Messages

>I recommend ALWAYS following the CO to a "T".  If things get
>really ugly and you end up back in court, YOU will be better
>off.
>
>Good luck and happy holidays!


Thanks, I have followed the CO to the "T" but she has not at times and has tried to provoke me so that I "do something" to help her out in our case to make me look bad. She has been using the "anger" thing to say I am bad. LOL

The real fun starts at Christmas because it is a weekend Holiday and guess what, it is her weekend of visitation, but I get him Christmas this year! Image how that will be!! LOL

Thanks for your input, Happy Holidays!

I have been notified by my son's aunt that his mother is taking him tomorrow for Thanksgiving. She told me this because she knew it was my Holdiay this year and I had plans with my son.  Our court visitation schedule gives her 2 days of visitation (wed/thurs), I have custody at this time while we are still going throught the trial process. Our order also states that each parent is supposed to nofity the other of intentions during a Holiday one week prior to that day. (even years with the father, odd years with the mother). My ex has not called nor made any attempt to let me know unless she brings him home this evening after her visitation or deceides to keep him overnight without telling me.  What can I do to avoid this?  It is truly my Holiday with my son and my ex is most famous for not following the court order and doing whatever she feels she can even by using my son as a pawn. She is a master at changing things to her advantage at the last minute. I do not need this near the Holidays nor does my son need this.

I do want to be fair, but when I try, things get out of hand and it gets worse than before. So, do I follow the court schedule to a "T" and say "I am sorry, you have him next year" or give in just to keep things quiet? I am just concerend for my son's well being. Need Help!!

LMFAO!!!!

I have to say that is pretty much how it will go to!!!LOL  Close friend of mine taught me to say 2 words when it comes to her and her attorney....PROVE IT!!!

>Don't worry about the psych profile of you, unless you have a
>history of violence.

Nope, never, never had any history or nothing...done deal!!!!
>
>Here's all it takes to diffuse it:
>
>YOUR ATTORNEY:  ER, when was the last time you ever physically
>attacked someone?
>
>ER:  Umm, when I was in sixth grade, I got in a fight with
>another kid.
>
>YOUR ATTORNEY:  Have you ever been provoked, offended, or
>faced confrontation as an adult?
>
>ER:  Sure
>
>YOUR ATTORNEY:  And during those incidents, did you ever get
>physically violent?
>
>ER:  No.
>
>------------------------
>
>YOUR ATTORNEY TO YOUR EX:  To your knowledge, how many times
>has ER ever physically struck your child in anger?
>
>YOUR EX:  None.

In one sense and not to keep this on and on, my ex would say yes only because she is a social worker and has the ability to use her position as one. But my attorney is sharp and can call her bluff. Now if he asked her, then it is a differnet set-up!!!LOL
>
>
>Boom. Done.  The psychologist can evaluate you all day long,
>but your historical behavior is what counts most.
>
>DD



Thanks again, on to better things! Time for a beer! LOL

I know the report specifically stated that a "sahre parenting" requested by the mohter it not feasible at this time. There was no mention of a joint custody either as to anything else. I was assuming that joint is very simliar to shared or am I mistaking this for two spereate types of custody? Alos, with what bad was in the report regrading my personality such statements as "when provoke, I could possible act out in an agressive manner" relates to me that I could be labeled as angry and possible hurt my chances. I am not trying to keep going over and over this reprot, but I do know her attorney is going to use this to the fullest extent to at least try for a trial or other. The one good thing is that with my son's therapy, I have been signed up for parenting classes and support groups to help me and get more information on my son's development. I even went to get a psycholigist for sessions to try and undersand the test and to get some counseling just for myself. (My ex can do things purposely to create attention and when it involves my son, things do get tense) LOL

So for the most part, I feel pretty good.

>Again, all of us who have been through custody evaluations
>have had to read negative things about ourselves.

LOL-I know, I am not really upset by it because I could not be perfect nor could anyone else.
>
>My primary negative personality trait, as described by my
>evaluator, is that when under high levels of stress, I tend to
>exert greater control and want others to follow my
>instructions without question.
>
>Hmmm, I wonder how Bill Gates, or President Bush, act under
>stress.
>
I had a few but a another significant one was as my ability to foster a relationship with my son's mother!

Yes, easy to do since I was giving her the opportunity all the time and she never responded. LOL

>The important thing is that you weren't outside of normal
>range on your personality tests.

Actually, I did better on the parent/child test which made my scores on that more in line and not as shall we say "in a higher light"
>
>In terms of asking for attorney fees, you can ask.  But if she
>doesn't have the money, you probably won't get them.  A court
>can't order a third party (i.e., her dad) to pay your attorney
>fees.  And a custody trial is something to which all of us are
>entitled.

It isn't that I care. I know she does not have the money for a trial but daddy gives her cash or checks to support her based on her other daughter and how she manipulates the daughter in front of him to make him feel guilty. (She had a new car yesterday...) I just figured that even if I ask for this, it may help in a strategic manner.

>Just keeping breathing and relying on your gut.  You've been
>doing well.
>
>If you were to ask a number of fathers, you're really among
>the top fraction of dad who are looking this good for custody
>pre-trial.  THAT is your cosmic reward for doing good by your
>son throughout this.

Thank-you! It does feel good to see my son shin!
>
>Knowing how aggressive you can get under stress, just don't
>start throwing things at the judge or try to grab the
>bailiff's gun at trial.  :)

LOLOL--Oh wait maybe my ex will throw in a domestic violence charge out of the blue!!!LOL I am pretty cool under pressure when need to be, I am aware of what attroney's can do to "provoke" I was a big witnes at my friends' divorce hearing and trial and I got pressured there!!

Thanks Again!!! There is hope!!!
>
>DD

Thanks, the only thing that the evaluated stated was that I was not being "open" in taking the test and putting myself in a "higher light" and stating that it undermined my creditbility for the remanider of the examination. He did comment on the side of caution when reviewing the results for me!!!LOL Guess he wants to make sure I don't look to good.

Honestly the bad things that he said were my ability to handle higher levels of stress and that I could act out in an agressive manner when provoked. (Hmmm well if your threaten my son...) I could also do a better job of fostering a relationship between my son and his mother (yea, I did try and she refused because it wasn't her way that she wanted it)

So rather than make excuses for these results which can have some valid to them, I actually been working with therapy for support for me and my son. Mostly for myson, but Ihave inquired about parenting classes and support groupes to cope with the stress.

I figure if there is a chance that the attroney can convince her if it means money for him, she will. My questions is can I have her pay for the courts cost for me if it does go to trial?

And this is only the begining of 18 wonderful years of this crap as most come to know!

Thanks again!

The only part that cocerns me and this may be nothing being that "we are all human" was the fact that my test scores or at least a part of them on the MMIP-2 showed that I was portraying myself as more "perfect" so to speak. But on the parenting test it was not as significant and more "normal range" It went onto say that I did not approach the test answers truthfully. Eventhough the psyc determined I as the better parent, can her attorney possible argue thefindings of the results? Again it goes back to her "daddy" who has funded this whole game and will still provide funds if he does not win for his little daughter.

I could take the test again and more than likley get a different answer provided that they let me take it in an appropriate testing area instead of the waiting room with noisey patients. I did not particularly feel my test was fair given the situtation in which they made me take the test but if it is favorable, there is no need to argue then..LOL Just making sure being that I do not know what is up my x's attorneys sleeve.

>The GAL is likely to have some variation of the same opinion,
>because the GAL knows that it's in his/her interest to
>continue to get appointed on other cases, and if the GAL
>causes trouble or disagrees with psych evaluations, then it
>makes his/her credibility questionable.

Thanks, I was just concerend that the GAL could possibly suggest a different solution since my ex is good at acting and is also a Social WOrker. She has used her position before.
>
>You probably haven't read many evaluation reports, or perhaps
>much about them.  What you describe is pretty damning for the
>mother's position.

Even though we both had bad things, to read the report gave me a small impression that I was being non-cooperative towards the mother and my child. It was stated very clear; however, in another sentence the Psyc states that the mother had every chance including the 2 court hearings to obtain some type of custody and yet she still allowed my son to stay with me. The Psyc even went further as if to say that she has shown no effort to involve herself with our child's therapy. Only recently at our pre-trial hearing did she make an attempt by calling the therapist to see what was going on after a 6 months!


>The court's expert witness (i.e, the psychologist) is stating
>that shared parenting (i.e., joint custody) won't work.

My ex had files a shared parenting plan with the courts after she files first for sole custody. SHe related this to the Psyc who in turn "saw" the truth and realized that this parenting plan will not work. I have never offered one no backed down from my original bid for sole custody.
>
>That expert witness is stating serious concerns about the
>mother's willingness and/or ability to support the child other
>than visitation.

Yes, exactly, he did state that he was "greatly concerned" with the mohters ability to take on the responsibilities of my son. He went on to further state that she did not "seem" to even really want the responsibility of day to day care other than simple visitations.
>
>So, if mom isn't an effective caretaker, and if shared custody
>won't work-- read between the lines.


I know, but I am not out of the woods just yet. Her daddy is behind this who game and he has very deep pockets. And if his princess daughter wants it, she will use anything to get it. She has a daughter from a pervious and I have witness the daughter being used as a pawn for fiancial gain.
>


>The only type of custody left is for you to have sole custody
>with some level of visitation to the mother-- to be suggested
>by the GAL and/or decided by the court.

If this is suggested, the judge can still over rule or make his own deceison but I would tend to think that given both the Psyc and GAL reports both in similar agreement would be hard to argue?
>
>Stay the course, everything is looking good for what you've
>said is best for your son.
>
>DD

Thanks again for you input. I am just making sure I have not forgot anything. I am very tired and stressed from this game being played with my son. He is the most happiest child and cheerful when he is with me and his progress with the therapy has shown excellent improvement. And yes, if it does go to court, I have plenty of documents as well as many involved to show the "courts" the truth.

Got to review my report and found it quite interesting. Although there were good and bad things about myself as well as my ex, the final determination was that I was deemed the parent to take responsibility of child. It was a great concern of the Pscycholgist that the mother shows no interest in supporting her child other than visitation. I didn't read much into it but now that that is finished, I am awaiting the GAL report. How much does the Pscy Eval report weigh in in considering cusotdy? One determination in the report mentioned that the mohter wanting a shared parenting plan, but the Pscy stated that this will not work. No other mention as to what type of custody would work. Would this me I have a better chance or retaining custody of my child as oppsed to say joint?