Update on BMmoving out of state- had our 1st court appearance

[KathyNY]

We had our "first appearance" in family court yesterday, and BM seemed like she honestly thought she'd walk in there and leave having "won" and would be able to move to Illinois this weekend! The "referee" (it's not a judge) immediately realized she didn't have counsel present and adjourned until the 22nd and assigned a Law Guardian to meet with the children. BM's mom was there- and get this- they both showed up wearing above-the-knee jean skirts & flip-flops! Real classy! Anyway, BM's mom complains that the kids are due to start school (in Illinois) on the 23rd, so the date gets bumped up to next week, Aug. 10th. I waited for our attorney to counter that, and he didn't, so I spoke up (and the referee SMILED at me) and I told him that the children are still registered at their elementary school here- they just have to be re-enrolled, which is just a matter of filling out a form! I was smiling the whole time and trying to hide it. BM's mom looked like she wanted to choke me.

BM holds up their separation agreement, says "He gave me sole custody!" The referee told her we're not in trial yet, he's only holding up the judge's petition stating she can't take the kids out of the state, but she's free to go! And if she does go, the kids go to their father! And then the referee pointed out that if we go to trial, that will run way past the beginning of school in either state so the school issue will be irrelevant! His tone of voice was very demeaning towards BM the entire time, and when he told her she was free to leave, but the kids weren't, he even flipped his hand at her, said "Go! But they don't leave!"

The kids met with a law guardian today (who is an old friend of my parent's, but BM took the kids to the appt. so we didn't get to tell him this- it may not affect it one way or the other, but I'm willing to try!) Originally BM said "YOU make the appointment, YOU take them" but I don't know if she figured it would look better if she took them, or if she actually was being considerate since she's a SAHM and he's working nights and getting up to take them to a noon apt. would totally interrupt his sleep for the day, but my FH wanted to be the one to take them to the apt. anyway.  He felt that they might have "nicer things to say about the parent they last see before going in with him" but I know that's not the case. They're 4 & 5 and they're going to want to live w/ their mom, but they're not going to want to be separated from their dad, either. We now to have to trust in the professionals to do what's best for them, to do their jobs properly (fingers crossed).

BM left there ticked off, never spoke 2 words to us the entire time. We feel much better about our case now, though- but not 100% confident. Even though BM can get an attorney now and will have time to prepare before a trial, we're way ahead of her with all the research I did and everything I've put together for our attorney.  I hope her attorney, who she obviously has not retained these past few weeks, wants to kick her in the behind for not having done so, and then do the same to her mother, whose big mouth moved the date up, giving him only 10 days to prepare his case for the pre-trial conference next week, rather than the 22 days he would've had!

I just still can't believe that right out of the gate the judge-guy was already "against" the MOM!  Score one for the DADS!  

[ocean]

Hi,
SO far, so good! Why was mother-in-law allowed into the mediation room? You could have fought that. I know we had BM's boyfriend kicked out of the room once because he was not a party.
IF it goes past this next hearing, I would ask on the 10th to get consent to enroll children back in home-district. DO you think she will get a lawyer for both cases?
Keep up the GREAT work!!!

[KathyNY]

The courts didn't question her mom being there, or me- they asked who she was, she said "her mom" and they asked who I was and I only gave them my name.  I didn't say "I'm his fiance."  If my FH tried to keep her mom out, BM would DEFinitely keep me out!

I don't know if the judge will let us enroll my SS in school because BM has "sole legal" custody so she has the right to pick his school, and while her "current" address is in the same school district as ours, we heard that her fiance's house has been sold.  They've been staying at her mom's house, which is in a different district.  Since BM has physical custody right now, the school needs custody papers as proof that SS lives with us in order for us to enroll him in the elementary school he has already been registered in.  BM can sign him up for a school by her mom's house, which will make drop-off & pick-up easier on her, but it will be better on the kids to start the year off at the school they've been going to (well, the 10 yo has been going there, my SS is 5 and is just starting kindergarten but went in at the end of last term for a few "trial" classes).  But I'm sure BM will do what's best for HER, not them.

She's going to have to get a lawyer or it's just going to keep postponing things even further, I think.  At least that's the impression we got yesterday.  The judge wanted to make sure she had counsel present, and was immediately going to adjourn when she didn't.  Our next meeting is a "pre-trial conference" & the judge told her "See you next week, with your counsel present."  

The longer it takes before the trial starts, the longer it'll be before the trial ends and this is settled.  By then, the kids will have had to've started school and it's a further disruption of their lives to move in the middle of a school year, especially if she wants to take them from a public school here and enroll them in a private, Catholic school there, in the middle of the term!  So that only helps our case even more.

[kaylene99]

Hi KathyNY,

It sounds like things are going in your favor so far.  Great! :-)

When does school start in your district?  You need to tell your lawyer to bring this up at the next court appearance.  Even though she has sole legal custody, the court may press upon preserving the status quo at this time.  Not sure but worth asking the judge.  Voice your concerns about the benefits of SS staying in the current school and OFFER a plan to help BM with pick-up and drop-off if that's her issue.  This way, you will appear very much for your kids' best interest and BM will appear, well, you know what she would look like.  On second thought, since her "current" address is still the same, there's really no need to change the kids' school right now, is there?

Another thing I would suggest since you guys are in the middle of this is to modify the divorce order after this relocation case and add a move-away clause for BM.  You already know that she wants to move now so she will want to do that again in the future (especially if this one is not granted by the court).  Having that clause will help prevent her every whim of moving away as going back to court for anything is not cheap.

I had to chuckle when I read about BM's mom because my husband's ex MIL is a piece of work herself.  She sent me a very nasty email but I responded nicely and *warned* her against contacting me again.  I haven't heard from her since but, if looks could kill, I would've been dead a long time ago. *LOL*  Just remember, act very nice and extra friendly towards them because that kills them.  Keep smiling, too, even though things just irritate the crap out of you because you don't want to send the message that they can get to you.  Just show them that your world is a HAPPY place and there's not a darn thing they can do to change that!!!

[KathyNY]

Thanks, kaylene.

My SS hasn't yet started school, technically, so I don't know if we can push for keeping the "status quo" and BM told us just last night that her house DID sell, so I guess she can't use that address anymore, and that's the one in our school district.  

As of yesterday BM's attorney, who she now apparently has retained cuz if she really had before it wouldn't've taken him until now to do this, sent a motion to our attorney to move the case from Family Court to Supreme Court because their divorce action is pending in Supreme Court (and FC won't interefere if there's one action pending in the SC system- they'll keep them together).  Now, when we filed the Temporary Order/Petition to keep the kids in the state, FC sent us to SC, who told us that the divorce had NOT been filed w/ SC- so we don't know what's going on at this point.  Our attorney says the law won't change, so it doesn't really matter- the only difference being that SC trials generally run quicker than in FC.  But I liked the "referee" in FC cuz he didn't seem to like BM so much!  LOL

As soon as this is over, and the divorce is finalized, my FH will be filing for an amendment to it.  Provided we win, he'll want to add the no-move stipulation, but there are other issues like BM getting to claim the kids every year (even though she's a SAHM!) and he hardly gets any holidays (she's been good about splitting them, but according to the CO she doesn't have to, and I think after this she won't be so accomodating!

Thanks again for your reply.  Oh yeah- BM is trying to make my FH feel guilty now by saying that it's not fair that the kids miss her fiance so much, after only 3 weeks- he told her uh, think about how much they'll miss ME when they go months at a time w/out seeing me- I'm their FATHER!  Then she asked him how he'd feel if she has to go on welfare to take care of HIS kids since she won't go back to work until at least next year, after their youngest is in school.  He told her she'll have to do what she has to do.  She gets $1400/month in Child Support, total, between my FH and her other daughter's dad (for 3 kids total).  Don't cry poverty to me, and she was on public assistance before.  The kids won't suffer- their dad's will still be taking care of them, too.  She makes me so sick sometimes.  She told my FH that he needs to be prepared for the courts to let her leave with the kids.  And he told her to be prepared to stay!  

Thanks again.

[ocean]

My ex went to FC to file for a modification and my lawyer changed it to Supreme and lumped it all into the divorce action. You could ask your lawyer to fight to keep it in FC and the will stamp the final orders and they will be rolled into the divorce (since you really like the mediator). Her lawyer is trying to get a clean slate with a new person. UGGG....

I think it is funny that she really thinks she is going to WIN both cases when it looks like she is NOT! LOL She will be suprised.....Has she said if she will move without them recently?

Do you have a custody motion now if she does move? Then you can add all that modification stuff right into the new papers that you will be making. Either way you will have to make new papers unless she stays here and it all stays the same....

Good LUCK!!!

[KathyNY]

Per our attorney, each county is different and the county we reside in like to keep everything in the same jurisdiction.  So since there's already one action pending between these two parties in the Supreme Court, Family Court has the right to bump the relocation case up to SC too.  I'm sure she's pleased, though, that she doesn't have to deal with that guy that obviously didn't like her!

I'm not sure what you mean about the papers.  Can you be a little more specific?  I've never had to do this before and it would be really helpful if we can get this stuff ready ahead of time, if there's a way to do it.  

She's never indicated she'll move and leave them here.  She strongly feels she'll be allowed to go, and that's all she's focusing on.  The only slight reference she made was the welfare comment yesterday, so I guess she's implying she'll stay.  In that case we'll definitely want to have the no-move stipulation added.  What do you mean by adding the modifications into the new papers?  Can our lawyer have what we want drawn up ahead of time and file it as soon as we "win."  Or does he file the motion now?  I'm confused!  lol

Thanks for the info!

[ocean]

I would think if you "win" (and she moves) then you will have to have new orders written. OR if you "lose" and she moves with the kids, new visitation orders would be written. OR you win (and she stays) orders would remain the same?----but she will need a new place to live. I would have each senerio on it's own sheet and then put what you would want if each one came true. That way, when the decision is made, your lawyer can have a plan ready. If you are lucky, the judge may say. okay enter it!
EX: You win, BM says I am moving anyway, your lawyer says we need to get a new visitation plan in place and this is what we propose...."
Your lawyer may need to go for custody/modification depending on the outcome so you may not be able to do it that day BUT I would have it ready now because you have the time and can think straighter than right after court. You could also have a couple of days to say...let's add this or that.
Good luck!!

[Emma]

Hi Kathy,

I'm also in NY, and have gone through custody proceedings twice.  Our case was in Supreme Court too...my advice for when you revise the current agreement is to make sure you guys ask for the moon...ask for things you know you will never get-- and then you have some bargaining room.

When we were in court the first time, school was an issue, bec the court didn't want to change things up.  The second time we were in court, SD had been in school for 2 weeks of that school year but they still changed custody...my point in telling you that is that your BM is going to have to have some GREAT reasons why she's uprooting these kids, from dad and everything they know, bec from my experience they like to keep status quo!!

Good luck:)

[Genie]

situation like this a while back.  The BM was engaged and wanted to move to Alaska with the 3 children.  The BF was living with his fiance (who posted) and was fighting tooth and nail.  And no matter what research they did or how important it seemed to keep BF in the children's lives, the court still let her uproot the children and move them far away from BF.  They were devastated, the kids were devastated but BM still moved them to Alaska and didn't look back.

If I am correct she and her new H then started messing with phone contact and visitation and things just fell apart from there.

So I agree that any court order will need to be VERY specific.  Make sure phone calls are listed for certain days and times and that she must make them available for them.  Get visitation and holidays ironed out and who pays for transportation or how split.  Ex you guys pay to get them to you and she pays to get them to her.

She's moving and I hate to see it but I can definitely see them letting her take the kids.  I reread your post below.  I live in IL and can say the reason for the $4-5 pay cut is because that is to adjust for the lower cost of living.  He will be living the same in IL as in NY believe me.  NY is not a cheap state to live in.  You make more money there and you pay more money for housing etc too.

[KathyNY]

Okay.  Thanks for the info.  We are trying to prepare ourselves for every outcome.  BM has asked my FH to come to "an agreement" and he told her again yesterday that he will not let the kids go.  She's not thrilled, but what did she expect?

Your message scares me, but we have no choice but to leave it up to the courts.  I can research and read about it all I want, but there are just as many cases that let the moms go as there are those that rule for the kids to stay.  You just don't know until it's your day in court.  It's terrifying.  

We're trying to be the "bigger person" in the deal- we're not shoving the not wanting the kids to move down their throats, like BM is the move.  All she has them talking about is how great their new "apartment" is going to be (they're 4 & 5 and have no idea how much it's going to suck going from the big house w/ the big yard & pool they're used to, to a tiny 3 bedroom apartment), and now they're saying they're "sad" they're not moving yet.  Straight from BM's mouth I'm sure.  When they bring it up we just tell them we're glad we get to spend extra time with them, and leave it at that.  

On a lighter note, the kids think it's funny to call their dad by his first name (they've always called me Kathy) and we've told them before what my last name is.  Their last night is hyphenated (sp?) with BM's maiden name & dad's last name (dad's idea- BM has older daughter who has BM's last name, so when they married BM hyphenated her name and when kids were born, my FH suggested they hyphenate their names too so their sister wouldn't be the only one with the other name).

Anyway, I think the kids could tell by the murderous look in my eyes that it was a sore spot w/me not to call me Kathy (hypenated last name) so they do it to be silly.  Now that they know we're getting married they'll call me Kathy (daddy's last name) so this weekend we were practicing w/ the 5yo spelling his last name for kindergarten and I asked him what my name will be when we get married and he said "Mom."  I almost cried.  His sister said "We already have a mom.  She's Kathy.  Her name would be Kathy (dad's last name)" and SS replied "I know, she'll be our other mom."  So I explained to them again about stepparents, how their dad is their sister's stepfather and how BM's fiance will be their stepdad next year too.  But I was so full of joy inside!

[Kent]

You can be "the bigger person" as much as you want to. but keep in mind that 4 and 5 year olds are extremely easy to influence.
They do not think for themselves and believe everything they hear.

If you don't tell them what is really going on, and what the difference is between a big house with yard and pool, and a 3br appartment, then the only thing they hear is what BM says. Since you don't contradict, whatever BM says must be true.

It is a tough call to make; do you get the children involved in the psychological warfare, or do you accept them seeing you as the bad guy?

But keep in mind; BM is already involving them in the psych. warfare.

When my son was 4, and 5, and 6, my ex told my our son all sorts of lies about me (I was abusive, I cheated, I was bad, I was lazy, I was stupid, etc. etc.). I never contradicted.
Even though I was his primary caregiver, and gave up everything to be with him, he believed her, and started to grow distant.
I made the choice (together with my new wife, who is a child psychologist) to respond to every remark he made, and show him what was really going on. At first he didn't believe me, but after about a year he noticed that I never lied to him, and his mom did (and still does).
Another year later, he started to see things for himself. Now that he's almost 11, he fits the pieces together, and figures out for himself what's true and what's not. I don't even have to point it out to him anymore.

He can't wait to be 14, so he can petition the courts to live with me full time (his words).

Kent!

[KathyNY]

Okay, maybe I wasn't completely honest (sheepish look here).  I have, on occasion, been unable to refrain from making comments when the kids talk about the move, especially when they're "so excited," despite their dad not wanting me to talk about it with them.

Usually I just say something like "an apartment is REALLY small and you won't have your own back yard with your pool anymore" or "You're going to miss the Fair!"  ("The Great New York State Fair" that's a huge 10 day event here, and my FH works next door so we get free parking, and usually free tickets and the kids look forward to it all year round- cuz they think daddy works AT the fair!)

At times I know I've not made the most mature decision with my remarks but it's my emotions taking over.  I hate that BM can have all the control over what they're thinking about this whole situation.  We have agreed not to badmouth BM, but obviously she doesn't feel the same (she's ALWAYS said bad things about me in front of the kids) but SS has already come and told us "Mom says Dad lied about that guy."  I'm assuming he meant the lawyer because this was right after she was served with the papers, when she thought we weren't fighting her on the move.

You're very lucky that your wife is a child psychologist- that is what I wanted to major in, but not got that far.  Congrats to her on that, and to the both of you for taking the right steps with your son.  I'm glad it worked out for your family.

Thanks for the advice.

[Mamacass]

hey, I may have responded to you before.  We're in VA and going through a similar "battle."  BM is planning on moving to NC where her boyfriend is moving and she doesn't work.  Our first court date is 8/30, and we are nervous b/c you just don't know what will happen in court.  We have a pretty good case, but nothing is guaranteed.  
We agreed earlier this month at my stepson's therapy appointment not to discuss the possible move with him until a final decision was made.  At the time she told us she would like to move and take him with her, but wanted to know our thoughts.  At the time we told her that we didn't like the idea, and suggested he remain in VA with us.  2 days later she called at bedtime to say goodnight to my SS (we have him for the summer) and she told him then that they were moving to NC.  She said she didn't intend to tell him then, it just came up.  Why she would bring up the move late at night over the phone when there wasn't time to really discuss it, I'll never know.  When he got off the phone, he was upset, especially when he realized that NO ONE else in his family was moving- not his grandparents on any side, aunt's or uncles or his dad, stepmom and brother and baby that's due any day now.  We told him at the time that nothing was final yet, and there would be some changes but we would let him know as soon as we knew, and he could always talk to us about anything.  
2 days after that BM informed us that it wasn't really a discussion, b/c she was definitely moving and SS was going with her, no compromise.  Although for the past year we have had ss almost every weekend, and sometimes for  a day or 2 during the week, she is planning to cut us back to standard visitation as it is currently set up through the courts.  
Everytime she has talked to SS since then, she brings up the move and tells him how great its gonna be and what there house is going to be like.  We're left in the same position as to whether to contradict her or not.  I don't want him to feel put in the middle, and its not his decision, so I don't feel the need to try to "get him on our side."  However, if we win our case I do want him to be prepared for the fact that he would more than likely be living with us while Mommy is in NC.  It's a tough position to be in, b/c the last thing I want to do is stress him out, or make him feel like he's in the middle.  
Hope you don't mind if I rant for a sec, but it pisses me off that she can't act like an adult.  I think th reason she's trying to convince him that this move is such a great thing is b/c it makes her feel better.  It's like she thinks she's won something if she can convince him to take her side.  If only she could grow up and realize that he doesn't get to make the decision and the judge is the one that she needs to convince.  This is just one more time that she's put her own wants and needs ahead of his.  In a way I'm glad that he's too young to see how his mom really is, but there is a part of me that can't wait till he's old enough to see through all her mind games.  This is actually mild compared to some of the other things she's told him in the past, but it still sucks.  It's so frustrating when we're trying to do the right thing and be as supportive as we can for him, and all she wants to do is make thinks more difficult.  

[Mamacass]

hey, I may have responded to you before.  We're in VA and going through a similar "battle."  BM is planning on moving to NC where her boyfriend is moving and she doesn't work.  Our first court date is 8/30, and we are nervous b/c you just don't know what will happen in court.  We have a pretty good case, but nothing is guaranteed.  
We agreed earlier this month at my stepson's therapy appointment not to discuss the possible move with him until a final decision was made.  At the time she told us she would like to move and take him with her, but wanted to know our thoughts.  At the time we told her that we didn't like the idea, and suggested he remain in VA with us.  2 days later she called at bedtime to say goodnight to my SS (we have him for the summer) and she told him then that they were moving to NC.  She said she didn't intend to tell him then, it just came up.  Why she would bring up the move late at night over the phone when there wasn't time to really discuss it, I'll never know.  When he got off the phone, he was upset, especially when he realized that NO ONE else in his family was moving- not his grandparents on any side, aunt's or uncles or his dad, stepmom and brother and baby that's due any day now.  We told him at the time that nothing was final yet, and there would be some changes but we would let him know as soon as we knew, and he could always talk to us about anything.  
2 days after that BM informed us that it wasn't really a discussion, b/c she was definitely moving and SS was going with her, no compromise.  Although for the past year we have had ss almost every weekend, and sometimes for  a day or 2 during the week, she is planning to cut us back to standard visitation as it is currently set up through the courts.  
Everytime she has talked to SS since then, she brings up the move and tells him how great its gonna be and what there house is going to be like.  We're left in the same position as to whether to contradict her or not.  I don't want him to feel put in the middle, and its not his decision, so I don't feel the need to try to "get him on our side."  However, if we win our case I do want him to be prepared for the fact that he would more than likely be living with us while Mommy is in NC.  It's a tough position to be in, b/c the last thing I want to do is stress him out, or make him feel like he's in the middle.  
Hope you don't mind if I rant for a sec, but it pisses me off that she can't act like an adult.  I think th reason she's trying to convince him that this move is such a great thing is b/c it makes her feel better.  It's like she thinks she's won something if she can convince him to take her side.  If only she could grow up and realize that he doesn't get to make the decision and the judge is the one that she needs to convince.  This is just one more time that she's put her own wants and needs ahead of his.  In a way I'm glad that he's too young to see how his mom really is, but there is a part of me that can't wait till he's old enough to see through all her mind games.  This is actually mild compared to some of the other things she's told him in the past, but it still sucks.  It's so frustrating when we're trying to do the right thing and be as supportive as we can for him, and all she wants to do is make thinks more difficult.  

[KathyNY]

...completely.  BM is not acting like the grown-up here.  It's not fair to the kids.  She told my FH that she made this choice for the kids.  He told her that if she really wanted what was best for the kids, she wouldn't be trying to take them away from their father!  I have a feeling she thinks her fiance is going to be able to replace daddy with no problem.  Not happening!  

I think the saddest part in our situation is that BM's 10 yo daughter doesn't seem to understand the move better than the little ones.  My skids are 4 & 5 and they understand that it will take daddy a whole day to drive to their new house, that they won't see him for a long time, only get to talk to him on the phone, and they won't get to see their grandpa or their cousins.  Yeah, they're excited about the "new apartment" (they don't even know what an "apartment" is) and BM has them hyped up about the water park near their new house, but they do tell us when they're at our house that they're sad they'll have to leave and how much they're going to miss daddy- AND me.

But BM's 10 yo has hardly expressed feelings or emotions on the subject.  She told her dad on the phone that she was excited, that BM showed her pictures from her camera phone, and when her dad explained about the distance and not seeing the family, the 10 yo took a moment for it to sink in.  He says she was quite for a bit, said she seemed sad when she realized she wouldn't see her family or her dad much, but ever since then she's been either excited about it or withdrawn.  

We haven't had any contact with her in months- she won't come over to our house even though my FH raised her like his own.  BM says she's being very standoffish to everyone.  I'm wondering if maybe the 10 yo really HAS figured out that this move is NOT a great idea but is afraid to voice that to her mother (who has brainwashed this kid from day one to be against everyone else, to hate whoever BM hates).  I bet the girl is withdrawn because she doesn't want to move but has to pretend she does cuz she doesn't want to upset her mom.  I can't WAIT until she has to go see a law guardian (hopefully later this month).  Maybe this is what's going on and that will help both of our cases immensly (sp?)

Good luck with your case!

[Kent]

...and you will make mistakes and say the wrong things. But as time goes by, you will find it becoming increasingly easy to keep the children informed.

When the child says: "Mom says Dad lied about that guy.", there is no need to bash BM.
BUT you do need to tell them that Dad did NOT lie, but that Dad said xyz, and because of abc (or because of what BM is doing), xyz IS the truth, and they should know that.
If that makes a liar out of BM, then so be it. The kids should see her for what she is. If BM doesn't like that, then she shouldn't lie.

Also, if BM says anything bad about DH or you to the kids, tell them that that is not true, and that BM only says that so the children won't like DH or you anymore.
And if she does it to you in front of the kids, turn to the kids, and say the same thing. Especially if you have proof to show the children shortly after, call her a liar right then and there.

Kent!

[KathyNY]

...and none of us have heard from her since.  That's not necessarily a good thing.  She's the type to call and scream and threaten.  When I had my friend serve BM our petition (temporary order keeping the kids in the state until the courts rule for good), she was on the phone w/ my FH w/in minutes!  

Maybe BM's realizing that she's fighting a losing battle, or maybe she's preparing for battle!  Who knows?

[Genie]

for you guys.... you never know.  But they could also look at it as 2 separate cases.  Your SKs are so young.  I can see them wanting to keep them with BM.   Her other child must be older (don't know how old).  This work in her Dad's favor.  

Wonder if you can get both heard at same time?  If that would be to your advantage or not.  Could be worse for you also.

It is hard I know.  My X's BM moved the kids 2 hours from us and that was bad enough.  Not far enough that we couldn't get them regularly (when she wasn't messing with his visitation) but far enough that it shut us out of their everyday life and what was going on.  Far enough that when SD got older she didn't want to come b/c of her social life and BM made things impossible for us.

You never know what will happen.  Please keep us posted.  When is your next court date? When is his?

[KathyNY]

I won't send you down to my original post w/ the info, I'll give you a brief overview here.  BM has a 10yo from a prior relationship, and a 4 & 5yo w/ my FH.  

Our cases WILL be heard separetely, but by the same lawyer.  He doesn't want them connected, and says that her having another child whose father is also fighting has nothing to do w/the law and BM trying to diminish contact between my skids and their dad, which is true.

BM is trying to move out of state, 760 miles away- an 11 hour drive.  

I just got an update on the situation- not good news to me.  I'm starting a separate post...

[2ndwifeMI]

Hi, My first message here, BM here is also leaving state next week. She never notified the court or anything according to the judgement rules. She rented out her house, got an apartment in the new state and planned on leaving the kids 10 of her 14 days each month with the lady who rented her house! When the judge told her today she couldn't leave state, leave the kids here and STILL have joint custody she realized she would have to pay us support (she makes 2 1/2 timeswhat we do, but rightnow we pay here)and told the judge that she now wants to take the kids out of state. She is never home, won't drive the kids, doesn't cook or do laundry and pushes off half her parenting time on us already, child support is the ONLY reason she wants them now. My hubby already had his first wife leave the state and take the son and he never saw the kid again, even now when we hire P.I to find him, he is 23, wont talk to his Dad and moves immediately after being found. I would love to know what his mother told him because I have receipts for 60K worth of attorney bills for his Dad trying to get joint custody and 30k in detective bills for his Dad searching for him.... Our Judge is NEVER for the Dad, we were fined 1000 in attorney fees for her behalf today for bringing an order in front of the judge that he said we didnt have enough proof for... We are just sick over this. Are you in Michigan?? Who is your Judge? Can I change mine? Thx!