dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice

[StPaulieGirl]

we cover our butts on everything we do.... we've been dealing with this psycho for 3 years now...(child is 5)



[p]My God, you guys are living in hell...

[StPaulieGirl]

Our BM actually called when ss was 6 years old asking "where he got the 1/16" circular bruise between his testicles and anus" (she called 15 minutes after he was returned to her!) I wasn't concerned about the bruise, he plays outside all the time, I was concerned about how SHE FOUND IT!!?? It is called a strip search upon return from visit! When discussed with judges, counselors, SRS, etc., they all just stated "she is over-protective, no law against that!" Luckily via our insistance that she quit bathing with him and strip searching him after visits, this did stop.

[p]That is totally sick behavior, and I'm wondering why she got a "pass" on that.  

[p]I haven't seen my kids genitalia since they were old enough to go to kindergarten.  Unless there is a very good reason, you don't invade your child's privacy.  A child needs to be taught at an early age, imo, that there are certain parts of the body that are private.  She violated his space.  Now that's abusive. That BM is mentally ill....

[nosonew]

This all happened quite a few years ago, if it had been more recent, I would do what NancyLou did.  However, now ss lives with us, is content and happy, learning to live a normal life.  Yes, we did live in a "sort of hell for years" now we have a great life, and she lives by herself.

I appreciate your input and rage at this situation, as I was flabbergasted at the time.  And completely upset with the system that allowed it to happen.  (We also had to get it court ordered they stop bathing together which took years and she finally stopped when he was 7 years old!)  And she accused US of sexual abuse!! (Of course that went NOWHERE).

[StPaulieGirl]

I'm glad to hear that the boy is living with you guys.  Ever hear of a pyschological term called "projection"?  She's projecting big time when she's showering with the kid, then accusing you guys of sexual abuse.  YUCK!  At least your ss is safe.

[anastasia]

Reading your thread was like writing it myself.  This kind of mothers think that they can change the world and make it rotate around them.  They don't respect court orders or any agreement that you could make with them.  They are sociopath and will do with this kid as they please.  

We've going through something similar and you have to have a lot of patience and love to that kid.  I love my Sd as mine.

I'll make a thread explaining our situation and I'm so dissapointed with this system that I'm determined to change it.  But there's nothing I can do if we don't gather efforts to do it.

I already wrote to Dr. Phill's show and to a congress-man, and I'd tell everybody to do the same.  We have to stop this abusive behavior from this kind of mothers.  I think our world is corrupted and dirty enough to not do something for our children.

We need to begin to make some noises to change the system.

[sweetnsad]

So sorry,
When I read your letter, it was like I received it myself!!!  How familiar...It boggles my mind that a woman can do this to her children...Bio mom, in our case, uses her three kids as meal tickets...guaranteed money every month...It's sad and really, only the kids suffer...but, keep the faith and know that eventually, step son will realize what kind of person she is...It might not be for a while, but it will happen and he will know what you and his father did for him....
Bio Mom accused me of being sexually assaulted as a child and told my SO that I was NOT to bathe her children as a result...Can you imagine???  It is so untrue and I don't know where she gets off...Of course, I don't listen and I bathe the kids everytime they visit...She's a lunatic...and my SO knows it and supports me 100%...
Good luck and I hope your holidays are wonderful...

[StPaulieGirl]

This kind of mothers think that they can change the world and make it rotate around them. They don't respect court orders or any agreement that you could make with them. They are sociopath and will do with this kid as they please.

[p]With these kinds of people, the rules apply to everyone else but them.  There is no "bottom level" that they won't sink to.  They love breaking rules, just because.  You can't deal with them.  The world does revolve around them, because they literally can't understand that other people have feelings....because they don't have feelings.  They feed off other's reactions to their actions.  Does that make sense?

[p]I wish psychological evaluations were more readily available.  Society is breeding narcissists and sociopaths at breakneck speed.  The horrible thing is all the victims they leave in their path.
It has to stop.

[msme]

I have a friend who was involved in a very bitter & nasty divorce & her son shut his growth off at 10 years old. Everyone said that he probably just wasn't going to be very tall. At 15, he was visiting & my youngest was changing in the same room as the older boys. He came & asked me why if xx was the same age as my oldest, how come he didn't look the same. (I had already had to explain about his brother becoming a big boy) I asked my friend when was the last time she had seen him & checked his development & she had a fit about his privacy. It had been maybe 8 or 9 years. About 6 months later he went to a doctor with the flu & he picked up the developmental delay. The boy was rushed to an endocrinologist & his body jump started with hormones. It was awful. He grew almost 8 inches that next year & had morning sickness. The endocrinologist said that if he hadn't got treated when he did, he could have passed the point of no return & remained a physical child for life.

Bottom line: Every parent is responsible to check their child's physical development. Single parents who do not have a working relationship with their ex must assume that the other half is not doing it & stay informed. Dads need to talk to sons & daughters & know where they are develomentally. It is probably best to recuit an aunt or grandma to look at their daughters from time to time & see that everything is progressing properly. Moms need to do the same. If you always tell your kids that a parent has to make sure they are developing right & don't get crazy about it, they won't have a problem with it. If you have a good relationship with your sons, & they are comfortable talking to you, they will probably be quick to tell & show you any problem they have.

msme
Is back in town!

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[kiddosmom]

there is a difference between checking your child for growth developement and doing strip searches every time a child is returned from the other parent.

[StPaulieGirl]

msme
[p]Is back in town!

[p]Ughhh, morning sickness :(  My kids are growing like weeds, and eating me out of house and home.  Now if I could get them to quit with "I have a stomach ache and can't go to school", everything would be okay.

[p]That is really awful about your friend's kid.  Stress will shut you down.  I learned that the hard way.  This divorce must be worse than mine was....


[p]The endocrinologist said that if he hadn't got treated when he did, he could have passed the point of no return & remained a physical child for life.

[p]Michael Jackson?  No, seriously.  Sorry....

[p]My son seems to be growing ok.  His paternal grandpa was short.  His maternal grandpa was maybe 6ft.  His father is 5'11.  He's 16, and he's probably hitting 5'9", considering that I'm 5'8" and he's taller than me.

[p]Seriously, there is a term for this....'Failure To Thrive".  Check it out.