DESPARATE HELP NEEDED!

[Quyrah]

Hi All,

I'm new here.  Have been looking for sites for fathers.  My issue is: Is there any way I can file contempt of court against my X because she never sends my child out to see me.  We are to split costs and everytime my child wants to come and I want my child to come, the mama says she can't because she doesn't have money.  She lives with her mother, pays no rent, no utilities, works full time, (sure she's got lots of credit cards maxed but ...).  So I never get to see my child.  I am wondering if I can do the contempt of court without going through a lawyer because I do not have the money.  

Help please!!!!!

My child is in TX and I'm in TN.  Moved in hopes of finding work and although found something it is not much since I suffer from health conditions that interferes with my working conditions.

Thanks

Q

[patton]

Need a little more information.  Is the court order in Texas?  What county?

I can possibly help you with contempts.  Need there and done that! and won 5 of the 6 contempts plus attorney fees and ex was put on 5 years probation at the time.

[Quyrah]

Details:

Yes, divorce was in Texas.  In Dallas County.  We supposedly have joint custody, but that word is such a joke.  There is nothing about joint in joint custody.  I get no word about my child, no nothing.  I have to write directly to school to get reports.  Only way I get them.

X has refused to send out my child unless I pay for all.  I am supposed to have her 1,3,5 weekend of each month, plus alternating holidays.  Texas family code.  But they did put the stipulation in that one sends and one picks up.  NO other option.  When I moved to TN, she took me back to court to up the child support, but since my income is so low, she dropped that if I would pay for Christmas & summer.  I agreed to that to appease her.  But now, I haven't seen my child in 2 1/2 years.  That is NOT fair to me.  I cannot keep going on like this.  I'm so upset that I need to finally do something.

Your help is greatly appreciated.

Q

[IceMountain]

Before you can file contempt she has to be violating a court order.  Do you have court-ordered time with your child for specific times?  If so and she is not complying with the order, then she is in contempt.  For example if your order says you get the child from Dec. 25 - Jan. 2 and she didn't provide her share of the travel requirements, resulting in the child not coming to your home, then she is in contempt.  However, if the court order only states you get 'visitation' as agreed upon... or '4 times' a year to be determined... or anything like that then it's hard to prove contempt.  You need specific orders to prove contempt.

You said you are to split costs.  Who pays for the flight to your home?  If you do, then fly the child to you and let her worry about how to get the child home.

Bottom line is she can't deny you 'visitation' time just because it doesn't fit into her financial priorities.

If you don't have court-ordered time, then your first step is to go to court to establish a parenting plan.  If you have court-ordered time and she is not complying because it is not specific, you need to get your order modified to get more specific.  If you don't then you will have a hard time getting time with your child because the other parent obviously does not want to cooperate.

How old is your child and how much distance is between you?  Do you fly the child or drive the child?  2 1/2 years is too long to go without seeing your child!  Does the ex allow phone contact or any other contact like e-mail, letters, etc?

The other thing is, after re-reading your post, you said you agreed to pay all the fare for Christmas and summer, but that you haven't seen your child in 2 1/2 years.  When did this agreement go into affect?  I guess I'd be careful filing contempt if you are also not following a court order by paying all the fare for summer and Christmas.  If that is the case, then you need to pay the fare to have your child this summer.  From that point, you are in a better position to file contempt.  You are probably better off gathering evidence from a few contempts before you actually file.  

Does your court order still state 1/3/5 wknds, even with a distance that requires a flight?

[Cookiemomma4]

Someone correct me if I am wrong but your main goal is seeing your child.  I understand that money can be a burden but can not be the priority when it comes to children and visitation.  
Simple answer, pay for the transportation.  See your child.  If you don't you are putting your own standing on the line.  She could argue that you should not be allowed visitation in your home until your relationship is reestablished with your child.  After you see the child deal with the money.  If your order states that she is responsible for half or one way then go after her for that.  Deal with it as contempt, through DR,  or in small claims court.  Don't allow her irresponsibility to interfer with your relationship with your child...this can only hurt you and your child!

[Ref]

If the court orders split costs, then you will have the right to recoupe if you are forced (and you are) to pay the whole thing.

Write BM a letter stating that you will be excersizing your visitation as stated on (and list the paragraph). State that payment is supposed to be done according to (list the paragraph), however you have no choice but to pay due to BM prior statement that she is unable/unwilling to pay. SEND IT CERTIFIED with details of your next pick-up and drop-off.

You can at least see your child then. Even if you only get to see her for half the visitations because of the cost, you will be seeing her.

Best Wishes
Ref

[dsm]

to arrange the transportation to stay active in your child's life.  Don't set the status quo to be that it has been months or years since there has been time spent with you and you child - that will give more incentive to keep the time away from you.

Take the steps to file contempt but after you have proof that you took the time.

Good luck!
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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

[Quyrah]

Yes, court order still states 1/3/5 wknds.  We have Texas state requirements which still leave my child coming the same status even if I'm 100 miles away.  My child is 12.  The mother is suppose to pay out to send my child and I'm suppose to pay return.  That's where the kink comes in.  I got to see my child Nov. 04 when I had to drive down to Dallas for emergency family business.  I do email, write, send gifts, call as much as I can and my child does the same.

I know it's easy to say, just bring the child out and pay for it then go after mama.  Nice to say if you have money or credit cards or anything like that.  I don't think airlines will take my looks.  When I say I am broke and don't have money to spend for both ways, I really mean it.  At first I would have been happy seeing her a couple of times a year sharing expenses but then mama wouldn't even allow that thus she took me to court to pay both ways for summer & Christmas.  My child is arriving tomorrow for 6 weeks straight only because my wife was injured in an automobile accident and we received some insurance money.

I know what people think that I don't care for my child otherwise I'd make sure that my child is here as much as possible, but some people are not lucky and I'm one of them.  I really don't have the financial means.  I apy my child support and again that comes out of what little my wife can make.  So actually my wife is paying my child support.  I'm not a young father who can just up and get a job and go laddy di, laddida.  I'm handicapped, can't get disability.  Anyway, lots of factors.  My concern is can I file for contempt for when I do request my child come out and she replies no she can't afford it since my decree states she is to pay 1/2?

Please don't judge people because they can't be in their child life as much as they want to be especially when it comes to finances.  I have never been or will ever be late in child support but I cannot afford to have me pay full fare each and every other weekend.  It needs to be shared.  That is my problem.

Thanks.

[Quyrah]

I'm going to try that.  Don't know if it will work but it's worth a try to send it certified and state the exact paragraphs in the decree.  Then if she doesn't comply, my next problem is how to file contemp without having to get a lawyer?  I don't have the money. :-(  I miss my child and want to be part of my child's life but everything is going against me.

Thanks for the advice.

Q.

[Quyrah]

Thanks, I've already been recording and keeping track of all the times my child asks to come and I ask mama to send and she refuses.  So I'm going to send certified letters and demand that my child comes out and see how it goes.

Thanks

[dsm]

Request for the next time that you are supposed to have your child and then if she says that she cannot afford it, you figure out a way to make the arrangements (plane, bus, train, etc) and take the time anyway.

Keep it all documented.  Good luck!
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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh

[patton]

I didn't read what everyone else said but the standard Texas court says  something to the effect if you live over 100 miles you have the option of seeing the child once a month with 14 days notice on your part OR if you live close enough then 1/3/5th weekends would apply or if you have the time and are rich enough, which I'm assuming you are not since you live so far out of state.

You should get alternate holidays.  Also the Texas order saysIF you are the CUSTODIAL parent (which I assume is your ex) then if SHE moves from the county after the rendition of the order, then the NCP picks up the child and the CP retrieves the child.  That's the standard order if you did not have special travel arrangements in the order.

So if pick up the child she is responsible for retrieving the child.  Now summer is different in the standard order.  NCP picks up and return child, if CP wants a couple of weekends it is the CP's responsibility to  pick up and return child the designated weeks CP has chosen.

A really good attorney to talk to in the Dallas area is B.J. Thompson, She does a super job and works with father's very well.  I've know two people that have used her.  One got custody.  The other got the child moved back from out of state and can only live in 2 counties in Texas now, unless she wants to forfeit her CP status.

Hope this helps some. PM me if you want my email or anything.

[patton]

 I do live in Texas, not that county though, so anything I can look up or find out for you let me know.


I've succesfully filed contempts also when BM  had custody, so I've got the paperwork if I can help you with the wording or anything.

[Quyrah]

Thanks Patton

I appreciate your help and all of the encouraging comments.  I'm going to look back on what I do have documented, and am definitely going to write her a letter and send it certified.  It's just so hard to keep putting the child in the middle and I've tried not to by backing off when she keeps saying no, no, no.  But I realize that my child will grow up not knowing why I couldn't be in her life more.  I am not asking for the world just even a visit ever month or so would be nice.  So I'm going to take back out that journal I keep with everything in it and am going to sit down once she leaves back and send the mother a certified letter and see where I go from there.  

Thanks for all the encouragement & help guys/gals.

Q

[Quyrah]

Patton

Thanks again.  Yes in my order when we divorced and the papers were being drawn up for that, I specifically had it put in that one would pick up and the other drop off, whether less than or more than 100 miles.  So I did cover my bases there.

But I will keep your name in my handybook and if I need any further help, I'll email.  Thanks so much.