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Messages - ER

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71
Father's Issues / RE: more info...
« on: Nov 04, 2004, 08:30:46 PM »
This may be long but it may give you a better understanding of my situation. First off thanks for the replys!!

I do have an attorney and we are pursuring custody. Whether it is sole of joint is up to the GAL unless I pursue a trial. At this point my reason for wanting sole custody is based on the mother's involvement with my son and his well being around her. I am not trying to take away her visitation rights, I am happy with the court ordered arrangement as it stands now. 2 days a weeks for 3 hours and every other weekend. My son has a severe developmental problem that requires much theraphy and possible medication in the future is therapy does not help. He truly is amazing and wonderful and I would not have him any other way. The problem is his mohter and how she deasl with him when he has his problems. It is more mental and somewhat physical abuse all in all. But proving mental will take years. As for physical, it is mostly nelgect when my son becomes uncontrollable when in her care. SHe has not been involved in his therapy except for one phone call the day before our pre-trial hearing after 6 months of therapy. SHe just now got information from his school eventhough I have sent certified letters to her informing her and asking her to contact me. All this is being done to "look" good in the yes of the court. Our court system here is quite bias towards women. They can do no wrong in the eyes. The toughest hurdle I have is that fact that she is a social worker who knows the system and she has a father that supports her and her daughter. So to her it does not matter about my son, but the fact that she can get money from her father and me by using my son when she needs him. Once this is done, I can guarantee she will give him back until she gets in a bind again. There is too much stuff to get into here on this board to explain all the reasons for my fight for sole. I know I will have a hard time, but for my son I have to. He is the most joyful human being when he is with me. I taught my son everyhting he knows and for the best part, no one can take that away from me or him.

As for the GAL, yes, her mother did go and get interviewed. Her siter-in-law also wants to go into and speak to the GAL on my son's behalf. Her whole family, except for her fahter beleives that I should have him. This is why, I have to go foward with a trial no matter what because een the GAL's here don't seem to do an honest evaluation. Just from taking the Psych Evals, I learned that it is all a game to bankrupt me. I paid a nice chunk fo change to the psychologist for the tests and he told me that her would have the report completed and ready for our pre-trial hearing. Well that was 2 weeks ago, and yes, he was paid in full up front! SO I ask agian, what is really going on here??

As for documentation, I have it all. As for following the court order, she has been in contempt a few times, but I never persued it because she would just get a slap on the wrist and I would end up looking vindictive. But I do have evidence and proof of her not cooperating. The biggest indication and I know the GAL knows this, is how she will not communicate with me over our son. For 7 months now, me and my son's ex' spoke 4 times. She will walk away if I talk to her, she will hang the phone up if I call, and as I said before never respond to my letters. I have gotten to the point where I gave up trying. My son has a diagonois that she doesn't know yet and I am pulling my hair out because on one hand she is his mother, and on the other hand I have been informing her all along about his testing and she does not repsond. So, I gave up and figured if she wants to truly know, then she will ask. You can't win for losing with my ex.

Bottom line is that if the role was reversed, I would not stand a chance of even getting visitations let alone anything at all.

Thanks!!

72
Father's Issues / Chance of Custody for Father?
« on: Nov 03, 2004, 06:58:45 PM »
My ex and I have a son. We were never married and she left him with me at age 2. Since birth my son has never left my home. He is over 3 1/2 now and still lives with me. My ex get visitations with my son only through a court order. 7 months ago she filed for sole custody and I counter filed as well for sole custody. Our hearing ordered for me to have custody of my son and his mothter to have companionship with visitations only until a GAL would make a recomendation during a pre-trial hearing. Well we went through the GAL, ordered to take Pscychological Evaluations and nothing so far since the pre-trial hearing was weeks ago with no results from the tests. We have another pre-trial hearing next month. Since my ex left my son and moved out and never came back, how does this work for me in my suit to get sole custody? I do know that if a father left, he is screwed regardless. So why shouldn't a mother be held equal for the same?

 She refuses to communicate with me or acknowlegde anything except when she gets her visitation time and wants to go outside the court orders, then she gets nasty. She pays nothing for her son except health insurance through her work. After a month from filing for sole custody she submitted a shared parenting plan to the courts but I refused to sign it because it was more of a 80/20 plan that was total agaisnt the well being of my son. I am wanting sole custody of my son only for simple facts that my son has developmental problems and the mother has not shown any interest in working with me or her son to help him. She only shows interest when the court dates get near or when he own father threatens to cust her off of his fund. (daddy pays for eveything) Just 2 weeks ago she called the therapist for information after 6 months of not even being involved or even showing an interest.  I am afraid that she is "playing" goodie-too-shoes" to convince the GAL and the court that she wants to be his mother and they will see nothing but the outside, only to know first hand that after this is over, she will drop my son like a hot potatoe, knowing that I will always take care of him.  I am sure a mother in this situtation would have no problem with the way the courts are, but what about me and my chances? I truly have raised him since his birth. And yes, I mean raised him. I fed him, bathed him, nurtured him, etc... Believe it!! Imay not have had the right equipment to nurse him, but yes, I was actually feeding him all the time!!! The mother did harldy anything but complain and then wanted to leave one day but never asked to take her son. She has a daughter from a previous relationship which her daughter has never known her fahter only because the mother convinced her that he was dead. He is not and has not seen his daughter in 12 years!!!! I fear that my son will go through what his step-sister went throguh. So, I have done everything to the best for my son. Her family has even come forward and is willing to testify if it goes to trial. My ex's mother has already talked to the GAL, but it seems that does not help in my eyes only because the GAL seemed to look at it as a vindictive mother/daughter thing. Guess I am just exhausted from fighting and getting no where. I can't afford to lose my son to a life I know will be bad for him. So what else can I do?  I document, pictures, recordings, you name it, it never seems to hold weight for a father wanting sole custody. And as for joint, it will not work. She has already used that excuse to gain access to get my son out of school and to make me"look" as if I was doing things purposely using my son. The school caught wind of this after I talked to them (long story). One last thing, my son's mother is a social worker using the system as I found out. So, there it is. What are the chances?

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