BM Threatens to take my Son away!

[chardog]

She found out that I am trying to serve her paternity papers, which she has been hiding from.  I have my son 3 days a week which she agreed on, now she's turning her back.  What do I do?

She is doing out of revenge.  She's gonna get him a new sitter as well because 1 on 1 with my aunt isnt good enough!

[chardog]

I have the day off tomorrow and she refuses to let me see my son.  Instead, she will let the HER sitter watch my son.  SHE WILL NOT LET ME SEE MY SON AT ALL.

[notnew]

Time to file an ex-parte' for an emergency hearing to get custody and/or visitation established.

Do you have an attorney?

I am not famaliar with your circumstances so cannot offer anything further except - MOVE YOUR ASS! Time is a wastin' and waiting for her to do the right thing will only result in you getting screwed.

Keep us posted.

[Kent]

Do you have an attorney?
Is there a custody order?
Please tell us more about your situation, there is not much we can do with the limited info you have given so far.

If there is no custody order, she has the right to bring your child to a babysitter.
However, if you are officailly the father (birth certificate etc.) you also have the right to pick up your child from the babysitter the moment she leaves.
You will need to bring law enforcement, since the sitter won't let you inside her house.

If there is a custody order, and she's not following it, then file contempt charges. If she's withholding all court ordered parenting time, file for an emergency hearing.

Good luck.

Kent!

[chardog]

wow, great advice

I already consulted an attorney previously, and tried to retain him yesterday, but he was too busy.  He said the earliest time would be tuesday, so I have to wait.  I had a trip planned for my son during labor day, since those are my days, but that F#N bitch did this to me!

I dont have custody order yet, though I have already filed for it... trouble is trying to serve her.  She claims she is never home, so no I gotta wait a bit and serve her at work.

btw, the sitter is her mother, and she's committing welfare fraud by letting other adults stay at the house.  Should I use that as leverage or just report them?  her sister has an ongoing matter as an accessory to murder... I dont like my son staying there, since her bf was the murderer and still on the loose.

we BOTH agreed that her mother is unfit to raise my child because she's a smoker, she doesnt like babysitting, she does a poor job, she has 4 minors of her own and babysitting 2 infants already, and she's just not good with children.  We agreed that my aunt AND grandma are best fit because they give him the best 1 to 1 service and have no other worries.

how long would the custody order take?  I've replied to the child support services and filed my own paternity case beginning of the month, and yet to serve her for various reasons(she gave me wrong address, not being home, ect).

[msme]

are you or were you married to her? If so, it makes a lot of difference in everything. Also, before you hire an attorney, ask these questions. What percentage of the firms cases are fathers seeking custody? What is the firms success rate in defending fathers in custody cases? If they can't give you answers that sound good to you, keep looking.

You should try to hire a lawyer that is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. They are expensive but anyone less increases the  risk. A cheap lawyer is like a cheap tatoo. You usually aren't happy with the results & it costs a lot more to undo the damage.

Keep coming back. There's lots of help here. Good luck & God bless.

[notnew]

YOU cannot serve her. You must have someone who is not a party to the action serve her. That can be anyone as long as they are 18 and they fill out a affidavit of service (available at the court if it is not attached to your paperwork). SHE can also be served anywhere you know she is going to be at. Have your friend/relative serve her at the next exchange. Not a nice way to do it, but if you cannot get her served any other way then do it.

This is war and you have to make a pre-emptive strike to give yourself leverage and the advantadge of being the first to move.

DO NOT argue with her, etc. It would be best to have a witness with you at each exchange. Don't be suprised if false allegations about your conduct arise and the court gives credence to this crap all the time so it is better to be pro-active. Also, live your life squeaky clean and spend as much time with your kids as you can.

The attorney you mention, have you had any conversation at all yet? Any comments given or opinions yet?

Welfare fraud is a dead issue so dont' waste your time on it. The issue of the sister involved in murder trial and her BF being the alleged suspect and on the run is pertinent because those are the people around the child.

What did you reply to child support services to? That could be a problem regarding custody issues but I don't know since I dont' know what for.

More great advice, stop thinking in terms of what she has done to you. Your thoughts and comments should be in terms of what is in the best interests of the child. That is what the court is interested in.

[chardog]

I am aware of the way papers are served.  My brother is trying to serve her by certified mail.  I was never married to this gal, hence the paternity papers.  I will go with kent's advice and I'm gonna head to the police station soon.

btw I've already spoke with the lawyer previously about this case, and acted with advice of fellow members

[notnew]

How many times has he tried to serve her via certified mail? Personally, I dont' think that is your best move here, but you are welcome to do it however you want. BUT, if she gets the idea to file and has someone serve YOU in person then she gets the filing first advantadge. Do you see what I mean?

You mean about getting law enforcement to escort you to pick up your child from the sitter (Kent's Advice), right?  Take a copy of the birth certificate naming you as the father and any other supporting paperwork you may have. I personally have never had to involved the police for a forced pick up, but have seen others on this site report that the police often don't want to get involved. I hope you have better luck then I have seen with others. You do have every right to have the child just as she does. When no custody order is in place, it's a free for all.

I am not trying to be offensive in my postings, just letting  you know that some things are pretty important. Also, I have been reading postings on here for over 6 years, Kent has been around that long if not longer, he said in his post that you didn't give enough information to let us fully know what things really are. We can't remember everything. If you posted before and got helpful advice, that is great. Us old folks need reminders about these things though.

Good luck. I hope you get your child for your planned weekend.

[chardog]

well I tried to get the police involved, but they wont help me without a court order.  I tried getting help around the courthouse, but everyone is closed by noon.  Hopefully my lawyer will straighten things out.

child paternity should be mandatory at the hospitals, I dont believe this crap.

[janM]

They are right, without a court-ordered parenting plan, you can't just take the child, even if you are the father. She has custody.

[chardog]

Should I report the issue of welfare on the part of the mother?  It's pretty shady with them stealing cable, electric, and having a few adults paying for the very little in rent that public housing does not take care of.

right now, I'm out for blood.  I had a weekend planned for my only son.  I took care of him when she had issues.  I took him in for weeks at a time.

[chardog]

I had my buddy personally serve bm papers yesterday, along with a request for my son.  She was served, but my request denied.

Today, she comes unannounced and I have my son for labor day!!!  He's with the family for a few mins, so I'm here reporting, but my work's not done.  She wants to draft and notorize a legal form.  

she agreed for me having joint legal and physical custody, and I will likely have my son for more than 50% of the time.  Cant I draft such a document, can such a document be drafted?

custody, paternity, and visitation, all on one draft to be notorized and filed with the court.  Also, provisions, for future schedule changes... she wants to work nights so she can have him days and me nights.

can it be done?  she wants to drop her case, and me drop my case against her.  I am visiting my lawyer tomorrow and dont want to get ripped off.  Thanks all!!!

btw, she is not asking for any child support anymore, as she knows that I clearly take care of my son better than she can ever do.

[Kent]

Unless you are a lawyer or a long-time visitor of this site, you won't be able to write that yourself.

Just a word of caution: I have read many custody orders written by attorneys, and NONE of them is detailed enough. Even mine, that I wrote myself, turned out to have some flaws. It is nearly impossible to have it changed later, so make sure that everything is written down the way you want it.

Kent!

[chardog]

yes, I do plan to have it drafted by an attorney.  I do have a rough draft I formed and even though it's pretty detailed, it might not be legally sufficient.

I understand that it needs to be signed by a judge;  how long would the process take?  I want it drafted tomorrow, is it even possible to do it in an hour?

I've seen this:  http://www.contractcentral.com/750-legally-binding-documents/
but not sure if that stuff is good enough.  I need to act quickly before bm changes her mind, and at the same time, I dont want to pay a few thousand for a document.

thanks for the help so far, this forum has given me my life back!

[HelpingHands]

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.php

Excellent Plan! Very detailed and reasonable for BOTH parties and child!

Good luck.

[ocean]

I had my seperation papers drawn up by a place (not a lawyer) that writes documents (wills...ect..). Look in your local paper. If you go in there with exactly what you want, they will put it in the correct manner for court. Then you can file it and the judge will sign it when he gets to it...but you will have the notarized copy with both your signatures on it. Write up what you want, post it, and many here will help you. Like the other poster said, detailed as possible...remembering school-age, holidays, birthday's, long weekends, vacations, who picks up, exact dates for summer and holidays with times will be helpful later on. Is child in school? Have it written that child goes to your home district.
Good luck!

[chardog]

>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.php
>
>Excellent Plan! Very detailed and reasonable for BOTH parties
>and child!
>
>Good luck.
Wow, exellent!

but Will this cover for paternity issues?  I read the join legal and joint physical custody, but I'm not sure, since it's made for divorced parents.

This forum is the best!  thanks again.

[notnew]

I am so glad you had her served. The MONEY to the attorney is WELL worth it if you get an iron clad agreement. Remember, you get what you pay for. This is not an area to chintz on.

If she bails on the agreement, carry the court action to the end.

I am glad you got your son for the holiday. I am glad you heard what I was saying and had her personally served asap. I think it made a difference in her behavior at least for the moment.

I am glad things are looking up for you. I have to say though, it ain't over till the ink is dry on the order so please don't let your guard down.

We are looking for an update!

[williaer]

Remember to include the money and always put dollar amounts. We made the mistake of putting "mother is responsible for the cost of school lunches"- and she tried to weasel out of paying anything, since her income qualified SD for free lunch. Didn't work out, thank goodness, but could have been a real bitch if it had.

[chardog]

I spoke to the lawyer, and since he knew that I knew exactly what I was doing, he didnt charge me a thing for free advice.  Keep in mind, this was the second meeting!

He gave me the necessary forms to make this deal concrete.  I need to:

fill and file :

FL-235 separately (waiver of rights: establish paternity)

FL-250 separately with the attachment I used FROM THIS SITE!!!!
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.php
thanks to helpinghands!!! this is the lifesaver, otherwise the lawyer would have charged me a big bundle to use his drafted version, which was VERY similar in content.
This form needs to be notarized at the end of the attachment!

FL-190 separately

I'm finishing up on paperwork, and my lawyer will give it one last overview and charge me the time per hour (less than 1 hour) and I'm done !!!

This is the best forum in the world, thanks for helping me.  My life went from upside down to rightside up.  I actually have control of my future!

[notnew]

Just remember to be cautious and don't count your chickens before they hatch. It ain't over till the ink is dry from the Judges signature on the order. But it sounds like you are taking positive steps in the right direction. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!