My step daughter whom we have enjoyed 50/50 shared parenting
for 9 years, and prior to that my husband was her sole caregivier. When we married mom came around to gain legal custody
, and being the mom, although previoulsy uninvolved she was able to gain 50/50.
During those years she has been working hard on destroying the relationships with my SD
and her entire fathers side. Grandparents, cousins, neighbors, half-siblings.
We have been in court numerous times with mom trying to gain sole (at least 5 battles) This last battle the courts flat out told her they will never change give her sole.
But the PAS has gone to the extreme, SD has not told daddy she no longer wants to see us. She had a long list of bogus reasons. her mom always fills her mind with dreadful things about us. WE are a normal family of 6, and she is not an only child in our home, and it is different then at moms, where she is the princess.
Anyways now it being HER stating how miserable and hating us, my hubby is considering letting go.
It has been so much work fighting to have her in our life and to keep her happy. We all walk on egg-shells to make sure she is happy in our home, and nothing seems to work. THe PAS is too impactful.
I know it seems whimpy to let go, but for our sanity, and from what it seems we are "torturing her" by making her see us.
I noticed you said you were a product of PAS. At what point do you think she might be aware she is PAS'd? Or are her feelings real towards us. (Even though we can tell her mom put words in her mouth)
In a way we feel ready to give in and let go, but are afraid it will get twisted into we cut her out, instead of what it is. But we have given it our all. In fact the ball (legally) is in our court right now. The GAL and the appointed counselor state that she should be with teh dad cause mom was mentally abuse. But it would still be a long and hard haul to get sole, and if she doesn't want to be with us, why should we??
I'm only asking you cause I would be very intersted in knowing what someone who has been through it personally, would feel.
What we would like to know is does our SD really want us to let go? She said she is tired of the fighting....