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Messages - itsalluphillfromhere

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Divorce News / Re: Have You Embraced Your Divorce?
« on: Jul 07, 2017, 05:47:29 AM »
took me about 1 year after the divorce to embrace it!

Crazy update - So my ex. wanted to know my travel plans flights etc.  I told her it was none of her business which it is not.  She threatened to not exchange the boys.  I gave in, she still said they could not come. I had to tell the boys.  They gave her hell.  She then decided they could go to my house the next day and stay an extra two weeks.  Now I'm on vacation, extended my stay and she e-mails me telling me to meet her on the regular schedule two weeks early or she will call the police.  I say go ahead let me know which department so I can send them the e-mails where you give them to me for the extra time. No answer as suspected.  Then she is on facetime with my youngest and sees his 16-year-old cousin tickling him and accuses him of molesting him.  Thankfully my older one is in the room and tells her via text to cut the crap out.

Thanks for the great advice - one day at a time!

two challenges with that.
1.  I can't reference that I had a text exchange with my son.  She will go off the deep end,  get very upset with him and give him the cold shoulder for at a minimum 2 months.
2.  She told him she refuses to e-mail me.

in one of the last exchanges, she said she was not going to send them to camp.  I'm still waiting on an e-mail back from her confirming that she is sending them to camp so I can pay my share.  sent that one to her this morning and have still not received a response.  So I don't feel like piling on anything more at the moment.

And so the saga continues:

Leading up to the below text between myself and my 12 year old are several e-mails between my Ex. and I.  I discussed the first one on child support forum. http://deltabravo.net/forum/index.php?topic=43576.0  As a follow up to her desire to have me overpay for camp she then e-mailed me and wanted me to take the kids every weekday in the summer and give her weekends so they would not have to go to camp at all.  I explained that I was happy to take them but not willing to give up my weekends.  She told me my priorities were screwed up and that she would not make that agreement.    She then tried to tell me that because I would not agree that she assumed I did not want them at all.  Obviously, I explained how assumptions work. 

Well on to this weekend.  I took earlier advice and had my 7 year old ask her if they could stay this weekend until Monday morning.  She told him no then decided to text my 12 year old and tell him it was okay for them to stay.

on to today at 3:30pm and the following text string between my 12 you old son (S) and I (M)

(S) Call me asap
I call him and he explains that the weeks his brothers are going to day camp mom wants him to stay with me.  I ask him for clarification since his brothers are going to day camp for 3 weeks.    He hangs up and the following text string ensues.
(S) She wants me to stay for every week In the summer
(M) Stay with me?
(S)If I want to
(S) I guess it's flexible
(M) What do your brothers think about that
(S) Doesn't apply to them
(M) And you won't see them?  What do you think about that?
(S) Ehh
(S)I can switch between houses
(M)So it's not all or nothing?  I think that's what she means No
(S) I'm aloud to switch between houses
(M)Also I have work travel planned on some of the weeks I'm not with you
(S)Well the schedule is flexible
(M) I think it's best to have mom email me to work it out so there is no confusion
You know it's been a little challenging for her and I to come to an agreement I would love to have you and brothers here more but I can't change plans every couple of days
(S) Ok
(M) Plus it's not good for you to have to be the middle man
(S) Ok
(M)I am very excited about the possibility
(S)She won't email
(M)That's unfortunate and may make planning things difficult and even impossible
(S) Ok
(M)Yes for sure love you and we will work it out

All that keeps running through my head is WT@ - she is going off the deep end - my 12 year old is more mature than his mother

Any suggestions?

the only thing in the order is 1/2 of reasonable costs.  that said in an e-mail exchange with her yesterday she stated that she also got a week of camp for free which would have been $350 but decided that she was not going to ask me to pay 1/2 for that.  My response was there is no difference between getting a week for free and a discounted week.  I'm not paying half of free period.  That would open up pandora's box so to speak.  Basically any discount she gets on anything I have to pay I would have to pay 1/2 of the list value.  makes no sense to me.  But I'm not a judge or a lawyer

So my ex just sent me a doctored bill for camp for a week.  Her bill says she paid $350.  I called the camp they sent me a bill that showed she paid $200... I called her on it and her response was that she is entitled to 1/2 of the full amount because the discount for low-income goes to her share.  our agreement states 50% of reasonable costs.  Now she is threatening to take me to court.  seems insane to me but just running a gut check.

I ended up taking Ocean's advice.  I told my kids that I had to cancel the vacation unless mom kept her promise and was sure to explain to them that mom must have other plans that conflicted and it was unfortunate.   This was last Thursday when I had them.  Kids have big ears and figure it out pretty quickly.  My older two responded that she did not have plans and that she was mad at me and overheard her telling her friends what an asshole I am.  I can confirm that taking the high road on this stuff is the right way to go because my 11 years old then said "Dad how come you never say anything bad about mom, she says bad stuff about you all the time"

Thursday evening I get an email from my ex telling me what a horrible person I am because I manipulated the kids and told them that she canceled the vacation and that she never said she was going to.  I then saw the boys at sports practice a little later and they explained that they made a stink about it.  Needless to say, they were very happy that they were still able to go.

Mixed bag - I agree that as the kids get older their needs change that said the boys still want to spend time with their dad.   Last year my oldest came to me and told me that my ex yells at him and sends him to his room if he asks for more time with me.  I told him not to ask anymore and that it was an adult issue, unfortunately,  now my ex. makes a point of telling me every chance she gets that the kids don't ask for more time because they want to spend time with friends.  And the only one that wants more time is me and it's selfish.   So when I saw them this weekend I told them I would like to spend more time with them and was sure to state clearly that If they did not want to spend more time it was fine and emphasized that what was most important was for them to be happy.  The two older ones came out and said they are going to ask for more time because they really want it and they don't care if they get yelled at.  Low and behold when I spoke with them last night they said they got yelled at for asking.    Any thoughts on how to deal with this problem?

yes, I got them phones and talk and text with them all the time.   I'm thinking I stand the best chance of getting her to keep to her side of the bargain by telling the boys exactly what you said.  The part that sucks is that they are now going to be involved and feel her anger not to mention they will probably recognize they are being used by me to get this done.
 E-mailing her won't work.  I see them tomorrow and can also just talk to them about it.

Honestly, I think they will probably be okay with her anger because they have been looking forward to this trip all year.

That is my intent - what stinks is that the kids will now get involved but I really don't see any other option.  Other than lying to the kids and telling them something like their uncle had to work so we can't visit this year.  that said they have known about this trip for a long time and talk to their cousins all the time so the only thing that is going to do is get me caught in a lie.

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