To report or not to report?

[Kent]

Soc,

My ex and I have shared physical custody of our 11 year old son (week-to-week), I have sole legal.

My son has for the longest time been telling us that his mother hits him on a regular basis. Knowing that he tends to dramatize these issues, and there not being any marks on him, we have not pursued that issue.

He also tells us on a daily basis that he can't wait until he's 14, so he can come live with us full time.

Lately however, he tells us about her hitting him with a closed fist (still no marks), and last week he told us she had pushed him to the ground and kicked him - still no marks.

His story shows an increasing violence, and hitting with closed fist and kicking is undeniably defined as abuse (rightfully so).

My current wife, being an LPC, is legally required to report any and all suspicion of abuse. By not acting on his stories, she is violating protocol and at risk of losing her license - should anyone find out.

1) Do you believe she should report his stories to CPS?

2) Would it be better to contact the school counselor and ask him/her to talk to our son?

3) How do we go about either option without running the risk of being accused of coaching him - as far as you can coach a strong-willed 11 year old?

Thank you for your time.

Kent!

[Sherry1]

this here on this site but it looks like Admin removed it.  

I personally believe it should be report it to CPS and to the school counselor also.  

[mistoffolees]

I would definitely report it, but be sure not to let them think that you're reporting something you've seen. Be completely honest in what you have seen and haven't seen.

I would not worry about her job - that's not your responsibility. If she is innocent, she'll be free to continue working and no permanent harm is done.

The main question is whether you should tell her that you're reporting her. My inclination would be to do so, but not until after you've talked with CPS. If you phrase it as "I'm not trying to create trouble, but it's important for everyone's sake to have allegations researched rather than having the issue hanging over everyone's head indefinitely, so I felt I had an obligation to have it reported".

Of course, that's not legal advice. It may not even be good non-legal advice.

[Kent]

My ex is a homemaker.
It is my current wife who is an LPC and required to report suspected abuse.

Our son wants to live with me, he says it at least once per day, but he is afraid his mother will beat him when she finds out.
And as long as she doesn't leave a mark on him, I'm afraid that any accusations by me will be seen as manipulation and coaching.

Kent!

[mistoffolees]

Sorry I misunderstood. In that case, I would say that there's no reason not to report it. If it makes you feel better, have your wife report it and say that she's required to do so by law.

If you keep it low key ("I don't know what happened, but I'm concerned because of what my son says"), I don't see how you can be seen as manipulating or coaching.

[brwneyedmom]

your child tell a trusted adult at school?  They are also mandatory reporters and your wife can also report to CPS at the same time.  When my son disclosed physical abuse from his dad, I took him to his counselor so that he could tell her and then she would report to CSD (same agency).  My son didn't disclose until four months after the fact, but was taken seriously, I think because I was not the one reporting (and I am a mandatory reporter in my state too).  I made an effort not to get many details from my son so that I would not appear to be coaching him- since I wanted to avoid the "vindictive ex spouse" label.  

[terpil]

but when I attempted to report DH's ex when she slapped SS so hard that his nose bled all day, they refused to take the report since I was a stepparent.  Your wife is a mandated reporter in relation to her job, not in her personal life, unfortunately.

My SS later reported to his guidance counselor about the verbal abuse going on at his mom's, and because it wasn't physical, he couldn't report it.

Can he tell his classroom teacher?

[Kitty C.]

I am a mandatory reporter as an EMT.  Legally, I am only required to report abuse when I am acting in the capacity of an EMT, so being an SM doesn't qualify for me, either.

Kent, any abuse reported to a teacher must be reported and would be taken more seriously than being reported by a parent or step-parent, because they are an objective 3rd party.  That's the best way to get things started.

[williaer]

Why not just report it anonymously? No one has to know and you can act surprised when BM finds out. She will likely suspect that it is you- but she will have no proof.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

I recently went through having to report abuse on my child by the dad. Anonymously or not, they do not, nor legally can, disclose who reported it. I made it clear who I was right down to my address and phone number.
Bruises and all, it was "unfounded". That's twice.
While a court of law admonished me for spanking my son with my bare hand, it was perfectly ok for dad to beat the son's butt with a board. Go figure.
So while I don't hold the justice system with the highest regards.........report it.......let the justice system make it's own determination.