A Lot of good joint legal custody does

[c_alexander]

I jsut got off the phone with my daughter and I am irritated to no end to find out her mother has been leaving her at how alone after school pretty much every day for at least an hour or so. After I specifically asked her not to do this. Our daughter is only 9 years old and way too young ot be left at home alone yet. Indiana law states our daughter must be over 12 years old to be left at home alone, but the idiots in Colorado have no minimum age. When talking to the family and children services director in Colorado about it I was told that there are some households with mature 6 year olds being left at home. What kid of crazy  leaves a 6 yer old at home alone.
What is worse is that although I am SUPPOSE to have some say in this kind of thing, I can't because 1. I can't afford to go back to court.... 2. If I do go back to court all of my concerns will be thrown out the window and instead the court will focus on my child support
3. The courts simply DON'T CARE about my alledged rights.

This really sucks!

[CustodyIQ]

Chris,

Joint legal custody doesn't mean that you each get to dictate the parenting decisions of the other parent.  It means that you each get to make decisions for your child while the child is in your custody.

Just as you can't dictate whether the mother leaves your daughter alone (or prohibits your daughter from wearing hats, or forces peppermint ice cream on her for dessert every night, or drives her in a car that didn't get 5-star crash safety)... the mother can't dictate what parenting decisions you make while you're with your daughter.

If she's not breaking Colorado laws, then imagine how you appear to Colorado authorities who enforce the law.

Your impression of joint legal custody is wrong, hence your conclusions about it are wrong.

You're correct that the courts DON'T CARE about parental rights.  The only person about whom they're supposed to CARE (and which they may not) is the CHILD.

So, as you've heard before on these boards, the best way to help raise your child is to move to Colorado.  It's been quite a while since your daughter moved to CO with her mother.  Make it happen.

Regardless of how unfair your situation is, no amount of complaining will help it.  It's up to you to get to CO... that seems to be the only option to improve it.

Good luck.

[c_alexander]

So then I DON'T have a say in how my daughter is brought up. I have talked extensively to my ex that I don't feel comfortable witha 9 year old being left at home alone. she has promised this would not be a problem and ift would stop...that was last year. Fact of the matter is this, my ex does whatever she wants with our daughter whenever she wants. I am not notified, consulted, asked, or anything. As a matter of fact usually my ex gets very nervous when I ask her about some of the things my daughter tells me is going on there becase she doesn't want me to know.

I just get SO frustrated with a system and an ex wife that have taken away any power I had to raise my daughter.  The state simply makes orders because they don't care. They want their chid support funding from the government. My ex wife doesn't care because she is more concerned about herself then her daughter.

[CustodyIQ]

>I just get SO frustrated with a system and an ex wife that
>have taken away any power I had to raise my daughter.  The
>state simply makes orders because they don't care. They want
>their chid support funding from the government. My ex wife
>doesn't care because she is more concerned about herself then
>her daughter.


Nearly all of that is probably true.  This is why you need to be in Colorado ASAP, no matter the hardship to you.

[kitten]

Even if he is in Colorado, she can and will STILL do what she wants when it is not his visitation.

[sweetnsad]

Let's see....you have a familiar tone about you....could you be Eric, from FIRM?

I see you've started a new website....

Chris, I'm sorry that you are going through this....I can certainly understand your concerns, but there isn't anything you can do about this unless you go back to court and have it put in the court order that she not be left alone until she is, at least, 12 years of age.  I agree that her being left alone for an hour or so, at 9 years old, is not in the best interest of the child.

Unfortunately, joint legal custody doesn't allow you to change the rules in Mom's house.  I know you'd like to be able to have input, but that's all it is to her.  She doesn't care and she's going to do what she wants anyway.

Financially, I know you can't move to Colorado right now, but I surely hope that you can be reunited with your daughter in the near future....and maybe then, you will be able to have the CO changed.

Best of luck to you hon!

[CustodyIQ]

I'll pretend not to be offended that you believe anyone who launches a new website about child custody, and who disagrees with your perspective must be the same a-hole named Eric.

I am a different Eric who has happened to give Chris a small donation in the past for his efforts to move to CO.  This is likely more than most here have done for this young man.  As probably only one "Eric" gave him a donation, he knows who I am.

Empathy and good vibes support doesn't seem to have changed his tune (i.e., complaining about things he cannot change) in the past 6 months, so I'm switching over to tough love.

He may not be able to ever control what happens in the home of his daughter's mom, but I'm sure he'd be at much greater peace with it if he lived 5 miles away and saw his daughter frequently.

[kitten]

Even if he lives five miles away, he is bound by the custody and visitation order and may not see her any more than he does now.  I do agree however that if he were closer, he could possibly get more time with her by requesting a mediation hearing in daughter and BM's county.  

[CustodyIQ]

Kitten,

Not sure why you're so disagreeable to my posts to Chris.

My point is...

If he's not in Colorado, he DEFINITELY WON'T be anymore involved with his daughter than he currently is.

If he moves to Colorado, based upon the history he's outlined and presuming it's true (i.e., a decade of closeness with his daughter), he CAN petition the court of jurisdiction for a new parenting plan given his local proximity, and he MAY get a parenting plan that provides for greater contact between dad and daughter.

Mediation won't work, in that it requires two reasonable parties able to cooperate and compromise.  The mother has shown she has no interest in fostering a relationship with the father, and has taken efforts to thwart that contact.

The ONLY WAY Chris MAY have a chance to improve his situation is to move to Colorado.

Regardless of what's fair or what's just, that's the reality of his situation.

[sweetnsad]

Sorry, but it just seemed like too much of a coincidence.  

My apologies for offending you.

I just thought you seemed too harsh, that's all....:)

[CustodyIQ]

Thanks for the apology.  His style is definitely not mine, and his perspectives on approach are definitely far from mine.

True, that's the harshest post I've ever made to Chris, but it's not for lack of empathy for his struggle.  Under a previous monikor, I've provided him plenty of support.

With every passing month, his chances of securing a new parenting schedule goes down... and if he was once as close to his daughter as he describes, it is a tragedy for both of them.

He has a huge struggle now.  He would have a different struggle in Colorado (i.e., perhaps including financial), but at least it would take him on to the next step to keep this father and daughter connected.

Tough love.  Kick in the butt.  Whatever.  We're all here to help, just different styles sometimes.

[kitten]

>Not sure why you're so disagreeable to my posts to Chris.
>
>My point is...
>
>If he's not in Colorado, he DEFINITELY WON'T be anymore
>involved with his daughter than he currently is.
>
>If he moves to Colorado, based upon the history he's outlined
>and presuming it's true (i.e., a decade of closeness with his
>daughter), he CAN petition the court of jurisdiction for a new
>parenting plan given his local proximity, and he MAY get a
>parenting plan that provides for greater contact between dad
>and daughter.

I recall stating the same thing, but in less wording, therefore I am not disagreeing.

>Mediation won't work, in that it requires two reasonable
>parties able to cooperate and compromise.  The mother has
>shown she has no interest in fostering a relationship with the
>father, and has taken efforts to thwart that contact.

I refer to"Mediation" because that is how we do it here in CA regardless of agreeable parties or not.  The "Mediator" determines the cooperation between the parties based on information each provides during the meeting and the new parenting plan is recommended to the court by the Mediator.

>The ONLY WAY Chris MAY have a chance to improve his situation
>is to move to Colorado.

Once again I agree.

>>Regardless of what's fair or what's just, that's the reality
>of his situation.

Yeah, reality bites!

I too have felt like you about some of his posts, but only Chris can do what Chris needs to do and he will.

[c_alexander]

I see where IQ is coming from, and I agree with what everyone is saying. Really I posted here to vent the frustration. It bothers me something terrile that the state I will be stuck moving to does not have a minimum age you can leave a child at home alone. While in Florida a 9 year old girl has gone missing, and thousand of kids are taken from their home everyday. My ex wife just up and leaves our daughter at home all alone. It is not as though her and I have not talked about this. She actually promised me it would not happen ever again and respected my concerns, then goes and does what she wants. What kind of parenting is that? If I don't pay CS look out I am facing felony charges, she does whatever she wants with our child regardless of the danger or consequences...hey thats no problem.

AS for support, everyone here has been VERY supportive in my efforts to get to Colorado and I want you all to know that although I have had to rework and adjust my plans a few times, I WILL be moving there no later then July 26th. I have worked it out so that I will have no choice, I have to move at this time. There is a big part of me that is scared of finding a job, not having any money, gettting screwed again by the courts and my ex wife, but I MUST do this.

Kitten is right though. I could live right next door and my ex would still do whatever she wants. Most of the time she does these things to spite me. She is angry that I am still in Jessie's life. I think she had hoped I would have given up by now, but it ain't gonna happen.

[Fair_Rulings]

Make a change in the California Family Law System
[email protected]

[kitten]

>I think she had hoped I would have given up by
>now, but it ain't gonna happen.

NEVER.

[kitten]

More info?

[backwardsbike]

I know just how you feel. I am a NCP mom.  I don't think it appropriate that my DD( 12) spends an hour per day in the school bus depot waiting for her SM to finish her route instead of aftershcool program that I pay child support for. But it is not myu decision...unless something untoward happens.  Then you have a leg to stand on.  You just have to pray its nothing big.

I'm sorry buddy.  If you DD doesn't like being home alone tell her to call 011 and tell them she's scared and there's no adult with her.  The police will make a report and you can take it to court.  Then you might have a leg to stand on.

I second the other guy's advice about stepping up the move to Colorado.  It would be much easier if you were just down the street.  Then she could spend the hour with you.