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Author Topic: sticky situation, don't know what to do!  (Read 6004 times)

graciesmom

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sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« on: Feb 06, 2005, 11:03:14 PM »
Hello all.  I am hoping that someone can give me some good advice, or maybe just some moral support.  My story is a bit of a soap opera.  I am married for 6 years now and we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter.  My husband has a son who is 17 and will be 18 in June.  Here is where it starts to get sticky.  He has never met his son and we are pretty sure that he has not been told that my husband is his real father.  He does pay child support for him, always, and has never complained once about it.  Here is where it gets stickier.  My husband is over in Iraq right now and is scheduled to return home in June.  Recently in the mail I received papers from our local child support office to begin making payments on behalf of a different child.  I was quite confused because the DOB did not match (four months difference) nor did the name of the child or name of the mother match.  I immediately sent an email to my husband to call me ASAP.  When I told him what I received, he confessed to me that there was another child, he will be 18 in October.  He told me that he had slept with the mother, she was married, and when she became pregnant they chose to not reveal that my husband was the father.  My husband again paid child support, no questions asked.  Sometime in 1992, the mother contacted my husband through a letter stating to him that she no longer wished for him to pay child support, that she was getting re-married.  So again to respect her wished, his payments to her stopped.  Now after 12 years, we are contacted and told that we must begin payments and that he is $30,000.00 in arrears.  It is infuriating to me that after all this time, she up and decides now she wants payments plus arrears.  He would have never quit paying in the first place had she not asked.  I told my husband he should try to fight this, but he refuses.  I am afraid that he doesn't want to make himself even more the villian, so he will do whatever is told of him.  I have no problem paying support, but I am just questioning why now?  If anyone knows what kind of rights we have here I would appreciate it.  It just doesn't seem right.  It is quite obvious to me that she has not made an effort until now to seek payments again.  She has known where he was all along as she has mailed things directly to him and never once mentioned child support.  So now, more than likely we have to come up with a good chunk of money and probably pay out for the next ten years.  I am looking at this picture at a totally different angle than my husband as I am not as emotionally attatched.  Am I wrong here?
  I have urged him to contact the mothers and demand that they tell their sons the truth that my husband is their birth father and that he would love to meet them . He wants them to be in his life and to know them, but again he is afraid that it will totally disrupt their lives to all of a sudden know that they have been lied to all their lives.  
Thanks so much for listening.  I am all alone here and quite confused as to what is the right thing to do.  


joni

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #1 on: Feb 07, 2005, 10:31:48 AM »

You are going to need a really good attorney as soon as possible.  Do not try to represent this yourself in court.  

Go to this site to find an attorney who's certified in family law:

http://www.aaml.org/Directory.htm

Start pulling together all your paperwork, including that letter from the mom.  AGAIN, get an attorney as soon as possible.  If you do not respond or respond late, the worse case scenario will happen for your family.

graciesmom

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #2 on: Feb 07, 2005, 10:48:50 AM »
Thanks!  I totally agree about the attorney, but I am not sure my husband will agree. He feels so guilty about the situation that he doesn't want to do anything to rock the boat so to speak.  I am trying to convince him that he should not just roll over and let her use that guilt  to suck us dry!   He was to call the child support office where we live today and talk to them.  They are assisting in our case as the son/mother live in Germany.   I told him to call and find out what all the details are and what they are expecting from us.  I am going today to find all the paperwork I can and hopefully I can find the letter.  He is not sure if he still has it.  
Wish me luck!

joni

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #3 on: Feb 07, 2005, 02:45:03 PM »

Your husband is in denial.  It's time he comes clean with his life and gets all the skeletons out of the closet.  He has to be truthful and forthcoming.  We all have some elements in our past that we're ashamed of or embarrassed by.

There's not alot you can do to change the past.   If given the opportunity, he can make the future right.

KAT

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #4 on: Feb 08, 2005, 04:29:55 AM »
Your husband needs a lawyer. Child support was not set up to be a huge savings account for the custodial parent. Since she failed in her responsibility to file for payment collection, he could possibly use the defense of laches (note: it’s not latches). In addition, contrary to popular belief’ many states do have SOL’s on the collection of child support. (either all or part) While he did not meet his obligation to the child, she also had responsibility here too. Plus, it’s the oldest game in the book. You just stay away, my new husband will raise the kid then I’ll hit you up later to add to my retirement fund. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that she possibly planned this advance as many do.  A lawyer could also help him work out a possible settlement to his ex if he could come up with some cash.
If there wasn’t DNA testing, it entirely possibly that he can request it now.
Failure to appear will just mean that he’s going to have a huge lien attached to his assets. He’s in the military? Does he have security clearances? If so, forget about them. If you own a house the lien will have to be paid before it can be sold..same for refinancing/buying. It will negatively affect his credit for years to come. They can also garnish his pay for 55%, take every dollar out of your bank account, keep all income tax refunds & in some cases even take personal items to satisfy this judgment. This is a heavy burden for a new family. He needs to take care of business.
As for contacting the young adult, personally I’d wait until they were 18 then write them a letter. They either respond or they don’t. If they don’t then wait a few years. Sometimes additional life learning experiences can change ones views drastically. Make sure they know the door is always open. In retrospect of his decision to stay out of his children's life perhaps he could start a website for non adopted children & non custodial parents who are looking to reunite?
Regards;
KAT


graciesmom

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #5 on: Feb 08, 2005, 05:56:28 AM »
I am getting the name of a lawyer and I am definitely at least talking to him/her myself and getting all the information on where we stand.  This situation is very difficult right now because my husband is in Iraq and I am here in the states.  Our contact is very limited right now.  I definitely believe that she should have some accountability here.  It was her responsibility to contact the child support office/courts of her choice not to receive support from him anymore, which she obviously didn't do.  It is my opinion, but I think that she quit asking for support because when she re-married ,she didn't want her new spouse to know that she had a baby with another man in an affair.  I then think that she possibly got a divorce from him in 2002 and needed help again and was free to receive it with no secrets.  I am thinking of hiring an investigator to do a little research for me and get the facts.  All I know is that the truth remains that my husband paid his support faithfully from the time he was born in 87' till the time she asked him not to in 92'.  It seems suspect to me that a mom who wanted child support from a father would not wait 12 years to contact someone to collect it after all that time.  I will only accept that theory if I find out she was deserted on an un-inhabited island for 12 years, and somehow I just don't think that's the case.  
Thanks everyone for your great advice and an ear to lean on.  I can only talk to a few people about this very personal issue and it is nice to be able to vent to someone.  

MixedBag

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SSRCA
« Reply #6 on: Feb 08, 2005, 04:02:46 PM »
If he's military, then he has the right (I believe) to have all proceedings stayed until his return.....

And if mom is in Germany -- which state in the states did she file all this through because Germany can't have jurisdiction?

ALSO, I know for a fact that in the state of NV, they can't go back for more than 4 years for child support if an order was never established.

Maybe the state that has jurisdiction in this case has something similar?

Yep, hire an attorney....

graciesmom

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RE: SSRCA
« Reply #7 on: Feb 08, 2005, 04:33:56 PM »
He is no longer in the military.  He works  for a private contracting firm with the Dept. of Defense.  He will be home in June.  She filed through Germany and they have contacted the county child support office here where we live to act as the go between.  
I am still waiting to hear from my husband as to what exactly it is they want from us.  I have spoken to a friend of mine who is an attorney and he said we should first see if she has a judgement out against him and secondly that if we don't have the letter that she wrote to my husband it may make it quite difficult as it would just be hear say.  Without that we may be hard pressed to support our case.  He said that the judge could take into account all the years she has gone without contacting anyone.  
Right now it is a waiting game until I find out what exactly it is they want.  
If I find out that we have to pay back the whole $30,000.00,  I have names of 2 attorneys and I hope that my husband stands up for our family.  
TO Be Continued............
This is almost as dramatic as Days of Our Lives :)
Thanks everyone!

joni

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HERE'S A THOUGHT
« Reply #8 on: Feb 08, 2005, 10:20:12 PM »

You said that this mother, years ago, sent a letter to your DH stating she was getting remarried and he didn't have to pay child support anymore.

WHY?

Did this mother have the new father adopt the son?  Might be worth looking into.  If he did, your DH certainly would not be liable for child support, even though he wasn't made aware of the adoption.

graciesmom

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RE: HERE'S A THOUGHT
« Reply #9 on: Feb 08, 2005, 10:41:10 PM »
I don't know why, but I am thinking that she did not tell her new husband that her son was fathered by someone other than her ex-husband. I am not even sure if her husband that she cheated on with my husband knew the truth of his paternity.   Just a theory right now, but we are pretty sure that she still hasn't told the son that my husband is his real father.  Lots of little lies and secrets have been going on.  
I am not even sure if my husbands name is on the birth certificate.  Our phone call to address this issue was not that long as phone calls from Iraq can be pretty pricey and I haven't heard from him now in two days.  I seriously am considering hiring a PI to do a little checking up on her background and see if he can get a copy of the birth certificate for me.  I would like to know her motivation for after 12 years, deciding now is the time I should collect my money!
I would think that my husband would have to sign something to give up his paternal rights, and I would then think he would not be liable for CS, so I am assuming that no one has tried to adopt him.
This is all so overwhelming.  I will be glad to get to the truth and go from there.  She has definitely not counted on me and she has another thing coming if she thinks I am going to give up without a fight.  I have my own little one to protect.

NoNicky

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #10 on: Feb 09, 2005, 09:01:50 AM »
I agree about the attorney but I also want to add some other things to think about.

If the other woman was married at the time then her husband's name is on the birth certificate and your husband can not be ordered to pay support at this time without PROOF he is the father.  That means paternity testing.  If his name is by some chance on the birth certificate I'm curious as to how it was hidden from the husband and I would still want DNA testing because then he would have a case to say he was duped by the wife and her then husband in order to assure a meal ticket.  On top of that it appears that mother divorced her husband and in all likelihood was collecting support from your husband and her ex-husband.  See a problem with that?  Legally the child can only have 1 father and that 1 father is the person liable for support.  

I urge you to talk to your husband and point all these facts out.  To not ask these questions would be in the long term a detriment to your whole family.  It may wind up that if DNA testing determines he is the father now, he will be liable for child support from that point forward but not for arrears.  I know that can be done because my husband was not liable for arrears because another man was on the birth certificate and the child was or at least should have been supported by the man who claimed to be and acted as his parent according to the courts.

Best of luck and stay in touch.

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

jilly

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RE: HERE'S A THOUGHT
« Reply #11 on: Feb 09, 2005, 09:07:12 AM »
Birth information is public record.  If you know where the child was born, mother's name and date of birth you can contact the local courthouse where child was born and they'll give you that information.  They'll even tell you who is listed as the father.  Hiring a PI is a good idea to check on her background and follow her for a few days.  I wouldn't pay the PI to get the birth information when you can get it for free.
Good luck!

graciesmom

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #12 on: Feb 09, 2005, 09:33:54 AM »
My husband said there was a paternity test done, but no DNA test. He seems to not question that he is legally the father.  I am wondering though if I should not ask him to do a DNA test.  Am I right in saying that paternity test only give you a % of probability that he could be the father? How would we go about getting a copy of his birth certificate? I just don't trust this woman and I want to make sure we have all the facts.  This is all difficult right now, because he is not here.  There is only so much he can do in Iraq.  
  I am doing my very best to try to convince my husband to do what is right here.  I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him as I know he just wants to do right by his son and our family as well.  If he fights paying arrears, then he feels he is turning against his son and is supporting us, if he pays the arrears then he feels he will be turning against us.  I totally understand that, but I strongly feel that he should not be responsible for something that she should have taken care of.  
Thanks for all the great information.  

graciesmom

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RE: HERE'S A THOUGHT
« Reply #13 on: Feb 10, 2005, 09:38:30 AM »
I made a request with the caseworker yesterday that we wanted a copy of his birth certificate.  We will see what happens!  I am not sure how to get a copy myself.  He was born in Germany and I have looked all over the internet but can't find anything and if I do, it's in GERMAN and I can't read it.  I have a call into a PI so hopefully he can help me out.
If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate it.
Amy

graciesmom

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #14 on: Feb 10, 2005, 10:02:05 AM »
I finally heard from my husband yesterday, and he is certain that he doesn't have the letter.  It was in a box that was shipped to him when he got out of the ARMY and it was lost!  What luck!  Now I am in a panic because my husband wants to sign on for another six months working in Iraq so he can make extra money where we won't be burdened.  He has come around some about going to court, but with the case being in Germany, and he would have to go there not to mention attorneys fees. Either way we go the expense is going to be difficult on us. We are going to wait and see what the PI finds.  I also spoke to the caseworker here locally and finally got to tell our side of the story.  She did say that since nothing was done through the courts that he will be responsible for all arrears (we knew that already) but that she would send our comments to the german caseworker.  We just have to wait and see what the response is which I am sure will be the same.  I am really interested to see if the mother shared the information with her caseworker that she asked my husband to stop payments.  
Should be interesting.  
All have a good day!

KAT

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A few things...
« Reply #15 on: Feb 10, 2005, 05:03:55 PM »
How does Germany have jursidiction over your husband? Second...and I've been struggling on how to say this without sound rude because I'm certainly NOT trying to...okay? :) We are government subcontractors. I know the big bucks guys make for going over. Mr. KAT was offered 275k plus 2m in life insurance to go over last year. If he's just going to pay it out of the money he's making today, risking his life having a new family & little tiny baby then I would be pissed. BOTH parties made mistakes. BOTH parties had responsiblitiy, not just HIM. He is not a bank nor a retirement account.  He has defenses to this. Forget the guilt. He needs to obtain a lawyer to work out a settlement with her. Start low. Have him sign a legal (only) POA so that you can work with the lawyer.
Just my 02 here.
KAT

graciesmom

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RE: A few things...
« Reply #16 on: Feb 10, 2005, 07:27:10 PM »
I really don't understand all the legalities between Germany and our county office.  I just know Germany sent our county a "registration statement" in August of 2002 and to request help from them with our case.   I still don't know why we have not been contacted until February 2005.  I assume that it is perfectly legal, otherwise our county office would not be involved?  We send our payments to a local address, a clearinghouse.  
Trust me I am extremely pissed off with the notion that my husband is considering staying over there, 6 months longer.  You are right, we get paid the big bucks, so to speak, but not as much as you were offered.  He is just looking at it from the point of view that he could quickly earn the money to pay off the debt where we would not financially strained.  It is not what I wish to happen, and hopefully it won't.  I guess everyone is different and if it came to that point I would support that decision and keep things going here at home.    Thankfully he is in a safe area that never has any problems.  I emailed him and told him to hold off on extending his time and let's see what unfolds the next week or so before he makes such a commitment.  
I do have a POA and I am going to ask him next time I talk to him if I can at least go talk to an attorney and see what he thinks our chances are with this.  I  would also  like to see what kind of response we get from the mother and the caseworker in Germany.  I think he is fearful that we would go all the way to Germany, hire a lawyer and lose.  
He is doing really well working past his guilt and starting to see the picture a little more clearly.  I  am aware that both of them are to blame here and we will do all we can to assume responsiblity for our share, I just hope she does the same.  I am all for a settlement and that is what I am shooting for.  
I get what you are saying and I appreciate it.  
Right now, we just have to see what happens next.  I will keep you informed.

graciesmom

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RE: A few things...
« Reply #17 on: Feb 19, 2005, 06:32:09 PM »
Well I haven't posted in a few days and things haven't changed much, but I did have a good talk with a different caseworker in our local office.  She confirmed to us, that we need to hire an atty. (which we are looking) and get a petition filed to have a DNA test done.  If by some miracle, he is not truly the birth father, then we can be released from this debt.  It works in our favor because they were not married and she was married to someone else. Has anyone ever had a similar situation and had a DNA test reverse their obligations?  Until we get the DNA results  I still have the task in front of me hunting down proof from 1998-1992 that my husband paid child support that was directly taken from his paycheck in the ARMY.  Has anyone ever had to do this with the ARMY?  Do they keep records that long?  We have his paystubs, but it doesn't show where the payments were made.
  We received a letter today for OCSE saying that they will be reporting to the credit bureau's that my husband is $31,943.00 overdue in child support.  We have the option to contest, which I will,  at least the amount owed.  This hopefully will send my husband over the edge and he will stop trying to be mister nice guy.  It seems just when things start to look up, we get slammed again.  It makes things so difficult as my husband is in Iraq and I can only talk to him maybe once a week.  

MixedBag

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RE: A few things...
« Reply #18 on: Feb 19, 2005, 08:28:34 PM »
for the pay, start looking through http://www.dfas.mil.  HOWEVER, I bet that when you hit the right office, it will be DH who has to call.  Ask them what they need to have permission to talk to you.  They're gonna be real picky about his privacy.

As for the DNA.....don't remember anyone here that has BTDT.

Good Luck!

VAStepmom

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First of all...
« Reply #19 on: Feb 24, 2005, 03:04:09 PM »
You must be commended for keeping a cool head through all of this.  Second of all, and I can't believe no one has really hit on this, but this woman was married when she had this baby.  That makes her husband (at the time), NOT YOUR HUSBAND, the presumed father.  That means her husband's name should be on the birth certificate, not your husband's.  


VAStepmom

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PS...
« Reply #20 on: Feb 24, 2005, 03:27:33 PM »
Like mentioned earlier, go to http://www.dfas.mil for info on the child support.  My husband recently seperated from the Army and he also had his payments set up on allottment.  I went to the website and sent an email with my husbands info, as if I was my husband  ;-) , and explained that I needed something on paper showing when I started that particular allottment, how much is was, where it was going, etc.  They sent a piece of paper via snail mail that had a bunch of crap and codes on it (I had no idea what most of it meant,) but it also had exactly what I needed to prove the allottment.   It showed the dollar amount, her name and her bank acct number that the money went directly to.   Give that a shot!

KAT

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To VAstepmom!
« Reply #21 on: Feb 24, 2005, 03:56:17 PM »
HA! I think I like you! Good going! I've never  had a problem dealing with the caseworkers as long I pretend I'm MR.KAT or act really, really nice (& stupid).
Cheers from Chesapeake VA...
KAT

graciesmom

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RE: First of all...
« Reply #22 on: Feb 24, 2005, 04:03:02 PM »
Thanks for the compliment, but I haven't been doing so good . Perhaps the shock has worn off and now reality is hitting me smack upside the head.   I have handed the whole thing over to my husband to handle from Iraq.  I was getting so mad and stressing myself out so much that I was almost not able to function properly.  I have started therapy and medication if that tells you anything.
 I did find out that she was not married at the time, but she was to be getting married soon, still not sure what exactly that means.  With our conversations being so brief and infrequent while he is in Iraq,  I misunderstood him.  That being said, my husband should be the birth father listed on the Birth Certificate, we ordered a copy and are waiting on it.  
I had my husband convinced to do a DNA test, but then when the OCSE sent us the credit bureau letter, it changed everything.  With my husbands job, if he gets any negative things on his credit, he will no doubt lose his job as it affects his security clearance.  So we have to bring the balance down below $1000.00 in the next 14 days or he will lose his job.  
We were both at opposite ends of this thing as I wanted to fight paying for the 10 years she asked not to receive it and a proof of a DNA test.  He wanted to pay for it and be done with it.  With the threat of him losing his job, we have to pay it, at least for now to keep that from happening.   As far as the DNA test goes,  I talked to an attorney, and his feeling was that since there has already been a paternity test done (blood) and a judgement says that he is the father, that a judge likely would not grant a DNA test.  I chose not to push it any farther, because we are already losing money, and between the lawyers fees, court costs, DNA test it would cost us upwards of $3000.00 and we may not win it, so I just told my husband if he can live with not knowing then I  hopefully someday will as well.  It makes it hard because we have never seen this kid or know him.   I told my husband today that he has to take it over from now and I am staying out of it.  I don't like it a bit, but I have to think about my daughter now.  I have been so pre-occupied with this and obsessed in finding the truth, that I was not being the best Mom to her, Now she can have my undivided attention she deserves and I just have to have faith that if someday the truth can come to light, it will.  
Thanks for all the great info.  What a great place to vent.  You all have helped me make heads or tails of this thing.  Good luck to you all.
Amy

graciesmom

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RE: PS...
« Reply #23 on: Feb 24, 2005, 05:05:51 PM »
The paperwork from DFAS is on it's way here.  I am just hoping it doesn't take them too long.  My husband is now going to have to have an informal conference over the phone with the revenue office.  Hopefully they will let him pay the amount owed, minus what should have been already paid when he was in the military.  I have a feeling I am going to be dragged back into this, as far as handling things, but I don't mind that as long as they give us due credit for child support that has already been paid.  That should amount to close to $7000.00 !  

I hope that it is clear that I am not against paying the child support.  If my husband truly believes that he is his son, then I am all for him paying it.  I am just angry at how she has gone about it and her lack of responsibility back in 1992.  It makes me sick to think that he would have been paying it each month for the last 12 years, no questions, and in 8 more months, the son  would be 18 and my husbands obligation of child support would be fulfilled. I wish my husband would have questioned her a more in 92' and not written off her request so easily without checking it out legally.  He should have known better than that.  

I just wanted to make myself clear.  I don't want think people I am some witchy wife who doesn't want her husband to take care of a child who doesn't belong to her.  I really hope one day we get to know him .  I am glad that my daughter has a big brother  and I hope they get to meet.  What a bonus for me, no more getting fat, swollen feet and pushing a baby out with no epidural.   Now she has siblings and no pain for me.  I have to look at it that way.  
Everyone have a great weekend!  I am getting ready to move,so mine will be filled with packing, YUK!

VAStepmom

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RE: To VAstepmom!
« Reply #24 on: Feb 25, 2005, 11:59:47 AM »
Thanks, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do!  Anyway, good to see a local on the board.  I'm in Virginia Beach!  See ya round! :-)

LAK

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I'd also try to find out....
« Reply #25 on: Feb 25, 2005, 05:56:24 PM »
if her DH at the time, who believed the child was his, is paying CS.  She can't get it from two men for the same child.

LAK

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Never mind, just read the rest of the thread....nm
« Reply #26 on: Feb 25, 2005, 06:09:17 PM »
..

graciesmom

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RE: sticky situation, don't know what to do!
« Reply #27 on: Feb 26, 2005, 03:15:06 PM »
Okay, new question here.  I am now helping my husband out again.  I really am the only one who can handle things here as he is in Iraq.  Anyway, that is besides the point.  I am waiting to hear from our revenue office on when our informal conference will be to contest the amount of arrears.  I was trying to figure up today exactly how much we should be credited for the years that he paid CS directly from his Army paycheck.  In looking closely at that, they show an amount of $32,000 that they will report to the credit bureau if the balance is not brought down below $1000.00.  In looking closely at the decree,  it states that his payment schedule would  begin on the date of January 1, 1989, however, in other paperwork we have received there was a payment history breakdown which began in October 1987, the year of the childs birth.  My question is this.  If in fact the court ordered decree states that child support begin on January 1, 1987 and we must now pay for any back support that has not been paid, that we are only legally responsible for payments which have not been made as of January 1, 1987, not since birth.  Is that right?  I hope someone can clear me up on this because if this is true, then we may be able to shave off another $3500.00. I will put it this way to be clear in my question.  Can they make us pay for 15 months of child support now, if it was not ordered in the official judgement?  
 My husband has our first payment set up for the 3rd.  Talk about hurt!  To see your savings account go from VERY FULL to almost empty, OUCH!  
Look forward to any responses.
Thanks!

LAK

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No....
« Reply #28 on: Feb 26, 2005, 09:11:46 PM »
they can only make it effective as of the date in the CO.  CSE has to follow the CO.  Be prepared to set them straight though.

graciesmom

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RE: No....
« Reply #29 on: Feb 26, 2005, 09:18:50 PM »
That is what I thought.  I am going to call my friend tomorrow who is an attorney to be sure and then I am going to call CSE to make sure I get our conference soon to set them straight.  Finally a glimmer of hope.  This will mean that instead of our $30,000.00 grand total they gave us, with the CS he has already paid through the ARMY and the 15 months we shouldn't  have to pay, our total is down to only $20,000.00.  Still a lot of money, but 10 grand is quite a chunk of change to save.  Thanks so much.  I will let you know how it goes.  
Finally have a big grin on my face for the first time in a few weeks.  

Maybe a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.  :)

LAK

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I think I would also want to know...
« Reply #30 on: Feb 27, 2005, 07:08:25 AM »
if the mother is indeed pursuing this.  CSE does what they want, and if the order was always with them, then without an order to stop it, they'll continue to enforce it.  

Is it possible that the mother has no idea this is going on?  If not, she may help you straighten it out and tell CSE that she wants to drop the arrears.

I know someone going through that right now.  The ex doesn't want the support, but CSE is taking action to collect it anyway.  Both parties are in the process of going to court to get it stopped.  

graciesmom

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RE: I think I would also want to know...
« Reply #31 on: Feb 27, 2005, 07:24:02 AM »
I have thought that too, but in an email that we were sent copies of originating with the german caseworker, it clearly stated that the mother was very upset and feels her case had been neglected.  You see, it looks like Germany tried to register our case with our county CSE back in August of 2002, nothing happend.  Germany tried to register again in July 2004, and we have just now been contacted January 2005.  So it appears, and I don't know for sure, that the mother contacted German CSE and wanted to start collecting again.  It would seem that she hasn't made mention of the fact she asked him to stop paying or either CSE said too bad it has to be paid.  We just don't know that. I also told the caseworker here the story and she said she was going to send our comments and such to the German caseworker.  So someone knows, but it will not make a difference, without going to court, and that isn't an option for us right now.  I have actually asked my husband to write to her a letter himself and ask her point blank what the truth is, I would love to know.  Remember, this is not your typical situation.  He hasn't seen this woman in 16-17 years, only a few letters from her over the years.  
I keep hoping that after this is all said and done, she will mail us a check for the 10 years she didn't want the child support and return the money that is rightfully ours.  I can dream can't I :)

chihuahua

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RE: I think I would also want to know...
« Reply #32 on: Mar 08, 2005, 04:39:56 PM »
Hey Amy,Sorry I am a little late in responding I just came across this web site.BOY, Can I relate to you and your situation I hope that maybe you can help me or if anyone can help.........Where to start,My fiance MK was divorced in 1997 in Tennessee his divorce papers state that he gets visatation on weekends ect.Well she got remarried 6 months later.She remarried a military man.$$$$$Well she has been to MO,TN,TX,NY and Germany.Well appartently she just came back to the states and is now in CO.Well my fiance went in front of NY judge and he was originally suppose to pay 150.00 a week but the judge yelled at him and said he can only force whats in front of him and wanted him to pay 150.00 a month instead.That was in 2000.In December right before X-Mas we got a warrant to pay NY 2017.00.We paid and had our worse X-Mas.Now 3 months later MO sends us a letter that says he owes 33,000.00!WOW.I about fell off the earth.We called NY and they said he owes nothing and actually has a credit.Well MO says mail us what you have.Id like to metion theres 3 kids involved and 1 he adopted which is not his AT ALL.Does anyone have any idea why these 2 states are involved?How can we not be responsible for the adopted kid?Who is now 18.Id appreciate any info on this matter I look forward to a responce.

graciesmom

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RE: I think I would also want to know...
« Reply #33 on: Mar 08, 2005, 06:59:57 PM »
I am probably not the best person to ask.  What I have found is that dealing with the child support offices is that they  are quick to find you and contact you when they want money from you, but as slow as Christmas when it comes to taking care of business and resolving their mistakes.  We have been dealing with this for about a month now and still no answers.  
As far as your situation goes, if I am clear, then it doesn't make sense that MO is trying to collect if your original judement was in NY and they say you have a credit.  Unless he received a new judgement from the state of MO, then he shouldn't owe them.  Did you post your message anywhere else.  My topic has been kinda dead lately as I have been moving and not checking back very often and my case is kinda at a stand still at the moment.  If you haven't post a new message.  Everyone was very helpful to me.  
I think I would talk to a lawyer if you could.  
Good luck,
Amy

chihuahua

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Thanks for your responce
« Reply #34 on: Mar 10, 2005, 07:26:57 AM »
It originated in TN when he got divorced.But then she went to MO and got that child support unit to go after him. Well to hear a good one......When he went to get ordered to pay support they immediatly starting his bill at 3000.00 and an additional 150.00 a week. Well 2 years went by and he was in NY at that time.Then NY brought him into court as he wasn't paying MO and that judge told him he can only enforce whats in front of him and ordered him to pay 150.00 a month and asked if he had a problem with that./Of course he didn't.So I am guessing that NY over rules MO.

The judges paper says ORDER DISMISSING PETITION.
It appearing that a NY court does not have authority to modify the TN order of support, it is ORDERED, that the petition is dismissed.

What the heck all that bumble jumble means is beyond me.All I know is we have all papers dated 1997 (should have been 2000) and they all say 150.00 a month from NY.

At this time we can't afford a lawyer and legal aide told him he makes to much on unemployment for them to help.Figure that out.

I have only posted messages here.I'm not sure how I found this website but now I'm addicted to responces.I read your entire message board the other night to my sweetie and boy we could relate to you.I wanted to talk to you as it sounds like almost the same.

But unfortunatly my honey adopted HER kid when they were married.Well he has still paid support and she has remarried 6 months after there divorce.Sounds like she didn't wait for the sheets to cool down before moving in MR.Military Man.Remind you my honey was in the ARMY for 10 years and took a lump sum to get out as he had kids and was married.I guess he was hopeing for a life with her but instead after he cashed out and got a 7.00 an hour job it took her 2 years to wipe them out.
It goes so much deeper but I would be here all day.I can only hope and pray that something good comes out of it.
Which makes this worse is we are trying to buy our first home together.I have never been married and have no kids so I really am not use to all this BS.I'm hanging in there.

Mom with a couple of chihuahuas.

thanks graciesmom!

 

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