Is this considered in contempt?

[Jade]

>BM has taken the phone off the hook for weeks, hung up the
>phone when she found out that it was DH, makes faces when SD
>tells BM about me or DH, taught SD that it is ok to screen
>calls, blocked email, returned letters, got rid of the cell DH
>bought for SD, changed SD's cell phone when DH did get the
>number and call it, blocked our family blog page that we
>created for SD, blocked our 800 # from SD's cell. In general
>she has not only physically made it impossible to contact SD,
>she has made SD know that it upsets her when she talks to DH.
>This has been going on for years now. She is 16 now and never
>calls. Never answers messages. She has no respect because she
>has been taught it is ok to ignore DH.
>
>I am not saying all CP's do this. I hope that the percentage
>is low. Even beyond this extreme case, I think it is rude and
>disrespectful to ignore your parents. I am not sure why some
>CP's can't teach the kids that by teaching the kids how to say
>to the parent "I'm tired. Can I call you back tomorrow?"
>
>BM allows SD to go weeks without returning calls. When SD is
>here we never let BM go over 48 hours without a return call,
>even if it is for SD to say that she is busy. Usually if it is
>over 24 hours BM calls back screaming and yelling about how DH
>must be keeping SD from her and how he MUST have SD call back
>or else. Before that BM will call SD cell phone every hour at
>least 3 or 4 times.
>
>Are you saying that if SD wants to blow off BM when she is
>here, we should let her? I think BM would get a little pissed
>at that. Ofcourse she is always fine doing that to DH.
>
>Ref


I am saying that the child's wishes should be respected.  Your case is extreme.  And it colors your opinion on the subject.  

I don't think it is disrespectful if a child does not want to talk to one parent when they call.  Especially if they don't refuse all of the time.  

[Ref]

I agree that it does make me more sensitive to the topic, but I also was raised to respect my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. If I even hinted at the fact that I didn't want to talk to any of them, I would have had a serious talking to about respecting adults. Sometimes I didn't feel like talking to them, but it was never a punishment, it was a duty. I somehow knew the difference.

I know kids are no longer taught to respect adults the same way. Kids now think it is ok to speak to parents like they are their friends and address adults by their first names. In my opinion, this is why teens are struggling right now with what right and wrong is........ That is a whole other issue.

I agree that kids should have some time when they can excuse themselves and not get too much hell for it, but I think it should be done in a respectful way and not just by yelling in the background that they dont want to talk.

I guess we can agree to disagree on this one.

Best wishes,
Ref

[gemini3]

Ah, Jade.  Seems like I can always count on you to turn an open discussion into an attack.  I don't think I said anything in my post to appear that I don't understand that there are some kids who don't want to talk when their parents call.  I was pointing out the areas that can become problems - and they CAN become problems.

Maybe you should explore why you seemed to think that my post was directed at you.  I don't know you, or anything about your behavior when your kid's father calls them.  I was talking about my personal situation and how I felt about it.  Why did your hackles go up so quickly?  I wasn't talking about you.  

It would be nice to see you offer input an support without having to get ugly about it.

[Jade]

>Ah, Jade.  Seems like I can always count on you to turn an
>open discussion into an attack.  I don't think I said anything
>in my post to appear that I don't understand that there are
>some kids who don't want to talk when their parents call.  I
>was pointing out the areas that can become problems - and they
>CAN become problems.
>
>Maybe you should explore why you seemed to think that my post
>was directed at you.  I don't know you, or anything about your
>behavior when your kid's father calls them.  I was talking
>about my personal situation and how I felt about it.  Why did
>your hackles go up so quickly?  I wasn't talking about you.  
>
>It would be nice to see you offer input an support without
>having to get ugly about it.


You responded to Reply #11.  Which is my post.  Who else would I think you were addressing?

Really, you read way too much into my post if you think it was an attack.  

[MixedBag]

You wrote:  "I know that my 7 year old and 5 year old don't always want to talk to their father when he calls. And then there are times that he can't get them off of the phone.

My ex also hears them saying that they don't want to talk to him as I tell them who is on the phone."

IMHO at 7 and 5 (and even younger and older), the child shouldn't be given a choice.  Just like their time with the NCP, they don't have a choice about that either.  

I never gave my girls a choice and it worked out for the best.  I don't give my son a choice when he is with me.

I tell them "Your dad is on the phone, so let's stop what your doing and talk to him."  

IF they complained afterward, they'd get the speech about how their dad is important too in their lives and they need to make him a priority.  And that usually solves any real complaining.  And next time, they don't complain, they talk to DAD.

Even as they got older, time with their dad was taught as a priority over other things they wanted to do.  And no they didn't resent either dad or myself for this attitude, they thanked me.  Even DAD/EX#1 thanked me after he learned how my son's Dad/EX#2 plays games and didn't put my son on the plane to come to me.  It never dawned on him/EX#1 that I would ever do this or that any parent would ever do this.  And I didn't tell him what happened, the girls did.

I think that's the main rub with all the threads below.

[Jade]

>You wrote:  "I know that my 7 year old and 5 year old don't
>always want to talk to their father when he calls. And then
>there are times that he can't get them off of the phone.
>
>My ex also hears them saying that they don't want to talk to
>him as I tell them who is on the phone."
>
>IMHO at 7 and 5 (and even younger and older), the child
>shouldn't be given a choice.  Just like their time with the
>NCP, they don't have a choice about that either.  
>
>I never gave my girls a choice and it worked out for the best.
> I don't give my son a choice when he is with me.
>
>I tell them "Your dad is on the phone, so let's stop what your
>doing and talk to him."  
>
>IF they complained afterward, they'd get the speech about how
>their dad is important too in their lives and they need to
>make him a priority.  And that usually solves any real
>complaining.  And next time, they don't complain, they talk to
>DAD.
>
>Even as they got older, time with their dad was taught as a
>priority over other things they wanted to do.  And no they
>didn't resent either dad or myself for this attitude, they
>thanked me.  Even DAD/EX#1 thanked me after he learned how my
>son's Dad/EX#2 plays games and didn't put my son on the plane
>to come to me.  It never dawned on him/EX#1 that I would ever
>do this or that any parent would ever do this.  And I didn't
>tell him what happened, the girls did.
>
>I think that's the main rub with all the threads below.


If you want to force your children to talk on the phone (which, btw, I tried.  All they did was not say anything at all), that is entirely up to you.

Forcing kids to talk and visit isn't helping their relationship with the other parent.

And I have found that they are more communicative with the ex when their wishes are respected.  

[MixedBag]

because my kids are now emancipated.

And my step-kids who did a complete 180 from hating their dad to well....  Since we (me as a step-mom), forced them to talk to their mother, they TOO still have a relationship with her.

Yours are young....you haven't see the results of your actions which can only be seen years down the road from today.

[MixedBag]

because my kids are now emancipated.

And my step-kids who did a complete 180 from hating their dad to well....  Since we (me as a step-mom), forced them to talk to their mother, they TOO still have a relationship with her.

Yours are young....you haven't see the results of your actions which can only be seen years down the road from today.

[gemini3]

removed

[gemini3]

There's a huge difference between "forcing" your child to talk, and encouraging them to have a relationship with their parent or teaching them good phone manners.  I agree that sometimes people just don't want to talk, and that's fine.  However, out of respect and courtesy they should at least get on the phone and say that they don't really feel like talking today, and set up another time to talk.  When a child does thie, both parents should respect it.

I'm getting a lot of "us vs. him" vibes from your posts.  I don't know what your situation is, or why you might feel the way you do.  But if I am picking up on it from your posts on a message board, your kids are probably picking up on it as well.