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What does a Single dad do when it all goes wrong Please read

Started by DeadNSIDEdaD, Feb 13, 2008, 01:30:10 PM

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DeadNSIDEdaD

Hello everyone,  I just signed up and was maybe seeking a little conversation to help ease my soul when the system has gone so wrong.  It begins with a marriage separated due to my ex having sex with others.  I have a daughter who i got custody of because her mother did not want her anymore.  I have raised this little girl alone since she was two and she is nine now.    She makes good grades in school, she does karate, she likes soccer, fishing, and she loves her daddy.  I am a college student working toward getting into a physician assistant program and i recently graduated Magna cum Laude with a B.S. in Biology and a minor in chemistry.  I decided to go to school after serving 4 years in the Army on my Montgomery G.I. bill.
 The last couple of years her mom has remarried and decided to exercise her visitation rights as outlined in the divorce (C/S, 2 weeks summer, half of christmas break)  Her mother resides in another state.  I have allowed her to keep our daughter for longer than the two weeks during the summer so she could have a maximum amount of time with her while allowing for getting her back and getting her ready for school.  Her mother has never paid a single cent in child support for her daughter for the last six years, as i have asked upon several occasions and is ordered by the courts. She has been asking as of late if our daughter could come and live with her for a school year but i declined because she would try to get custody.   Her mother has two other daughters older than mine, one by 3 years and the other by 4( 12,13).  Her mother gave up custody of these two to their grandparents who ultimately gave them to their father due to their age and degrading health.  I also have to mention that when i left Texas from the army to move back to my home state, my ex filed kidnapping charges against me that were ultimately dropped at the divorce hearing.
   The problem begins that my daughter left to spend her summer visitation with her mother may 27th of last year.  I spoke with her on the phone a couple of times and i received a package on fathers day with my fathers day card and a Dallas Cowboys hat.  It was from my daughter and read happpy fathers day your the greatest and love you.  I was unable to get back in touch with her for a two week time period then.   I received a phone call in which she told me that everyone was being mean to her, her mom, stepdad, the babysitter, but she would not tell me of anything  specific because "people are around".  I talked to my ex who dismissed it as her being used to being an only child and her sisters were down to visit (first time she has seen them in six years)  I told my daughter to just be on her best behavior and behave like a lady and i would call her back the next day to see if things had lightened up.  My little girl had now been at her mothers for six weeks. I did not get to talk to her again for two months.  I later found out that My ex had filed for an ex-parte protective order alleging that my daughter had been inappropriately touched, and worse yet by me! She had also enlisted the help of CPS. The order was immediately granted and i didnt even know what was going on.  All i knew was that i had not been able to get ahold of my daughter for a couple weeks , no one would answer the phone.  I got served papers in the middle of july to show up in texas in six days (including a weekend)  for a just cause hearing.  Needless to say i hired an attorney on the fly in texas to argue my case.  I also filed a petition for contempt / failure to return in the court that had jurisdiciton of me and my daughter.  The texas court ruled against jurisdiction in texas and i had to go to court in my home state.  However the Texas judge also ruled to keep the temporary order in place until arguments could be heard in my home court.  My ex shows up with an unsigned doctors report that my daughter during this period had since given a report to a doctor of sexual abuse and the doctor in return declaired that physical findings were consistent with sexual abuse.   My heart sank.  What the hell had occurred!  I didn't even know if my daughter was safe.  All i knew was that i was being accused of something that had NEVER occurred.  How did this happen?  Needless to say, my ex comes to court with prominent attorney from the big city.  I never even  got the chance to say NOT GUILTY before custody was awarded to my ex.  I was arrested at the courthouse and arraigned for RAPE, facing 10-40 or life.  I am currently awaiting my chance to have a trial to dismiss these charges.  Problem is i have a public defender.  I have had one for three months now and have only gotten to speak to them one time.  I am out on bail.  The only answers i can get from components in the system is sorry we are just to busy, or we don't have the funding.  Are you SERIOUS.   Is this what is taking place behind peoples backs.  I am greatful for organizations such as S.P.A.R.C. who provide information, but i can't seem to find any advice for someone who is COMPLETELY INNOCENT and in my circumstances.  Do i even stand a chance against a completely efficient father killing system?  It simply perplexes me how the Constitution, Parental Rights, and Common sense has been trampled under the feet of a false accusation.  I will restate i have raised my little girl and have been completely involved in her life by myself for the last six years.  I have taken care of her and she is by far a very confident, articulate, and precious child.  I have not seen or spoken to her in nine months now.  Six years of raising her, the joys of being a father, seeing oneself in their child, GONE-nearly overnight. She is in Texas with her mother undergoing "Therapy".  She is isolated from her grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins.  The only person who is of blood relation rather than STEP-folks is her mother who apparently has either been effectively exploiting the system or duped by it herself.  
This Nighmare is  very tragic story that is still going on.  So yes now there are videos coming out many months of therapy in where she now responds  like a well trained puppy.  I won't go into specifics here but She says her daddy touches her all the time in her front part for the last several years as often as several times a week.  When my attorney showed it to me i was so mad at what they were doing to her.  I wanted to rescue her from these head shrinkers,  I was powerless.  It has very nearly killed me inside. If these accusations were really true don't you think that teachers, school coucelors, principles, coaches, friends, someone would have noticed all these years? I read everyones personal horror stories now and i repent to the Good Lord that i have lived blind to what goes on in what many proclaim is the child saving industry.  My personal opinion is that if this is the real world then i wish that Morpheus hadn't shoved the red pill down my throat.  What does a single dad do when it all goes wrong?

wendl

Check out this website, Dean Tong went to prison on false accusations of sexual abuse to his child now he works to help other finding themselves in this situation.

//www.abuse-excuse.com
or you can google Dean Tong and will find more helpfull information

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

babyfat

Your story is so sad! It is not uncommon though at all really. I have done much reading on this topic because my boyfriend has a daughter and her mother chose to accuse my daughter of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse claims that come out during custody/divorce situations is fairly common and usually the most destructive way of gaining custody but yet successful.
Your story sounds like your ex fits the profile of a woman who would claim her child is sexually abused. What I have been reading is that woman who do this are usually adultrous and have several failed relationships due to their cheating. They also seem to have at first abandoned thier children then regret that and want them back. They seem to be currently in or have past history of relationships with men who are violent and comit things like dv or get into frequent physical fights with other men. Most also seem to have a personality disorder sometimes not even dx'd but usually show symptioms of boarderling/narsistic/histryonic persons. They also usually have low self esteem or self worth. They also like to play the role of vitim or appear to be a savior of some sort. They also have a problem handling money. This is just info I have collected from posts and papers on the topic I have read. I don't know how many apply to your case. I dont know your ex.
I suggest you look at //www.fightcps.com several men who have been accused of sex abuse on a child post there some have proved they are innocent. Some woman who love these men (second wifes) have posted there as well. They may be able to guide you.

slickvirk

You need a lawyer, no too ways about it. If you cant afford it sell everything you have to get one. You and your daughter both need it.