I am a 40 year old, single non-custodial father of a nine month old infant girl – my only child – I am seeking custody thru the courts here in Virginia Beach, VA. Two weeks after birth, I filled out papers with the Division of
Child Support Enforcement (DCSE) to confirm
paternity, and, if positive to begin support payments. This I did of my own free will for my daughter’s sake. I declined signing the birth certificate at the hospital because I was uncertain that the child was my own.
Since birth, I have been as responsible as possible – I have been there since birth trying to participate in her life. The CP has been using the child to manipulate me in attempts to foster a relationship that will not work. I have not been allowed to spend time with my daughter outside of the CP’s home since birth, and to this day have had to parent my daughter at the CP’s home under the mother’s watchful eye. The mother has told anyone who will listen that I am an absentee father, and has been able to generate plenty of outreach support and welfare payments during this time.
In October while visiting my daughter, the CP and I were in a heated argument about this arrangement and I left. Later that week, I was arrested for assault and battery, and released on recognizance. The case was later dropped by the Prosecuting Attorney’s with the CP’s agreement. I refused taking anger management classes since I didn’t do anything wrong – and her written statements are so blatantly false that I believe any judge reviewing them will see them for what they are.
She even violated the restraining order of no contact issued against me as a result of this. She called asking me to call her – in essence soliciting me to violate the restraining order – which I did not do. After that incident, I filed the petition for custody. My court date is Feb 22 – just a few weeks from now.
Since then, my situation has gone from normal to SNAFU. I was living with roommates at the time, but the combination of support payments, school loan repayments and an auto repossession have crippled me financially. I have been forced to move in with a co-worker and share a condo with her and her grandmother. None of us smoke in the home – I don’t smoke at all.
I will need to file bankruptcy to get back on my feet. I am employed full time with the same employer for over four years. I have had difficulty with paying bills, traffic tickets, etc. (and still have some outstanding) but have never missed any support payments. I am seeking forebearance with the student loans but haven’t heard anything yet.
The CP has five children, ages 4, 5, 12, 14 and our girl. CP has lost custody of all four and only has my daughter. She is a convicted felon for domestic violence. She owes $3K of back child support for her two youngest, and would have been jailed save the fact that she was pregnant at the time of her trial. I feel she is going to try to use last year’s taxes (since I now cannot say that the child was with me at least part time) to pay her past due support. She always comments on sending their father a empty envelope for payment.
The CP lives with a sixty year old man (she’s 34) who she claims to take care of. They both smoke in the home, at least a pack a day for each of them. He has COPD (chronic bronchitis), receives S.S. for his disability, and can’t even lift the baby up much less offer any real assistance in caring for her. In the five years that I’ve known her, she’s worked a total of two months at a job and quit because she couldn’t get along with management.
I charged her with annoying ringing in December to stop her from making excessive calls, sometimes 40 to 50 times a night in the middle of the night, always swearing, making statements about moving out of town with my daughter, saying that she doesn’t trust me with taking my own child out of her home, having men call at 4 am, etc. I have this all recorded – she left messages on my answering machine leaving her name clearly in the messages. But because I could not afford an attorney at the time, she was able to lie and manipulate her way out of the charge – the judge dropped the case.
I was unfamiliar with the subpoena process and failed to get the tape evidence admitted to the courtroom. Prior to this trial, I had went before a magistrate twice in the past and was told that I couldn’t do anything about her phone calls until the time she violated the restraining order. I don’t want to make that mistake twice. She has since called my job and lied, telling an office worker that I stole something from her home.
Since then, I have been buying baby furniture, clothing and joined a group called Fathers In Training sponsored by the Virginia Dept of Social Services. Its for fathers who have been court ordered to attend conflict resolution classes and to learn better parenting skills – again I did this of my own free will. I haven’t been to see my daughter for about a month now – I don’t want to risk the CP fabricating some trap to get me in trouble – and of course it hurts me to be away from my child. Although I’m no stranger to raising kids (I’ve helped with my brothers’ and have two godchildren), I also have a network of friends and several babysitters lined up who are also close friends.
My questions are:
1) Given my severe financial difficulty now, which would be alleviated with bankruptcy, reduced or eliminated support payments, and forebearance (or at least reduction) in loan payments, do I have any chance of gaining custody of my daughter?
2) Will my financial status outweigh her attempts to frustrate my parenting?
3) In the event that I am unable to secure the attorney I have chosen (I have about half of her retainer’s fee), is it likely that the courts will grant an continuance for that reason? They haven’t been very understanding up until now.
4) I want to be *as ready as possible* given the situation, but any fees I pay for subpoena’s now comes out of my retainer savings. Do I need to subpoena people, documents and evidence now, at this stage, or will their likely be hearings, court ordered tests and visits, etc. before I get to subpoenas?
5) I don’t see
joint custody as a viable alternative – she will only use it as a tool to create a crisis and try to do damage to me or to get the child back. What are the courts likely to think - given our history?
6) I’m not trying to remove the child from the CP’s life, I just feel that if I were the CP, I would be more fair and willing to share the responsibility equally, something her mother is not able to do. What weight will this have in the courts view?
If you have any other advice (other than get that retainer fee – doggedly working on that) I would greatly appreciate it!
Topic: New father, new custody case, old troubles (Read 2023 times)