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Author Topic: Texas Father just trying to do the right thing.  (Read 914 times)

Bradley

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Texas Father just trying to do the right thing.
« on: Oct 15, 2005, 03:26:02 PM »
Okay long story short,, I have a very controlling ex wife, she wants me to call my daughter between 7-8 sunday through thursday, she doesnt want me to attend extra curricular activities on her weekend, she says she has been gracious to allow me to attend, she doesnt want my new wife involved in any part of my daughters life and has had me thrown out of a football game my daughter was cheering at because she said I was causing a distubence...
I have heard it is usless in Texas to even fight for any additional rights, like the right to attend these games and extra curricular activities and should I be able to call when I want to call ,and shouldnt my new wife be a part of my daughters life if she wants especially if she has been a better mother than my ex wife?
Dad in Texas... help


sheerdark

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RE: Texas Father just trying to do the right thing.
« Reply #1 on: Oct 15, 2005, 07:01:35 PM »
I would think that the new wife thing would set any ex off, especially if she is a controlling one.  You've finally made a decision on your own - to foster your own happiness - and she obviously does not like that.  

Also, about the new wife.  I know that you may come on here and say whatever you want about your ex and it's the best place to vent.  However, I hope that you have not said anything about your ex's parenting capabilities to your daughter or your ex.  She is still the mother of your child - no one can replace her!  I doubt you'd like it very much if your ex-wife tried to do the same to you...but I'm sure you'd handle it in a more mature manner.

As far as additional rights are concerned, do you have joint legal custody?  If so, then I believe that you have those rights already that she is trying to take away.  Also, not allowing you to call your daughter when it is convenient for the both of you is silly, unless you have abused the priviledge in the past?  If push comes to shove, just attend those events in a way that your daughter will know that you are there, but that her mother won't - is that possible?  Maybe sit on the opposing team's side...it won't be the best view of your daughter, but at least she'll know you're there cheering her on!

Good Luck with everything - everyday can be a struggle sometimes...just hold on and enjoy your new life!


futureuselesseater

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RE: Texas Father just trying to do the right thing.
« Reply #2 on: Oct 16, 2005, 01:07:33 PM »
You have the right to attend anything your daughter is at and should.  Your wife can go with you.  You have rights, rights, rights, rights.

But how do you go about getting them?  

COPARENTING!!  The best advice I can give you is to task your ex wife to go to some Coparenting Counseling with you.  It will help you win in more ways than you can imagine.  I went to Coparenting with my ex and it was the best thing we ever did.  We get along great now and even consider each other friends.  I even do things with my ex's spouse now and than and we are now in business together.  Figure that?  I have heard over and over excuses as to why people can't get to Coparenting Counseling and that they can't get their ex to go with them.  Ok, if you can't get your ex to go with you, ask her to go alone, or you get in their by yourself.  

Here is the thing, you can't control your ex, or the situation.  An attitude about your new wife being a better mother than your ex to your child will not get you anywhere either.  It will only make your situation worse.  Your ex is not the enemy and she is not evil.  You have to see that besides not liking each other you and your ex both have the best interest of your daughter in your hearts and love her more than anyone else.  Stop demonizing the ex and your whole world will turn around.

So, how do you do this?  Kill the ex with kindness, do unto her the way you would want her to be with you.  So, on your weekends when you take your daughter to a game ask the ex to all go eat together after the game, sit near her at the game, talk to her.  Obviously at this point she doesn't like your new wife.  Fine, so don't push your new wife in her face right now, that will only make the situation worse.  Don't treat your wife like she is the mom in front of your ex, cause she is not and will only make things worse as well.  When you go to a game on your ex's time sit away from the ex and don't cause a scene where she could get you kicked out of the game.  By the way, I don't see how you could have been asked to leave a game for making a scene in front of people unless you really were.  So don't make a scene.  IN fact be nice, smile at the ex, go over to her during a break w/out your wife and say hey.

The more you give the more you get.  Yes, you can always go to court and get things on the court paper giving you YOUR rights and sometimes that is needed.  As far as the telephone conversations go, call when the mom says you can and don't complain about it.  fact is some dads don't even get allowed to talk to their child on mom's time.  I know it stinks to feel controlled. On your time tell mom she can call whenever she wants to talk to daughter.  Show her how nice you are and she just might start bending her controlling ways.  

Whatever you do don't talk bad about your mom to your daughter, to your daughter.  Don't get into heated conversations with your ex and don't let your wife get involved with issues with your ex.  You should be the one to deal with your ex and no one else.  

There are so many other things you can do, but it would take all day for me to go through every situation.  Again, check out the Coparenting.  I highly recommend it.  It feels so good to be free of the past with my ex and how easily things are now.  I was a person that was going to court left and right over rediculous issues, and we would get into a lot of crap with each other.  Not now, so it is possible for anyone to get to the point where I am.  I really hope it gets better for you.

gipsy

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RE: Texas Father just trying to do the right thing.
« Reply #3 on: Oct 16, 2005, 09:56:40 PM »
I agree with the other people that posted , However  Its easy to get caught up in the fight ! I have learned Any bad mouthing or bad behavior is not going to help , I have listened to my very common sense atty ,
   He say's " Unless there is a court order prohibiting it You can do it "
   He also say's " don't even pay attention to her "
   And he told me to go to My son's school and be very nice to the teachers and show them that I am not at all like she say;s I am "
   I have done all these things and Now I get along with all these people , Doctors , Teachers etc ,
  Now that I am out of that phase ,
   I see " NONE OF THESE PEOPLE WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS !!!!!
  I see it and I go to these places for my son ! And don't even talk about her ,
 Let me tell ya what happens though !
   There have been show and tell issues , And I bring them to the school for my son . And ask the teacher to have them for my son ,
   The teacher  said " the kids usually bring these in "
   I  Explained the living situation <
  And said " if I give the items to my son they don't get here "

 Teacher said something that made me realise she got it , that the mother is the problem !
   So Again ! Be nice and be there for the child and forget about mom !
  And These people will figure it out , When I took My atty's advice , And left the problems with mom out of the equation . Teachers , and the  Doctor figured out that the mother had the problem and they are cool to me !,
   

 

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