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A dilemma of all sorts. . .

Started by tfuentes2039, Sep 11, 2006, 05:35:33 PM

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tfuentes2039

Here's the scoop, and I could really use whatever advice I am given.

My husband's ex has complete physical and legal custody of their 8 year old daughter.  This happened during their divorce.  She filed for full custody and he did not fight it.  Mostly, because he had broken his back at work and was going through rehabilitation.  She served him with papers that he did not understand, and of course was too stupid at the time to research anything.  She never paid her court fees and neither did he.  So they both owe the court money.  Once she had custody (when the daughter was around 2 1/2) she moved and did not give him her new information.  Unfortunately, he lost track of his daughter for about 3 1/2 years.  Meanwhile, he was paying child support all that time.

When I met him, I asked him if he would still like to find her.  Of course he said yes.  So I did an internet seach and we did find her, here in our town.  The mother told him that he could have been seeing her this whole time, but he told her that he didn't know where they lived.  Now we get her every weekend and sometimes during the week.

Here is the trouble.  The mother is living on the wellfare of the children.  (She has a daughter who is older than my husband's daughter.)  She has been in trouble with the law and drugs on numerous occasions.  When we found my step-daughter, she was underfed.  She is now 8 years old and is doing terrible in school.  Her mother has questionable people living with her all the time, including abusive boyfriends.  We took my step-daughter away from her for a few months last year while she was going through drug counseling.  While she was with us, she turned in all of her homework and did very well in school.

We want to file for full custody, but my husband is afraid that they court will rule against him and make him pay more child support, because we both have jobs.  Any advice you can give us would be helpful.  We just want to give her a chance at a normal life, instead of one filled with neglect and drugs.

Mamacass

If I were you, I would get an attorney and file for custody citing change in circumstance.  To me, it sounds like you have a decent case.  You need to make sure you have as much documentation as possible.  Make note of any conversations you have with BM.  Keep track of when SD is with you, when she is with mom, and if she spends the night anywhere else.  Also, you can pull up what charges BM has had against her online.  I would do this even if you think you know all of her charges b/c you may be surprised.  (We had no idea my stepson's mom had been in any trouble, but a friend of mine told me about Virginia's court website and we learned some very interesting things about Bm.)  Your SD's teachers and report cards should be sufficient to show that she isn't doing well academically, and should show that when she was with you she did much better.  They may also be able to testify to the changes in SD since you have become involved in her life.  As far as the people living there, you could hire a PI, but that's pretty expensive.  Our attorney told us to drive by at night when we think Bm has a boyfriend spending the night and take note of if his car is there.  
As far as child support, what you make has no bearing on that.  SD isn't your child, so your income doesn't get calculated into the child support equation.  
It sounds like you don't have visitation or custody set up through the court.  So even if you don't "win" custody now, its still worth it if you get your time set up through the courts.  We learned the hard way that trusting BM to always be reasonable is naive.  
Good luck, and keep us posted!