent. BTW, the ex could care less as long as she does not have to pay support.

Yes, my second Pre-trial hearing and still no word from the GAL. At our first hearing there was no GAL or Psych Eval reports. Soon after that, the Psychologist sends his report to the judge and the GAL. Now it has been well over a month and the GAL has not said a word. I know he can come to the Pre-trial and then state his findings but I was told it would be in a report. Any ideas what may be up with this? Is this how the system goes just because it makes everyone money? I would like to call the GAL and ask, but I was told that wasn't a good idea. It just seems that something is up with my custody trial and the way it is being handled due to evryone knowing the money invovled.

I have him today for Thanksgiving! She did come to the door very pissed off, I didn't answer so I would assume by Monday, I will be gettng a comtempt charges filed on me for being with my son on my Holiday this year!!!LOL

We have a pre-trial in less than 2 weeks, I will ask the Judge specifiy the Xmas Holiday for sure.

Thanks
Happy Turkey day!

>I think your real problem is gonna be WHEN on Thanksgiving
>can you get your child because your order doesn't have a start
>and end time.

Yes, our order does state start and end times; however, Thanksgiving is Thursday and it is a schedule visitation for her with my son but being that this year is mine for the Holidays, it cancels her day out. She actually brought him home this evening and stated she is picking him up tommorrow because her court papers say she has him for Thanksgiving. Funny, she muct have been in another court with another man over another child!! LOL
>
>And holidays usually take priority over normal time with the
>child.
>

Yes, I know, but she does not accept that fact. LOL It would be the same thing if it was her Holdiay regardless. That is how this works.


>I would like to make a recommendation though, even though your
>order clearly says even years are yours for holidays and odd
>years are hers, I'm not sure that I would like that
>arrangement.  I personally would prefer that the holidays are
>defined and that they are alternated (so that one has
>Thanksgiving and the other Christmas in the same year etc.).

Yes, but until our custody is settled, I have been advised to follow the CO to a "T". On Christmas, she gets him Xmas eve, I get him Xmas day and then he goes back to her because it is a weekend and it will be her weeknd for visitation. I prefer to have the whole day or at least both even and day but our situtation is very tense. Me and the ex have not spoken a decent word for over a year and it isn't gettng better to say the least. It isn't that I would not talk toher, you just can't. It is her way no matter whay and she beleives it to a point that she will go to the end to get it. Sad but the true menaing is lost and that is the child.
>


>Just food for thought....I couldn't imagine not spending a
>single holiday with the kids for ONE whole year and then
>getting all of them (and then that year the EX will feel like
>you did last year).  

The problems is our order states Holidays can be worked out with a written agreement one week prior to the Holiday as long as both party's agree. If we do not agree than it goes by the dates and schedule times regardless. So, if she would have told me even a few days prior to wanting my son for Thanksgiving, I would have had no problems with that but that is just it, she refuses to cooperate or at in the very least communicate. And now, the night before tells me she has court papers stating that she does get him?  So, by tomorrow morning, she will come to my home and bang on the door until she gets my son for the day. MY only concern now is that my son is going to have a bad day becasue of all this and if I do let him go, then it is just giving in to her to do more against our CO. It truly stinks that this has to be this way and nothing can be done about it until we see a judge!